The Christian Working Woman

For many years now God has given me the unbelievable opportunity to encourage you to believe that God’s Word is relevant to every need of your life. Quite frankly, no one is more surprised than I am to discover God could or would allow me this privilege of starting this ministry. I really blew it big time. After being raised in a wonderful Christian home and accepting Jesus into my life at an early age, after a Christian education and good churches all my life, after much Bible teaching and knowledge, I chose to put God on the back seat of my life and do my own thing, as we say. And for ten long years I walked away from my commitment to the Lord and lived a life that brought no glory to God and damaged my testimony for Jesus. It should remind you we serve the God of second chances. Sometimes I think maybe one major reason God has chosen to bless me with this ministry is to demonstrate his graciousness and second-chance nature. I am living proof that even though I strayed from the narrow road, he has miraculously salvaged me. I want to encourage you to know you serve the God of second chances. The Bible gives many stories of people who, like me, needed a second chance and God gave it to them. We’ll take a look at these people who blew it badly. I believe it will teach us anew never to underestimate the power of the God we serve, never underestimate what he is able to do with any mess we make, and never to give up on anyone else. No one is beyond the power of God’s grace. What is difficult for our minds to grasp is God chooses to use the lowly and weak things of this world, and when we are weak, then we are strong. Our world system teaches us survival of the fittest—only the strongest and the best make it to the top, only the most qualified can truly succeed. But God’s system is just the opposite. When we give up on ourselves and admit we’ve blown it, we are then in a position to allow God to move in and do something wonderful with our lives.

We will always struggle to keep God as the center of our worship and satisfaction. Just like the verse in Come Thou Fount says, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love,” I definitely feel that pull. Even as a redeemed child of God, I struggle with my sin nature and will continue to fail and need to repent. While you and I will not be perfect in this life, we can make progress. That’s what I’d like to focus on today. How can you and I as Christians seeking to love God with all our hearts, souls, and strength avoid common traps that lead to idolatry? While there are many great ways to do this, I’d like to share three practical tips to fight idolatry that have been extremely helpful in my own walk with the Lord. The first is to develop the habit of spiritual disciplines. Spiritual disciplines are practices we do because they aid us in our relationship with God. The two most powerful spiritual disciplines are prayer and Bible reading. I can’t even begin to describe how important these practices have been in my life. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2). Surely the pattern of this world includes idolatry. Don’t you constantly hear messages that call you to put our hope in something other than God? But when I come to his Word on a regular basis, my mind is renewed. I see that thing, whatever it is, I have been placing my trust in is empty and will fail every time. I read about God’s character—how he is steadfast, and sustains his people, how his love never fails, and he is powerful. As I pray and confess my need for him and praise him for his character, my mind is renewed and I am less likely to fall into the trap of looking to worthless things to satisfy me. What would it look like for you to prioritize prayer and Bible reading as a regular part of life to orient your mind and affections toward the Lord? The next tip for fighting against idolatry is similar and takes the practice of Bible reading a step further. I have found it very helpful to spend time meditating on God’s character. Now the word meditate in our current setting can often mean emptying or clearing your mind and just being present in the here and now. However, Biblical meditation is very different. It is not clearing the mind but actively setting the mind on truth and choosing to focus on that truth and mull it over—to steep in it and consider it from all angles. Remember, even though you and I know idolatry proves fruitless, the pull and want of certain things is extremely powerful, sometimes ridiculously powerful. If you are struggling with a disordered love, something you feel you have to have or hold so dear that it has taken God’s place in your heart, if that’s you, I would commend you to meditate on God’s attributes. As you read your Bible, take time to stop and ask yourself, what is this teaching me about God? What does this show me of his character? And then stop and ponder it. Maybe keep a notebook where you list what you learn about God from scripture. Pray about it. Talk with God about his character. Praise him, thank him, draw near to him. When was the last time you sat and marveled at who God is? It is so difficult to do in a world that is constantly rushing to the next thing! Meditation takes discipline and practice, and I need to cultivate that in my life more as well because it is so worthwhile. A passage that might be helpful to start meditating on is Isaiah 46. That passage provides a wonderful contrast between false gods that vie for our hearts and the one true God. Listen to how verses 1-2 describe idols. Bel bows down, Nebo stoops low; their idols are borne by beasts of burden. The images that are carried about are burdensome, a burden for the weary. They stoop and bow down together; unable to rescue the burden, they themselves go off into captivity (Isaiah 46:1-2). The idols of the world are a burden for the weary. The text paints a picture of someone stooping low because they are so weighed down by their idols. Idols burden the worshippers have no power to unburden but instead lead to captivity. However, the one true God could not be more different. Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob, all the remnant of the people of Israel, you whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried since you were born. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. With whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared (Isaiah 46:3-5)? Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me (Isaiah 46:9). In contrast to idols, the God of the Bible is described as someone who upholds his people, who carries them in love; he bears their burdens. He sustains his people and rescues them. He brings his righteousness and salvation near to us. As I ponder the goodness of a God who not only sees my need but is powerful and willing to help me, I am less likely to run after hollow substitutes. Meditation on God’s character will also fortify your heart. We grow in the habits of prayer, Bible reading, and meditation, but I also think it is important to consider the relationship between idolatry and discontentment. Really, they are very similar. Idolatry is a lack of contentment in the Lord. It is saying, “Lord, I see you, but I want more. I need something else to satisfy me. You are not enough for my soul.” If idolatry springs from discontentment in the Lord, wouldn’t it make sense to be active in cultivating contentment in order to guard our hearts? In Philippians 4:13, we find the beautiful and popular verse I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Sadly, this verse is often misunderstood to mean that whatever I want to do, I am able to do because Christ will help me. But that is not what this verse is saying. We can see the true meaning by looking at the context of the verse. What is Paul talking about? He is talking about contentment. He has just said he learned the secret of being content no matter what the circumstances, and it is that he can do all things through Christ. In this context we could even say the verse is revealing that the Christian can bear all things or endure anything through Christ. That means whether my bank account is full or I’m broke, if I have Christ, I am secure. Whether I have a beautiful family or lose everyone I love, if I have Christ, I am rooted in a love that is sure and unshakable. Whether life is easy and comfortable and I experience the riches of God’s blessing or every day is painful and suffering seems to come in waves, if I am in Christ, the God of all comfort will minister to my soul and use all things for my ultimate good. Are you content in Christ? Can you truly say, Jesus is enough? Can you declare, his grace is sufficient for all your needs? It is normal if there are times when faith comes easier and when it is hard. Jesus was tempted as we are and knows the pull of our hearts away from the Father. But as you seek to grow in contentment, as you meditate on the character of God, as you take time to be in his word and pray, the Lord will meet you and draw your heart to himself. The words from the song Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus have proved so true in my life and I pray they will in yours too. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” May it be so. Amen.

Presented by Jenn Miller What do you do when you find idolatry in your heart? I think one of the dangers of spending time analyzing a certain sin is it can sometimes leave us with a lot of understanding and conviction of the sin without help to know how to change. I hope you will see the great mercy and grace available through Jesus to all who are caught in idolatry. God cares greatly about the hearts of his people because he knows that what is best for us is to worship him—that is what we were created to do. He is worthy of your praise and jealous for your worship. God reveals areas in your heart that have idolized something above him not to condemn you but to give you the opportunity to repent. Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23)! If you see idolatry in your heart, know it doesn’t change God’s great love for you. His compassion toward you is still as real today as ever. His mercy and faithfulness are great. So come to God in prayer and confess whatever it is you have looked to for security, comfort, hope, or satisfaction instead of him. Ask the Lord to give you eyes to see his beauty and worth and to draw your heart to love him above all else. God blesses the poor in spirit—those who recognize their need for him and depend on him to rescue them in sin. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross, forgiveness is available to all who confess their sin and trust in Jesus as their savior. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Won’t you come today and lay down your idols for something so much greater? For Jesus Christ himself. If you recognize idols in your heart, know that through Jesus, you are not condemned but invited to repent.

Presented by Jenn Miller Is it really that big of a deal if I have little idols in my heart? Since we are naturally sinful and are prone wander, why does God care so much about idolatry? These questions are good to think through. Even though idolatry is common in the human heart, the Bible says it is extremely dangerous. In Exodus 20, God commanded his people to have no other god before him. Before giving this command, he described his relationship with the people. He was their God and they were his people. He rescued them and called them into special relationship. Therefore, he cared for them and was rightly jealous when their hearts wandered from him. God cares about you today as well. If you have turned from your sin and trusted in Jesus as your savior, God has chosen you to be his child, and he cares about your relationship with him. He has designed you so you are most satisfied and whole when you worship him alone. Any other worship robs you of true joy and will eventually leave you empty, hollow, and lost. Psalm 115 describes idols as having mouths but unable to speak, having eyes but not seeing, having ears but not hearing. They are incapable of action or service to the worshipper. But then verse 8 says something striking. Those who make them will become like them, and so will all who trust in them (Psalm 115:8). As my heart runs after substitutes for God himself, I actually become less. Idols rob us. This is because idols are the tools of Satan to lure our hearts. Remember Jesus’ words in John 10 where he warns us that the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. This is the work of idols. But Jesus has come so we might have life to the full. If you recognize idols in your heart, know that through Jesus, you are not condemned but invited to repent.

Presented by Jenn Miller We’ve been examining how easily idolatry can slip into our hearts. We looked at how idols keep us from loving the Lord completely—with all our heart, soul, and strength. It can be easier to spot an idol of the heart when it is clearly a sinful behavior or desire. But sometimes we even twist God’s good gifts into idols. Numbers 21 is an example of this. It describes a time when the Israelites were in the wilderness and were being bit by venomous snakes. God graciously gives Moses the provision of a rod with a serpent for the people to look at and be healed. But then years later, in 2 Kings 18:4, we find the Israelites burning incense and worshiping the rod with the serpent around it. Do you see what is happening? The people received God’s good gift, but then they worshipped the gift instead of the giver. Isn’t that so easy to fall into? Augustine taught about “disordered loves”—things that are not bad in and of themselves, but their place in our hearts has become disordered. Anything you desire more than God himself is a disordered love. The good gifts of a spouse, job, beautiful home, health, children, honorable reputation, wealth, or earthly comforts can take too great a priority in our hearts if you and I are not careful. We should receive all of God’s gifts with gratitude and joy, but we must hold them loosely and always prize God himself over and above anything else. I pray God will help us properly love all his good gifts in the right order.

Presented by Jenn Miller Idolatry is when we turn to anything besides God for our fulfilment, security, hope, or comfort. John Calvin once gave a great image of the human heart. He called it an idol making factory. Just picture that. In other words, idolatry comes so naturally to us because of our sin nature. And we are blind to idols of our heart. How can you and I identify areas of idolatry so we can turn away from them? Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). Anything that prevents my heart from loving God completely is an idol. I have found the following questions helpful when seeking to identify idols in my life. First, is there anything you love so much, if you were to lose it, life would just be over for you or you don’t think you could go on? If your answer is yes, that thing has probably become an idol for you. Is there something you want so much you are willing to sin to get it? Or do you respond sinfully when you don’t get something you want? Those are marks of idolatry. These questions can be hard to ask, but they are helpful in revealing things that have crept into my heart to take the Lord’s rightful place. When you love God with all your heart, soul, and strength, you can face any loss because your hope is found only in the Lord. You long to please him above anything else. Sinful behaviors or desires can be idols, but even good things can become idols.

Presented by Jenn Miller We are examining idolatry. Often when I hear that word, I can think of an image or a statue that is worshipped. That definitely falls into the category of idolatry, and most of the examples of idolatry in the Bible are from that category. However, idolatry in our Western contemporary setting can look different. I think it is helpful to look at the 10 commandments to better understand this. In Exodus 20, the Israelites have been delivered from slavery in Egypt and now are entering a covenant as the special and loved people of God. But they didn’t know what this looked like, so God gave his people his law. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me (Exodus 20:2-3). Interestingly, before God gives any commands to his people, he reminds them of his love, provision, and the relationship he has with them. And because of that relationship, the very first command he gives is for them to have no other gods. The second command is to have no graven images, but first and foremost God requires his people keep him as their only God. I think this is helpful for you and me as we think about idolatry. Idolatry is when you turn to anything besides God for your fulfilment, security, hope, or comfort. We look to other things as a “god substitute.” If you are like me, it is so easy to fall into this. I can trust God in most areas but then realize I am actually putting my hope in my financial stability for security, or a person for fulfillment, or a standard of living for comfort. Are there any god substitutes in your life today?

It’s not a stretch to say lots of people have allowed their smartphones to become addictions, and often far too much time is spent looking at, scrolling through, texting, and otherwise being occupied with those smartphones. When was the last time you left home without your phone? Our phones have become an absolute necessity, a near-constant attachment in our lives. Anywhere you go—in line for coffee, sitting in a waiting room, stopped at a red light, walking on the street—near everyone is looking down at their phones. But can you really call that an idol? After all, these smartphones are handy, and they can be great time-savers. But at some point this helpful tool can and often does have us at its mercy. We don’t control it; it controls us. And for Christ-followers we need to understand the enemy of our soul will use anything he can to cause us to pay attention to and spend time with anything other than the Lord. For Christians, idolatry is anything that causes such a strong attachment in our lives—such as a strong habit—that without realizing it, we become addicted. In the case of phones, it’s not that we’re addicted to it but to the attention it demands of us—the attention that we choose to give it. Our smartphones demand so much of our attention, we may allow it to become not just a useful tool, but a demanding and controlling habit of devotion, and that can start to interfere with our devotion to Jesus Christ. I read once that people do not drift toward holiness. Our sinful natures, combined with the sneaky attacks from our enemy, can easily push us away from the Lord, and without intending to, we find ourselves devoted to something or someone more than to our Lord. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? The warning of scripture is that unless we seek the Lord regularly—daily—for help, then we are opening ourselves to idolatries of the heart and mind. When you think about it, what we pay attention to determines what we think about, and that begins to take over the focus of our lives. Something as small as a smartphone can cause us to think more and give more attention to anything other than things of God. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but distractions that take up our time and thoughts. If you pay little attention to the important relationships of your life they will suffer. Being attentive to a person—listening, caring, conversing with them—is how we build strong relationships. As we spend more and more time on our phones, doesn’t this interfere with our relationships and create barriers and hindrances to healthy relationships? And the same is true with our relationship with God. If we don’t spend time with him and give attention to his Word, to prayer, to fellowship, that can lead to a decline in our devotion to God and to obedience to his Word. We love what we give attention to. I doubt there has ever been any one single development that has grabbed humans worldwide like the smartphone has. I mean, how many apps do you have on your phone? And what is their purpose? To seize your time and attention. To cause you to want something you don’t have. To allow wrong worldviews and wrong information to fill up your mind. Who could ever have predicted the impact smartphones are having on people everywhere. I read an article that said, “If an idol is anything that takes our attention and love away from the one true God, then the mass-produced, internet-connected devices in our hands are among the most insidious idols history has known.”[1] As believers, should we just get rid of our smartphones? Is that the answer to its control over us. Well, let’s see what Jesus said, and yes, he had something to say about smartphones. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell (Matthew 5:29 – 30). Did Jesus mean to literally gouge out our eye or cut off our hand? No, but he uses very strong words here to show we should take whatever drastic action might be necessary for us to break the sins that bind us, the things that are taking our attention away from the Lord and causing us to stumble. If our phones have become a stumbling block in our lives spiritually, we need to do whatever is necessary to take down that idol. In Exodus 34:14, we read: Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. Of course, this is not jealousy the way we tend to think of it today. God simply demands exclusive love and devotion from us as his children. When we worship anything else, when anything becomes more important than God, it is an idol in our lives. This is spiritual adultery. God’s jealousy is holy, different from our petty human jealousy, because he desires the best for us and knows that idols will rob us of his peace and joy and our fellowship with him. If our smartphones—or anything or anyone else—begin to take our mind off things of the Lord, take time away from reading the Bible, keep us from praying like we should, God is jealous of those things because he knows we’re going in the wrong direction. I doubt many Christians have ever thought about their phones as potential idols. So, how can we recognize signs that our phones have become an idol? Well, it begins with an honest assessment of how addicted you might be to your phone. Does it continually interfere with family time? Do you spend as much time with your children as you do on your phone? If you can’t find your phone, take a moment to notice how upset you are in the moment. Pay attention to how much stress your phone brings into your life. Count the number of times you pick up it for no good or immediate reason—just because you haven’t looked at it in the last few minutes. My guess is if I asked most believers if their phone has become an idol, they would insist that it has not. They would tell me how much they need it for business, for important communications, for safety even. But an honest assessment—paying attention to how you use the phone, how emotionally connected you are to it, how it demands your time—might reveal much more of an addition than you realized. Taking an honest assessment requires that we really want to know about anything handicapping our spiritual growth; anything that has become obsessive or addictive. It begins with an attitude of submission to God in all things and a desire to please him. If you find yourself rebelling against the idea that you could have a phone idol or any other kind of idol in your life or if you are immediately defensive about it, that might reveal that you just don’t want to deal with it. I can tell you from my own life there have been and still probably are some small areas where I just don’t want to face the music. I don’t want to change, for whatever reason. When your defenses go up, and you refuse to look at the control the smartphone may have in your life, this is tell-tale sign you’ve allowed it to become an idol. Next, pray about it; ask God to show you how he feels about the time you spend and the way you use your smartphones. If there’s a problem, the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict us, and I think we all can recognize that convicting, uneasy spirit in our hearts. God never deals with us in guilt, but he certainly convicts us of things in our lives that don’t please him. If we don’t confess and forsake them, then it turns to guilt, shame, and miserableness! Do yourself a favor: confess your phone idolatry as a sin and tell God you want to change. Then tell somebody what you’ve done; make yourself accountable to someone you can trust. And keep praying about it every day. In 1 John 5:21, we read: Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. You can’t be much clearer than that. It is our responsibility to keep ourselves from idols. When we don’t, we’re living in disobedience. That means you will need to take some intentional steps toward changing your relationship with your smartphone, if indeed it has become an idol by taking your time and attention away from God and other more important matters. Here are some suggestions about changing your habits and fighting phone idolatry. Use your phone only at certain times of the day for designated purposes. There’s no question it can be an effective tool for getting information, communicating clearly, and saving time in many ways. Use it for the good it offers and then work toward having some phone-free time every day—not just a couple of minutes but hours. I promise you, the world will not stop revolving. Your company or organization will survive; those friends or family who are trying to reach you can wait a bit. Screen-free times need to be put in place and make them known to those who need to know. Let me strongly encourage you not to pick your phone up first thing in the morning. Wait until you’ve had time to pray and read God’s Word. Make that the first thing you do, rather than looking at your phone. And this may sound weird, but I suggest you don’t read your Bible from your phone—not for that morning time with Jesus. Hold a Bible in your hands; highlight what speaks to you, make notes in the margins, write in a journal. It’s nice to have the Bible on your phone when a Bible is not near later in the day, but I strongly urge you to put God’s Word in your hands first thing in your day. That will be hard for some people, but I really believe it will make a difference. Your day is won or lost in the morning hours; start your day off right. Let your phone sit unanswered for the first hours of your day. Let me close this discussion by reminding you that spending time with God is sweeter and better than anything you’ll get from your phone. The love of God is better than any other lov

