The Body Love Binge - Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast

Can't Say No to Men: The Freeze Response, People Pleasing and Finding Your Voice AgainA little housekeeping before we dive in: this will be my last solo episode for a while. I'm taking a step back from the podcast to be present with my daughter Coa and my one to one clients. It's not the end, there's still guest episodes coming, and I have so much more to say. But for now, this is where I'm at.It's called Can't Say No to Men, but it's really about something much bigger: why saying no has felt dangerous, how the freeze response works, and how to find your voice again.This episode is for you if:You've said yes to men (or anyone) when every part of you wanted to say noYou freeze in situations where you wish you could fight or fleeYou've mistaken intensity, control or drama for safety in relationshipsYou believe someone needs to save you, choose you or complete you before you're enoughYou carry shame about experiences where you couldn't use your voiceYou're a people pleaser who struggles to ask for what you actually needYou want to understand why your eating disorder might have been a response to feeling unsafe in your bodyIn this episode, we cover:✨ Why not being able to say no isn't a character flaw, it's a nervous system response learned in childhood✨ The freeze response explained: why it's often the most traumatising of the three survival states✨ How being the parentified child, responsible for everyone else's emotions, sets up a lifetime of suppressed needs✨ Why being attracted to powerful, dominant men is really about chasing a feeling of safety, not love✨ The difference between men who perform power and men who are actually safe✨ How fairy tales and romance films condition us to believe our worth depends on being chosen✨ Why the body can become an armour: how an eating disorder can be a "fuck you" to a world that treated your body as public property✨ The link between shame, silence and repeating the same relationship patterns over and over✨ Why real safety can feel boring at first, and why that's actually a sign of healing, not a problem✨ Responsibility versus blame: why healing means taking responsibility without adding more shame✨ Daily reflection questions to help you notice where you're saying yes when you mean no✨ Practical, small ways to start finding your voice again, from interrupting a conversation to speaking up in intimacy✨ A listener question from Becky on anorexia recovery, developed bulimia, and the part of her still clinging to the eating disorderPowerful quotes from the episode:💬 "There's nobody coming on a white horse. The only saving that works is your own saving for yourself."💬 "The freeze response is not a choice. It's a biological survival response, the same as flinching when something startles you."💬 "Men who perform power are not the same as men who are safe. Real groundedness is quiet. It doesn't need to dominate."💬 "Shame erodes self-worth, and low self-worth makes you hungrier for external validation, which makes the pattern more likely to repeat."💬 "Real safety feels quieter, less dramatic, more grounded. If you're not used to it, safety can actually feel boring at first, and that's okay."💬 "You didn't choose the wounds you have, but you can choose to heal them. That's the difference between blame and responsibility."Your homework this week: write a letter to the version of you who said yes when she meant no, who gave away her body, her voice, her energy. Tell her it's enough now. Then decide, from this moment, to start saying no when you mean no. Whatever it fucking takes.💙 Join my FREE support group: https://victoriakleinsman.com/free-support-group💙 Free trial in The Freedom Collective: https://victoriakleinsman.com/coaching💙 Work with me 1:1: https://victoriakleinsman.com/1-1-coaching💙 Become a coach: https://victoriakleinsman.com/become-a-coach

Mike's back, and this one covers so much ground.If you're interested in learning more about Parts Work, have any questions for Mike, or are potentially interested in having Mike support you through your own parts work as your coach, he offers a complimentary call. You can reach him at [email protected] recorded this one in real time, the way we always do. This time we start with the obsession with personal and spiritual development itself, why so many of us turn healing into another achievement to chase, before moving into people pleasing, boundaries and what it actually looks like to choose yourself.This episode is for you if:You've noticed yourself turning spirituality or personal growth into another thing you need to be the best atYou use podcasts, books or constant learning to avoid silence and your own companyYou people please and call