2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

SPONSORS: One app. Every sport. All 50 states. New DraftKings customers, Sign up with code BEARS, spend just five bucks, and get two hundred in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. Find an Avocado near you or shop online at https://AvocadoGreenMattress.com/BEARS — and check out their mattress and bedding sale! Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from Austin and Los Angeles. The Bears break down Jason Kelce getting tossed around by sumo wrestlers, then watch the most violent collision sport on the internet and debate whether Bert could take one of the women. From there, Bert reveals his assistant spent a day off in London pub-crawling in a full Peaky Blinders outfit until a woman asked if he was special, and the guys want Por Osos to sponsor a Miami youth football league after watching nine-year-olds’ touchdown celebrations. Along the way, they watch bodybuilders get their blood pressure checked, Tom explains his white coat syndrome, Bert admits he might be addicted to testosterone, and Bert plays the voice memo he sent his Aaptiv trainer Ackeem Emmons after crying on a treadmill in Atlanta. Plus: Disney adults, the Barry’s Bootcamp trainer who looked like a fitness model and called himself fat, fartleks, Bert’s gorgeous feminine legs, the iPhone Duo, Medieval Times’ Vanity Fair exposé, the Bears’ pitch for an ’80s-themed restaurant, the day Bert’s dad brought home their first VHS player, and Theo Von’s grandmother. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 347 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. 1 non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:19 - Jason Kelce's Sumo Special & The Scariest Sport On Earth 00:07:18 - Disney Adults & Salt Of The Earth 00:16:19 - Ilona Maher & Bert's Peaky Blinders Assistant 00:22:45 - Miami Youth Football & Bert's First Fly Ball 00:29:43 - White Coat Syndrome & Bert's Testosterone Habit 00:34:50 - Checking Bodybuilders' Blood Pressure 00:39:20 - Our Barry's Bootcamp Trainer & Fartleks 00:45:16 - Bert's Crying Voice Memo To His Trainer 00:49:45 - Shirtless 50-Year-Olds On GLP-1s 00:54:09 - Slippery Floor PTSD & Bert's Gorgeous Legs 01:00:17 - The iPhone Duo & Medieval Times Gets Exposed 01:04:52 - The Bears Pitch An '80s Restaurant 01:09:36 - Blockbuster, Theo Von's Grandma, & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join our next 2 Bears 5K on April 10th in Nashville, Tennessee! Register over at https://2Bears5K.com SPONSORS: Hire Viktor for your team. Get $100 of his work free, no credit card, at https://ref.viktor.com/2bears1cave-yt, code TWOBEARS100. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS. Buy two months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code BEARS. You will also receive an additional 10% OFF + Free overnight shipping on your first order. https://BlueChew.com Sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer link up remotely while Bert shoots from a Pokémon card shop in St. Petersburg, still recovering from two bottles of Dom Perignon in a suite at the Rays' World Series game. Bert begs anyone in Major League Baseball to confirm the Dominican shower rumor, then rips $70 worth of Pokémon packs hunting for a $4,000 card. From there, the Bears get into Netanyahu picking Burger King over McDonald's, the convicted murderer who escaped a Tennessee prison, and Tom shooting a movie inside an active jail, which turns into a full business plan for the most profitable prison in America. Along the way, Tom soft-pitches Nathan Fielder's Elizabeth Holmes documentary You Can See Everything, Bert relives an Elliott Gould dinner that went sideways over Bowling for Columbine, and the guys trade stories about the most unhinged teachers they ever had. Plus: the hottest pregnant belly Bert has ever seen, the 2 Bears 5K in Nashville, the Halloween mask that made Tom's neighborhood kids cry, Patrice O'Neal's Halloween pep talk, Maria Bamford's new Netflix doc, and Aaron Sorkin's absurd tan. Damn, can't believe it's already November! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 346 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:00:28 - Bert Wants To Shower With Dominicans00:05:28 - The Hottest Pregnant Belly Ever & The 2 Bears 5K00:14:30 - Bert Rips $70 Of Pokemon Cards00:20:49 - Netanyahu Likes Burger King More Than McDonald's00:28:56 - Escaped Murderer & The Bears Open A Prison00:36:50 - Nathan Fielder's Elizabeth Holmes Doc & Digger00:42:19 - Elliott Gould, Michael Moore & AI History Docs00:46:50 - The Most Unhinged Teachers We Ever Had00:52:03 - The Warm Toilet Seat & Bert's World Series Bender00:58:19 - Tom's Halloween Mask Made Kids Cry01:03:26 - Maria Bamford's Doc & The Chad Daniels Deep Dive01:07:42 - Aaron Sorkin's Absurd Tan, Bert's 54th Birthday Nude Shoot, Black Guy Stuff01:19:01 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join our next 2 Bears 5K on April 10th in Nashville, Tennessee! Register over at https://2Bears5K.com SPONSORS: Peak season doesn't wait, and neither should you. Get ahead of it today with ShipStation, and get sixty days free at https://shipstation.com/cave Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Trustpilot rating as of 6/1/2025. Start your free online visit today at http://hims.com/bears for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more. Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from Austin and New York. Bert lays out his plan to spend 24 hours with Mark Wahlberg alongside Rob Lowe, from 3 a.m. prayer to sleeping in Wahlberg's daughter's bedroom. Then Bert says his new hour finally clicked in Philadelphia, and the guys pull up the People magazine exclusive about his couples therapy with LeeAnn that Bert doesn't remember giving. From there, Bert tries to Google a photo of himself with Dolly Parton to prove to his daughters he really met her, and instantly regrets it. The Bears also get into Bert's bench press push-up challenge, getting drunk for the first time in nine months on Por Osos, and why LeeAnn keeps asking when he'll retire. Plus: why Tim Dillon is the funniest guy alive, Bill Burr in The Social Reckoning, Tom making the case for Tom Cruise's Digger, comedy as a belly flop contest, why you never turn your back on a tiger, and Bert's plan to keep a pygmy hippo at home. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 345 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:11:07 - Bert's People Magazine Exclusive & The Dolly Parton Photo 00:17:14 - The Bench Press Push-Up Challenge 00:25:11 - Bert Got Drunk & LeeAnn Asks About Retirement 00:33:39 - Bill Burr's Social Reckoning & Why Digger Bombed 00:39:16 - Why Comedies Stopped Working & The Belly Flop Contest 00:44:57 - Never Turn Your Back On A Tiger 00:49:44 - Bert Wants A Pet Pygmy Hippo & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month. Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code BEARS. New DraftKings customers can spend five and get two hundred in total bonuses paid within 21 days – includes all markets. Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/bears! #squarepod Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in with Tom in Austin and Bert in New York for the Food & Wine Festival. Tom opens by tackling the Shane Gillis backlash from his SNL monologue, while Bert tries to stay out of it for once (he just really loves those pants). The Bears react to the livestreamed execution of the Fort Hood shooter getting called off. Then Bert declares himself Team Katie for new White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, from her shaky first briefing to her gym pics and the bar exam she failed, and the guys give her three months, tops. He also opens up about his people-pleasing after a woman on a plane Googles him and asks, "What did you do?" Plus: Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 story, Bert buying Napoleon's cologne in Paris, Pope Leo's surgery, a maintenance guy catching Bert's 54-year-old mirror selfie, Bert's street-interview do-over, Chris Distefano charming Rachael Ray on Something's Burning, and Mark Zuckerberg's first Guinness. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 344 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://ccpg.org/. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:58 - Shane Gillis' SNL Monologue 00:06:28 - Bert Stays Quiet For Once & Those Gym Pants 00:18:35 - The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution Gets Called Off 00:23:15 - Katie Zacharia & Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 Story 00:27:58 - The George Bushes & Napoleon's Cologne 00:35:03 - The Press Secretary Failed The Bar & Bert's Oval Office Plan 00:42:31 - "What Did You Do?" Bert Gets Googled On A Plan 00:48:25 - Pope Leo, Bert's Mirror Selfie, & The Street Interview Do-Over 00:56:50 - Chris Distefano Charms Rachael Ray 01:01:30 - Zuckerberg's First Guinness & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS. Start your free online visit today at http://hims.com/bears for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more. Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com! Sign up for your free Shopify trial at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from the road, with Tom in Atlanta and Bert in Philly on his Permission to Party World Tour. The Bears debate whether they'll watch the Pentagon's livestreamed firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter, then dig into the SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio shakeup that had comics coming after Sebastian Maniscalco, and how one video turned into Bert starting a comedians union (Leanne is handling it). From there, Bert swears he'll die with his beard, finally tells Tom about the shot in Bad Thoughts season two he can't believe made the cut, and gets fired up over hood horse racing in Mississippi. Plus: Mike Ditka's one-take steakhouse commercial, Michael Jordan finding his lost championship rings in a forgotten safe, Chamillionaire's $25,000 autograph, Barry Sanders and The Fridge, and Tom getting pitched hair transplants. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 343 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:15 - Should You Watch The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution? 00:12:14 - Black Horse Racing & Sprinting On A Horse 00:19:31 - Bert Will Die With This Beard & The Bad Thoughts Shot 00:24:52 - SiriusXM, Raw Dog Radio, & The Sebastian Maniscalco Backlash 00:35:19 - Bert's Comedians Union 00:41:25 - Spam Calls & Mike Ditka's One-Take Commercial 00:46:34 - Michael Jordan's Lost Championship Rings 00:56:52 - Barry Sanders, The Fridge, & Elway's Two-Minute Drill 01:03:07 - Tommy Time & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices