Ask Your Mother

Get ready for a uniquely enlightening and empowering episode! Today, we embark on a mind-expanding journey through menstruation and micro-dosing! If you’re wondering how these two worlds collide, you will soon understand because we have an expert joining us!  Leslie Draffin is a passionate advocate for activating the divine feminine within women! She joins me to unravel the mysteries of hormonal changes in women, and shed light on what unfolds as we age and begin paying attention to our bodies. But that's not all! With her extensive studies into maternal mental health, Leslie has become a go-to resource for the increasingly popular practice of micro-dosing. As a menstrual cycle coach and proponent of cyclical living, Leslie empowers women to embrace their innate power through intentional practices like micro-dosing, psychedelic use, and feminine embodiment. Her mission is to permit people to step fully into their magnificence and recognize the sacredness that resides within every one of us.  Prepare to be inspired as Leslie guides us on a transformative journey towards self-empowerment and embracing the sacred within ourselves! Leslie’s menstrual coaching journey Leslie’s journey into menstrual cycle coaching stemmed from a profound desire to connect with her body. She was raised in a religious household where talk of menstruation was taboo, and she felt disconnected and isolated. When she experienced her own menstrual cycle, she finally understood the cyclical nature of womanhood.  In 2019, Leslie had a spiritual awakening. It prompted her to embrace her authentic femininity by discontinuing the pill after years of use. She embarked on a transformative path but continued facing difficulties such as irregular periods, hair loss, and cystic acne. Through listening to Gemma Lee's podcast, she found solace and recognized the significance of menstrual cycle coaching. In 2021, after reclaiming her cycle and developing a deeper connection with her body, she joined a coaching program. Now, as an educator and coach, she is on a mission to empower others by dispelling misconceptions about menstrual cycles and uncovering the incredible power within each unique cycle. Leslie’s coaching services There are currently three options available through Leslie's coaching services. The first focuses solely on menstrual cycle work, offering support and guidance in understanding and embracing the natural rhythms of the cycle. The second option centers around integration and support for micro-dosing or general psychedelic use. The third option, the cyclical micro-dosing protocol, is Leslie's newest creation and her most exciting endeavor. This unique protocol combines the principles of well-known micro-dosing protocols with a cyclical twist, aiming to use plant medicine to address cycle-related issues and promote overall well-being throughout the month. By dividing the cycle into two halves and adjusting the frequency of micro-dosing accordingly, the protocol seeks to address challenges associated with PMS and PMDD. Leslie is thrilled to guide individuals through this transformative journey, and she is currently offering a 10-week group integration program during the summer, providing support in cyclical micro-dosing, reconnecting with the cycle, and embracing the divine feminine. It represents a culmination of her passion and expertise in these areas. Leslie’s Holy Trinity The combination of micro-dosing, cyclical living, and womb work forms what Leslie calls her Holy Trinity. Those three elements work together to activate the authentic self. By peeling away layers through micro-dosing, individuals gain a deeper understanding of their true nature. Cyclical living and aligning with the natural rhythms of the menstrual cycle will further support this process. Womb work and reconnection also play a crucial role in this transformative journey. Whether someone is new to these concepts or familiar with micro-dosing, Leslie’s Holy Trinity offers a magical path of self-discovery and self-knowledge.  Microdosing Microdosing impacts the brain profoundly by quieting negative thought loops and creating space for new neural pathways and patterns to emerge. When micro-dosing, it is helpful to have some support because working with someone who can hold space, encourage, and engage in meaningful discussions can facilitate deeper and more impactful experiences than one would have when going through the process alone. Creating a healthy cycle Resting and doing less during your period is crucial for a healthy cycle. Pushing yourself too hard in the second half of your cycle can lead to fat gain and muscle loss due to hormonal changes. Instead of intense workouts, prioritize rest and take naps during your period. Another crucial step is to eat enough food, as restrictive diets can negatively impact your cycle. Permitting yourself to eat when you bleed is essential. Even small adjustments like going to bed earlier, sleeping in, or doing a digital detox can make a difference. Avoid excessive screen time during your period to enhance sleep hygiene and tap into your heightened intuitive abilities. Consider the content you consume, including social media and news, as it can influence your subconscious during this time. It is essential to approach cyclical living with small, sustainable steps rather than overwhelming yourself with drastic changes.  Leslie’s 10-week Cyclical Microdosing Journey Doors open on the 1st of May for Leslie’s 10-week journey called Cyclical Microdosing, which focuses on reconnecting with the cycle, womb, and divine feminine. The program consists of 10 live calls, each lasting 75 minutes, supplemented by audio and video lessons. Participants will also have access to a Signal chat for community connection. The aim is to create a sacred sisterhood where individuals can feel safe, vulnerable, and supported in their healing journey within a circle of women. The program draws inspiration from historical practices like Red tents, where menstruating individuals would come together to celebrate the sacredness of their bleeding. The intention is to cultivate a space for deep learning and unlearning, empowering participants to overcome obstacles and embrace their true potential. What am I noticing? This week, I want to share my thoughts on two TV shows that captured my attention. The first is Queen Charlotte, a spin-off from the popular series Bridgerton. It offers a unique perspective by intertwining the Bridgerton era with historical context, shedding light on the characters' origins and providing further depth to the storyline. Unlike the steamy nature of the first two seasons, Queen Charlotte approaches the narrative from a woman's perspective, resulting in scenes that are hilariously entertaining and heartbreakingly poignant. Shonda Rhimes masterfully addresses themes of misogyny and women's work, creating a well-executed and captivating show that Bridgerton fans will undoubtedly adore. The second show I want to discuss is The Diplomat, starring Keri Russell. It has been compared with The West Wing, a show my husband and many others loved. While I appreciated The West Wing, I found The Diplomat even more enjoyable! It features quick dialogue, rich character development, and engaging plotlines. The fast pace and intriguing storyline make the show an excellent choice for couples with different viewing preferences. It strikes a balance between suspense and character-driven narratives, showcasing the complexity of the relationship between Keri Russell's character and her partner, a former diplomat. Both Queen Charlotte and The Diplomat can be found on Netflix. I hope you find these shows as captivating as I did.  Links and resources Leslie’s website Reinvention Mom

In today's world, mental health terms and diagnoses seem to be everywhere. social media, YouTube, and everyday conversations are filled with references to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. While this trend may help to reduce the stigma around mental illness, it also raises questions about the appropriate use of psychological terms and interventions outside of clinical settings. In today’s episode, I explore the pros and cons of this trend and consider the potential impact on individuals and society as a whole. While mental health terms and diagnoses can help reduce the stigma around mental illness and make psychological concepts more accessible, oversimplification and overgeneralization can lead to misuse and misinterpretation. The use of terms like boundaries and toxic relationships in modern relationships is also a concern, as they can be used too frequently and without proper consideration of the complexity of relationships. That is why we must examine our need to diagnose ourselves and others and seek help when necessary. On a lighter note, there are some great TV shows and podcasts out there that are both entertaining and uplifting! A New Yorker article According to a New Yorker article, the increasing use of mental health terms and diagnoses in everyday language has positive and negative implications. On the one hand, it helps to reduce the stigma around mental illness and makes psychological concepts more widely accessible. However, the oversimplification and overgeneralization of these terms, often in bite-sized social media videos, can lead to misuse and misinterpretation. That can cause individuals to diagnose themselves and others without the necessary expertise and potentially do more harm than good. A Bustle article I am impressed by younger people who are in tune with their emotions and relationships, but it worries me that they lack the tools to manage them. They fear that the normalization of mental health and feelings has resulted in using them as an excuse for bad behavior or addressing everything intensely before moving on. That’s why my daughter sent me a Bustle article that interviewed young adults who had experienced bad breakups with friends, and they used psychological terms like boundaries and toxic relationships. The interviewed individuals were often caught off guard and surprised by the intensity of the conversation, with some not even realizing that they were being accused of being bad friends.  Boundaries and toxicity in modern relationships I am concerned about the use of the concepts of boundaries and toxic relationships in modern relationships. While I believe in the importance of setting boundaries and being aware of toxic relationships, it worries me that these terms are being used too frequently and without proper consideration of the complexity of relationships. Relationships are not always easy or clearly defined, especially as people grow and change. So instead of focusing solely on boundaries and toxic relationships, I believe we should reassess our relationships and take stock of whether or not they are serving both parties.  The problem with setting boundaries Setting boundaries can lead to conflict and disappointment, and toxic relationships are not just difficult relationships or disagreements. That’s why I advise people to examine why they feel the need to diagnose themselves or others and ask them what they will do with the information. If it helps them get support or manage symptoms, then that's a good thing. But if it is just an excuse to avoid or continue something, they should seek support and help instead. Identifying a relationship as toxic can give people the freedom to make different choices. However, sometimes people mistake not getting what they want out of a relationship for it being toxic, which could be due to old trauma. Misuse of psychological terms People often misuse psychological terms like narcissism and toxic relationships without fully understanding them. People may label their partner as narcissistic or their relationship as toxic when they are simply going through a rough patch. Additionally, many people come to therapy when they are already in a toxic relationship triggered by past trauma, and the conflict cannot be settled easily because of the fight or flight response. That’s why I suggest that instead of using psychological labels without understanding their meaning, individuals should examine their motivations and seek help accordingly.    What are you noticing? I have recently been watching and listening to two television shows and two podcasts.  The television shows are Tiny Beautiful Things and Single Drunk Female. Tiny Beautiful Things is based on the Cheryl Strayed book, Talking About Miss Sugar. I enjoyed it because of Kathryn Hahn's performance, and I liked how the storyline ends hopefully, despite being a little messy. Single Drunk Female is a fantastic show about a young woman getting sober and trying to live her life back in her hometown. It is good fun! It has a rich storyline, great characters, excellent character development, and a good supporting cast.  The two podcasts are Smartless with Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes and Fly on the Wall. Both podcasts are entertaining and full of silliness, typically with well-known celebrities interviewing other celebrities. Fly on the Wall is hilarious! It features Dana Carvey and David Spade, both former Saturday Night Live actors and comedians who have been in multiple other shows. Links and resources: Single Drunk Female on Hulu Trailer Tiny Beautiful Things Fly on the Wall Podcast Smartless Podcast

Will I ever get over being homesick?  That is a question most college students will surely relate to! It will also resonate with many adults who have moved away to a new place. My daughter, Faith, is in college, and she joins me to discuss whether or not people who move away from home ever stop feeling homesick. We dive into what it means to feel homesick, different types of homesickness, and how things change over time. Neither Faith nor I know if it is possible to overcome feelings of homesickness fully. However, we know it is possible to get over it, figure out how to manage it, and move on when it comes up. What does it mean to be homesick? Even when things are going very well for her academically and socially, Faith still feels upset about her parents being far away. For her, homesickness is also about no longer having anyone else to do all the banal tasks that adults have to do.  Different types of homesickness There are many different types of homesickness. Moving to an unfamiliar place can make some of us feel a little insecure, while others, regardless of how old they are, miss having someone to care for them when they are feeling down or anxious, or get sick. The pandemic Faith feels that being locked down during the pandemic took away some of the time she needed to pull away from her family after high school, make a life for herself, and learn how to solve her own problems. Leaving part of ourselves behind For some of us, no matter how old we are, it will always feel like we have left a piece of ourselves behind when we move to a new environment.  Things we miss about being home It can take some time for a new place to feel like home. Sometimes, we miss just popping in to see our parents or siblings. Or we may miss getting a hug from them when something good or bad happens to us. Where is home, and what is homesickness? Home is where we spend our most important times and wherever our precious belongings are. Homesickness is what we feel and who and what we miss in a given moment. Managing feelings of homesickness Feelings of homesickness can be related to many different things. To overcome them, we must first identify what they mean to us. Then we can either replicate whatever we are missing or let go of those things and learn to accept our new situation. I recently finished watching the TV show Shrinking and found it both fun and enjoyable! It is on Apple TV and has half the same writers as Ted Lasso. It is about three doctors working in a counseling practice who all go a bit crazy at times, break rules, and cross ethical boundaries. The cast is amazing, the characters are hilarious, and the show satisfied me to the end! Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid is available on Amazon. Even though I am not an audiobook person, I recently listened to the audiobook version and found it very well cast and read. In fact, it was just like listening to a movie, and I loved it! The show came out while I was listening to the book, and I found that the show remains true to the essence of the book. Faith also enjoyed the book and the show for various reasons. She liked how the show was shot like a documentary and that Daisy Jones was portrayed realistically as a rock star from the 1970s. She enjoyed the music because the actors play the instruments and sing the songs. Faith also loved how the book was written as if you're reading interviews with the band. Faith and I had the most delicious, light, and lovely smoothies from the River Birch Cafe in Morgantown, West Virginia. If you go there, ask for the Speak To The Management smoothie! Faith recommends buying a little tumbler cup with a straw from Big Lots for $5 for your next takeaway coffee. She loves it because it is very sparkly with lots of gemstones all over it, and it is also easy to clean!  Faith and I are both obsessive and compulsive about music! Faith recently introduced me to Tyler Childers, a musician from Kentucky who plays music with an Appalachian sound, with a similar vibe to that of Chris Stapleton. Tyler Childers's music is beautiful and lyrical. It is more folksy than country. Faith especially loves his 2017 album, Purgatory, and his song Charleston Girl. Links and resources: Homesick Candles: https://amzn.to/3KEkif1 Tyler Childers Music Shrinking on Apple:  Reinvention You Program (work with Cristie)

Parenting can be challenging and frustrating. Many parents reach that point where they just want to explode causing them to yell at their kids or even their partners. There can be several possible reasons behind their actions but one thing is for sure – it’s not a healthy way of communication. However, it’s important that parents know how to deal with stress and their own emotions. That’s what I’m here for – to discuss all about how yelling at kids affects them and how we, as parents, can stop ourselves from yelling at them repeatedly. Keep in mind that it takes time to overcome the habit of yelling. Be kind to yourself and your kids and continue to develop a healthy and positive relationship with them. You’ve probably heard me talk about Daniel Siegel before but recently, I’ve read one of his books called Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain which gives us an enlightening insight about adolescents, their developments, and their behaviors.  Brainstorm is a good read primarily because discussions about teenagers are interesting. There are many fun things that happen during teenage years and one shouldn’t just be surviving it. Daniel Siegel did a good job in this book helping us understand the things that we usually don’t like to deal with. It gives you a level of compassion for adolescents as humans that maybe as adults, we somehow forgot how teenage years were.  Another fun thing I’ve recently got hooked into is Will Trent which is a TV show on Hulu. It’s based on the book series of Karin Slaughter. It’s a delightful police procedural crime drama with a knockout cast. Although, I can almost guarantee that the show's gonna get cancelled because I really like it and I seem to be a bad luck charm for network television. So catch it while you can! Lastly, I am a part of a group called Believe Inspire Grow (B.I.G.) which is for women. It started as a New Jersey women in business group but it has expanded to be a global organization because of the pandemic.  There are many women of stellar character. Everybody’s generous and kind hearted. There are tons of opportunities to learn from everyone in the group. So if you’re seeking to make deeper connections and get yourself limitless opportunities, check out our B.I.G. community.  

While having conflicts in a relationship can be uncomfortable and challenging, it can also spark growth and positive change. While that is the case, there are also couples who never fight probably because of avoidance of the issue.   However, it is important to approach such situations in a healthy and constructive way to prevent damage and to strengthen the relationship and grow together as partners. That is why, today, we’re here to answer the frequently asked question on why couples constantly fight over the same thing.   Why conflict is an important part of any good healthy relationship. When a relationship is conflict-oriented, there’s usually a mismatch between the partners, not just in terms of their personalities but also in their communication style.   The usual case is that one grew up in an environment where there is constant yelling or fighting whereas the other has a family history of burying and not talking about anything and pretending that everything is alright.   On a positive note, having conflicts in a relationship can lead to growth, understanding, and even improved communication between partners. It can encourage partners to be more open and honest with each other. Also, it can push partners to explore new ideas and perspectives to improve themselves and their relationship.   What is the difference between conflict and fighting? Conflict is a natural and important part of a relationship. Treat it as an opportunity for growth rather than dismissing or avoiding it. It is because of avoidance that conflict becomes uncomfortable for many. The conflict is not the problem. It’s how we show up to the conflict that turns them into fights. That’s why it’s important for us to examine these conflicts. You have to determine whether you are fighting over the simple things or fundamental differences.   The main reason as to why there’s an unproductive conflict is because you’re in a triggered state when you’re having these conversations. If your intention of fighting is to get them to change their mind or them to get you to change your mind like in the case of supporting two opposing football teams and convincing the other to switch to your side, it's never going to happen. You're going to keep fighting over it and that can feel repetitive and silly.   The four horsemen of the marriage apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. A metaphor called ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ from marriage therapist professionals, John and Julie Gottman, may come in handy for partners who want to pave the way to having a healthy and productive communication.   The Four Horsemen consists of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. If any of these show up in your conflict, no argument is going to be productive.    Criticizing your partner is different from complaining as criticism comes in the form of verbal attacks directed towards your partner’s personality or character. To eliminate this, you have to start expressing positive needs and talking about feelings to avoid triggering the other horsemen to follow.   The second horseman is contempt. In this case, one attacks his or her partner with the intent to insult or abuse. This is beyond criticism. The antidote to contempt is for you to establish some gratitude practices around your partner and remind yourself of your partner’s great qualities.    Defensiveness, on the other hand, is when one is playing the innocent victim so that his or her partner will back off and is reversing the blame to make it look like it’s the other partner’s fault. There really is no room for healthy conflict management in this case.    And lastly, stonewalling occurs when one suddenly shuts down and stops responding to their partner. It’s a way of evading issues as a result of being overwhelmed from everything, particularly from the negativity brought about by the occurrence of the first three horsemen.    Taking responsibility for your own stuff is where you start with a lot of these things. There should also be an open and healthy communication between you and your partner to be able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs more.   And if you feel like you’re constantly fighting about the same thing, take a step back and assess whether or not your fights are circling on something that you’re never going to agree on because conflict can really lead to growth and to a strengthening of the connection, if it's dealt with in a healthy and constructive way.   If you need more information about The Four Horsemen, you can go to the Gottman website (https://www.gottman.com/). You can also contact a local couples therapist if you and your partner are interested but you can also do it on your own to rebuild your connection and relationship.   Let me help you get ready for these conversations. If you’re interested, you can sign up on my Reinvention Mom website (https://reinventionmom.com/).   Reinventionmom.com to sign up for tips on fighting fair   Fleishman’s in Trouble is on Apple TV   Stay tuned for more episodes and remember to keep having conversations that lead to growth!  

Questions that circle around the topic of relationships, whether romantic, friendly or familial, overwhelm many people. They don’t know how to deal with the feelings that come with the relationships they’re in or getting into.  The reason for this is because of attachment. And in today’s episode, I’m going to give you a wider perspective on how your experiences as  a child translate into adult behaviors.  What is it like being on the perfectly secure end of the spectrum? I don’t think there’s anyone who’s on the perfect side of the spectrum because it’s difficult to do or have perfect parenting. This is not to say that no one achieves a secure attachment but being perfect 100% of the time. Being perfectly secure and attached means you’re constantly given unconditional love. You’re constantly reassured about who you are. You’re always accepted and loved without any doubt or hesitation. Basically, 100% of the time, you are treated that way perfectly by perfect people.  Moreover, perfectly secure attachment is when you walk into the world with so much confidence as an adult. You trust that people have your best interests at heart. You will experience growth through conflict every single time but you will never feel bad about yourself. You will never yell at someone and have surges of anger. You know yourself so intimately and you regard yourself so positively that you will never have any problems with any interpersonal conflict ever in your whole life.  The other end of the spectrum is insecurity. Opposite to the perfectly secure attachment, being on the other end of the spectrum lies insecurity. It is sometimes considered as anxious and avoidant attachment styles. The message that you are loved unconditionally, that you are a valued person on this earth, that your instincts about how to take care of yourself are heard, affirmed and listened to – none of that is happening. And so, you grow up with an anxious or avoidant attachment style, which is the opposite of secure. Growing up with such an attachment style, you tend to not trust people easily which is why you end up avoiding relationships altogether. You don’t trust your own instincts because you don’t feel valuable or loved. Why do we yell at our kids? Yelling at our children is a common occurrence in many households, but it's important to ask why we do it. Sometimes, parents yell out of frustration or a lack of patience. Other times, it may be a learned behavior from our own upbringing or cultural norms. Regardless of the reason, it's important to recognize that yelling can have a negative impact on our children. Studies have shown that yelling can lead to increased anxiety and depression in children, as well as lower self-esteem and behavioral issues. It can also damage the parent-child relationship, creating a sense of fear and resentment rather than love and trust. Instead of resorting to yelling, it's important to identify the root cause of our frustration and address it in a calm and constructive manner. This can involve taking a break to calm down, speaking with our children in a gentle and respectful tone, and setting clear boundaries and consequences for their actions. By modeling healthy communication and conflict resolution, we can help our children develop the skills they need to navigate relationships and challenges in their own lives. Ultimately, it's up to us as parents to create a safe and supportive environment for our children, one that fosters their growth and development. By recognizing the impact of yelling and choosing to respond with empathy and understanding, we can build stronger connections with our children and help them thrive. How does this show up in a couple of different ways. Most experiences in childhood, whether good or bad, have a significant impact on a person’s emotional, psychological, and even physical well-being in adulthood.  Bad experiences may later on show up in mental health issues. Trauma can increase the risk of developing mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder. They can also affect one’s ability to form healthy relationships in adulthood. People may struggle with trust issues, have difficulty expressing themselves or connecting with others, and may be prone to conflict. They may also be involved in dysfunctional relationships. With regard to emotions, your bad childhood experiences can lead to difficulties in regulating or processing emotions. It can manifest as mood swings, angry outbursts, or emotional numbness. Unconditional positive regard is the cornerstone of the work. We're meant to have empathy, support and acceptance towards a person sitting across from us, regardless of what they say or do. In order to help this person heal as a human is to have unconditional positive regard for them, regardless of what they think, say, do or how they behave.  My intention is to view them as a beautiful human that I am holding space for them. When we treat others with unconditional positive regard, we create a safe space for them – an environment of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. It helps us build positive relationships. We create an environment where people feel safe to explore new ideas, take risks, and grow as individuals. It creates a sense of community which reduces feelings of isolation and loneliness, and creates a sense of belonging. This can be incredibly empowering and can help to build confidence and self-esteem. Can you fix them if you think they are broken? It is important to have a clear understanding of what your child is going through. Sometimes, our mind gets clouded and we tend to think that you’re in conflict with your child because you’re not really seeing the bigger perspective in such situations. We may think that they’re broken but they may not even see themselves in the same way or may have different needs than what you think they need.  What we have to think of is, “Are you viewing them as the beautiful human that you love unconditionally? Or are you viewing them as some sort of demon?” Answering that question gives you a good idea of where your thoughts are coming from. How do you know when you’re getting triggered? Sometimes, no matter how much care we have for our children, we can’t help but to shout at them or feel angry. Perhaps your child may have done something that you feel is wrong, and this has triggered your anger. You may be feeling stressed or overwhelmed by other things in your life, and your child’s behavior may be pushing you over the edge. When you’re already on edge, it’s understandable that you get easily triggered even by the simplest actions of your child. Although sometimes, our own past experiences can trigger us. Maybe you were yelled at as a child that’s why your exhibiting a strong emotional response to your child’s behavior. But we always have to keep in check our unconditional positive regard for each other. It’s when we have that that repairs can be made. And your kids get that unconditional positive regard because you've taught it to them. You have shown them that you love them no matter what.  Show them that your love is not conditional. Be the safe place your children love returning to. Show them that they can count on you. That's the message we're all trying to send our kids even though sometimes it gets muddled and twisted along the way. If you can fight with your partner or argue with your child and both come into it assuming the very best of each other, growth happens. It's natural for disagreements to arise in any relationship, whether it's with a partner or a child. However, how we approach these disagreements can make all the difference in our growth and development as individuals and as a family unit. When we come into a disagreement with the assumption that the other person has good intentions, we create an environment that fosters growth and understanding. Assuming the best of each other doesn't mean that we ignore the issue at hand or brush it under the rug. Instead, it means that we approach the situation with empathy and respect, seeking to understand the other person's perspective and working together to find a solution that benefits everyone involved. This kind of approach can lead to deeper connections, increased trust, and greater intimacy in our relationships. When we assume the best of our partner or child, we create a positive framework that encourages us to communicate effectively and work together to overcome challenges. It also sets an example for our children, showing them that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship and that they can be approached in a constructive and positive way. In short, approaching disagreements with the assumption that the other person has good intentions is a powerful tool for growth and development in any relationship. By prioritizing empathy, respect, and understanding, we can create a strong foundation for our relationships to thrive and flourish over time.   For those who are interested to learn more as we go through this journey, you may check out these links: Strange Situation Bethany Saltman  Emotional Inheritance Galit Atlas Babyproof Your Relationship Course Tune In Playlist  

One of the frequently asked questions that I get is about what you should do when your friend has a baby. This question may seem to pop up randomly but the same actually crosses many people’s minds especially to those who don’t have kids of their own or those who are at that point in life where many of their friends or relatives are already having kids. In today’s episode, we’ll talk more about how to best show your support to your friends and family when you reach that certain point in life and we’ll dive into relevant topics necessary for you to learn more about what you need to know.   What you need to know as a support person. The main thing that you need to know is that you can’t fully understand what’s going on especially if you don’t have kids. However, this should not hinder you from providing support. You can sympathize in a way that’s helpful and compassionate.  In case you don’t know how or where to start, think about a time when you felt a bit helpless or lost but you knew you needed help. If you could do that, that’s going to be helpful for you as a support person. The shared understanding is what will make you a great support person.  Sometimes, when wanting to comfort someone, we tend to say we’ll be there to support them but in reality, you don’t know what you need or what to do. It’s a nice gesture although completely useless. Instead, what you should do is to make an offer. Don’t ask them what they need.    What to do if you’re underprepared. No one’s really prepared for the amount of stuff that comes after having a child and then going home. In my experience, I was grossly underprepared. I took some things from the hospital but didn’t take enough as I could not fathom how much I would need at that moment. Although I’ve learned my lesson for the succeeding visits I’ve had to the hospital. If you’re feeling unprepared or emotionally all over the place, that’s alright. If you’re going to show your support, it’s going to be an emotional turmoil for sure but as much as possible, be prepared to hold space. Let go of your expectations for what you can do, or how you can help. Allow them to do and be whatever they need to do and be. Be present and be an empty vessel for them to use in going through such a beautiful journey. That’s the best gift that you can give them - showing up and being present.   Don’t come in and demand anything of the mom. What usually happens after giving birth and coming home is having visitors and letting them see your baby. For many moms, they’re grateful for those who visit and babysit to give them time to be able to do chores or rest. Taking some loads off the shoulders of moms may be the first idea that comes to the minds of many but sometimes, the last thing on the mind of a mom is doing the laundry or dishes. She should be able to decide what exactly she wants.  Don’t come in and demand anything of the mom. Carefully think about how you’ll go in there and how you’ll ask to take some of the heaviness away. Give them options and let them tell you what feels most comfortable rather than just coming and doing what you think is best because that’s only going to overwhelm them.   Things that make it easier for moms and dads. One thing that no one said but that I have seen several times is that if you’re close friends or you’ve known them for a long time, it might be nice to help your friend or colleague feel like his or her old self again rather than reminding them and reassuring them that they are still the person that they were before the baby came into their lives.  Remind them that they have a whole identity outside the house and their baby. We also have to understand that they don’t need fixing because they’re not broken. They’re simply figuring out a new thing. They’ve changed in a way that they need some reassurance that they’re on the right track. Hiring someone to do chores also makes things easier for the parents but you should consult them first. In fact, my mother hired a night nurse for me and it’s the most amazing thing ever.    Bringing food is a lovely yet inconvenient gesture. In the US, it’s common to bring food for any event that’s happening whether good or bad. While it’s a lovely gesture to do, it’s actually the most inconvenient thing in the world.  There are things to consider when bringing food such as the number of people who will eat it, their taste preference, and the like. We don’t want them to get sick of having the food after a few days.  And so, if you’re going to bring food, make sure that they’re easy to eat. Typically, people give out cookies, granola bars and brownies because they’re convenient to buy or make and easy to eat yet still enjoyable. Some people also bring fruits and coffee. Despite having mobile applications for online food delivery, sometimes, the process of thinking about what to buy and everything else is too much when you’re still trying to process having a new child in your home. That’s why dropping things off that you know they’ll need and are easy will be very much appreciated.   How do you support a friend who doesn’t have family support? If you want to offer help to a friend or even a relative who doesn’t have familial support for whatever reason, you can take up the role of being a mom although you have to be cautious. You shouldn’t just assume anything or put it on them. Continued care is one of the best ways to show your support to a friend. Like what our parents usually do for us, that’s what being there for your friend is like - being physically present and doing things for them, so that they will no longer have to worry about those things on top of taking care of their baby.  Doing these things will help moms heal and rest. We want to try to get them back to a baseline from before having their child because having a new child puts them in a very emotional toll alongside having to endure physical changes.  This applies not just to birthing moms but even if you’re adopting. This is for anyone who brings a new child into their house. There’s no doubt that it’s an exhausting and emotional journey for them which is why we want to offer our support. We all need as many great friends as we can get especially in the toughest times.   Stay tuned for more episodes! I’ll also be having a new segment in addition to all the professional stuff that I do for everyone to know the whole other side of me so make sure to watch out for that. If you have any questions, you may send them to cristie@reinventionmom.com. You may also check our services at Reinvention Mom website (https://reinventionmom.com/) if you’re looking for support, courses, coaching and more. Links and Resources: The Bump Must Haves List Diaper Bag Backpack (Also great for travel!) Muslin Baby Blanket  Spare Slow Horses Apple TV New GIrl Netflix  

Many things are way different now as compared to when we were kids and one of those that changed massively is parenting. And a lot of parents, especially new ones, fear that they are going to wreck their kids with the way they raise them. It’s normal to feel scared because you think you don’t have the background to learn from and so, it’s quite like you’re navigating an uncharted territory. But don’t worry too much about every little thing that you do because no matter how mindful you are, how gentle you are or even how attached you are, we’re still humans. Kids taking on marks of their handlers. Being parents doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have flaws. We’re still humans and we make mistakes. Mitch Albom once said that young people being pristine clean glass takes on the markings of its handlers.  At home, I have a glass coffee table top but it was separate from the base and so we'd have to pick it up and move it. And once every couple of weeks when it gets cleaned, it’s beautiful. As life went on, and we put cups on it, and the dogs went by it and everything else, there were scratches and smudges that we sometimes couldn't get out.  It never shattered but it definitely had markings from the fingerprint smudge or scratches from other things that were on it. So there were variations of those marks on the glass. Metaphorically, if you think about childhood the same way, kids are going to take on marks from us, from their teachers, and whomever they interact with as they grow. Some people they’ll meet are going to be great and some will be inconsequential enough that they can be wiped out with a cloth though some may be permanent. I think this is what parents are afraid of. They don’t want to shatter or break their kids beyond repair. But what parents should understand is that you’re not not going to damage them. You might leave smudges or scratches but they’re going to grow up and work it out on their own. The fact that you’re already concerned about shattering them is a sign of your mindfulness. You already have that level of intention that keeps people from shattering the glass of their youth. How we see our parents differently now. I think it’s normal to see our parents in a different light when we get to a certain age, either in our adulthood or in our parenting journey, as compared to when we were younger. Personally, back then, I put my mom on such a high pedestal. She became a widow at age 43 when I was still at a very young age. She was also a career woman who went back to work when my dad died. It was a new thing since none of my friends’ moms worked unless they were divorced and somehow, I realized that I had these rose-colored glasses viewing her as the toughest or strongest woman in the world. Growing up and maturing, I learned that some of my perceptions were direct results of her treatment towards me. For me, that is the end of the spectrum where many of us probably fall under because it’s where the humans or in this case, parents do the best they can with what they have and what they know. However, sometimes, that isn’t always the best for us. Parenting nowadays involves emotional management and co-regulation which were not entirely essentials when I was young. No one ever taught me how to manage my emotions. And now that I myself am a parent, I tried my best to learn how to emotionally regulate my own self in order to pass that on to my kids. I’m not putting the blame on my mom though. She did her part as a mother who was unaware of these things. In fact, I remember seeing books on her bedside table once about grief, and adult children of alcoholics.  That’s already some sort of acknowledgment that something’s going on because both my parents were in an alcoholic substance abusive relationship. Although, the good thing now is that we're more aware of those smudges, scratches and fingerprints that we get from our parents during childhood. Learning to make peace with your parents. As we grow older and we become parents, we get to understand our parents better and how or why they acted the way they do when we were younger.  The end of the spectrum is where you realize that your parents are still humans and you have to make peace with that. Sometimes, you just have to go through the stages of life. You get to experience grief or joy. And sometimes, you get to confront your parents about your relationship with them. However, sometimes, you don’t really get the satisfaction of reconciling with them or even just talking things through. The spectrum of toxic relationships. The other end of the spectrum is where toxic relationships lie. It is where we learn that as a child, you had no proper attachment relationships because of many possible factors. Maybe your parents had substance abuse issues or they were dealing with their own trauma. Maybe they were struggling with their mental health. As an adult, that’s when we realize that some events in our life contributed to the difficulties we’re experiencing, especially in our relationships with other people.  But it can still be managed. There’s still hope for us. We don’t have to let resentment eat us up. Our parents did what they did because that’s all they knew at the time. We’ll work on ourselves as adults and we’ll be better so our kids will be better as well.  There is something that can be done. My goal is to leave you with the idea that there is something that can be done. The first thing to do in achieving this is to determine what you want out of a situation. Your childhood plays a detrimental role in your parenting skills towards your children. So it’s necessary to determine what it is that you want. Think about whether or not you want you or your kids to have a relationship with your parents and how you want that relationship to look. Tuning into your own needs, wants and feelings. The marks, smudges, and scratches that we carry are what make us human and they’re what will make us know how to really care for ourselves. That’s why it’s important for us to tune into our own needs, wants and feelings. Ask yourselves what you want to do now or what you want from a relationship. How should you set the boundaries? How will you react and behave if you get into a relationship? Be realistic when answering the questions you ask yourselves. Focus on what is available to you now instead of thinking about what you didn’t have back then. The power of relationships is in the repair. There is surely a lot of internal work that must be done and it starts with acknowledging the fact that everybody’s human. As humans, we’re not perfect; we have flaws and we’ll mess up from time to time.  To be a better parent, one must keep in mind that the power of relationships is in the repair. Rather than trying to prevent yourself from messing up or trying to be perfect, put your energy towards apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions. It also helps to work your issues out either with a professional or if it’s easier for you, with your partner. Surely, your partner has their own story to share and bring to the table. You can learn more about how attachment and triggers affect you on another episode I’ve done. They’re going to be helpful especially if you’re still in the initial parts of such a journey. Remember that we’re all human and we’re all just doing the best we can with the information and the resources we have at the time. What parenting is is who we are and how we show up in the world.  Links: Connect with Cristie: Reinvention Mom Website

This podcast has been around for a long time in many different iterations, but today I’m introducing you to the new direction the show will be taking. Born out of my own inability to ask my Mom questions and have her weigh in on the most difficult things I am facing, welcome to Ask Your Mother.  I want this to be the place where we can talk about literally anything without feeling weird. It’s not always easy to not have a mother to talk to, so hopefully, this show can fill the gap. Show Highlights: Why I’m pivoting the focus of the show Why it’s important to have a mother to ask questions. For a variety of reasons, people don’t have moms. What I’m offering is a non-judgmental voice. This podcast is also going to be available on my YouTube channel. Links and Resources: Got a question? Email me at cristieritzking@wonderincwellness.com Visit my website: https://reinventionmom.com  

Today’s topic is prompted by an interesting listener question about the unsolicited advice that expectant and new parents receive. The truth is that the advice doesn’t stop with being a new parent, but it continues through many life events and transitions. Join me for a closer look.   Show Highlights:   Two universal truths when you are expecting a baby: Everything is focused on you, the mom–until the baby comes. When the baby arrives, opinions and advice come pouring in. Why it’s a fact that all parents go through times of unsolicited advice at every transition in life Why no one else knows what is best for you and your child except you and your child, meaning that you have the right to decide things for yourself Why I have a burning desire to help other parents feel good about their parenting and build strong relationships with their kids Why I believe that empowering a parent is the biggest protective factor against most mental health issues and the predictor of how the child turns out What it means to be an empowered parent My advice for parents: Understand that advice is everywhere, and you are the filter. Know who you are and what you want from the relationship with your child. Tune into yourself to understand your strengths, triggers, and expectations. Spend time on yourself, so you can filter the advice. Plan out what you want to be like as a parent and know your endgame. How I tuned into my strengths and weaknesses as a parent to learn what I was capable of Why the stuff you buy isn’t as important as the environment you create Why parents fall into the trap of wanting to control EVERYTHING My final words: “Stand tall by knowing yourself, understanding your strengths and weaknesses, understanding your child, and understanding the relationship you want to have.”   Resources:   Join our Awe Mama group with this link!  https://awe-mama.mn.co/share/Fqsuxl3DwAGqGDqo?utm_source=manual  

We are living in the time of the productivity trap. We constantly question ourselves and how much we are DOING, which leads to feelings of guilt. If you are caught in the productivity trap and wondering if you are doing enough, join me for this episode. Show Highlights: How I’ve noticed more and more people feeling unsettled, frustrated, and overwhelmingly sad in 2022 Why we are in the “perfect storm” of year #3 of the pandemic with constantly changing goals and jobs Why we feel guilty when we have extra time and say, “I must not be doing enough!” How the crisis of the pandemic has become a long-term trauma, and we don’t know where to go next Why we tend to grasp at what we CAN control, which is usually some sort of productivity Why my message is, “You ARE doing enough.” Why our new goals should be to tune into ourselves, find out what feels good, and figure out how to add more of that to our lives Why we have to adjust and move forward with a “new normal” that is sustainable—because things aren’t going back to the way they were in 2020 My personal story of my birthday plans with my girlfriends–and how things changed to help me figure out what I needed Why you have to figure out what to eliminate by finding more of what makes you happy My advice: “Take a step back and look at all that you do. Tune into yourself and figure out how to add more of what makes you feel good. Find out what you need to eliminate, even if it’s guilt and high expectations.” Resources: Join our Awe Mama group Connect with Cristie: Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com    

