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For those challenging the status quo in love, sex, and relationships. Effy Blue and Jacqueline Misla explore themes on these subjects through personal stories, interviews, and community discussions (and laugh a lot).
185 Episodes
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What are some of the most common pitfalls when couples are opening up? Which conversations are essential when discussion non monoamy? What are some of the common myths when it comes to open relationships? And what about jealousy? Open relationships have a unique set of challenges and it’s often hard to know how to resolve them as open relationships have no specific roadmap. In this revisited episode, Effy and Jacqueline explore some of the common #PolyProblems that people face and share ...
In a world where discussions about sexuality often default to a heteronormative framework, what insights can we gain when we shift our focus to a queer perspective? How does queer sex challenge and expand our understanding of pleasure, consent, and sexual expression? What can individuals of all genders and orientations learn from queer sexuality?In this week’s episode, Effy welcomes back sex educator and author Allison Moon for a thought-provoking conversation where they explore the inherentl...
How can parents and caregivers create a safe and open environment where young individuals navigating their own identities feel comfortable exploring and expressing their evolving identities? What are the most common misconceptions or misunderstandings that parents and caregivers have about supporting queer, trans, and non-binary young people? How can they overcome these barriers to offer genuine support? What actionable steps can educators and community leaders take to ensure that queer, tran...
1In the intricate dance of relationships, what happens when our desires diverge from those of our partners? What common patterns emerge when partners want differently? And how can we skillfully bridge these gaps without losing ourselves in the process?In this episode, Effy invites Dr. Joli Hamilton back on the show for a candid conversation about the complexities of mismatched desires. Together, they dissect the root causes of these disparities, offer insights on managing them in both fledglin...
What relationship fears lurk in the shadows of our minds, sending chills down our spines? Can the art of storytelling serve as both an outlet for our deepest relationship anxieties and a means of processing them? Might the eerie embrace of Halloween be the unlikely balm to soothe these fears?In this special Halloween episode, Effy and Jacqueline delve into the anatomy of fear and go for a chilling foray into the Haunted House of relationship horrors once again. This time crafted with the brav...
How deeply does our perception of safety influence our behavior in relationships? What internal shifts transpire within our nervous system when we oscillate between feelings of security and threat? And, how can we nurture an environment that fosters safety and wellbeing?In the third installment of our four-part series on trauma, we revisit a poignant episode where Effy and Jacqueline engage in an insightful discussion with Rida Kirasi, a sound healing therapist, meditation facilitator, and So...
How might we challenge and expand upon the established medical definitions of trauma? Can our understanding of healing evolve to encompass not just the alleviation of symptoms but also the reclamation of joy and pleasure? What are the recent shifts in utilizing psychedelics as tools for trauma treatment?In this episode, Effy sits down with Dee Dee Goldpaugh, a psychotherapist, educator, author, activist, and the Clinical Director of Chrysalis Integrative Psychotherapy. Together, they embark o...
How do we navigate the multifaceted nature of trauma beyond the often reductive parameters set by the medical system? How is memory formation and storage impacted by trauma and how does that impact the trauma experience? Can our journey towards healing be supported by those other than professionals? In this episode, Effy talks with trauma researcher and author, Dr. MaryCatherine "MC" McDonald, whose book, "Unbroken: The Trauma Response Is Never Wrong And Other Things You Need to Know to...
In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline talk about some scary stories and beliefs they hold about relationships, share how these stories can manifest and how they can get in the way of connection and intimacy in their relationships. They reflect back on a previous Halloween episode where they approached these stories with creativity and humor and invite the listeners to try this approach. Recommended episodes:Ep 88 - Creative Take on Talking About Sex with Jennifer BemanEp 120 - Queer Pleasure, ...
What exactly is connection, and what happens when we encounter disconnection in our relationships? Is there any value in temporary disconnection? How can we improve our tolerance to disconnection?In this week's episode, Effy and Jacqueline delve deep into the intricate dynamics of connection and disconnection within relationships. Effy and Jacqueline unravel the multifaceted aspects of disconnection, shedding light on its causes and manifestations. They candidly explore the potential benefits...
What impact does a significant age gap between partners have on relationships? Are there common misconceptions surrounding women dating considerably younger men? Does age alone determine affinity, and should we limit ourselves to dating within our age groupIn this episode, Effy engages in a candid conversation with author and ageism activist, Ashton Applewhite. Together, they explore the profound effects of ageism on our perceptions of larger age gaps in relationships. Effy shares her persona...
How often have you second-guessed a decision, wondering if the other option would have spared you the heartache? How do we navigate life's dilemmas when every path seems to have its own set of thorns? Can we ever truly escape the consequences of our choices, or is it about finding peace in the decisions we make?Effy and Jacqueline return from their break, diving deep into the often overlooked aspect of decision-making: the inevitable challenges that accompany every choice. They candidly share...
Why do we react in ways that seem counterproductive or self-defeating? Are our minds made up of distinct "parts" that influence our behavior? How can we understand and integrate these internal parts to create personal growth and harmony?In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline explore “parts work” and share their personal therapeutic journeys understanding, regulating, and befriending their parts. They discuss the benefits of developing "parts" from past experiences to help us navigate and respon...
We are curious: How can we explore mismatched kinks with our partners? How do we find common ground and understand where the resistance is without creating pressure or being coercive? And what can be done if there's no common ground? In this episode, Effy enlists the expertise of a seasoned pro Dom, kink educator and a longtime foxy friend of the show Miss Shayla. Together, they embark on a candid conversation, delving into the intricacies of navigating mismatched kinks with partners. Effy an...
What does it mean to be a highly sensitive person (HSP)? How does high sensitivity differ between individuals socialized as men versus women? What are the unique advantages and obstacles faced by highly sensitive men in their relationships and daily lives? In this episode, Effy and cognitive behavioral psychotherapist and author of "The Highly Sensitive Man" Tom Falkenstein take a deep dive into the core characteristics of high sensitivity and examine how societal expectations and gender...
What happens when you discover your sexual orientation later in life? How can you embrace a new identity when you have already established one? What does it mean to be queer?In this revisited oldie, Jacqueline goes galavanting through the NY lesbian bar scene for her birthday with her partner, making up for some classic lesbian experiences that she never got to have. Effy and Jacqueline celebrate Pride month by exploring experiences of coming out later in life, discuss what it means to be que...
How can wedding ceremonies be updated to honor queer and polyamorous relationships? What can we do to celebrate a relationship when marriage and a wedding is not an option? What would it be like to celebrate an uncoupling, or the end of a relationship?Just in time for wedding season, Effy and Jacqueline revisit their conversation with queer wedding planner Ambyr D'Amato to challenge the idea that only certain types of relationships deserve to be celebrated with a ceremony. They discuss ways t...
What exactly is a "hookup"? How can we create hot, healthy, shame free hookups? Is there such a thing as good etiquette for casual sex?In this week’s episode, Effy is joined by sex educator and author Allison Moon to discuss casual sex. They discuss hookup culture and how we can and should “be excellent to each other” as members of a sexual community. Effy and Allison consider how our approach to casual sex partners can be a reflection of our humanity and what we can do as “sexual citizens” t...
Why is it that when we feel comfy and settled, we suddenly long for passion and freedom? And conversely, why do a string of spontaneous adventures have us longing for stability? Is it possible for us to be both planted and to fly?Jacqueline revisits a conversation with Effy about how to balance the comfort of being rooted and settled with the desire for variety and passion. They share their tips for how to assess what you are craving and figure out how to deal with the discomfort and fill the...
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