Has your dream or your project run into some rough patches lately? I can promise you pursuing your vision and your passion will always have times of setback and discouragement, and you will want to give up. When we experience this, we must resist this urge: Resist the urge to quit just because it’s getting wicked hard to do something. I don’t care how motivated you are or how passionately you are pursing something, there will come a day when you will want to quit. In the forty plus years I’ve been broadcasting this program, I’ve had those urges to run away. I think that’s what David was feeling when he wrote, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.” It’s that common urge to just walk away. It’s hard; it’s not fun anymore; we’re running into opposition; people are criticizing us; others are not doing what they promised to do. These things start piling up and we get the urge to quit because it’s really hard. I remember a meeting in which we discussed a new project we had started and the criticism that came as a result, and it was especially hard on the one person who had planned and led the project. She had been treated unfairly and harshly by her fellow-believers. It’s hard to believe, but it happens! And after all her hard work, this was really discouraging. But I reminded her that we were breaking new ground and following God’s leading. I encouraged her not to even think of giving up now, and she didn’t! She did the hard stuff. God was in it, and we had to stick it out through the hard times. The Apostle Paul had to resist this urge to quit in hard times probably more than anyone else ever has. And he wrote to the Galatians. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9). Let’s covenant with God that we will resist the urge to quit just because it’s not easy!

Do you live by a to-do list, as I do? Isn’t it true that everyone is busy these days? When was the last time someone said, “I don’t have enough to do!”? It’s far more likely to hear people talk about how much they have to do and how far behind they are. Given our very busy lives, here’s an urge we need to resist: Resist the urge to do shoddy, careless work just to get it done! It feels good to check off those duties on your list and sigh that sigh of relief because you got something done! I love it when I can look back on my day and say, “Way to go, Mary; you got lots of stuff done today.” But sometimes I find I so want to get things off my list I can resort to doing a half-way job just to get it done. A simple motto I often repeat to myself is “Do it right and do it now.” Doing something right the first time eliminates mistakes and having to go back and re-do it later. In the long run it is a time saver to do it right from the get-go. And of course, doing it now eliminates that horrible habit of procrastination. I think this urge to get things done is especially strong when we face something we don’t really want to do—one of those jobs we’d gladly give up if we could. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might (Ecclesiastes 9:10). This should be a hallmark in the life of every Christ-follower—that we do our work with all our might. Do you have that kind of reputation where you work? You may not be the fastest or the smartest person on the job, but you can always be the hardest worker, the one who truly strives to do the job well, even the parts of the job which are not much fun! Shoddy work done without attention to details is one of those urges we all need to resist—no matter how busy we are or how much we may not want to get a job done.

Are you a competitive person? I have to confess I am very competitive; I’m a very poor loser. You probably wouldn’t want to play Monopoly or Scrabble with me. Now, being competitive can have its positive effects. It causes you to really work hard to win. But it also has very negative effects. I’m examining urges we need to resist, and here is another one: Resist the urge to try to be better than everyone else—to always win. We can’t all be good at doing everything, no matter how hard we try. And when we compare ourselves to others out of jealousy or competitiveness, it is a clear indication that something is wrong with our motivation. If I want to do something good or great just to prove I can do it better than anyone else, then it’s obvious I need to confess the sin of envy and pride and ask God to purify my heart. This has always been a difficult lesson for me to learn, and I must admit it is one I must continually re-learn. There are tons of people who can do things much better than I do them. That’s just a fact of life. Now that doesn’t excuse me for being sloppy or not doing the most with what I have. But it also doesn’t mean what I do is worthless simply because it’s not as good as what someone else does. I’ve been privileged and gifted by God to teach and admonish people. That’s my gift, and I love it. But it has taken me far too long to get to the place where I can hear other speakers and teachers whose skills and gifts are superior to mine and simply learn from them and thank God for their gifts. God doesn’t compare you with anyone else. However, he does fully expect you to take what he has given you and improve it. That’s what the parable of the talents is all about. It doesn’t matter what you start with; it matters what you do with what you’ve been given. Paul wrote to young Timothy to “fan into flame the gift of God which is in you.” That’s a prayer I often pray—that I will be a good steward of my gifts and opportunities, but the good news is, I don’t have to be better than anyone else. Take it from me—that is an urge to resist.

Can you think back on some things you’ve done with very good intentions, which turned out to be somewhat disastrous? Here’s one of those common urges: Resist the urge to wait for everything to be perfect before you take action. I have examined resisting the urge to launch into something based solely on your emotions. This is the flip side of that urge—and that is the idea that we can’t possibly make a move or get anything going until all our ducks are in a row and we have every resource we need to make it happen. Whether it’s on your job or in your personal life, seldom will everything fall perfectly in place as you pursue something new or challenging. Sometimes we set up preconditions for moving forward that are either unrealistic or simply an excuse for staying put! I can tell you no matter how much homework you do, no matter how careful your planning process is—and it should be—things will not go exactly according to plan. And most often you have to get going before you have everything you think you need. I remember a few years ago when I was in the midst of guiding a project that needed careful planning. We did tons of planning, including a detailed strategic plan, lots of counsel with wise people, educating ourselves in many ways. But I can tell you God made it clear that we make our plans, but it is him that guides our path. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails (Proverbs 19:21). God has ways of showing us his way is perfect, not ours. And we can move forward in whatever we believe he would have us do with confidence that our best plans will no doubt undergo lots of changes along the way. This is how our faith is increased; how we learn to truly trust God, and of course, when we trust him, he is pleased with us. Resist the urge to sit on the sidelines and wait for every “T” to be crossed and every “I” dotted.

Let’s examine the five urges we need to resist. An urge, as you know, is a strong desire or impulse. And all-too-often we are victims of our strong desires or impulses—our urges—which take us down the wrong path and cause trouble. We all have them, so I simply want to point out some urges we need to be aware of and by God’s grace, resist. Resist the urge to let your emotions and enthusiasm launch you into unwise action. I admit too often this has been my modus operandi. I get a bright idea, an emotional urge, and I think it must be the right thing to do because I feel so strongly about it. And then, without proper thought or consideration or prayer, I plunge headlong into a project that is either unwise or poorly planned. Certainly, we want to be people of action; we don’t want to be handicapped by fear of making the wrong move. Walking by faith will take us outside our comfort zones and lead us to attempt things that can only be done with God’s help. Following Jesus is never risk-free. But at the same time, the Bible tells us God does things decently and in order, and we need to be cautious not to move too quickly based mainly on how we feel. Someone has said feelings have zero IQ, meaning they may be strong but they’re not necessarily smart. Here is one thing I’ve learned that has helped to curb my tendency to launch into something prematurely, and it’s pretty simple: Just sleep on it. It may look like the greatest idea you’ve ever had today, but a good night’s sleep could totally change your perspective. That may mean literally wait until tomorrow, or it may mean keep sleeping on it until you have clearer thoughts and plans. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed (Proverbs 15:22). If your plan is of God, it will stand the test of time. Seek counsel from the right people, and of course, mainly seek God’s counsel. You can save yourself a lot of trouble and avoid wasted time if you resist the urge to launch into something based solely on your emotions.