Happy New Year! A new year is a very appropriate time to consider cleaning out and clearing out the old to make room for the new–and that’s the focus of this solo episode. I’m starting a new group to be a supportive place for moms of all ages and stages. You can find the link in our Resources section, so come join us with a free membership for a limited time.  Regarding New Year’s Resolutions–or the lack thereof, I’m sharing what I’ve learned with the hope that my experiences might inspire you. This show and my attitude are prompted in part by the chaos of our family’s “COVID Christmas of 2021.”   Show Highlights: How a new year has ingrained us to decide what we can change and do differently in a near frenzy of goal-setting How COVID has trained us that in making plans, we feel tenuous and uncertain about what’s next Why I’m slowly stepping into January How our family become accustomed to clearing out the old to make room for the new Why I’ve been feeling “cluttered” in my mind and in my house Why I want the clarity of mind that comes when my physical space is clean and uncluttered How your physical space and mental space are connected and usually are both either clean or cluttered Why we need to get rid of some things to clear the emotional weight of having them around How clearing out can be an emotional recognition of the passage of time Why it’s important to figure out how you got to the point of physical clutter How to start clearing your physical space: Begin with the room where you spend the most time or the one you tend to avoid. Identify what you want to change and why. How to know you have a “cluttered mind” How meditation, breath work, and journaling can help clear your mental space How to use questions to point you toward new goals (“What do I want more of? What do I want to let go of?”) Why the awareness of new goals as a regular routine is less overwhelming than putting every intention into a New Year’s resolution My advice: “Start with clearing out and letting go. That’s the only way to make room for more of the good stuff to come your way.”   Resources: Join the Awe Mama Group!  Connect with Cristie: Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com  

This seems to be a great time of year to discuss boundaries, as they are likely challenging most of us at this point. I know personally, this season, no matter what you celebrate - this season from Halloween to New Year is challenging to say the least for boundaries.  Last year, we didn't really have a lot of choices, and so it made boundaries, maybe a little bit easier to enact because we didn't have any options.  But this year, we're not only tasked with figuring out how to celebrate the season, but also what we feel comfortable with from a health perspective. So let's just start with the very basics, which is, what am I talking about when I say boundaries? What boundaries are are the limits we set to protect ourselves. The lines we draw to protect ourselves are really to protect our comfort with our own behavior and with the behavior of others.  What we're going to talk about today is emotional and physical boundaries. So things that are going to protect our emotions, and protect our physical well being. There are many things to consider when setting emotional and physical boundaries. Show Highlights: No matter what, someone will be disappointed when you set boundaries. Not setting good boundaries can make you physically sick. It’s important to model good boundaries around the holidays for your children. It’s uncomfortable to set boundaries in many situations. Be prepared to be disappointed in the boundaries your own children set as they have their own families. Know thyself and know your end game. There is going to be some discomfort when you set boundaries. At times during the holidays, you will have to choose yourself. Remember that “no” is a full sentence, and sometimes all you owe to someone is a “no”. Resources: For our parenting courses, go to:  https://wonderincwellness.com

This episode comes as a result of feedback I’ve received from a previous show on domestic violence. Since this topic clearly struck a chord with many listeners, today’s conversation is a great follow-up. Join us to learn more! Mira Denning is the founder of Stronger Than Silence, an organization that means to end the stigma around domestic violence and help survivors share their stories to pull back the curtain on what goes on behind closed doors. Mira hopes to end the stigma and shame to help more people get out of domestic violence situations. She is a survivor and an incredibly helpful voice for this topic.  Show Highlights: How Mira came to start this organization after a corporate career and a ten-year marriage full of domestic violence Why the vision of Stronger Than Silence is to elevate the stories and eliminate the stigma and shame around domestic violence Mira’s story of going to prestigious schools, having a successful career, and being in a marriage that was nothing like it appeared to be How domestic violence began for Mira with verbal abuse and digs that left her never feeling good about herself and escalated to physical abuse that became routine and life-threatening How Mira shut down relationships with friends and family to isolate herself so no one would know the truth of her life Why work became a sanctuary for Mira because she operated in survival mode at home How Mira grappled with shame, embarrassment, and fear to finally disclose the truth to her parents, who helped her find a lawyer Why Mira felt empathy for her husband because of his issues and financial problems and thought she could “fix” him with enough effort--until the empathy went away and she was able to leave Mira’s experience in building a safety plan and going for full custody of her young son The struggle in co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner Why it takes a woman a while to understand the PTSD and unravel the damage from an abusive relationship Why it takes a time of information gathering before a woman actually leaves the home What Mira has learned in collecting others’ stories How the statistics show that 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence, and 1 in 4 men will be abusers; in spite of the prevalence, there is little awareness in the general public How domestic violence doesn’t usually begin with physical abuse but starts with emotional, verbal, and financial abuse that begin as controlling behaviors Resources: Stronger Than Silence elevates the stories of survivors of domestic abuse so that we can #shatterthesilence surrounding it. They are looking for more survivor stories as part of their Story Campaign. To share your story or to learn more, please visit www.strongerthansilence.org.   You can also follow Stronger Than Silence on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok for testimonies and inspiration.  You can email Mira: Mira@StrongerThanSilence.org.   Connect with Cristie: Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com     

Many people struggle with depression and anxiety, and we don’t know how to help them. We don’t know how to help because depression and anxiety don’t have a characteristic “look.” Sadly, people who seem to “have it all together” and are “full of fun” are sometimes in a deep, dark pit on the inside. It takes courage to acknowledge the depression and ask for help, and their story can be beautiful, honest, and candid as they share their journey. Today’s guest has been in the darkness, and she’s opening up with the hope of bringing help to others. Join us.   Kadi Baker is a marketing strategist who lives in Riverside, CA, with her husband and eight children. She’s a grandmother of one, with another soon making her debut. Kadi and I go way back as mom bloggers together, and I’m excited to share her story. Kadi says that being a mom and grandma come first in her life, and everything else just follows after that.    Show Highlights:   How Kadi’s social image wasn’t genuine about what was really going on because people couldn’t handle the raw, ugly truth How people are open to the truth of anxiety and depression now more than in the past when the fishbowl of social media only wanted to recognize the extreme highs and lows of live How Kadi found herself in a pit about six weeks ago because of past trauma building up over time and culminating with the perfect storm of COVID, a sudden move, and work stress Along with the other issues, smoking and drinking to excess led Kadi to realize she was failing at her job and as a wife and mother; she reached out to her husband and mother for help How lying to herself and others about the truth came to a breaking point when she found the honesty to say, “That’s enough!” Why we need to realize that anxiety and depression don’t have a “look” because they look very normal and put-together Why Kadi resigned from her job because it was causing stress, perfectionism, sleeplessness, and other dysfunctions How “hustle culture” deceives women into thinking we don’t have a choice but to keep going, no matter how a job affects us How Kadi identified her job as a major stressor during intensive outpatient therapy in which she had to “sit” with her depression How Kadi is staying in touch with how she feels since the end of four weeks of intensive therapy Helpful tools for Kadi include the Calm app, medication, allowing bad days/finding forgiveness, creating/enforcing boundaries, radical acceptance tools, and using a list of “if this/then that” triggers How people can help in the best ways vs. the worst ways that don’t help How Kadi had to find out what works for her and learn coping strategies from others How medications can help quiet the anxiety but should be re-evaluated periodically What Kadi wants others to know: “Someone else’s pain doesn’t diminish your pain. Your pain matters. Don’t compare yourself to others.” How feeling the pain allows the healing to come   Resources:   Connect with Cristie:   Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com     

