Destroy All Children

We've both finished the newest Hideo Game, and we've got Things To Say and Thoughts About It! Full spoilers inside, obviously. 

It's a new year, a new name, and a new format, but the same two dickheads. This week, George's Retro Corner features a rant about Majora's Mask, and Larry's Comix Corner is about Bad Weekend, by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips.  DAC theme song by David Cassel.  Outro music: Dancing in the Moonlight (It's Caught Me In Its Spotlight) by Thin Lizzy

This week, we discuss a game about a cop pervert or something. Where the hell does George find these things? I'm starting to suspect these aren't real games and I'm being taken for a ride. 

Now these are some Video Games worth talking about!!! Shoutout to Treasure! (In case it's not obvious, this episode was recorded before Death Stranding came out, and changed the video game industry forever)

We discuss two crappy games for a little while, before we decide to take on a true masterpiece: Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

Hey, get this: All Your Base Are Belong To Us!!! hahah, get it? Remember that? Turns out that's from a real video game, actually. George played it, for some reason. Here's the classic video, if you've never seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQE66WA2s-A

These residences are still evil, and only we can put a stop to it! Well, us, and Claire Redfield, and this whiny little dipshit named Steve, and also Leon S Kennedy, and, uhhh... Whoever the main character of Resident Evil 7 was.

I don't think anyone's ever heard of these games before. Something about zombies? Seems played out, if you ask me. 

https://www.gentlegiantsdogfood.com/ is the website for Burt Ward's dog food. Please note: it is not nearly as fucked up as it used to be. At the top are links to other pages, and previously, all of that content was on one giant, endlessly scrolling page. It was magical. You can see one version of this via the Wayback Machine, if you want to wait 8 hours for the page to load: https://web.archive.org/web/20170425022358/https://www.gentlegiantsdogfood.com/ oh and we talked about Aero the Acro-Bat I guess. That's not important though

There was a WIND FISH in the PERCOLATOR. 

Playing these games got us put on a government watchlist, and it was NOT worth it. Want to tell us that these pervert games are better than we think they are? Email us at americanretropie@gmail.com and there's a 99% chance we'll read it on-air, assuming you don't write anything legally actionable. Actually, even if you did, we'd probably read it, we don't care.

This week, Larry talked about Star Track. Want to yell at us about how we're wrong about video games? Email americanretropie@gmail.com and we'll probably read it on-air, even if it's about how we're a couple of shit-ass turd bags! I mean, that's not wrong.

Puzzles galore this week, as we talk about the stalwarts of the genre. 

This week we're in licensed game hell as we reminisce on some Disney and Pixar, uhhh... "Classics". 

This week, we decide to tackle these mainstays, these titans of the industry, these games that have had so many words written and typed and spoken about them that there's nothing we could possibly add to the conversation at large. So we take, uh... A different route.

Time for some classic Sega side-scrollers featuring anthropomorphic animals! No, not those. The other ones. No, the OTHER other ones. No, not-- you know what, forget it.

This week, George REALLY wants to talk about Power Rangers. Remember Power Rangers? George does. And Larry has to listen to it. 

We kick off American RetroPie with two video game classics, of very different sorts. Pay no attention to that talk of a previous episode, it doesn't exist. It definitely doesn't.

And now, once again, it's time to discuss the worst this year had to offer. Of course, while there's plenty of heinous shit going on, I guess this year there isn't that much of a gap between the lows and highs, such as they are. Instead, we simply continue sliding deeper into the morass, looking forward to receiving our SuperStations so we can play games that don't have all of this HORSESHIT in them. god DAMMIT. That's a quote from Robert Odenkirk, co-creator of Mr. Show, alongside David Cross, of Halo 1 fame.GAMES MENTIONED:Hydlide (PC-8801) - Larry's reviewBall X Pit - Larry's reviewFBC: Firebreak - George's reviewDoom: The Dark Ages - Larry's review / George's reviewClover Pit - Larry's reviewBrutal: Above the Claw (32X) - George's review

A quick notice up front: The audio here turned out kinda wacky, with my audio levels being way louder than George's. I've done everything I can to try to smooth it out, but there's your warning. Turns out that recording once a year, sometimes with new hardware, is sort of unpredictable! But in the end it's right. I hope you have the time of your life, listening to us yak about a bunch of 7/10 games!O, how we yearn for the Halcyon Days of 2024. Angry in our ignorance, we had yet to bear witness to the true nadir of the video game industry. Repent, all ye Hades Enjoyers! Kneel upon the Altar of Admonishment before you're sent into the Brazen Bull so you can experience one-one-thousandth of the pain that has been inflicted upon us, we pure Roguelike Haters. Anyway, uh, indies will save us, I've been told. GAMES MENTIONED, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:Assassin's Creed: Shadows - Larry's Review / George's ReviewCronos: The New Dawn - Larry's ReviewThe Outer Worlds 2Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound - George's ReviewBrazilian Drug Dealer 3: I Opened a Portal to Hell in the Favela Trying to Revive Mit Aia I Need to Close ItKeeperMarvel Cosmic Invasion - George's ReviewDeath Stranding 2: On the Beach - George's Review / Larry's ReviewLike a Dragon Gaiden: Pirate Yakuza in Hawaii - Larry's ReviewThe AltersShinobi: Art of Vengeance - George's ReviewMetal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater - George's Review / Larry's ReviewDonkey Kong BananzaNinja Gaiden 4 - George's ReviewBlade ChimeraSplit Fiction - Larry's Review / George's ReviewSilent Hill f - George's Review ________________Shadow Squadron (32X) - George's ReviewDragon Slayer IV: Drasle Family (MSX2)