What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Want to see a mother get mad? Tell her she's "nagging" you after she's been obligated to repeat an entirely reasonable request several times over. And just why is "nagging" a word that's almost exclusively applied to women? We need the other members of our households to show up and do their share. As the default parents, we own the lists. So do we stop caring whether others like how we ask and remind? Do we enforce a back-to-one where we're not forced to ask repeatedly in the first place? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: The sexism and etymology of the word "nag" What Amy says are the three types of "nagging," and why we should separate them out What to say when our repeated asking is framed as annoying to other people (guess to whom it's also annoying, too?) Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jessica Zhang on LinkedIn: "What's In a Nag?" Episode from If Books Could Kill podcast: "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" McClelland, T., & Sliwa, P: "Gendered affordance perception and unequal domestic labour." Our episode with Lynyetta Willis on "Stable Misery" Our episode with Eve Rodsky on "Changing the Invisible Workload" Anne Helen Petersen's newsletter Culture Study We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it even possible to declutter your home for more than one minute at a time when you've got kids? Diane Boden, host of the Minimalist Moms podcast, offers parenting tips for cutting down on possessions in a manageable way. Diane Boden is the host of the Minimalist Moms Podcast and author of Minimalist Moms: Living and Parenting with Simplicity. She lives in Ohio with her husband and three kids. Diane, Margaret, and Amy discuss: What minimalism can mean for different people Simple steps for starting the decluttering process—and some more radical strategies too How to reconcile different set points for clutter between parenting partners How to deal with family members who love giving gifts Here's where you can find Diane: minimalistmomspodcast.com @minimalistmomspodcast on all socials Buy MINIMALIST MOMS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781642505092 Listen to the Minimalist Moms podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, minimalism, decluttering Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do we help our kids succeed in school without becoming the dreaded "snowplow" parents? Here are some parenting tips for advocating for your child at school when necessary, while also empowering our kids to navigate their own learning. Amy and Margaret discuss: How school environments have changed in the last few decades Best practices for helping kids of different ages manage homework How to start a productive conversation with your child's educators about concerns you may have Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:  Jenny Anderson for TIME Magazine: "Many American Parents Have No Idea How Their Kids Are Doing in School" Carrie Bauer, et. al, for Slate: Help Me Help My Kid Libby Stanford for Education Week: "Does Parent Involvement Really Help Students? Here’s What the Research Says" U.S. Department of Education: "Raise the Bar: Resources for Parents and Families" Cara Goodwin for KQED's Mind/Shift: "How important is homework, and how much should parents help?" See our interview with Jennifer Breheny Wallace - author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, academic achievement, school achievement, homework Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it. In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships Why couples always have the same fight Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Maslow's hierarchy of needs Matthew's recent article in The Atlantic Our episode with Eve Rodsky on changing the invisible workload Here's where you can find Matthew: matthewfray.com Buy Matthew's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063072251 FB: @matthewfrayMBTTTR IG: @frayrelationships Twitter: @MBTTTR We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, marriage, partnerships, divorce Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If setbacks are so common, especially in the trenches of motherhood, how can we learn useful lessons from them? Amy Shoenthal, author of the new book THE SETBACK CYCLE, offers a framework for navigating setbacks and becoming stronger because of them. Amy Shoenthal is a journalist, marketing consultant and a contributor to Forbes Women and Harvard Business Review. Shoenthal and Margaret discuss: Why our brains learn more from setbacks than successes and why people who have setbacks are better at problem solving Shoenthal's four-phase framework for navigating setbacks The "motherhood penalty" that women in the workforce experience Here's where you can find Amy Shoenthal: www.thesetbackcycle.com @amysho on Instagram and Twitter https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyshoenthal/ Buy THE SETBACK CYCLE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798888451687 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, setback, resilience Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We asked our listeners to tell us their lowest-stakes conspiracy theories, and as usual, you all really came through! Whether it's gum with flavor that goes extinct in thirty seconds or less, or printers that indicate the need for new ink well ahead of schedule, here are all the extremely minor daily occurrences that just may have sinister planning behind them. We're just asking questions here. Amy mentions this I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE sketch in this episode: "That's a Chunky" sketch Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK?? There is evidence that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we find labor divisions that work for everyone? In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: What the science says about relationships post-children Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities Here are links to some of the resources we mention: The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode What Happens to a Marriage After Having Children? Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This. 9 Signs That a Relationship Just Can't Be Saved And a bonus from the Husband Crimes archives: Kurt Vonnegut's attempt at gender equity We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can we maintain a strong attachment to our kids as they begin to look to their peers for approval instead of their parents? Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld explain the crucial importance of remaining attached to our children as they grow in their new and revised edition of their book HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS. Dr. Gordon Neufeld is an internationally renowned psychologist and foremost authority on child development, and founder of the Neufeld Institute. Dr. Gabor Maté is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Amy, Dr. Maté, and Dr. Neufeld discuss: Why "peer orientation" doesn't actually have to be the way things go How cultural shifts in society have accelerated the rise of peer orientation How we can reattach to our children and remain their most important role model Here's where else you can find Dr. Maté and Dr. Neufeld: gabormatemd (IG); @DrGaborMate (X); Gabor Maté (FB) @NeufeldInst (X); Neufeld Institute (FB) Buy HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780375760280 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task? It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about pushing back on "weaponized incompetence" the difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode: Our interview with Eve Rodsky Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor" FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250777355 THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE by Lyz Lenz: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we? Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient The infamous "marshmallow experiment" How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves) Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Steve Calechman for Greater Good Magazine: "How to Help Your Kids Be a Little More Patient" Angel E Navidad for SimplyPsychology: "Marshmallow Test Experiment and Delayed Gratification" Scholastic Parents: "Teaching Patience" Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, patience for kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can we get our disabled children the support to which they are entitled? How do we find the confidence that we're adequate enough to provide what they need? Kelley Coleman, parent of a disabled child and author of the new book EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD, provides practical advice and templates for navigating systems and accessing services. Kelley and Amy discuss: Kelley's personal story of parenting her disabled son and the challenges she's faced the frustrating experience of "reinventing the wheel" for each parent of a disabled child why the language of disability matters—and why it was the first thing Kelley had to learn why the best place to get real, practical information is often from other parents—until we become the informed parents Here's where you can find Kelley: https://www.kelleycoleman.com @hellokelleycoleman on IG Buy EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306831706 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, teenager, tween, child development, parent child relationship, default parent, child with disability, disabled child, parenting disabled child, parenting disability, special needs, disability protections, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth" Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kids' moods, mood dysregulation, dysregulated, dysregulated kids, dysregulated teen, moody kids, moody teens, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're sharing an episode of another podcast we’re loving: Pop Culture Moms. Andie and Sabrina are toddler moms and best friends of 20 years. They’re taking their obsession with TV and movies to the next level by talking to celebrities, writers and fellow “scholars” of pop culture about what they can learn from the fictional moms they love most. In this episode: Some of the best moms on TV right now are cartoons. We hear from Deena Margolin and Kristin Gallant, the moms behind parenting resource Big Little Feelings and co-hosts of the podcast, After Bedtime, about what the mothers in Bluey and Daniel Tiger are doing right. Listen to “Pop Culture Moms” here! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, creativity, creative rut, creative inspiration, artist, artistic inspiration Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Getting your kid to talk to you is never easy (unless you’re standing with car keys in hand, front door ajar, 15 minutes late for an appointment). Here are some parenting strategies that work to get kids talking at every age. Based upon empirical evidence, “How was school today?” is the most annoying question a mom could ever ask. So why bother trying?  Because Jennifer Kolari, author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says getting our kids to open up is part of our job description: It’s our job as parents to help our kids sort through and process the things that happen to them during the day. “They don’t have the higher-order thinking to do it on their own yet. In this episode we lay out what gets our kids to talk– at every age and stage. Margaret says you have to “talk the talk that arrives.” But Amy comes at it armed with research; if her ninth-grader wants to talk NBA draft, she’s ready to lean in. Both of us plan to work on what Marie Roker Jones calls “listening with the intent to understand.” Here’s links to some research and hilarious takes on this topic that we mention in this episode: Alice Bradley for Lifehacker Offspring: Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day Marie Roker-Jones for Good Men Project: 10 Ways to Get Your Son to Open Up and Talk to You Clare Gagne for Today’s Parent: Age-By-Age Guide To Getting Your Kid To Talk Liz Evans for Huffington Post: 25 Ways to Ask Your Kids ‘So How Was School Today?’ Without Asking Them ‘So How Was School Today?’ The Ungame  …and some perfect viewing for you and your teenager: Maddie Corman’s wonderful short film How Was Your Day? How do you get your kids to open up? Let us know! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, talking to your kids, talking to my kid, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can we make the parent-child relationship peaceful and enjoyable? Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike, authors of THE MONTESSORI CHILD, explain Montessori parenting strategies and why they're useful for raising independent children. Simone Davies hosts the blog The Montessori Notebook, and Junnifa Uzodike sits on the executive board of the International Montessori Association and runs a school in Abuja, Nigeria. Simone, Junnifa, and Margaret discuss: The core tenets of the Montessori parenting philosophy What it means to be a parental guide to our children How Montessori parenting differs from other parenting styles Here's where you can find Simone and Junnifa: @themontessorinotebook @montessori_nduoma Buy THE MONTESSORI CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523512416 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, montessori school, montessori parenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is creativity the domain of artists and artists alone? How do we get unstuck when we haven't picked up a paintbrush in decades? Blaire Brooks and Molly Lloyd, former hosts of "Toddler Purgatory" and now co-hosts of "Unsticking It," discuss why creativity is accessible to and crucial for everyone, no matter who they are. Blaire, Molly, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to disentangle yourself from the "hamster wheel" of everyday life How famous artists have found inspiration for their great works The overlap between creativity and motherhood Here's where you can find Blaire and Molly: Listen to Unsticking It with Blaire and Molly @unsticking_it_podcast on IG Watch Molly in her State Farm commercial with Ludacris! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, creativity, creative rut, creative inspiration, artist, artistic inspiration Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. How do we get our kids to listen to us and do as we ask, without too many tears on either side? Here are some parenting tips for encouraging cooperation in kids (and modeling it ourselves.) Our listener Alison asked: I would love some insight into engaging the cooperation of my two boys, 5 and almost 3 years old. At what age is it reasonable to expect them to put away their toys, stay seated for meals, get in the bath without mind games, and get ready for bed in less than 60 minutes? They are capable, but rarely willing, and 8 out of 10 times it's an ordeal. We have routines, we announce transitions in advance, we give them choices and even try to make it fun, but I feel like I am either haranguing them constantly or seething with resentment or both. Do I just accept this is the season of my life? Is cooperation 2 out of 10 times a victory?  Getting kids who are younger than three to "do their share" without a lot of coaxing and singing and clapping is pretty tough. Then when they're about six, kids' "fairness radar" kicks in, and they're much less focused on loading the dishwasher than on complaining about who is not currently helping.  So there are roadblocks to kids' cooperation, to be sure, and in this episode we discuss: whether "whistling while they work" might be too much to ask how "connecting before directing" works for older kids how we can model cooperation and hope our kids get the hint. (It's worth a shot.) Here are links to some other writing and books that we discuss in this episode: Our Fresh Take with Michaeleen Doucleff Cameron Kleimo for Motherly: How to get your kids to listen—without yelling Shelley Phillips for Lifehack: 6 Secrets to Getting Kids to Cooperate Terry Orlick: Cooperative Games and Sports  Frank McCourt: Angela's Ashes Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is the happy parenting medium between raising our kids with zero boundaries, and yelling until we're blue in the face? Gwenna Laithland is creator of the wildly popular @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram, and author of the new book Momma Cusses: A Field Guide to Responsive Parenting & Trying Not to Be the Reason Your Kid Needs Therapy. Gwenna explains in this interview how she eventually found her way to what she calls "responsive parenting." We also discuss: why there's no such thing as a "parenting expert" how responsive parenting helps parents become more intentional, empathetic, and emotionally available how helping kids regulate their emotions has to start with our modeling how to regulate our own . Here's where you can find Momma Cusses: @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram @thismommacusses on Facebook Pleasant Peasant Media on YouTube buy the MOMMA CUSSES book! https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250882660 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, gentle parenting, responsive parenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a disagreement two things can feel like opposites—but it can still be a fact that both things are true. You wish they'd listen; they wish you'd not get so angry. Your kid isn't going to that unsupervised sleepover; your kid is going to be furious about that for weeks. When we start allowing for coexisting differences of opinion—when we stop feeling like the other person can only be super-wrong before we get what we want—something like change can start to occur. The idea that two things can be true dates back to the ancient Greeks, and in this episode, we discuss the history of dialectical thinking why our lizard brains love to overcategorize how we can use the "two things can be true" script in our parenting We're still figuring out how this works for ourselves, but the effort seems well worth it. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Dr. Becky on Instagram: How to Respond to Pushback With Firmness and Connection Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman: Two Things Can Be True Paul Sonderegger for Quartz: Forget the Turing Test—give AI the F. Scott Fitzgerald Test instead Steven Reidbrd M.D. for Psychology Today: "Dialectics in Psychotherapy" Oakwise Counseling: "Two Opposing Things Can Be True" The poem "Good Bones" by Maggie Smith We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, dialectic thinking, two things can be true Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites? If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents? And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them. In this episode we discuss: The definition of "adaptive divergence" The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them Why each of our children, even in the same household, grow up in their own "micro environments" At the end of the day, we're wired to compare our kids as naturally as breathing. And instead of punishing ourselves for doing so, noticing when we do it and why is a good start. Even if you think you already know everything about your kids, keep your data intake sheets open! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Lynn Berger for Mother Mag: "How (Not To) Compare Your Children" Dr. Frank Sulloway: "Why Siblings Are Like Darwin’s Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family" Jensen, Alexander C et al. in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence: “Parents' Social Comparisons of Siblings and Youth Problem Behavior: A Moderated Mediation Model.” Sheryl Ziegler for The Tot: "Why raising your kids differently is actually a good thing" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, middle child, birth order, siblings Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices