the tortoise & the hare

In this week's episode, Brooke & Ben explore the duality of selfish & selfless. They get a little word-nerdy as they look at the different definitions and explore the traits of a truly selfish person. They also explore the relationship between selfishness, selflessness and self-care, why single-mindedness (and by extension, neurodivergence) can read as being self-absorbed, before Ben quizzes Brooke on…shellfish.They also talk about:* why children and teenagers are often self-centred* periods of life when we’re more likely to be selfish* unaddressed resentment * why knowing our personal values can help manage the balance* the line between self-love and self-absorption* QUIZ: name that shellfish!Thanks for listening!Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com  This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit brookemcalary.substack.com/subscribe

Whether it’s food, beauty products, or the state of our home, describing something as ‘clean’ also implies there is ‘dirty’, an idea that carries a lot of guilt and shame. In this week’s episode, Brooke and Ben dig into a new duality by looking at food, home, green-cleaning and more.Ben talks about the brosphere — specifically the rise of ‘clean eating’ and its impact on boys and young men — and Brooke talks about her conflicted feelings on individual responsibility versus industry accountability. Ben also shares his honest take on Brooke’s hardcore green-cleaning and no-shampoo hippie eras, as well as the tidiness of their house as a barometer of mental well-being and why the internet will never agree on how often to clean the walls.They also talk about:·      dropping their standards·      why kids can be a balancing influence on all-or-nothing thinking·      using righteous anger to fuel our enoughness·      making small changes in the face of systemic problems·      quality versus quantity and how a bit of fussiness isn’t a bad thing·      the painful gap between the why and how of things·      knowing when a fight is worthwhile and when it’s not·      the importance of language around food and health and why men and women experience it differently·      what it means to be ‘houseproud’·      QUIZ: how often do you need to clean a ____?Thanks for listening! Links:Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $8AUD/month or $80AUD/yr.If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehareAccess the full, human-made transcript hereCredits:the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlaryEdited by Ben McAlaryStudio equipment supplied by shot.studioTheme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit brookemcalary.substack.com/subscribe

Prompted by a listener question, this week’s episode is about Brooke and Ben’s relationship with alcohol and how it’s changed over the past five years. Brooke shares why she never really wanted to use the word ‘sober’ to describe herself and how healing helped her let go of rigid ideas on drinking vs not drinking.Ben discusses the role drinking culture has had on his life and why he thinks other countries do it better than Australia. They also talk about wasted days, the toll drinking takes and the flip-side: the high cost of complete restriction. It’s a vulnerable chat but it feels important to share.They also discuss:- their respective relationships with alcohol — then and now- Brooke’s experience with quitting — why, how and what she told people about it- what was lost and gained- how learning to have fun sober has been a game-changer- the physiological effects of alcohol and why Brooke used it as a social crutch- why moralising could have a negative effect on their family- how to step back from a restrictive mindset and soften the language we use- why we still do things we know to be “bad” for us- the difference between preferences and non-negotiables- what Brooke and Ben would tell themselves 10 years agoThanks for listening!Links:Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $8AUD/month or $80AUD/yr.If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehare and watch today's episodeAccess the full, human-made transcript hereCredits:the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlaryEdited by Ben McAlaryStudio equipment supplied by shot.studioTheme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit brookemcalary.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode, Brooke and Ben dive into different ways of thinking — open and closed, fixed and fluid and whatever exists in between. They discuss their different approaches to rule-following, how they deal with opinion chameleons and why finding common ground is one of the most effective ways to have a constructive conversation.Ben also explains why he loves playing the devil’s advocate (and why Brooke finds it infuriating!) and finishes with a hard-hitting question: rigid or flexible lollies — which is better?They discuss:hypersensitivityBrooke’s EMDR experiencedealing with narrow-minded peoplechameleon opinions and why they’re so confusingrule-followers vs rebelsimproving cognitive flexibilityhow to engage different opinions without losing your mindwhy hope hurts sometimesthe great lolly debate: rigid vs flexibleThanks for listening!Links:Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com Credits:the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlaryEdited by Ben McAlaryStudio equipment supplied by shot.studioTheme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit brookemcalary.substack.com/subscribe

When it comes to age and youth, body image takes a beating at both ends. Can we find a gentler way through the years?In today’s show, Brooke and Ben discuss the duality of wrinkles & pimples — i.e. the visible elements of youth and aging — and how they are literally in the middle of it right now, with both wrinkles and pimples (and grey hair and stiff backs in the morning).They discuss:- changing body image in their mid-40s- why gender-affirming care (including hair removal, plastic surgery, make-up and hormone therapy) should be accessible to everyone- the changing role of body image for boys and men over the past decade- what our faces and bodies are actually for- the billionaires who want to live forever and go to great lengths to avoid agingThanks for listening!Links:- Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com - Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $5AUD/month for a limited time- If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehareCredits:- the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.- Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary- Edited by Ben McAlary- Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio- Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit brookemcalary.substack.com/subscribe