2 jews & a Microphone

One co-host goes to the Motherland and the other asks about it | Falafel - Palestinians battle the Jewish Israelis in the only fight that matters | Frying chickpeas is a stain on Vegetarianism | Boosters - Sign up for your weekly shots now | Masks - Why the Ashkenazi girls love 'em | How "I'll look it up" has destroyed the casual conversation | Lindsey Buckingham and the wet dream | Dreidel is just another made-up custom by modern Jewish missionaries and their Gambling in-laws | Dutch Ice Skaters never get camel toe

Guest co-host Ragnar discusses why he allows his 8 year old to watch horror movies which invariably leads to discussions on the following: The pussification of America's youth (trigger warning: pussification does not refer to genitalia but the co-opted version meaning "weak beyond reason") The inherent comedy within all horror A Child influenced by Michael Meyers & Jason Voorhees (not a gay couple) is the most loving child you'll meet Confirmation Bias and why blacks still continue to be the first ones killed on said movies What if the educated elite have been thinking about child raising completely wrong Another anal exam story Solving sub-Saharan poverty through the introduction of Fantasy literature What Harry Potter could learn from a self published Amazon fantasy author Why literary critics don't really understand the purpose of literature in the modern age Convincing the US government to become a show sponsor

Not one of Shlomo & Moshe's better ones. They inappropriately discuss doing podcasts for the Homeless and what topics they might discuss. A conversation about the miseries of childcare, and how nobody really wants to take care of their own kids. A re-cap of a guys trip to the Dominican Republic will excite no one. Disillusionment over the global disappearance of restaurant menus and what that portends for humanity. Learning to ice skate as an adult while managing a burgeoning erection. Halloween - the iconic American holiday bankrolled by the Dental Illuminati. And of course, a shout out to the Peanut Gallery.

Dad Jokes - What's wrong with that | Girl Scout Cookies | Caucasians - The New Asians | Living Close to a Trader Joe's means something...about you | A Squat - Not much difference between the dwelling and the deuce | Police - Are they really Dicks or are you simply not understanding | Medicaid Boob Jobs | Covid Traveling | The Deception of Cottage Grove | Never Getting Excited | Straight Men Acknowledge Other Men are Attractive | If a group of guys travels, one always ends up in trouble, but only one |

Code Switching - The Hosts' Real Identities revealed | Finally getting Listener Number 10 | Papaya Pie feels better than Apple Pie, allegedly | Who is the Master of the Thermostat | Confirmation Bias against the Window Air Conditioner | Mimes - An Excuse to Rage | Murders in the Neighborhood - A Story of a girl and her suitor | Crossing Neighborhood Boundaries and Surviving | Playing the Long Game and still not Converting | What's the latest with the 'Vid' | Masks - Do you assume the person is better or worse looking than they actually are

The High Holiday season overwhelms the hosts who find too many topics related to Jewish holidays. Our Muslim fan base may want to skip this episode. Norm Macdonald Died - Was he really a Jew | Online communities and their threads - Is it ok to post and never participate in the group | Reddit threads - Giving the Retired, independently wealthy and chronically unemployed something to do | Why leave on online review - is it just for Jews? | Selfie Accidents - Probably done by a Jew | Mexican food - Why is it so bad in Europe? The Jews? | Spandex Cyclists - Were they always A**holes? | Sukkot - What the heck is it? | The Camaro Orthodox and why their women don't talk to phallus wearers | My Friend Shlomo | Muslims make Jews look like terrible fasters | Other Podcasts - why you may want to consider something else

NUTS Get your hot nuts - The Semites talk pistachios, pecans and some other nuts you might know. Why all the alternatives to Google search suck so stop hating Google. Listeners write in during the livecast - they aren't all enjoying the commentary. Talking before the movies start should not be shushed. Intonation is underrated and may be directly responsible for many perceived perjoratives. And of course, lots of cancel culture verboden words. And George Michael will not be making a guest appearance today. Scheduling difficulties. 

Reaching the end of the internet Lost in translation  Bryant Gumbel does not come on the show Cribbage versus Candy Krush Kids video games today - why they suck Acting like a pedophile in a game chat room to provoke the parents of players - Is that wrong? Having kids to solve the void in your life - Does God punish you with terrible children? Why pay for a therapist when your friends can do the same for free How removing your mask is causing people to act like first timers at an orgy The Van Gogh Immersive exhibit - not only a ripoff, but a wonderful scam

Corporations - They need to find things for their employees to do much like parents with bored children Zoom - introduces a voice to provide a 'perv alert' AI - What does it want with us, and will it involve penetration? Therapy - The horrors of becoming self-aware Bukake - therapy for the masses Muslim men - outraged over the hosts mention of high rates of homosexuality throughout the Islamic world Dating - Would you marry the same person if you found out their flaws on the first date? Steve Jobs - Inventor of Covid Chicago & Amsterdam headlines - The hosts read each other's host city newspapers then disappear

The Semites break a record in listenership. Promises of phallic pumps go unmet. Rolling Stones agree to be podcast's house band. Belarus - Have you heard of this place? Ryan Air is when you know you've outgrown the Greyhound. Why you need to be stoned to do certain things. The Jared Kushner interview - unedited. How did Jews get so neurotic - a reflection. Dogs versus Cats - and the surprising answers our hosts reveal. Bachelors over 50 should not own cats - no matter what.

