Claim OwnershipLet's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect
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Description
For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world.
Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication.
Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first.
Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you:
- 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard
- 💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence
- 🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work
Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.
98 Episodes
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In this episode, Nicky speaks with Danny Kett, a former police negotiator with 30 years of experience, 18 of those in hostage and crisis negotiation. Danny shares what crisis work taught him about conversations that matter most — especially when suicide is a concern. They discuss myths that hold people back, including the fear that mentioning suicide puts the idea in someone’s head, and show how direct, honest language can actually open doors. Danny shares a powerful personal story of support...
When Help Feels Like Pressure: One Voice, Safe Space, and Conversations That Save Lives Host Nicky talks with former police officer and negotiator Damian about what really helps when someone is in crisis. They unpack the reality of suicide in the UK, why crowds and escalating responses can increase pressure, and how one trusted voice in a safe space can change a decision. This episode offers practical, compassionate steps for parents and carers—what to notice, how to open the conversation, an...
In this episode Nicky talk to Katey Martin, a police officer and head of counter-terrorism negotiation training in the UK, discussing her experiences and the importance of suicide prevention. She highlights that 95% of their call-outs in London involve crisis situations. Katey emphasises the success of negotiators in saving lives through difficult conversations. She trained as a suicide first aid instructor and, with colleague Derek Carroll, rolled out this training nationally. Katey st...
In this episode Nicky explains how human emotions play a large part in how people respond to change.She goes through the Kubler Ross grief cycle and how this helps explain why we experience the emotions we do and how you can manage them.
Episode 93 - Communication in change episode 1 by The Communication Coach
For many of us Christmas is a time to relax and have fun but for some of us it's a time we spend with people we don't really know or necessarily even get on with.It's also often a period filled with difficult conversations, emotion and breakup of many relationships.In this episode Nicky speaks to Janthea Brigden. Janthea owns a company called Nipperbout creating child friendly environments at events, hospitality and leisure.They discuss a whole host of topics to help you with your extended fa...
In this episode Nicky looks at four areas to help you have those conversations you have been putting off.Emotions - why conversations with our families can often be driven by emotions and the impact of this.Consequences - what they are and why you should think about them before you have the conversation.Beliefs - both yours and the person who you are going to talk to and how they intertwine.How to introduce this conversation and how this will help keep the emotions down.
In this track Nicky looks at two common questions she is asked. She shares the 4 P's;Purpose - what outcome do you want from this conversation and why is it so important to you.Practice - what you are going to say and how you are going today it.Permission - give yourself permission to ask.Perspective - look at the world from the other person's point of view. How will they view your request.
Episode 89 - Values and beliefs by The Communication Coach
Episode 88- How to have difficult conversations by The Communication Coach
In this episode Nicky chats to Jo Berry. Jo's father, Sir Anthony Berry, was killed by an IRA bomb in 1984.In 2000 Jo met the man who had planted the bomb, Patrick Magee. This is her amazing story which touches on so many aspects of communication and being human. It's hard to describe this story so the best thing to do is listen as Jo tells it in her own words.
In this track Nicky explains why she believes communication is such an important skill and yet one of the core functions of every day that gets forgotten about. When we speak to each other it's generally from an unconscious place and we don't think about the words we are saying or how we are approaching the conversation. When we become more conscious in our communication we can leave people feeling empowered, valued and validated.
In this episode Nicky looks at 5 steps you can take when having difficult conversations and help you to be heard.The last year and this most recent lockdown has been a challenge for everyone and sometimes this affects our relationships and our ability to communicate with others.
In this episode Nicky gives you five tips to help you become more confident in your conversations. Perhaps you struggle to be heard in meetings or at home, or do you struggle to get your message across in meetings.Actions for you to take:1. Practice2. Listen to what other people say and then reflect back what you have heard.3. Quietening your inner dialogue4. Being present5. Make it about the other person
In this episode Nicky looks at how we can negotiate with our kids especially in during lockdown.She gives 3 tips; remember our conversation comes from our own point of view, being present, listening.She also shares the plane Please Listen by Leo Buscaglia
As we enter the second month of this current lockdown, relationships are beginning to breakdown as people struggle with home schooling and working from home. Families have forgotten to make quality and fun time for each other as this way of life becomes the new normal. In this episode Nicky gives us four tips on how to communicate with our families during lockdown.
Part 5 of this mini course where Nicky gets you to reflect on how you communicate. Listening is at the heart of building relationships, being fully present with someone with no judgement or trying to problem solve is incredibly powerful when it comes to building relationships and gaining trust. Without trust relationships fail, without listening and spending time with someone it's hard to build trust.
In this episode we look at the think, feel, do cognitive behaviour model and how this affects the way we behave and communicate with each other.Nicky shares some of her own stories in how this works for her and how reflection is the key to change.Sometimes we don't know what we don't know, understanding how we work as individuals helps us to be able to change and grow.
In this episode Nicky looks at how fear drives us and causes emotional conversations rather than logical ones. She discusses how your inner critic is there to protect you and comes from the part of the primitive brain which causes fight, flight or freeze. Nicky also discusses how being control can have an affect on how we communicate with others and when control is taken from us it causes fear.This fear is often about loss or perceived loss.She gives you tips on how you become more aware of h...
This episode is part 2 from a 5 part mini series about self reflection and how to build relationships through communication.In this episode we loo at our own values and belief and what we believe to be true and how it drives our behaviour. Nicky gives you a challenge at the end of each session to help you become more reflective and consciously aware about how you communicate with other people.
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A note to the host... you NEED to move the mic away from your mouth for your intro & outro or get a decent pop filter! 😁 Also, the volume of the main body is far too quiet that even Castbox's volume boost doesn't make a difference.
This is a powerful, eye-opening and enabling podcast. Thank you
Thank you for all the tips. I will definitely be trying them out
So informative. Thank you
so helpful!
It is irritating to hear so much (and) ''s in her speach. She as A communicatienetwerk coach should be aware off.