Fran works as a project manager for a marketing company, and she is responsible for securing new clients and then managing their projects to completion. We find Fran finishing a conversation with one of her clients. “Yes, Marge, I will do my very best to have that ready by tomorrow. Uh-huh, yes, I understand. Okay, Marge, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Fran hangs up the phone and begins talking to herself, forgetting for a moment that Jesus, of course, hears everything she says or thinks. “I don’t believe that woman. She is going to drive me nuts! Nothing we do is good enough for her. She makes last minute changes and then expects me to work miracles. And she is so rude. I really can’t stand her!” Quietly she can sense the Spirit of God whispering to her: “Did you ever think that I love her as much as I love you?” The thought startles her. “Well, yeah sure I knew that,” she thinks out loud. “You love everybody, Lord. But she’s a really nasty, demanding person. I’m sorry; I just don’t like her.” As these thoughts continue, her mind goes back to a recent sermon she heard. Her pastor said there were people Jesus didn’t like, but he loved everybody. He said you don’t have to like everybody, but our commandment is to show God’s love to everybody. “I thought you have to like someone, then you can love them,” Fran says to herself, “but I guess that’s not the way it is with God. The problem is, I just don’t know how to do it. There’s just no way I can love Marge. She’s obnoxious!” “Do you want to love her?” again that quiet voice of Jesus catches her up short. “Do I really want to love her? Tell you the truth—not really,” Fran admits. “I guess that’s my problem, isn’t it, Lord? But how can I even want to love someone like her?” Fran exclaims. As she sits and thinks about that, Jesus says to her, “You can want to love her simply because you want to please me. I can help you love her. Why don’t you begin by praying for Marge every day?” “Pray for Marge every day?” Fran repeats. “Really—will that make a difference?” Jesus says, “It will make a difference in you, and that’s what is important.” Fran determines to pray for Marge as Jesus has challenged her. Now she begins to do the work she promised Marge tomorrow, working diligently to get it perfect, because Marge is very demanding. The next morning Fran is driving to work and praying for a lot of people, as she often does, and Marge comes to mind. “I’d like to pray that lightning will strike her,” Fran says with a grin, knowing she halfway means it. But she attempts to pray for her, “Dear Lord, please help Marge to see how obnoxious she is and change the way she treats me.” Her prayer bounces off the car ceiling; she knows it’s the wrong prayer. “Pray that Marge will change?” Jesus says to her. “That’s not exactly how you should pray for her, Fran.” “But Lord, she should change. Her behavior is awful,” Fran defends herself. Her spirit is uneasy. Somehow, she has to get beyond this selfish kind of praying, even though Marge is difficult. She can’t change Marge; she can only change herself. “Well, what should I pray?” Fran finally asks. And then she thinks of something she heard on the radio—praying she could see Marge the way God sees her. Praying for a new frame for Marge, a new way to see her, by putting her in a different frame. “Put her in a different frame,” Fran thinks. “I guess I can do that, but she really is obnoxious.” As she drives along, she thinks about that further. “I guess I’ve had her in the obnoxious frame too long. Maybe I should pray for a new frame for Marge—a new way to look at her.” Even though she feels a little foolish and not totally sincere, in obedience Fran starts her prayer again: “Dear Lord, please help me to see Marge the way you do. And please give me a new frame to put her in. There’s got to be something good about her, Lord. Please show me what that is.” As she arrives at work, she is under a great deal of pressure to get this job completed for Marge, as she promised yesterday. There’s no time for lunch, so she stops at the vending machine for some crackers to munch on at her desk. When she returns there is a voice mail message from Marge, demanding an immediate call back. “Even her telephone messages are intimidating,” Fran says, and she dreads having to call her back. But she starts to make the call. “Pray first,” Jesus quietly says to Fran. She puts down the phone and prays briefly, “Please give me a kind heart toward Marge. Please, Lord, help me to see her as you do, and please give me a new frame to put her in!” With that short prayer, she returns the call. An abrupt telephone greeting tells Fran she’s reached her. “Hi, Marge, sorry I missed your call but everything’s coming along pretty good. We ought to be able to have this ready for you by 4:00 or so this afternoon if nothing unforeseen happens,” Fran explains, trying to sound cheerful and confident. “You mean, you can’t have it before 4:00? What’s taking so long for such a simple report? You people drag your feet over there so you can bill more hours! I could have done it myself by now,” Marge yells back at Fran, and Fran’s heart starts beating a mile a minute. “Remember, you asked for a new frame for Marge,” Jesus reminds her. “She’s still obnoxious,” Fran thinks to herself. “I can’t see any other frame for her.” Jesus says to her, “Fran, anyone this angry has to be frightened.” “Frightened? Marge? What would frighten her?” Fran thinks. “Maybe I should find out.” Fran hears herself saying, “Marge, sounds like things are pretty hot over there; you must be under some tremendous pressure.” “Fran, you don’t know the half of it! They’re trying to take my job away from me and give it to some young chic—save them a ton of money, I guess. They’re just looking for one excuse, and I’m out of here. Yeah, it’s hot over here.” Marge pauses realizing she’s said much more than she intended to. “But that’s neither here nor there. I expect to hear from you no later than 4:00.” And with that the conversation ends. Fran now has a new frame for Marge: Frightened. She works frantically to complete the job on time, and a little after 3:30 she has it done. “Whew, we made it, Lord,” Fran says to Jesus, as she calls Marge. The same abrupt greeting comes as Marge answers the phone, and Fran tells her she has the report ready to email to her. “How many pages is it?” Marge asks. “It’s about 12 pages,” Fran replies. “Took you all this time to do 12 pages?” Marge replies with sarcasm. Everything in Fran wants to strike back at Marge. She killed herself to get this report ready, and Marge can’t even say thank you. She opens her mouth to voice some of her frustration, but she hears Jesus say, “Remember Marge’s new frame: Frightened.” And suddenly Fran can see Marge in this new frame, with fear all over her face. Instead of venting her anger, Fran says, “I agree, Marge, as hard as I’ve worked seems to me like it ought to be about 100 pages. But I wanted to make sure there were no errors and that everything was laid out very clearly. If you have to present this to your management, you don’t need a silly error making you look bad, I figured.” The phone is quiet for a few seconds, and finally Marge says, in a quieter manner, “Well, that’s true. At least you kept your promise and got it to me by 4:00. Send it to me right away, and uh, thanks, Fran,” and with that she abruptly hangs up. “Thanks, Fran! Did you hear that, Lord? She has never before thanked me for anything,” Fran says in amazement as she hangs up the phone. “I guess new frames can help—even with difficult people!” Fran thinks about that conversation. “I didn’t say anything to her about being frightened, but I guess the fact that I saw her as frightened rather than obnoxious changed the way I responded to her, and that changed the way she responded to me. Interesting; very interesting,” she thinks with a grin. The next day starts nicely for Fran, thinking she put the latest fire out with Marge, and now it’s back to her normal routine. But about 11:00 Marge calls again and with the same obnoxious tone of voice she says, “Did you really think that report was a finished product, Fran? When I presented it this morning, they asked me a ton of questions I couldn’t answer. It was a half-way job,” and with some further unkind and unrepeatable words, Marge tore Fran’s work apart. Fran’s heart sank like a rock; she knew she had given Marge exactly what she asked for, but now Marge was blaming her for her own omissions and mistakes. Yet how could she defend herself to Marge. She starts to say something, but Jesus reminds her, “Keep your words as few as possible right now.” Often Jesus has taught her when she’s upset, the best thing to do is keep her mouth shut! She mostly listens to Marge who gives her an addendum to the assignment and demands it be ready this afternoon. After she hangs up, Fran says to Jesus, “Lord, I thought we had this problem solved yesterday. I thought Marge was changing the way she treats me. She’s back to obnoxious again.” Jesus reminds her again: “Put her back in the frightened frame, Fran. She is more frightened now than ever. And like a cat caught in the corner, she’s striking out at anyone she can. Obviously, she knows you can’t strike back because she’s a customer.” After some quiet thought, Fran realizes this problem is not going to be solved easily. Marge may never change her ways. But Fran can be victorious in this situation as long as she keeps re-framing Marge and seeing her the way God does. That won’t be easy, but it will be a lot easier than getting upset and angry every time she has to deal with Marge. “Thank goodness I’ve got you, Lord,” Fran says. “I’d never be able to handle Marge without you.” Who is it in your life right now you simply do not like? They may be very unlikable people, but you can learn to see them through God’s eyes and ask God to help you re-frame them and see something positive about them or see behind the

Presented by Julie Busteed I’ve been reflecting on some of Jesus’ sayings—his proverbs—and I’ve noticed how often they return to the posture of the heart. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God (Matthew 5:8). That raises an important question: what does it mean to have a pure heart? We often assume a pure heart means doing everything right—appearing polished and put together on the outside. But that kind of purity is rooted in our own striving, and it doesn’t work. It doesn’t last. It isn’t sustainable. Scripture tells us the truth about our condition: The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick (Jeremiah 17:9). Have you ever surprised yourself with your own reaction—something you said, thought, or felt—and wondered, where did that come from? It wasn’t how you wanted to respond, yet it was real. The human heart is complex, deceptive, and difficult to understand. But when our hearts are turned toward purity, this posture gives the Holy Spirit room to work in us and through us. What difference does a pure heart make in the workplace? It shows up in genuine joy when a coworker receives a promotion or praise. It looks like helping others even when it doesn’t advance your own position. It means refusing to gossip, choosing authenticity, and living with integrity when no one is watching. The right heart begins with humility. Scripture often speaks of a broken or crushed heart as a picture of humility. This kind of brokenness is essential, because a hard or stony heart will not submit to God’s will. We pray with the psalmist, create in me a clean heart, O God (Psalm 51:10). Jesus promises it is the pure in heart who will see God. And when we invite Christ to dwell in our hearts, everything changes. This is why Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians is such a powerful one to pray: I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power…to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16–19). Oh, that you and I would know this love—love that surpasses everything else—and be filled with it. Press on. Don’t be discouraged. The work God is doing in the heart is often slow and unseen, but it is never wasted.

