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Tired of Christian pat answers about marriage? The podcast that goes in-depth into marriage, parenting, and even sex--to see how we can live the passionate life we were meant for. Paired with Bare Marriage--the blog!
316 Episodes
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Send us a text Does God really tell women they need to submit to abuse and stay in marriages where they're being raped and harmed? Today's interview with Dr. Helen Painter is one you need to hear—whether you're stuck in an abusive marriage getting horrible advice from your pastor, or you know someone who is. We're diving deep into what the Bible actually says about abuse and divorce, and spoiler alert: God does NOT require women to stay in abusive marriages. Please share this episode with any...
Send us a text Two major studies today prove what we've been saying: purity culture makes people unable to recognize marital and date rape as actual rape, and male porn use hurts women regardless of their attitude toward it—though religious women suffer more because of the scripts we've been given. Then I interview Joash Thomas about his book The Justice of Jesus, where he explains how Western Christianity lost biblical justice because colonizers taught a purely "spiritual" gospel to be...
1Send us a text It's The Great Sex Rescue--but for parenting! The Christian parenting industry has been feeding us garbage for decades, and Keith and I sat down with Marissa Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting," to talk about how we got here. THE MYTH OF GOOD CHRISTIAN PARENTING Pre-Order the book now--and claim your amazing pre-order bonuses! TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workAnd check out our Mer...
Send us a text We all want to raise kids without sexual hang-ups, but a lot of Christian parents are accidentally creating the very problems they're trying to avoid. Rebecca and I dive into the three biggest ways this happens: being way too open about your own sex life with your kids (no, they don't need to know what you and your husband did last night), making a federal case out of normal teenage sexual development like masturbation, and approaching pornography with so much shame and "sin ta...
Send us a text We're constantly told that more sex will fix our marriages, but the research tells a completely different story. When couples are simply told to increase frequency without addressing quality, satisfaction, and women's actual experiences, it often backfires and decreases desire altogether. The real predictor of marital happiness isn't how often you're having sex—it's whether that sex is mutually satisfying, intimate, and pleasurable for both people. Unfortunately, evangelical se...
Send us a text I brought together three dear friends to have an honest conversation about perimenopause and menopause because so many of you have been asking about it. We shared our real stories and talked about the challenges like brain fog, weight changes, and sexual adjustments, and my dry eyes that nearly drove me crazy! But here's what I want you to know: menopause isn't just about suffering through symptoms. Each of us found our voices during menopause, finally standing up in toxic rela...
Send us a text What do you do when you WANT to love the Bible, but you find yourself feeling defeated, hopeless, unseen? What if all the things you’ve experienced in church and in the wider Christian community have left you feeling adrift when you open Scripture? Zach Lambert’s new book Better Ways to Read the Bible shows us that everything we’ve been taught about the Bible may actually be new ways to read it—that miss the whole point! This encouraging conversation encourages us to get back t...
Send us a text Recently Sheila was on the Three Percent podcast, talking about what healthy marriage looks like. The hosts asked Sheila questions a lot of skeptical men had—so we thought the bigger Bare Marriage universe needed to hear this! Listen in as they play devil’s advocate, and ask the questions so many men have when they hear what we say about libido, about mental load, about porn, and more! Let’s change the convo in a healthy way. And thanks to the Three Percent podcast for letting ...
Send us a text Sheila Wray Gregoire interviews Professor Neil, a popular social media creator who critiques toxic masculinity and problematic topics he finds in the manosphere. They discuss how certain Christian pastors and influencers spread harmful messages about gender roles, sex, and marriage that mirror incel ideology. Through reviewing harmful clips from pastors Josh Howerton & Josh McPherson, professor Neil shares his approach to changing minds through facts and research. TO SUPPOR...
Send us a text How do we reach people still in evangelicalism about toxic teachings? I read an amazing book called On Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer which talks about how people get to be authoritarian, and the nature of authoritarians. And then shows (horrifyingly) how evangelicalism overlaps with authoritarianism! These insights can actually help us learn how to reach people still wading in toxic teachings! TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our wo...
Send us a text In our research looking at marital and sexual satisfaction among evangelicals, we’ve found that over and over again our best-selling books, and our megachurch pastors, teach things that are shown to lead to worse outcomes. Why? What’s going on? In today’s podcast we share the faulty premise that is at the heart of evangelical marriage advice, and the four toxic teachings that flow from that false premise. But when we fix that first premise—then our advice can finally get health...
Send us a text The idea that men need respect while women need love has been treated as gospel truth in the evangelical world. Best-sellers have been written based on it; it informs almost every marriage sermon. What if it’s not true? Using data from our marriage survey of 7000 people, we show how reality is very different—and what this means for how we should talk about marriage! TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in t...
Send us a text So many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rather easy to see through. Let’s become critical thinkers, so we don’t get sucked in again! TO ...
Send us a text In this season finale of the Bare Marriage Podcast, Rebecca, Joanna, Connor, and Josiah discuss the powerful benefits of reading fiction for personal growth, empathy development, and critical thinking. They share their personal journeys back to reading after University & adult life interrupted their childhood love of books, explore scientific research on how fiction affects the brain, and provide practical advice for getting back into reading. The episode concludes with an ...
Send us a text Is sex is a human need within marriage? Let's address the tension between those who see "need" language as potentially coercive and those who feel legitimate sexual desires shouldn't be shamed. Psychological research does classify sex as a human need, but the real issue is how couples can co-create a reality for a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Rather than pressuring reluctant partners, couples should focus on building marriages where both people genuinely want and en...
Send us a text In this episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, I am talking with Biblical Greek scholar Marg Mowczko about the true meaning of "headship" in the Bible. Marg reveals that the Greek word "kephale" (head) doesn't typically mean "leader" or "authority" in ancient literature, and that no verse actually commands men to lead their wives. Instead, head-body metaphors are used in Scripture to describe unity and mutual care and as a picture of growing into the likeness of Chri...