An in-depth discussion on one of the most vaunted rituals in welcoming middle age: the colonoscopy. And other anal exams. The hosts share their personal horrors and triumphs with the anal probe. Ascension Day - Why the Dutch do it and the Americans refuse. How could Jesus not be full of himself? Live chatters really engage today. What's it like to be vaccinated? And does it really help to get a 3rd shot? When is it worth it to travel for medical treatment? Win a chance to fly to Guinea-Bissau to receive a world renowned penis graft at a rock bottom price.

Why killing is good for the ego. And why does America produce so many fantastic killers. Meeting your doppelganger. Are you systemically racist? Is it possible American police need to shoot? Why aren't the Dutch cops shooting? Do the Dutch have cops? Words you can't say. Incels. N Word runaround. Why ethnic names and other unpronounceables were never get elected. What it's liked to be stalked on an ancestry website. 

Lots of vaccination talk and gentrification talk, and a look at what would happen if the capital city of Burkina Faso, unpronounceable to even gentrifiers, would develop if such persons were to pioneer there. The most deceitful business practices as stereotyped by ethnicity with the finalists coming from Hasidics everywhere, Indians on the subcontinent and the Chinese homeland. What makes the gays so tremendously successful at gentrifying. And a surprise guest who doesn't believe in vaccination or gentrification but will issue a proclamation. 

A former Mossad agent living in exile shows listeners why Jews are profound thinkers including but not limited to: Safardic penis envy, The Israeli Blacks, Why American Jews are weak and worthless compared to the superior Israeli kin, Prince Phillip and how he conspired to turn Israel into a hunting ground which succeeded on levels not even he could have dreamt of, why yorkshire pudding is an inferior substitute for american pie, Angry Lesbians as the ideal role model for raising young children in today's climate, Masturbation as the key to understanding the human experience, What does it mean to be foreign, Why Israelis don't appear to be polite, How learning just one bad word in a new country must sound to locals, Why New York is not America, Why the Federal government is needed, and global citizenry - and the big 'ism'

Nutella. Fellatio. The Homeless. Privilege. The intersectionality of these 4 traits form the basis for today's show. Plus some vaccine chatter, toys of our youth, matzah toppings, Korean Christians, and the boys reach the 1 billion mark. **TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU OR SOMEBODY YOU CARE ABOUT HAS BEEN INVOLVED WITH THE ORAL REMOVAL OF NUTELLA OR SIMILAR TYPE SUBSTANCES FROM THE PHALLUS OF AN HOMBRE WITH NO CASA THEN PLEASE SKIP THIS EPISODE, AND GET YOURSELF A KLONDIKE BAR**

Chad - still a country, no longer a cool name. Covid - 1 year anniversary, let's party and reflect. Public Sector Unions - A disgrace but are they still necessary. And why are Chicagoans scared to stand up to the teacher's union - have you seen how out of shape these people are? Growing conservative with age. Big or Small - which size company should you support? And if you knew the background of every executive would you support anyone? Asians - 'nuff said. Peter Pan - It's not only about being gay. Fraternities - it's really about being gay. The Hunt for Blue October.

The Semites win an award. Bruce is Jersey. Or not. Improv still sucks. The American obsession with making pop cultural references, particularly when it comes to comedy. How to win friends and influence people in foreign countries - just mock the neighboring country/state/region. Does anybody like Paraguayans? The sadness of realizing no matter how hard you try not to be, you are still American. Is it still acceptable to watch Long Duk Dong and quote his lines? Why Dutch Santa is Black, and how the people of Holland treat him. Enjoying celebrations even if they no longer conform to societal mores which is not to be confused with smores which conform with all celebrations.

Topics: Dubya's secret podcast. The joy of nocturnal emissions in the White House. Ejaculate is both a verb and a noun, and other subtleties of the English language. Getting those without homes employment while simultaneously allowing the masses to relieve their libidos. Does anybody listening to this show actually understand English - not according to Google metrics. Why it's wise to choose an unattractive secretary and utilize the same criteria for your hygienist. Are ultra-conservative religions onto something? Was Mike Pence the real genius in his approach to the opposite gender? Vaccinations - what they tell us about a culture, and why it's still not recommended by WHO or Roger Daltrey to get the shot in your ass despite what Pete Townshend said. We love Cancel Culture Club. And every listeners favorite - Guess That Country, with one lucky winner receiving a free one hour English lesson with your hosts.

Jesus, More Brady? Super Bowl ads - why even watch the game. Do you stop listening or watching an artist because their personal behavior is repulsive? Cancel Culture - when will they just cancel all of it and euthanize the species. Ring Doorbell - you're being watched but why care, just take the package anyway. Shaming - too much or not enough? The absurd world of modern sports betting. Commentary on news stories from countries we didn't know existed, apologies to those listeners. And the new viral video, 'Everybody Masturbates'.

The Semites aren't just famous for pornography but sports, in which they comment, never play. A discussion on GOATS and their mis-representation in sports analogies. Why should we root for Tom Brady, or even watch football. Does hard work really pay off for everybody or just those already imbued with the gifts of genetics and luck? Is it appropriate to text your house cleaner, as a man, about mysterious panties found in your laundry?  To have or not have the last word in a text thread. And are exclamation points superior to smiley faces in said threads? Why do individuals have moral dilemmas about taking government assistance but few, if any, corporations seem to have such? And Jewish lasers attempt to destroy this very podcast.