it kindness, but underneath it you're avoiding discomfortYou find it hard to say no, especially to the people closest to youYou want practical language for setting a boundary without it feeling brutal or coldYou're learning to hold multiple feelings (grief and peace, sadness and joy) at the same timeIn this episode, we cover:✨ Why turning healing into an achievement is the same pattern as chasing money or status, just wearing different clothes✨ The part that wants to "get to healing" and the agenda hiding underneath it✨ The difference between doing inner work in order to feel better and simply being with what is✨ Victoria's experience of needing constant podcasts and audio input, even brushing her teeth with her phone to her ear, and what that was really avoiding✨ The difference between distraction from boredom and distraction from a deeper discomfort✨ Why peace feels different to happiness, and why happiness alone is a losing goal✨ Grief and peace existing in the body at the same time, and why that paradox is actually the healing✨ Letting go explained properly: it doesn't mean something disappears, it means you stop pushing and pulling against it✨ Why trust is the real foundation of parts work, and how parts learn (slowly) that it's safe to stop protecting you✨ The hidden selfishness in people pleasing, and why it's often more about avoiding our own discomfort than genuine kindness✨ Why resentment builds when you people please and never ask for what you actually want✨ A practical phrase to use when you need to say no and don't know how to start✨ Victoria's real coaching example: setting a boundary with a client over voice note length, and what happened when she did✨ Why the people who truly care about you will usually respond with respect, not anger, when you set a boundary✨ Why choosing yourself is never simply one thing or the other, it can hold grief and relief at the same timePowerful quotes from the episode:💬 "There's usually an agenda, and the agenda is rooted in I'm not good enough and I'll only be good enough once this happens, rather than a realisation of enoughness now."💬 "Letting go doesn't mean something goes away. It means you stop trying to control it."💬 "People pleasing feels like niceness, but there's a manipulation and a selfishness inherent to it. You're managing how someone feels about you so that you feel good."💬 "If I were in their shoes, I would want them to say no if they meant no. So why do I think they'd want anything different from me?"💬 "As long as I move through the world with genuine love and kindness and authenticity, if people get upset along the way, that's their journey, not mine to fix."💬 "It's never one or the other. I lost something by letting that go, and I gained something too. Both of those things are true at once."💙 Join my FREE support group: https://victoriakleinsman.com/free-support-group💙 Free trial in The Freedom Collective: https://victoriakleinsman.com/coaching💙 Work with me 1:1: https://victoriakleinsman.com/1-1-coaching💙 Become a coach: https://victoriakleinsman.com/become-a-coach

Your Recovery Questions Answered: Shame, Attraction, Aches and the Real Damage of BulimiaThis one came straight from you.I asked my free support group for questions and topics for a solo episode and you delivered. So instead of one deep dive, this is a proper Q&A where I go as far as I feel each question deserves. These are real questions from real people in recovery, living real lives, and I am not holding back on any of it.This episode is for you if:You are terrified that your partner will stop finding you attractive as your body changes in recoveryYou are experiencing aches, pains and exhaustion that seem to have got worse since you stopped over-exercisingYou want to understand the actual physical damage that bulimia and over-exercising cause to your bodyYou feel full after eating very little and do not know whether to trust that signalYou carry a deep, body-based shame that rational thought and affirmations have never touchedYou want to understand where shame actually comes from and what genuinely heals itIn this episode, we cover:✨ The fear of not being attractive to your partner during recovery: what is really underneath it and what to do with that✨ Why attraction is energetic, relational and holistic, and why your recovering body is more magnetic than your eating disorder body ever was✨ When a relationship's attraction is conditional on you staying small: what that information means and what you deserve instead✨ The aches, pains and exhaustion of recovery after long-term over-exercising, and why things sometimes get worse before they get better✨ What chronic over-exercising actually does to the heart, the bones, the hormones, the immune system and the joints over time✨ Why some damage is permanent and what it means to grieve that and adapt with love rather than override it again✨ The digestive chaos of early recovery: what is happening, why the fullness signal cannot be trusted yet, and what to do instead✨ The specific physical damage that bulimia causes: the oesophagus, the teeth, the electrolytes, the heart, the gut✨ Shame as a physiological state, not a thought, and why you cannot logic or affirm your way out of it✨ Where shame is created, how it lives in the body, and why it finds the body such a convenient home✨ Why perfectionism is shame avoidance in disguise✨ What actually heals shame: why empathy and community do what thinking alone never can✨ Food sensitivities after recovery: when and how to listen to your body, and why this is not for during recoveryPowerful quotes from the episode:💬 "Your recovering body is not less worthy of desire. It is a body that is choosing to be alive and to thrive. And there is nothing more beautiful than that."💬 "You cannot mindset your way out of a trauma response. Shame is not a thought. It is a physiological state."💬 "Shame needs three things to survive: secrecy, silence and judgment. When you speak it and someone meets it with love, the healing begins."💬 "The shame of a bigger body is not really about the body. It is the original wound finding its most convenient home."💬 "Your hunger is not something to be managed or overridden or ignored or punished. It is something to be listened to, honoured and met with love."💬 "Recovery is not a straight line. It does not follow a schedule. But it is guaranteed if you do the work."You are not alone in any of this. Whatever your history, whatever your body looks like right now, whatever symptoms you are navigating and whatever shame you are carrying: you are not too far gone and it is never too late.Much love. 💛💙 Join my FREE support group: https://victoriakleinsman.com/free-support-group💙 Free trial in The Freedom Collective: https://victoriakleinsman.com/coaching💙 Work with me 1:1: https://victoriakleinsman.com/1-1-coaching💙 Become a coach: https://victoriakleinsman.com/become-a-coach

The History of Fatphobia, Diet Culture & Why Your Body Was Never the Problem with Paula D. AtkinsonThis conversation lit me up from start to finish.Paula D. Atkinson is a body liberation psychotherapist, a body justice professor, and someone who has lived in every size of body: from almost dying of anorexia to being labelled morbidly obese, and everywhere in between. She created a course at George Washington University on the history of fatphobia, eating disorders, and health as a moral imperative, and how all of it intersects with white supremacy, capitalism and patriarchy. She is also writing a book. And she is one of the most ragefully, lovingly clear voices I have ever had on this podcast.This episode is for you if:You want to understand where fatphobia actually came from and why it has nothing to do with healthYou are in recovery and still struggling to understand why thinness felt like safetyYou want the historical and political context behind diet culture so you can be genuinely free from it, not just recovered from itYou have been waiting for permission to be angry about all of thisYou are ready to stop contributing to your own oppressionIn this episode, we cover:✨ Paula's personal story: born almost eleven pounds, almost died of anorexia at seventeen, homecoming queen, and still felt completely empty✨ Where fatphobia actually began: the eugenics movement, white supremacy, the BMI, and how all of it was a backdoor form of racism when skin colour alone was no longer enough✨ The insane closed loop of diet culture: selling us starvation, which biologically causes obsession with food and weight gain, and then selling us more starvation✨ How the obsession with thinness keeps women too busy and preoccupied to access their actual power✨ Why "I am no longer willing to contribute to my own oppression" is one of the most revolutionary things a woman can say✨ How the rage we turn inward on our bodies needs to go outward instead, and why that rage is sacred✨ Why every time you hate your thighs, you are participating in the oppression of every person in a bigger body than yours✨ Earning as a white supremacist concept, and why you do not have to earn your needs being met by being thin or pretty✨ The history of body ideals across the twentieth century and why whatever is hardest to achieve is always what gets sold to us next✨ GLP-1 drugs, the death and resurrection of body positivity, and why corporations cannot give us liberation✨ What to actually do when you look in the mirror and your head goes straight to fear and self-abandonment✨ Why your inner child, that ten year old girl who saw through everything, deserves to be reclaimedPowerful quotes from the episode:💬 "The obsession with thinness is not about beauty. It is about obedience."💬 "Every time I prioritise your experience of looking at my body over my experience of existing in this body, I abandon myself. And it is always empty."💬 "I am no longer willing to contribute to my own oppression. I have decided that I am hot as hell and other people's opinion about that is not relevant to me."💬 "Saying there is something wrong with your body is like saying a tree is the wrong shape. It is not possible."💬 "Women's rage is sacred. Everything good in the world exists because a woman got pissed off enough."💬 "Your body is nature. She is so much smarter than you. The entire universe is inside her."You can find Paula at:Insta: @pauladatkinsonWebsite: https://www.pauladatkinson.com/TikTok: @pauladatkinson5YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WINWWYEpisode of Surrounded: https://youtu.be/M7K87rGoGps?si=KPjMLmxc4KPfp0nJ Much love. 💛💙 Join my FREE support group: https://victoriakleinsman.com/free-support-group💙 Free trial in The Freedom Collective: https://victoriakleinsman.com/coaching💙 Work with me 1:1: https://victoriakleinsman.com/1-1-coaching💙 Become a coach: https://victoriakleinsman.com/become-a-coach

Live Group Coaching: Mental Restriction, Emotional Eating & The Fuck Yes to YourselfThis one is a live hot seat coaching session from inside The Freedom Collective.Sandy joins me for coaching today, and what unfolds is one of those conversations that touches something really universal. She has done so much work already: she left restriction behind, rebuilt her relationship with food, got into her body in a completely new way. And then life hit hard. Loss, family illness, exhaustion. And food became the thing she defaulted to. And now she is in her head about it, ashamed of herself for it, and wondering why she cannot just choose the things she knows will make her feel better.Sound familiar?This session is for you if:You have done a lot of recovery work and then life happened and you feel like you have gone backwardsYou are emotionally eating and giving yourself a hard time about it even though you know it makes senseYou find yourself mentally restricting even when you are physically eating freelyYou have thoughts of going back to old diets or food rules and then sabotage yourself in response to those thoughtsYou want to understand what the difference between restriction and genuine choice actually feels likeIn this episode, we cover:✨ Why emotional eating during an emotionally depleted season of life makes complete and total sense✨ Why food should always be on your emotional support list, and why putting it there is not a step backwards✨ The difference between being back here and being here: why there is no back, only forward✨ Mental restriction: how judging your food choices, even subtly, creates the same biological drive to eat as physical restriction✨ Why thoughts of going back to old rules or diets can trigger the exact sabotage you are trying to avoid✨ What your brain and nervous system need to see before they will trust that restriction is not coming again✨ The fuck yes to yourself energy: who she is, how she thinks, how she moves through the world and how to start embodying her now✨ Why attachment to outcomes at the gym creates suffering whether you achieve them or not✨ Seasons of life: why this moment is not the moment to overhaul everything, it is the moment to be held by everything you have already built✨ Homework: write the letter to yourself, visit the grocery store as your fuck yes self, notice when mental restriction is quietly running the showPowerful quotes from the episode:💬 "There is no back here. Ever. You've evolved and changed. You are not the woman you were before."💬 "Mental restriction always creates a biological response. Your body hears the thought of restriction and reacts, even if you are physically eating freely."💬 "Unrestricted eating is a fuck you to restriction. Intuitive eating is a fuck yes to yourself."💬 "You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you could have accessed the other tools, you would have. Thank goodness for food."💬 "This season of life is not about changing your body. It is about embodying everything you have already learned and loving yourself through it."You cannot go backwards. You can only be here, right now, exactly where you are. And that is enough to start from.Much love. 💛💙 Join my FREE support group: https://victoriakleinsman.com/free-support-group💙 Free trial in The Freedom Collective: https://victoriakleinsman.com/coaching💙 Work with me 1:1: https://victoriakleinsman.com/1-1-coaching💙 Become a coach: https://victoriakleinsman.com/become-a-coach