My Spouse Died Too

The last doctor visit, and why Jane's doctor cries. Hope discussion. Did Jarie have a hope stopping point, like I did?  What love is. Jane's last written words, delivered to Jarie, after Jane dies.  Now, how Jarie lives each day, even if it's a shytty day. Try this.  Love after Jane. Is soon, too soon? Define soon. Dating and guilt.  No one else knows your path. If you're uncertain (scared to death) about dating, hear what Jarie says, because you might not have another shot. Quitting substances (except caffeine and orange-glazed scones). Jarie specifies his decisions, effects, and how this helps to not make life more miserable. Golden words of wisdom.  Link to Jarie's website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie. If you haven't listened to Parts 1 or 2, link here:  Part 1  Part 2 Thanks for listening. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Vaping to cope. THC and CBD. Jane needs Jarie to be her ROCK. Failure lump in Jarie's throat. The feeling…how anxiety and stress manifest themselves. When Jarie, the man who loves a plan, asks himself "How am I going to fix this?" And then realizes "I can't fix this!" Chemotherapy ravages—Jarie buzzes off Jane's long black hair.  Freezing your embryos. Jarie and I have a gut-wrenching intimate discussion.  Discussing death with your dying spouse. So hard. How a guardian angel social worker puts things into clear focus. Jarie describes the best gift he's ever had: priceless words Jane said to him about finding love after death. Link to Jarie's website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie. If you haven't listened to Part 1, link here:  Part 1  Thanks for listening. Join us for part 3 of 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us.  Jarie's book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir.   Jarie's memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding vows embody.  Here's the set-up… Friday, the day after Christmas 2015. Married less than two years, Jarie and Jane are San Francisco's young attractive power couple. Jarie is 45, a Silicon Valley engineer, entrepreneur, seven-book author, podcaster, blogger, and working on another start-up. Jarie is a highly functional introvert. Jarie's spouse Jane, an outright extrovert, runs the public relations firm she founded. A quenchless zest for life fills Jane, a 35-year-old fireball. Jarie and Jane work on making a baby. But after two miscarriages…diagnostic blood tests become routine. Now, the day after Christmas—after spending a few hectically fun-filled days at Jane's parent's house, it's time to drive the thirty-five-plus minutes home to San Francisco. Jarie looks forward to getting home midday and relaxing a bit before their restaurant dinner date. But Jane insists on having her next routine blood draw today. Jarie protests why Jane can't wait until the next week because it's barely the day after Christmas AND it's a Friday. The walk-in-no-appointment-necessary laboratory is on the way home. It's quick. Blood drawn.   35 minutes later, Jane and Jarie arrive home, unpack, and put their luggage away. Jane's cell phone rings. An unknown caller. Jarie says ignore it. Jane answers because restaurants often call to confirm reservations. The restaurant is not the caller--the medical facility calls. Jane's blood test results signal concern. The caller wants Jane to test more NOW. Please come into the hospital via the Emergency Room entrance. Jarie and Jane enter the ER entrance. And straight away,  escorted into a curtained section. Not even 6 minutes pass, two doctors enter. After introductions, one doctor asks Jane do you know why you're here? Jane says, because I was told over the phone my blood test was abnormal. The doctor agrees.  The doctors also ask about the small patches of red dots on Jane's tummy. The red dots appeared after the last miscarriage—severe cramping often bursts tiny surface blood vessels. Jane asks why, what about the red dots—and the doctors say they need an opinion from the on-call oncologist. Oncologist? Why an oncologist? One doctor says, well, we're not exactly sure, but it looks like you might have…leukemia. Jarie's book is the first I've read written from a widowed Man's viewpoint. Jarie's memoir NAILS it. So much echoes my own once-upon-a-time story. Jarie hands you his heart, his fears, his perceived failings. Weaknesses. Strengths. Obsessions. Addictions. Things you only tell your therapist.  Jarie's experience might parallel yours. For example, as men, we were raised to be protectors, not caregivers. An old-fashioned male archetype? In our DNA? Jarie painstakingly details his caregiving odyssey.  Losing himself in Jane's sickness, he copes by numbing. Alcohol. Pot, Caffeine. His therapist doesn't know to what extent. Jane's health declines. Jarie can't protect Jane. His self-perceived failure persecutes him. And from diagnosis to death, not even 18 months pass. Kindly observe what happens after Jane's death. Because Jarie continues his lionhearted pilgrimage— through grief and anger— to find himself, and love again.  Link to Jarie's website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Gut-busting, emphatic, grand finale. First, listen someplace where it's safe to pee your pants. Why Susan's Uber driver advises her to lock the hotel door and under no circumstances come out until morning.  Pretending all is okay--when it's not. Telling your family to shut the fuctuplets up. Is God kept on retainer? The High School Provocative Classmates Widow Group.  Susan Can't imagine falling in love again. Oh God, I'm blushing. Can you say vi-vi-vibrators? Life's three stages according to Susan: what sex, food, and bowel movements have in common. Women pee their pants. Susan gets solicited by a hot-to-trot widower looking to replace his dead caregiver. Why Susan transforms her basement into a NYC Greenwich Village Bohemian apartment. Hard and unasked questions. Regret, resentment, risk, and fear. Mark was worth missing. Why Amazon delivers 12 bottles of body wash, after Mark dies.  And there's more… If you haven't listened to Parts 1 or 2, link here: Part 1  Part 2 Thanks for listening. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give grief the middle finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Morphine, ahhhhh. Mark's last days.  Wait, what about Sofie, Mark's dying dog? The last goodbye. Mark and Sofie wear American football team Green Bay Packers sweatshirts. From the Woo Woo and Taboo Department: before Susan's birth, her mom bore a son. He died at birth. Like a shameful secret, never discussed. So how does Susan's four-year-old son know about Susan's late infant brother? Now alone, Susan says "F#@k it, I don't want to cook!" After Mark dies, Susan is pissed off at Mark. Susan discusses the metaphorical burden she carries and how she sheds it. Living alone and liking it, without guilt. Susan's kids don't think she has it "all together." Susan lies to her kids! She reveals when and why. You might employ the tactic. Soon after Mark dies, Susan, her kids, and grandkids go away for a much-needed beach vacation. What happens in 24 hours, when you add fresh grief, plus all-day-on-the-beach Bloody Marys, plus Mark's favorite Merle Haggard country music? You get a military-strength family explosion—followed by passive-aggressive silent treatment. But wait, there's more. Go and listen. If you haven't listened to Part 1, avoid rickets. Link here: Part 1 Thanks for listening. Join us for the grand finale, part 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Widowed dynamo Susan Yelton jumps into action as my guest co-host in this first episode of a whirl-wind 3 part series. The series makes you: question, agree, cry, laugh, piss you off, shake your head and your fist, say oh my gosh, and holy shyt. Susan even makes me blush! In a later episode we talk about sexuality…just listen for yourself.  You hear me turn red. A Baptist preacher's daughter, at age 16, Susan meets Mark. A long-haired guitar-strumming 19-year-old. Akin to a 60's folk singer. Instantly in love. Three years later they marry, and stay that way for fifty-two years until death do you part. But not without a roller coaster ride. Alcoholism, shame-filled cover-ups, and how they saved their marriage. Then two and a half years ago, Mark got sick. You'll hear about Gloria Vanderbilt the cat, and Sophie the dog.  Sophie's dying too… she won't leave Mark's side. You see how and why Susan keeps Sophie alive. The harsh reality of hospice. Why Mark administers his morphine. Susan won't administer it because a mysterious morphine experience haunts her. And so much more… Whether you're 25 or 95 years old, priceless gems emerge—warnings, lessons, and advice. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

"Are you sitting down?" When you answer your phone and the caller says this, does lousy news always ensue? Kady ruminates over how to deliver bad news to her teen daughter. Grief ambushes Kady. Kady details her what-ifs. Mourning what you thought could be. What Kady believes causes her grief—an eloquent explanation. Can death deliver relief? Kady's fear-filled recurring nightmare about Mikey. If you haven't listened to Parts 1 or 2, link here:  Part 1   Part 2 More EX grief stories? Listen to my sister Vickey's episode 11: Three Weddings.  (Vickey grieves the loss of an ex-husband. Ken, her ex, is the father of Vickey's two sons. First-born son Derek, a U.S. Marine, was killed in Iraq.) Thank you for listening. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give grief the middle finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Kady gives Mikey an ultimatum. Mother's little helper (the Xanax kind). Granting extra chances (breaking boundaries to stanch your pain and unease?) Kady says, "I don't need a man." Meet Kady's condominium complex busybody matchmaker, aka, Miss Pat. Wisdom from grandma. A suicide threat. Might Kady move in with a man? A poignant proposal. And Kady gets an unforeseen telephone call about her ex, Mikey. If you haven't listened to Part 1, here's the link: Part 1 More grief from an Ex? Then here's the link to my sister Vickey's episode 11: Three Weddings  Yes, and... Before you split, Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give grief the middle finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

You might label Kady's Ex a "major dyck head." Today, Kady and her new husband celebrate ten-plus years with two kids—a teen and a five-year-old. (The Ex fathered Kady's teen). And then Kady's Ex dies.  Grief ambushes Kady. Secretly grieving, Kady struggles to make sense of it. Embarrassment and shame pile on. Kady doesn't want to tell anyone. And why might someone grieve the death of a major dyck head? This three-part series details awkward young love, endearing qualities, substance abuse, loss of innocence, teen pregnancy, immaturity, growing up too fast, choosing what's best for your baby girl, sticking to boundaries, dating again, serendipitously finding a new spouse, and grieving your EX, even if your EX was an ashwhole. Thanks for listening. Podcast links mentioned: Emeric's sister Vickey's episode 11: Three Weddings  Wait, there's more! Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give grief the middle finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena

Welcome to part 2: Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals, with my guest co-host Linda Klein. Linda is co-editor of the book Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals. I shamelessly ripped off the book's title for the podcast episode title because it makes sense. If you haven't listened to part 1, please do that first to avoid brain freeze. Here's the link. In this final episode, we pick up where we left off from part one. I finish reading a once-upon-a-time story and then read one more tremendous story of spousal loss. You'll hear the author's thoughts on erasing the late spouse's last voice message. Sitting Shiva. How a piece of us dies with the dying. Does joy eventually outweigh the sadness? Resilience. Wedding ring conundrums (or How NOT to remove your wedding ring). The Mission: Normalizing loss and grief amongst doctors and healthcare professionals.  And a whole lot more. Enjoy this final chitchat with book co-editor and guest co-host Linda Klein. Thanks for listening. If you haven't heard part 1, here's the link. Buy the book at Amazon. Here's the link: https://a.co/d/a15mjX2 Our House Grief Support Center link: https://ourhouse-grief.org Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Why do professionals, surrounded by death, loss, and grief, think they must hold their shyt together for their patients, family, and themselves? For years, these professionals have been expected to bury their emotions, suck it up, and move on. Present stoically. No one must know if you seek therapy. Any sign of grief is weakness. A liability. A career impediment. What will my colleagues think of me? What will my patients think of me? What will my family think of me? I'm a pro. I can't lose my shyt. But no one, no one is spared the pain of loss, the grief, that yearning for what you can no longer have. Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and other healthcare Professionals launches the mission to normalize loss and grief, for the very same professionals who work smack dab everyday chin deep in the loss and grief swamp. The book has 17 stories of loss and grief, each story from a different writer. As the book title suggests, the writers are all involved with death and dying: oncologists, psychologists, therapists, and other professionals who work with loss and grief daily. 5 writers, write about losing their spouse. The other 12 stories concern losses, for example—parent, sibling, friend, and loss of identity. At first, I was distressed about recommending a book that includes losses other than spousal, but each of the five widowed writers could be on the podcast telling their once-upon-a-time story. And in these episodes, I read to you, two heartfelt poignant stories.  It takes tremendous courage to be vulnerable, to spill your guts. If you know someone who works in this environment, consider gifting them this book! I hope this request becomes obvious after you listen. Thanks for listening. Buy the book at Amazon. Here's the link: https://a.co/d/a15mjX2 Our House Grief Support Center link: https://ourhouse-grief.org Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Do men only care about this one thing? Putting up with abuse for too long? The Devil you know vs. The Devil you don't. Is online dating a parade of emotionally bankrupt individuals? Reality check: Recovery from losing your spouse… is bloody and painful.  Debbie's next devastating loss—her girlfriend group abandons her. Hear why. Beware, the astonishing power of loneliness.  Waiting too long to move out of the home where you lived with your spouse?  The length of time to find joy after loss.  Chivalry is not dead—but, on life support? Looking for a long-term forever commitment—does Debbie discover it? And scores more! Please embrace this final powerful poignant episode with my widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss. If you haven't listened to parts 1 or 2, please do. Links: Part 1   Part 2 The link to order Debbie's book Available As Is - A Midlife Widow's Search for Love and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the link in your Behind-The-Scenes email.  If you aren't a member, take 32 seconds and sign up at MySpouseDiedToo.com.  The link to Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and to buy her book: https://www.thehungoverwidow.com Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

