Claim OwnershipThe United States of Air: a Satire
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© (c) 2012 J.M. Porup
Description
The National Sewer Agency is spying on people's toilets, looking for food terrorists...
Food Enforcement Agent Jason Frolick believes in America. He believes in eating air. He struggles to get the food monkey off his back. As part of the Global War on Fat, his job is to put food terrorists in Fat Camp.
When a pizza dealer gets whacked in the park across the street from the Thin House, the Prophet Jones himself asks Frolick to investigate. For the first time ever, Frolick solves a murder--but what he finds out shakes his faith.
Will he ever be able to eat air again?
Be sure not to miss Chapters 13 1/2, 17 5/8, and 27 98/100!
Food Enforcement Agent Jason Frolick believes in America. He believes in eating air. He struggles to get the food monkey off his back. As part of the Global War on Fat, his job is to put food terrorists in Fat Camp.
When a pizza dealer gets whacked in the park across the street from the Thin House, the Prophet Jones himself asks Frolick to investigate. For the first time ever, Frolick solves a murder--but what he finds out shakes his faith.
Will he ever be able to eat air again?
Be sure not to miss Chapters 13 1/2, 17 5/8, and 27 98/100!
32 Episodes
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A note from the author.
Chapter 28 -- It is hard, eating air. Sometimes you feel so empty inside. My heart goes out to you. All of you. But do not fear. We, the United States of Air, are here to help you. To free you from this oppression. That is why, if you fail to comply with our demands, we will be forced to nuke your country until nothing is left but a twisted, molten cinder. What's that noise? Not again!
Chapter 27 98/100 -- LaOmelette Park. Foood! Foood! You're going to pay, alright. Kill me! Now's your chance! Real live scientists? It's their fault! The ferrners fault! I can get you off the hook. The holy of holies! Do you like ranch dressing? How dare you engage in favoritism. Wake up the Joint Chiefs of Stick. The Cupboard, too. A crisis. The plan. What's the point of having this superb nuclear arsenal you're always talking about if we can't use it? A secret weapon. You're our only hope, son.
Chapter 27 -- My trial lasted fifteen minutes. A bus ride. Welcome to the final stage of human evolution. Firewood? She spat and turned her back on me. The other prisoners avoided me. U-S-A! U-S-A! We're your slimming consultants! Aerobics time. I'm here to defend your freedom. Rat Boy! What do you think is wrong? There is no escape. Dime bag of flour. What's the matter, Thinny? Help! Somebody, please! Food terrist in our midst. In denial. A new school of thought. Now we've got to run. Go. The Prophet needs you.
Chapter 26 -- A visit to Harry Green in hospital. Gone to Canafooda. They don't stand a chance against my calorie-fueled karate moves. A platoon of heavily-armed Thin Berets. Who are you people? The Fat Berets. We're a new top secret unit. Now come along quietly or we'll be forced to sit on you.
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