This episode is prompted by two things: my binge-watching of Maid, a Netflix show that takes a look at the nuances of domestic violence, and the recent Gabby Petito case. There are so many misconceptions and misunderstandings around domestic violence, and it’s always puzzling to me how many men and women don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.  It’s just me today, talking about my thoughts and what I’ve seen during my professional career as a trauma therapist working with survivors of sexual violence and domestic violence. Join me for a look at this important topic. Show Highlights: The four stages of the cycle of domestic violence: Tension-building stage (a time of “walking on eggshells”) Explosive stage (can be physical or intense controlling behavior) Honeymoon stage (a time of reconciliation and usually blaming the victim for the behavior) Calm and normal stage (things seem like they are better, and the violence was a one-time occurrence)      **The problem is that the cycle usually repeats itself, and there is no timeline for each stage. Why there is a common misconception that domestic violence happens to a certain “type” of person How domestic violence isn’t so much about anger and abuse as it is about control--most often men controlling women Why domestic violence is sometimes difficult to spot in the beginning as someone exerts control over your time, finances, and friends--and slowly shrinks your life Why anger management is NOT the issue--and anger management classes are NOT the solution How deep trauma and attachment issues can lead to dysfunction in relationships Why partners often sympathize with their abusers because of their past, and they give them chance after chance How a domestic violence situation is complicated when kids are involved Resources are available: emergency shelters, counseling, court advocates, and therapeutic programs for adults and kids What you can do: If someone you know needs help, be supportive and help them find resources. If you are in a domestic violence situation, find resources and support. If you haven’t encountered domestic violence in your relationship, be aware of red flags, like “love bombs,” a partner trying to keep you all to himself, or blaming you for all problems in the relationship.  Resources: Connect with Cristie: Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com   

Are you feeling anxious in these uncertain times? Most of us would admit to some level of anxiety during this pandemic, but how do we acknowledge the feelings and learn the coping skills we need to manage? Today’s show comes to the rescue with practical advice from an expert. Join us to learn more! Kayla Chorley is a licensed therapist in Alberta, Canada. As a high school teacher, she’s not only an expert on the topic of anxiety but also an expert on teens with anxiety. Kayla educates us about generalized anxiety and the basics of what that really means. She also shares what happens to an anxious person in times of great stress like we are experiencing right now. Kayla has helpful advice for all of us in managing anxiety at whatever level we find ourselves.    Show Highlights:   Get to know Kayla, the physics teacher who wanted to be able to help her students in more tangible ways The basics of anxiety: Anxiety is a fear response.  Anxiety has three core elements: feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations. Anxiety can be of the everyday variety (external worries) or disordered anxiety (internal worries). Why stomach issues often accompany anxiety How anxiety becomes less scary when we understand the biology of how it works Kayla’s tips for managing anxiety: Be proactive, anticipate the anxiety, and “play offense.” Shift your mindset to realize that anxiety is trying to work WITH you--not against you. Kayla’s advice to parents who want to help their kids through the anxiety of today’s challenges: start with age-appropriate open dialogue and focus on the “right now” How a focus on self-care can help all of us with anxiety When parents should “check in” with their kids about anxiety and model uncertainty for them     Resources:   The Anxious Pineapple podcast   www.pineappletherapy.ca    Connect with Cristie: Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com   

Grief is a process that everyone goes through in their own way and on their own timetable, and it comes to us in many shapes and sizes.  Today’s discussion focuses on grief in the context of non-death losses, which can still seize our hearts. I’m going solo today in sharing about two specific kinds of grief that I’m experiencing. Join me. Show Highlights: How I’m grieving over losing my beloved German Shepherd to a sudden heart issue and sending my oldest daughter off to college How we are getting better at talking about grief and loss What we know about the stages of grief Why the stages of grief are a problem because grief isn’t linear or concrete Why our grief came first as shock when we woke up to a dying dog who acted normally just hours before How shame may play into the grief process with the loss of a pet Why grief is qualified by society in deciding how we should grieve and for how long How sending a child to college feels like being let go from a job you love The physical changes that take place in daily life when these non-death losses occur Steps in dealing with a loss: Name the loss (call it what it is) Be nice to yourself (acknowledge the feelings and don’t judge) Look around (see the other wonderful things in your life) Find somebody who gets it (talk with someone who understands) Why grief is a rebuilding period of life, routines, self, hope, and joy Final thoughts: “It’s OK to adjust and rebuild your new normal. Grief is a transitional phase, and we all have a right to feel the sadness however we need to do it.”   Resources: Connect with Cristie: Parenting Courses:  www.wonderincwellness.com    Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com   

Having these conversations about the awkward, scary, and uncomfortable parenting moments always leads to change for the better. Such is the case for today’s timely episode. As I just dropped off my college freshman at her dorm, I’ve trudged through the muddy waters of the college process. We all try to get through it with our self-esteem, sanity, and the relationship with our kids intact. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and lost. Join us as we wade through the confusion and find clarity with today’s guest.  Kate Sonnenberg of KS College Success is a college admissions coach who works with families and students to help them with all facets of the college experience. My favorite thing about Kate is that she’s open and realistic about what this process can be, what it could be, and how to navigate the process in ways that keep your family intact. We’ll talk about all of these aspects, keeping your sanity, and the extra challenges of doing it all during a pandemic.    Show Highlights: How Kate came into the work she does today after a long career in college admissions at Princeton How good things came into the college process due to pandemic restrictions, along with the negative aspects of isolation What parents need to know (that they probably don’t): The test-optional landscape The uncertain future of campus tours (in-person vs. virtual) “Fit” factors to determine the best college for your child: academic, social, financial, and athletic (for athletes) How the pandemic has forced many kids to look at college in different and bigger ways How parents can help their kids consider the “fit” factors (key: everything is different now than when we were college students) The importance of being open and honest about the process with your kids, including finances What parents should know about college: The college website’s net price calculator can help you figure out finances The US News college rankings aren’t as reliable as you think How the pre-work for Kate’s clients pays off in finding the best fit Early action vs. Early decision How parents and students can wield their power to improve their financial aid offer by laying out facts and circumstances Final words from Kate: “Approach the process with an open mind. Remember that this is your child’s college experience--not yours.” What to do if you have a high school junior this year   Resources: Connect with Kate: www.kscollegesuccess.com Mentioned in this episode:  www.tuitionfit.org   The Truth about College Admission: A Family Guide to Getting In and Staying Together by Rick Clark and Brennan Barnard   Connect with Cristie:    Parenting Courses: www.wonderincwellness.com   Email: critzking@wonderincwellness.com