Presented by Julie Busteed Does this sound familiar? “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” While cleanliness is certainly a good thing, this well-known saying isn’t actually in the Bible. But Jesus does speak very clearly about what true cleanliness really is. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them (Matthew 15:11). To defile means to make unclean or impure. In the Old Testament, there were many dietary laws about what was permissible to eat. By the time of the New Testament, the Pharisees had added even more regulations, creating an elaborate and often burdensome system of external rules. In this passage, the Pharisees question Jesus because his disciples are not ceremonially washing their hands before eating. But as he so often does, Jesus goes straight to the heart of the issue. It’s not about external rituals. It’s about the condition of the heart. What you eat does not make you spiritually unclean. What flows out of your mouth—your words—reveal what is already inside. Words flow from the heart. Jesus explains it this way: Out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them (Matthew 15:19–20). That’s sobering. There are many proverbs in Scripture warning us about the power of the tongue. James tells us we must learn to tame it, comparing it to the small rudder of a ship—tiny, yet able to steer the entire vessel. In the same way, our words set the direction of our lives. But the tongue is only the messenger. The source is the heart. Ask yourself: What are you feeding your heart? What are you allowing into your mind and soul? Because whatever fills the heart will eventually overflow into your words and actions. True cleanliness begins on the inside. And that’s where Jesus longs to do his transforming work.

Presented by Julie Busteed We’ve been looking at some of the proverbs Jesus said. Here’s another proverb from his Sermon on the Mount. Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:1–2). Those words make me pause every time. I find it easy to assume I’m not a judgmental person. But when I slow down and examine my thoughts—the quiet commentary running through my mind, the subtle remarks I may make—I realize I’m not as innocent as I’d like to think. And that’s when confession and repentance become necessary. Jesus isn’t telling us to abandon discernment. We are called to think wisely and evaluate situations carefully. There’s a difference between discernment and judgment. Discernment seeks truth. Judgment often seeks to elevate self. You and I are not to judge others to build ourselves up. Every one of us has areas to grow. Every one of us has blind spots. Jesus continues with a vivid picture: Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:3–5). It’s such a striking image—a tiny speck versus a massive plank. And yet, how often do I focus on the speck? For me, it’s usually the small, internal judgments—the quiet criticisms that serve no real purpose. They don’t help the other person. They don’t help me. In fact, they only create unnecessary stress and tension in my own heart. Why am I so concerned about someone else’s issue, especially when I may struggle with something similar? Perhaps that’s exactly why I notice it so quickly. Sometimes what irritates us most in others reveals something God wants to address in us. Jesus’ words invite humility. Before I point out someone else’s flaw, I need to allow the Lord to search my own heart. Remove the plank. Do the work of repentance. Ask him to soften my spirit. Pray as King David prayed: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139: 23-24).

Presented by Julie Busteed Do you tend to worry about things in the future that have not even happened yet? I know it’s easy for me to fall into that mindset. But Jesus clearly tells us not to go there! Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34). This is the final verse in a section where Jesus tells us not to be anxious about our lives—not about what we will eat or what we will wear. And what does worrying accomplish? It doesn’t add anything to our lives. In fact, anxiety is harmful. Left unchecked, it creates stress that affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. Now, I’m not talking about the nervousness you might feel before a job interview or a presentation—though we certainly can pray for peace in those moments. I’m talking about chronic anxiety, the kind that takes a toll on your body and mind. Jesus points us to the lilies of the field: And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? (Matthew 6:28-30 NLT) Why do you and I have so little faith! We serve a great and awesome God, and we can bring any and everything to him in prayer. The Apostle Peter encourages us to cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (I Peter 5:7). Worrying is not only useless but is also evidence of a lack of faith in God. When you feel that anxious thought creep into your thinking, replace it right away with truth from Scripture or with a worship song. Replace it with God’s truth. Know that he cares for you and knows your needs; you are worth more to him than anything else.

Presented by Julie Busteed Proverbs aren’t found only in the Old Testament—and obviously not just in the book of Proverbs. They’re also found in the New Testament. Jesus frequently used parables and proverbs as teaching tools. I want to look at some of the proverbs Jesus taught. A proverb is a short, concise saying that expresses a general truth or piece of wise advice. Many of Jesus’ proverbs appear in his most well-known message, the Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew chapters 5–7. Jesus says: For where your treasure is there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21). I think you and I generally understand what Jesus is referring to here. What you and I value most is where our thoughts and actions are most prominent and how we spend our time and energy. But let’s take a closer look at what he means by “your heart.” Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). Heart refers to the center of one’s life. It’s from this place a person does all thinking, feeling, and choosing. It’s that essential to our life. So, yes, above all else we are to guard it. Guard what we hear, watch, say, and do. What is influencing you most right now? If it’s not God’s Word, then something else has taken center stage in your life. When Jesus says, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also, he’s asking us to consider: What do you truly value? What occupies your time and your thoughts? Who or what are you serving? Your treasure might not be money or material things. It could be a relationship, a career, status, security, health, comfort, politics, food, or even our physical fitness. None of these things are wrong in themselves. The problem comes when these things are overvalued—when they are treasured above a relationship with God. That’s where you and I can get into trouble. If your heart treasures God’s Word and your relationship with him—if you make time with him a priority—your heart will follow. Sometimes you may not feel like putting in the effort. And sometimes it may not seem immediately fruitful. But don’t rely solely on your feelings. When you discipline yourself to spend consistent, quality time with Jesus Christ, your heart will begin to treasure that time. Your affection will grow. And your joy will increase—because his joy will be in you.

