Says Who?

In 2016, two babies sat down to make an eight episode podcast. Now, on episode 400, they reflect on all the things they didn’t know going into this idea—namely, anything. They didn’t know anything. How would they have dealt with street kidnappings, COVID, an increasingly unhinged Trump marauding the land? Probably not well!Also, Dan is now writing a book, and Maureen has seen some new planners.Come with us, SaysWhovia, as we reflect. And talk about office supplies. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan hates Illinois Nazis.But there here, so we're gonna have to deal with them. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's been a week, Sayswhovia.A.Week. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovia, some weeks come with too much filling. The news oozes out and gets all over your clothes. This was such a week. And like two people unwittingly and unwillingly taking place in a restaurant challenge, Dan and Maureen have to eat the whole thing. Where to start? The end of non-censored comedy and commentary? Openly listing crimes on social media? Handfuls of cash? A creepy love story? Complaining about escalators at the UN while telling all the other countries they suck? Claiming babies are being jacked with buckets of random substances? Trump trying to say the word “acetaminophen”?How do you eat something like that? One disgusting bite at a time.Get the Tums ready, SaysWhovia. We’re going home with that commemorative plate. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

OK yes that thing happened, you know the one. But did you hear about the scuba diver thief at Disney World????Maureen has a book out, awful news happened, and $10k is missing from a paddleboat in Disney Springs. This certainly sounds like an episode of Says Who, doesn't it. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Nine years ago Maureen and Dan sat down to record an eight episode podcast. Mistakes were made.Here they are, 395 episodes later, while Maureen is in the midst of finishing yet another book, to talk about... whatever fresh hell we all find ourselves in. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

We know why you came this week, and we are here to deliver.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan and Maureen are back! Well, Maureen is still where she was and Dan is still not home, but they are back in SaysWhovia at the end of Dan’s Very Bad, No Good Summer. Dan needs a nap and a hug. He has stories from the American road, though. Have you heard about the vast cotton fields of Utah?Meanwhile, two of his favorite things: the postal system and Chicago are being threatened. New York did a fun thing! Which is nice, because New York is probably about to do some much less fun things in the coming weeks. It’s going to be a weird time in Chicago and New York. Which city will win?Get in line at the breakfast buffet, SaysWhovia. It’s going to be a long trip. Eat up.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Sometimes you find a mace on the road, SaysWhovia. It’s 2025. Pick it up. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovia, Dan needs a hug. Maureen, however, is fine and has the receipts to prove it. Everything is very normal and very cool with her. Also, with Trump, who is on the roof of the White House for very normal reasons. Also, we’re going to build a nuclear reactor on the moon! Which is like the roof of the earth, if you think about it long enough. Everything is going up, up, up! Except for Dan’s current timeline, which is why we are all going to give him a hug.Get a blanket, SaysWhovia. It’s roof time. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Maureen is back from the green, green fields of England and has brought a whole new outlook! She saw a cow. Everything is better now. But she did have to explain America to a lot of English people, which was tricky. It’s all about the rollercoasters. Meanwhile, Dan has been holding down the fort. He’s fine. He’s great! He wants to talk to Maureen about soccer, because anything is better than dealing 2025. It’s the Says Who Summer Vacation Experience.Hold on to the safety bar, SaysWhovia. No one has safety checked this ride.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

This week, Maureen is in England, where not everything is terrible. There’s tea at four. Birds are singing in the trees. A gentle breeze blows through the air. No one is being fed to alligators. Dan is in the Bad Place still, and wants Maureen to know what has been going on. Everyone is looking for the Epstein files. Trump can dismantle the government, and also, he stole a trophy! Maureen should stay where she is, feeding Marmite sandwiches to ponies.Have a cup of tea, SaysWhovia. Things, as Maureen points out, are only getting started. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Hey Sayswhovia! It is hot and it is bad and Maureen and Dan are here to help (???) you through it. And hey, as bad as things are, at least you're not Dan, whose teeth keep falling out.   Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Welcome back to regular Says Who service as Dan’s schedule starts to regulate. And good things are happening! Maureen is sewing and making froyo. Dan and Son of Dan made a video game controller out of garbage! That’s great! And there’s a bill! A big, monster of a bill, slouching toward the House. Trump and Elon are fighting again, and we finally made our first concentration camp. USA!So let’s talk about demons, tiny crocheted babies, and a hot new show that’s going to change everything.Please take your seats, Says Whovia. Our flight to nowhere is about to take off, but we are on it together. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It sure is hot out there, SaysWhovia. Especially in NYC, where Maureen has been out voting. Dan has thoughts on this, because he always has thoughts on New York and the mayor situation. This all turns out to be about sandwiches. Also, war! Maureen makes dog food!Wear sunscreen, SaysWhovia. Conditions are warming up. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan had a genuinely rough week, SaysWhovia. We’re going to have a relaxing episode with some pudding and a nice parade. A big parade. Huge. And maybe an old friend will come and sing us a song.Let’s take care of each other, SaysWhovia, and let’s have some pudding. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Everything is going great SaysWhovia. Maureen's brain is shorting out as her deadline grows near, the recording connection keeps freezing up, and Elon's popping 20 pills a day. Oh also, he has a black eye. And is definitely not high.It's fine. Everything's fine.Wolfy's!  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It’s been a messy start to today, SayWhovia. Literally. But we’re going to get through it together. Because this week, we have a delicious meal to serve up, straight from the best kitchens of the Trump golf courses. Or, from a kitchen of a Trump golf course. Come learn about the new grift!And if you feel like you’re in too deep, Dan and Maureen will send one of the new Eric Adams lifeguard drones. It won’t save you—but it will soothe you.Come sit down, SaysWhovia. It’s time to eat. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovia! Maureen is off to become a lobbiest (no really) and Dan is back in Chicago—home of The Pope, did you hear—and Bruce Springsteen is on tour out of the country where apparently he might want to stay because Donald Trump is Super Big Mad about things he said, which is a normal thing that happens. In fact, lots of normal things are happening, like RFK Junior swimming in sewage, Donald Trump being followed around the Middle East by a roving McDonalds, and JD Vance trying to kill the new Pople, who is from Chicago if you haven't heard.Anyway, nobody's at The Friends Expereince anymore Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan was in New York over the weekend and Maureen wanted to give him a window into authentic NYC living by taking him to The Friends Experience. Yes, the TV show that Dan has never seen. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho