The Boroughs of Lincoln

The dudes return from a long hiatus to explore one of Lincoln's natural wonders in this special field edition, where they face dangers heretofore unencountered during an epic hiking expedition through Frank Shoemaker Marsh.

“This show has so much substance, Dr Loud” Small Dave and Dr Loud talk about butts a lot. The gentlemen deny ever having tried qualudes. Small Dave gets really annoyed with Dr. Loud being overcome with and paralyzed by laughter throughout the episode. Then stop being funny, Small Dave. In Small Dave's defense, he finally delivers the origin story of Craig Scott Korth in a story that intersects with the North Bottoms.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:M.O.D. "Bubble Butt." U.S.A. for M.O.D. Megaforce Records, 1987.Vangelis. "Chariots of Fire Theme." Youtube, 2017.Ween. "Japanese Cowboy" (Chariots of Fire Outro). Paintin' the Town Brown, Chocodog Records, 2009.Spinal Tap. "Big Bottom." This is Spinal Tap, Embassy Pictures, 1984.Nintendo. "Wii Moo Moo Meadows." Mariokart 8, 2015.DaRealWollen. "I Died." Youtube, 2018.Queen. "Fat Bottomed Girls." Jazz, EMI - Elektra, 1978.

So god dammit Small Dave and Dr Loud are telling the universe about Sheridan, a strange, winding road that causes around 90% of Lincoln’s car accidents. This is a public service announcement in very long form, and by that, we mean that the intrepid explorers do talk about balls at some point. What else are Small Dave and Dr Loud supposed to do with a borough like Sheridan? 

Talkin’ bout Skitch cuz it's sketchy, bitch. The intrepid hosts put their journalism hats on and take the listener through the famous borough. Important topics arise, including quilt museums, space travel in the age of Mr. Fusions, and getting that space poop now, without waiting for that unimaginably incredible future because by then you’ll be dead.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Grover Washington Jr. feat. Bill Withers. “Just the Two of Us.” WInelight, Elektra Records, 1980Quist. “G Major (baseless).” Quist Youtube channel.

The dudes talk about Clinton. If you don’t like this episode, f--k you. Just kidding, your hosts love you and want you to safely listen to The Boroughs of Lincoln. In the area south of Skitch there belongs to Lincoln a gigantic Borough full of intrigue, despair, power and convenience. This description of Boroughs was sponsored by the quilt museum.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. Loud

The dudes welcome their dear friend Christopher Steffen, veteran Nebraska music producer, artist and  recording engineer to the Belmont studio to discuss mostly carbuncles and slicing balls, to the horror of Dr. Loud. But they do talk about the great and powerful Hub Hall. The borough of Air Park has a rich history and is unique in Lincoln for having only 2 stoplights, maintaining that small-town feel. If you or a friend or loved one needs to access resources for small businesses and main street organiZations to survive and thrive during the cover-19 pandemic please visit the Nebraska Main Street Network at nebraskamainstreet.org for links to resources or to donate to the effort if you are on the fortunate end of this crisis. Shaun the Loud cover of Ugly Kid Joe. “Everything About You” Baby Marlo Productions 2020

The gentlemen discuss Taco Inn and Romantix, Subway and Critters. Institutional racism in neighborhood planning. Classic comedy and big band music. A celebrity food death conspiracy theory. A frightful telling by Small Dave of the scary creepy side of Indian Village. The hosts devolve into a psychological meltdown for for about an hour. But Dr Loud edited out over half of the original source recording in an attempt to preserve the hosts’ value in the Lincoln job market should this wildly successful podcast ever stop massively enriching themHosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Ween. “L.M.L.Y.P.” GodWeenSatan Live, Chocodog Records, 2016.Ween. “L.M.L.Y.P.” GodWeenSatan: The Oneness, Twin/Tone Records, 1990.Benny Goodman. “Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing).” Brunswick, 1937.AC/DC. “It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock n Roll.” TNT, Albert, 1975.

Dr. Loud has recently appointed Marlo as Boroughs manager and she is still getting the hang of the new position, but with some friendly advice from Small Dave, who yells at the doctor for laughing too much during the recording, which proves to be the “shittiest” and also “best” recording of the fellers’ careers, which aren’t really careers, if one were to put any of this through the slightest level of even the most charitable scrutiny. In a disturbing and someday legendary thought experiment, Small Dave tries to empathize with some of the president’s more appalling sensibilities throughout this groundbreaking breakthrough broken breakbeat of an episode of Boroughs of Lincoln.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Burp n Ernie. “The Burpy Burp Song.” Exzel Music Publishing, 2014.

The dudes do a Saturday night episode after band practice and Dr. Loud is absolutely fuckin’ shast-handled after drinking 49 beers. Small Dave says he isn’t drunk, but whatever, this is “the most inane episode” of Boroughs. So far! Small Dave yells at everybody a lot, whether he’s drunk or not. If it’s legal in your province smoke some store-bought pot. Somewhere in this episode there might be a plot. But then again, if you examine your tongue in the mirror, it might have spots.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Burp n Ernie. “The Burpy Burp Song.” Exzel Music Publishing, 2014.Primus. “Tommy the Cat.” Sailing the Seas of Cheese, Interscope, 1991.Tuga. “Drunk Driving (Instrumental).” Drunk Driving, MCA Records, 1984.Lost Europe. “Homos in Space.” Homos in Space, Exzel Music Publishing, 2014.Graham Massey. “Eileen Simpson and Ben White with Soundtrack by Graham Massey.” Local Recall Soundtrack, License (cc) by-sa 4.0 Clarence "Pine Top" Smith. “I’m Sober Now.” Cat Number: Brunswick 80009 (78B)

Small Dave and special guest Bobby Princeton certainly possess disagreements as specified throughout. The hosts discuss wellness, societal norms, nature and the borough of Tierra Park. The studio is invaded by dogs as Marlo's friends come over to play, causing Small Dave to double down his focus in the face of terrible distraction.

The hosts have their friend and bandmate Mello show up to talk about his home borough of Quail Valley. They enjoy Mello’s antics with a turntable, and a really cool background soundtrack featuring the coolest band ever, Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. Seriously. Dr Loud makes Small Dave get cross, repeatedly. The gentlemen google a picture of an owl and discuss it at great length. Fanny’s Trunk Meat gets riffed upon by Smalls. Dr Loud drunkenly heckles Small Dave. This is the first episode where Small Dave and Dr Loud just fight it out. The gentlemen summon Rudy Ray Moore to show how Small Dave is kinda like Dolemite. The studio gets filled with Small Dave’s gas to the point where Mello and Dr. Loud are tormented and Marlo is on cloud 9.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudGuest appearance by Matthew "Mello" IhrigProduced by Dr. LoudSample credits:Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. “Hey Charlie.” Summer Session, Gross Records, 1966Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. “Charming Billy.” Summer Session, Gross Records, 1966Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. “Gonna Hang My Balls From a Tree.” Summer Session, Gross Records, 1966Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. “Double Stroke of My 12 Inch Pen.” Summer Session, Gross Records, 1966Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. “Baby Let Me Bang Your Box.” Summer Session, Gross Records, 1966Rudy Ray Moore. “Have You Seen My Mule.” The Best of Rudy Ray Moore and Friends, 2008Daniel Barenboim, Berlin Philharmoniker. “Ride of the Valkyries.” Richard Wagner.AC/DC. “Who Made Who.”  Who Made Who, Atlantic Records, 1986

Wow, the hosts really don’t like this borough. Capitol Beach gets the bad treatment in this one. They talk about the killer insect species that dwell in and terrorize Capitol Beach, and they talk about the dredgings. The bacterial elements, giant plumes, cannibal fishes. Small Dave literally eats peanuts in the microphone the whole time because he knows that’s how legion likes it in Capitol Beach. Small Dave tells a touching story about his father, who also thought Capitol Beach was a shitfuckhouse. The dudes even try, as a thought exercise, to imagine any redeeming qualities of Capitol Beach, which brings them to the only good thing to ever come from the area, the original D’Leon’s, which probably technically is in West O, so fuck Capitol Beach.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. Loud. Music by Dr. Loud except where noted: Reproduction of music by Matt Ihrig from Corrupt Officials “I Got Shit.”Corrupt Officials. “I Got Shit.” New Blues: Da Cooling Stage, Compound Recordings, 2006.Beach Boys. “Surfin’ Safari.” Surfin’ Safari, Capitol Records, 1962.DJ Assault. “Georgia Stomp.” Georgia Stomp by DJ Assault, Open Music Archive, 2013. 

Small Dave begins season 2 with an emotional send off to Dr. England, as the boss-man embarks on a voyage to reclaim his lost empire. The hosts press forward bravely even as their hopes to be on the Allendale Analytics label are dashed. They channel their confusion and sadness into a beam of rage at local business leaders not content with their fortunes but also those of Small Dave and Dr. Loud by naming new boroughs! Which will not stand.“Small Dave, just give legion a break, usually, you’re making’ legion vomit, now you’re making’ legion pass out. Poor legion!”Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduction and music unless noted by Dr LoudSamples:Ramin Djawadi. “Main Title.” Game of Thrones, HBO, 2011.

Bonus episode, just checking in, how are you? Don't care! 

Small Dave and Dr. Loud noticed that they had about 20 minutes not used on their monthly upload plan, so they grilled some Piedmontese and knocked out a quick bonus episode for their legion of fans to be uplifted by. The experts compose a vignette for the beloved listener about the stealth and mighty borough of Seven Oaks. Small Dave tells a tragic tale to close the bonus episode.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. Loud

Small Dave and Dr. Loud are joined by their friend and, at the time of this recording, employer, now ex-employer Dr. Rich England! Small Dave and Dr. Loud suck up to Dr. England out of petty professional ambition and cover Dr. England’s borough of Church Row. Small Dave and Dr. England discover that they are both wealthy enough to subsidize Dr. Loud’s entire life, and Dr. Loud feels wronged and becomes very cross, resulting in getting Small Dave and Dr. Loud immediately terminated from Allendale Analytics corporation following the conclusion of this legendary recording.Check out Man vs Model, the college football predictioneering masterpiece podcast from our former employers at https://allendaleanalytics.com/Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Daniel Lemieux. Robert Schumann: “Four Sketches, Op. 58, No. 1 Moderato e ben marcato.” Trinity Church, Boston.Daniel Lemieux. Robert Schumann: “Four Sketches, Op. 58, No. 3 Vivace.” Trinity Church, Boston.Daniel Lemieux. J.S. Bach: “Prelude and Fugue in b minor (prelude).” Slee Auditorium, SUNY Buffalo.Daniel Lemieux. J.S. Bach: “Prelude and Fugue in b minor (fugue).” Slee Auditorium, SUNY Buffalo.Daniel Lemieux (with Erin Lemieux, Viola). G. Fauré: “Berceuse.”St. Anthony of Padua, New Bedford.Prince. “Darling Nikki.” Purple Rain, Warner Brothers, 1984.

Warning: Episode contains elements of extreme creature horror, and vivid retellings of unforgivable misconduct.Inspirational Husker memories! Inspirational UNL memories! Hoping Van Halen sues and makes Boroughs famous. The fellas demonstrate just how horrible Van Halen was, even more disgusting than Small Dave’s recount of an intrepid expedition by a team of long-deceased dorm-plex crab lice. Dr. Loud finally snaps.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Van Halen. “Poundcake.” For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, Warner Bros, 1991Scott Joplin. “The Entertainer.” The Entertainer, John Stark & Son, 1902Richard Wagner. “Ride of the Valkyries.” American Symphony Orchestra, Edison Records, 1921.Jelly Roll Morton. “Gamblin’ Jack.” The Complete Library of Congress Recordings, 2005.J.S. Bach. “French Suite 1.” András Schiff. Decca, 1993.

Our friend Brian Johnson joins us as a ranking member of the Hawley borough. Small Dave sustains broken ribs from failing the Hawley Handshake during his research. Dr. Loud doctairs. The fellas discuss landmarks of Hawley such as Whittier Jr High School which is now a clandestine secret government facility, Mums Liquor, and of course secret tunnels. The gang nearly makes it all the way to the end without extraordinarily explicit language, but alas, they let you have it anyways.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudGuest Brian JohnsonProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Shaun the Loud. “Hawley.” Galaxy Particles, Tremulant Records, 2019

Small Dave and Dr Loud talk about pretty much anything BUT West O in this episode full of thrills, chills, and unfortunate spills. They uncover another Trump business venture. Small Dave exposes an underground exposure ring. Matthew McConaghay’s will certainly file a ceast and desist when he hears what they say about his sac. “Talkin' about West O and pissing our pants, 2 things that go hand in hand."West O gives the Bong District, Near South, and Grand Theft Auto 3 a run for their money.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. LoudSamples:Journey. “Don’t Stop Believing.” Escape, Columbia, 1981.The Allman Brothers Band. “Ramblin’ Man.” Brothers and Sisters, Capricorn, 1973.

Small Dave and Dr Loud dive into some of Lincoln’s most terrifying history: ancient orders, mythical beasts, mass psychosis, and Christian death metal. Also the fellers discuss the animal that originated from this borough that they feed upon regularly and indeed worship, even on this podcast, some would say indeed at their peril.Hosted by Small Dave Merritt and the Benevolent Dr. LoudProduced by Dr. Loud