Send us a text After a recent social media AMA, we noticed a ton of you wanted us to tackle dating - red flags, green flags, how to choose a great partner. Rebecca and I have been avoiding this topic since we both married young and have limited adult dating experience, but we DO have evidence-based research to share. We're addressing why we need to stop telling singles "God is just teaching you patience" (it's a numbers game!), the "Burn the Haystack Method" for online dating, why some might ...
Send us a text “Soul ties” refers to the belief that when you have sex with someone, you are now joined in the spiritual realm, and that “tie” impedes your ability to ever experience freedom if you marry someone else. Often people claim you have to go through a specific prayer to break the tie, or an exorcism. But is this idea biblical? And does it help or hurt? Today Joanna Sawatsky shares our results of believing in soul ties, and we discuss different ways to talk about heartache and trauma...
Send us a text Let's take a close look at the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley! Bethany Jantzi and Ngina Otiende join me to look at some of the things that we find problematic about the book--and explain why evangelicalism needs better resources! RESOURCES: Get our one-sheet download on His Needs, Her Needs TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bo...
Send us a text What happens when church doesn’t seem safe? Or when, in retrospect, you realize it wasn’t, even if you threw yourself into it at the time? Today Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to talk about his new book Safe Church, and then Rebecca and Sheila read reader’s stories about how the church stole their sex lives—and what we can do about it. TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support G...
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the education system coddles hyperactive boys compared to girls- who are hugely underdiagnosed. It also does not favor girls even slightly; girls and boys are given the same opportunities and boys choose to squander them. The system was MADE for boys in mind. also, take until account that girls factually do worse academically in coed settings while the reverse is true for boys- and yet girls still outperform! it's clearly not solely the setting that is the problem.
Women attempt it less because they care more about burdening their families with their deaths. They're also less successful because they choose less messy, lethal means ie a gun for similar reasons. This also doesn't take murder-suicides into account, which are overwhelmingly done by men (and TO women).
I find it funny(tragic), that the people (men) who are the most likely to yell about children needing two parents are the ones to think that women need to be the only ones to care for the children.
Love how she sais this book is reseach based, when she basically asked men if they prefer chocolate or vanilla icecream, and then infired that women just like the opposite of men. Thank you for pointing out all those flaws.
So brave! God bless you, Alyssa.
at some point can we get Conner his own podcast? he cracks me up and he's so on point (although all of you are to be fair)
"If we apply ourselves, we can be just as tough as women." <- Connor is the best! 😄
Men and boys don't have a problem expressing themselves at all. They express joy, anger, depression very well. And ones who get violent are absolutely expressing themselves. Let's no longer pretend that's men's issue instead of the WAY men choose to do it. also, heartily disagree that women don't appreciate men enough. Wives make post after post after post about how blessed they are because for horribly bare minimum stuff like their husbands not cheating, not abusing them, or putting the dishes away like he's supposed to.
re: secular people, for the most part that's not true at all. the women come back because they like the guy or are desperate (since we're taught we're not worth much without male validation). or more sinisterly, the guy is very manipulative, possibly a red piller or PUA, pretending he'll love her if she sleeps with him, or using games (pretending he's unimpressed with her so she'll work to do what he wants). also, many men don't really care if other men don't make their wives/gfs orgasm and some even admit this. the failure will fall on the women, not the men
"why is [him being bad at pleasing her] never an option?!" because society raises men to be sexually selfish, see his own orgasm as the point of sex. :(
you're not "supposed" to want sex; it's not a duty. it's completely up to the couple
This episode is amazing! Well done Sheila for standing up for what is right.
Holding your wife responsible for your anger is not just dangerous for her but demeaning to their relationship! What are they, a couple or a mother with her child?
"If he wanted to, he would." He can see that pile of dishes; he just doesn't want to do them. that's not "man bashing", that's lazy person bashing.
I love suits too but the guy is right, it's not comparable to formfitting leggings. It's the equivalent to a cocktail dress or evening gown. Think Grace Kelly's stunning costumes in her Hitchcock roles! I have never met a woman ever who was physically aroused by suits. Attracted? Absolutely. But a woman a man finds hideous can still turn him on if she's got a body type he likes and is wearing leggings.
the proverb about dripping rain is actually not as bad as it sounds initially. as Giselle from Nagging Thoughts wisely pointed out, it's a woman trying hard to fix a problem that her husband is deliberately ignoring, much like the widow consistently coming at the judge to fix her problem like he should.
"withholding" implies she has something he is owed. no man on earth is entitled to sex or any part of a woman's body.
thank you so much Rebecca!! that is precisely why I dressed somewhat immodestly in some of my teen years. I had been bullied before over my looks and clothes and it left me anxiety ridden. Dressing that way was how I tried to protect myself.
That commenter was so right on! and yeah, I think if most men actually cared about their wives' needs, they would ask. If he cared, he'd make an effort. Men aren't stupid. Women have been patiently explaining ourselves till we're blue in the face and told we're wrong about our own needs, bodies, and sexualities and of course God. If he wanted to, ladies, he would! I love Sheila but I do think she's a bit too nice to men, and in a way male authors rarely are to women.
That "ENTJ" is 100% not a ENTJ. Can't commit? Craves adventure? A thousand hobbies? That the exact opposite of high Ni. Ni focuses on a singular goal and finds it super hard to waver. They are committed,particularly when combined with Te. He is clearly an ESFP. The wife could be an ISFP but in guessing she is an ISFJ because she sounds- from what I can guess from the limited info- focused more on group harmony (Fe) than values (Fi). this is why we study the functions 😄👍