You may be familiar with this verse from James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” God wants us to be wise, and the good news is, he will grant wisdom to us as we recognize our need for it and go to the source of all wisdom, our God. We also know from Scripture the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. We want the wisdom that God imparts, not the world’s fake substitute. So, this is the pre-requisite: Do you fear the Lord? Do you know and respect the one true God through a personal relationship with his Son, Jesus?  That’s where God’s eternal wisdom begins. Assuming you do, here are the questions you need to ask yourself often. I believe these questions will help you avoid lots of trouble, keep you from shooting yourself in the foot, as we say, and greatly increase your effectiveness, regardless of where you are or what you’re doing. Question #1: Do you think before you speak? How many times have you said something—jumped quickly to give your opinion or your advice or add your two cents—and as soon as you said it, you wished the ground would just swallow you whole? Proverbs 29:20 puts it so well: “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.” I’ve often said, “I may not be good but I’m fast,” as though it is a good thing to be fast. Well, maybe it is sometimes, but to speak in haste is almost always a bad idea. Note there can be a difference between doing something with haste and doing something in haste. There are times when we do need to act with haste, quickly, for good reasons. David prays in Psalm 70:1, “Hasten, O God, to save me; come quickly, Lord, to help me.” We often pray for God to act quickly, right? And then later in Psalm 119:60, the Psalmist says, “I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.” That’s the kind of haste we all need. There’s no question we should hasten to obey the Lord with no delay. But speaking in haste is speaking without giving it proper thought; speaking without thinking of how it could be perceived by someone else. It is speaking foolishly. The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18). When you choose your words carefully, thoughtfully, not in haste, you can do so much good. Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” So, if you want to be wise, ask yourself, “Do I speak words of life or death? Do I think before I speak?” Question #2: Did you sleep on it? The simple old adage, Sleep on it, can save you lots of trouble. A wise person takes time for decisions, big and small ones, because the choices and decisions we make on a daily basis set the direction of our lives. Think about decisions that you regret. I can easily bring some recent ones to my own mind, and when I look back on decisions that didn’t turn out so good, it was always because I simply didn’t “sleep on it,” didn’t pray enough about it, didn’t always seek good counsel. Again, from Proverbs 15:22, we read: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Wise people seek counsel from those they trust. Wise people are able to live with delayed gratification, resisting the impulse to go for the immediate reward, the instant answer. How often do you tell yourself just to sleep on it, talk to somebody you trust, pray lots? I love this verse from Jeremiah 6:16a: “This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” When you’re at a decision point, especially a fairly significant one, stand at that crossroad, ask for God’s path, the good way. That’s how you make wise decisions that bring soul rest for you. Question #3: Have you heard both sides? No doubt you’ve watched some courtroom drama, whether real or in a movie, where the defendant seems totally guilty until the defense gets the chance to present the other side. And what seemed so right before now seems totally wrong. Proverbs 18:17 talks about that: “In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines.” When someone is telling you their side of some story, before you take sides, before you get into gear to take some action, before you affirm that person, find out the other side. Do your own cross-examination and make sure you have the whole truth and nothing but the truth! There’s a story in 2 Samuel chapter nine about King David who was on the run because of his son Absalom’s rebellion. A man named Ziba approached him; he was the servant of Mephibosheth, who was a crippled man who truly loved King David. But Ziba told David that Mephibosheth stayed behind in Jerusalem to reclaim his grandfather Saul’s kingdom—in other words, to take David’s place—which was a lie. But David believed him and gave Ziba all of Mephibosheth’s possessions. When David and his men finally returned to Jerusalem, Mephibosheth came to meet the king. Then David learned that Mephibosheth stayed in Jerusalem because Ziba, his servant, refused to saddle his donkey which prevented him from going with the king, because he was crippled and couldn’t saddle it himself. So, when David discovered the other side of the story, he tried to correct his mistake, but there wasn’t much he could do. Just think of the harm that is so often done because someone acted before they knew the whole story.  A wise person asks, “Have I heard both sides?” Question #4: Are you reacting or responding? A reaction is usually very emotional and often is full of feelings of revenge or defensiveness. Someone hurts your feelings and you react by trying to hurt them in some way. Someone treats you unfairly and in anger you ventilate your feelings about that person or even to that person. Those are reactions. A response is a delayed reaction, where you wait until your emotions are under control. Let me give you an example of reacting versus responding. Suppose you have a co-worker and every time she opens her mouth, it seems that bad news comes out. This person never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything, and all day long you are forced to listen to her negative chatter. What does that person do to you? If you’re in react mode, this person makes you angry, irritated, and frustrated. Having to listen to all that negative talk starts to make you think and talk negatively. That’s a reaction. It’s your automatic involuntary behavior, which is caused by that external stimuli—a negative co-worker. However, you can decide to respond instead of react. A response might be a smile when she says something negative to you. Or you may say something positive in response to her negative words. That positive response will help to keep you from being irritated and frustrated, and it will offset her negative input by your positive one, which will keep you from getting negative like your co-worker. Another response to this negative co-worker might be that you simply remove yourself from her company when you can, to avoid being exposed to her negativity. Or perhaps just develop a technique of quietly changing the subject! Now, you can see a response takes some self-control and discipline on your part. First, you have to be aware of the fact you have a tendency to react poorly in this circumstance, and then you must have an alternate strategy to tell you how to respond, so that you aren’t reacting. Question #5: Are you judging a book by its cover? We all have a tendency to do this. Someone dresses very differently from the way you dress, someone has tattoos all over their body, someone has a different political view from yours—there are just so many ways that we form hard and fast opinions and ideas about people or about a situation just by the way they look—by what you see on the outside. How many people in your life are dear friends, and yet they look very different from you? They have different backgrounds, different life experiences, come from different cultures, and yet they are dear people you know and love. If you judged them by their “cover,” you might never have become good friends. I think of a person in my church, Miss Shirley, who is now with Jesus, who made it her job to stand at the front door every Sunday and welcome everyone. It was her purpose to find a stranger and make that stranger feel welcome. When I first met Miss Shirley, I wanted to take her to a hair stylist and buy her some new clothes. She did not look like she should be welcoming people at the front door! I judged her by her cover, but I came to know her as one of the most effective people in our church. She was loved by so many, and she welcomed so many people into our church who might otherwise never have connected with us. I wish we had a hundred Miss Shirleys. God used her simple appearance to break down barriers, and she was a powerhouse for the Lord. So here are the five questions a wise person will ask herself often: Do I think before I speak? Did I sleep on it? Have I heard both sides? Am I reacting or responding? Am I judging a book by its cover? Proverbs 3:13 says: “Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.” No matter who you are, how young or how old, you can find wisdom and you will be blessed. I believe these five questions will help you.