Claim OwnershipThis Keeps Happening with Vienna Pharaon
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We all have the capacity to create long lasting change.
I’m Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist. I’ve spent over 25,000 hours working with individuals, couples and families, which has given me a front-row seat to our capacity for change, no matter how challenging a story might be. This is a show where I speak with anonymous people every week about the challenges they’re facing.
And even though this is not how I work with actual clients – which has months, sometimes years of trust built together over time – it’s pretty incredible where a one-off conversation with someone you don’t know can lead you. In fact, I think it’s quite remarkable.
I’m the author of the national best selling book ‘The Origins of You,’ which explores how to break family patterns so that you can liberate the way you live and love, and create the life and relationships you’ve always wanted. What I have found time and time again is that our unwanted patterns in our adult lives is unresolved pain from the past that’s grabbing for our attention.
If we can be brave enough to face our patterns, a lot of beautiful healing work can happen.
That’s why the show is named This Keeps Happening.
I hope what you hear today helps you as you go through your own journey.
I’m Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist. I’ve spent over 25,000 hours working with individuals, couples and families, which has given me a front-row seat to our capacity for change, no matter how challenging a story might be. This is a show where I speak with anonymous people every week about the challenges they’re facing.
And even though this is not how I work with actual clients – which has months, sometimes years of trust built together over time – it’s pretty incredible where a one-off conversation with someone you don’t know can lead you. In fact, I think it’s quite remarkable.
I’m the author of the national best selling book ‘The Origins of You,’ which explores how to break family patterns so that you can liberate the way you live and love, and create the life and relationships you’ve always wanted. What I have found time and time again is that our unwanted patterns in our adult lives is unresolved pain from the past that’s grabbing for our attention.
If we can be brave enough to face our patterns, a lot of beautiful healing work can happen.
That’s why the show is named This Keeps Happening.
I hope what you hear today helps you as you go through your own journey.
30 Episodes
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1Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath stop by and discuss transformational moments in their relationship. They have a new book called “Liberated Love.” Mark hosts The Mark Groves Podcast and Kylie shares daily teachings on relationships and embodied liberation. This is the final episode of This Keeps Happening, season 1. We’ll be taking a break from the show for now. If you would like to stay in touch, you can follow Vienna on Instagram at @mindfulmft, join her free newsletter, or grab a copy of her national best-selling book, 'The Origins of You.'
Jen feels like she never mattered to her father. He’s extremely reactive and their dynamic has been emotionally damaging for her over the years. Even though she wants to maintain strong boundaries, she feels pressure to make amends as he gets older and enters the final chapters of his life. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Paige has a complicated dynamic with her mother. For years, she’s felt leaned upon and pressured to over give in the relationship. She also had to navigate a severe rupture of trust. When Paige was a child, her mom told her that the man who raised her wasn’t her biological father. Today, Paige wants to heal and set new boundaries with her mother. But now a mother herself, she worries that becoming more distant could mean her son won’t have a relationship with his grandmother. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Wellness artist Tracy G shares her endless passion for healing and self-growth. She also reflects on moments that shaped how she shows up in relationships and how trust is an ongoing practice. In a periodic series called ‘Named,’ Vienna speaks with friends and thought leaders about their origin wounds and their path towards healing. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Leah decided in her 20s to not have children. But today, she finds herself in a relationship with someone who has two of them. She never wanted kids but finds herself attempting to be the kind of parent she always wanted and needed. However, in her quest to be a perfect adult, she's losing her relationship with her own desires, wishes, and boundaries. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here. You can also see Vienna live on March 21 in Washington DC. Tickets for the event are here.
Kaitlyn Bristowe stops by to talk about a lifelong journey. The host of “Off The Vine” and former Bachelorette shares how it feels being misunderstood online, journaling and self-acceptance. In a periodic series called ‘Named,’ Vienna speaks with friends and thought leaders about their origin wounds and their path towards healing.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Jackie has a hard time allowing herself to be human, to be imperfect. She cheated in her current relationship. Though her partner has forgiven her, she has really struggled to forgive herself. She's stuck in a loop of self-blame and punishment and holds a story that since no one else has punished her, she must be the one who does. Growing up she felt like she had to be a good girl, which was exacerbated after her father was in a serious car crash. It left him with a brain injury that changed his personality and made him reactive and verbally abusive. As a result, Jackie shifted into someone who pleased, who was perfect. Although Jackie knows that perfection isn't possible, she still struggles to allow herself grace when she makes mistakes.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Carol is in a relationship that feels deeper than anything she's experienced before, and yet she feels emotionally misunderstood. When there's conflict, she doesn't know how to navigate it and feels frustrated with herself for closing down and disconnecting. Growing up, Carol didn't have healthy examples of dealing with conflict. She felt distant from her mother, who struggled with addiction and wasn't present in her life from six years old on. And she was raised by her father, who would give her the silent treatment in conflict. When Carol would ask questions about her mother and her parents' relationship in history, he wouldn't provide answers or clarity, leaving her feeling internally lost and confused. She constantly asks herself why knowing matters and why feeling matters, but ultimately does know that that's her path to change.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
This week, Vienna speaks with her husband and founder of ManTalks Connor Beaton. This is the debut episode of a new periodic series called ‘Named,’ where Vienna speaks with friends and thought leaders about their origin wounds and their paths towards healing. In this episode, Connor shares how his parents’ separation affected him deeply. He struggled academically, romantically, and eventually made a profound transformation. He discusses some of the tools he used to get to where he is today, which is a place he wouldn’t have imagined possible a decade ago. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Beth is afraid of following in her mother's marriage footsteps. Her mother was married five times, and Beth finds herself contemplating a third divorce. At times, Beth is unclear about what she's actually trying to resolve. It's easy to get lost in the details and miss out on connecting with self, which in this case is quite appropriate for the goal that Beth doesn't even know she needs to set. But by the end of our conversation, she recognizes that she's been operating within the framework that in order to have a relationship with someone else, she must disconnect from feeling her own pain. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
America recently went through a breakup, and it’s opening old wounds around the complicated relationship she had with her father. There's a lot she wishes she could have said to him before his death. She grew up in an environment where talking about your feelings wasn't safe, and that avoidance has come with her into her adult life. This breakup is confirming all of the original narratives she's held about perfection and herself. We start this conversation talking about the breakup, what's familiar about it, and what keeps her from being able to see herself differently.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Blu has a complicated relationship with her mom. Her parents got divorced when she was 12 years old, which is also around the time that sexual abuse started with her dad. Blu's mother never fully acknowledged what happened to her. She just made rash decisions on Blu's behalf and continued to stay distracted and preoccupied with work and a new love. Blu struggles with complicated family dynamics, wishing she could’ve had the mother she always needed, and wonders how to proceed.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Anne is in a new relationship and it’s scary. All of the alarms are going off that want to keep her far away from closeness and intimacy. There’s fear of abandonment and it's hard for her to show emotion with this new partner. When she was younger, she was abandoned. After her parents' divorce, Anne started to use alcohol and drugs as a way to escape her sadness. She was kicked out of the home at 13 and told to go live with her father. Anne has struggled to trust that people care about what she's feeling. Although parts of her new relationship feel good, this unfamiliar territory often has her getting closer and then wanting to move further away for fear of being abandoned. Anne will learn that trust isn't something you can think your way to, it’s something you have to feel your way to.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Sophie gets lost in the details trying to understand why she is the way that she is, and worries about not being able to follow through on change when it presents in the future. She moves away from just connecting with the here and now, making space to feel and experience what's true for her. In the conversation, we find ourselves going around in circles a bit until she has a breakthrough. It's remarkable the shift that happens when we take just one thing off the table. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
We’re taking a couple weeks off for the holidays so we can rest, relax, and spend time with family and friends. We’ll be back with another new episode on January 10th. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Caroline recently found out that her mom was cheating on her stepdad. Although she's able to celebrate what she calls her mom's newfound freedom, she also feels scared about becoming less important to her. Caroline doesn't make space for her emotional experience with anyone because the risk of upsetting them, disappointing them, or hurting them is too intolerable. We start the conversation talking about the situation with her mom and how she's struggling to navigate the changes to her family, as well as her role with each of them.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Beach is 41 years old and six months pregnant with her first child. She has a challenging relationship with her father, who was a big source of pain for her. She's feeling anxious about giving birth and becoming a parent. There's a moment in her life where her trust in herself gets deeply damaged, and we recognize in this conversation that it has yet to be restored. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Like many couples, Michelle and Dan struggle to communicate, especially when one of them is dealing with something difficult. Often when Michelle is upset, Dan feels completely lost on how he can help. Because he hasn't felt successful in all of his attempts, he winds up shutting down. He wants to fix, solve and solution, and it's just not what she needs. If you love someone, of course you want to help relieve them of their pain. But this race to relief is blocking something so important for both of them. We begin the conversation trying to understand why this pattern keeps happening. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
Work causes Russ a lot of anxiety. He says he can't trust his managers and often feels undervalued. At his current job, he's had seven different managers. After decades of stress, just wishing he could find a good manager, he's wondering if maybe that's not the real issue. And maybe, he has a part in all of this. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
We’re taking this week off so we can enjoy time with ourselves and family and friends. We’ll be back with another new episode next week.If you’re interested in being on the show, call 206 9 V-I-E-N-N-A. Leave a voice message with an alias and the best time to reach you. Guests will remain anonymous to listeners.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.
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