After George's death, Debbie feels she doesn't deserve a future. Here's how she conquers that poisonous head trash. How colossal loneliness leads to a first intimate encounter. What really helps Debbie. How Debbie gains feedback to repair her life. Life when you are used to being half of a couple. Debbie Joins a Car Club. Why?  Why Debbie named her web and blog site: TheHungoverWidow.com. How to meet Mr. Oedipus complex. Why do mothers damage so many sons? The patriarchal dating game. Why Debbie must call for police protection.  And plenty more. Please enjoy part 2 of this wide-ranging conversation with my widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss. In case you haven't listened, here is the link for Part 1. Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and link to buy her book: Available As Is--A Midlife Widow's Search for Love If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the link in your Behind-The-Scenes email. https://www.thehungoverwidow.com Thanks for listening. Join us for part 3 of 3. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss joins us. Debbie is an author and blogger from the San Francisco Bay area.  Debbie just published her memoir: Available As Is  - A Midlife Widow's Search For Love Since Debbie's high school prom, George is her man. For over 30 years, Debbie and George dine together almost every night—then curl up in bed to wake up each morning beside each other.  After meeting a mission-critical deadline, George, a silicon valley workaholic engineer, finally seeks medical attention for a strange lesion on his chest. Results? A rare cancer diagnosis. But George keeps Debbie in the dark. George never truly divulges his condition, progress, or lack thereof. George even legally forbids his medical teams from disclosing information to Debbie! Why did George do this? Was he protecting Debbie? His elderly parents? Something else? George passes. Debbie's world stops. She's barely fifty years old. What now? Where to start?  Deb's unvarnished dark-humored once-upon-a-time story reveals her loss of identity, disabling grief, shame, naiveté, discovery, perseverance, forgiveness, grace, and hope.  Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and link to buy her book.  https://www.thehungoverwidow.com Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

In this final episode, Derek goes back to work and details his challenges as a single dad. Then Derek describes how his impulsive Facebook birthday wishes to a former high school classmate four months after Emily passed, turn into a coffee date…and more. Now, Derek contemplates dating, the timing since Emily's death, and the confusion he feels, mixed with grief. Derek tells us how he meets one-on-one with his extended family to announce he's dating. Derek gingerly admits and explains family "mixed reviews" and "a little backlash." Next— I know this is a tease, but in this final episode, Derek makes a bold announcement—listen to find out. And there's more: Why grief ambushes Derek when he folds freshly laundered clothes. Twirl and Dip. You'll hear Derek reminisce how one song, no matter if home or in public, spurs Derek and Emily to lovingly slow dance. Of course, romantic Derek twirls and dips Emily. Derek shares his one-word aspirational message, it speaks volumes. I encourage you to write the word and review it each day. And tons more. Please enjoy this final heartfelt chat with my widowed guest co-host Derek Dibbens. Thanks for listening. If you haven't heard part 1 or 2, the links are here: Part 1    Part 2 Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Deep into treatment, Derek's young wife Emily seeks a second opinion with the world-renowned cancer specialists at MD Anderson in Houston Texas. You'll hear what the doctors say, their plan.   How Derek compartmentalizes:  One moment he's a husband, the next, he's a caregiver, and at the same time, father to their baby boy.  Wearing three hats, how does he do this? You'll hear why Derek had to smuggle his baby boy INTO the hospital. And with conflicted heavy hearts, we contemplate how, with cancer treatment, it feels as if we choose to slowly kill our loved one, because, if left untreated, cancer might kill faster. Right after Emily's funeral, Derek chooses to take a road trip with his baby son. Derek explains why. And plenty more! Bulletoes She Wanted A Second Opinion Scan-xiety Cancer is fu#&ed up Valentine's Weekend The New Nightmare Please Just Go Blank Smuggling Our Baby INTO The Hospital Compartmentalizing: Caregiver, Husband, and Father Killing Her Slower Fiesta Night Angelic Hospice Nurses Father and Baby Son Road Trip If you haven't listened to part 1, here's the link. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Newlyweds in their twenties, Derek and Emily dreamt of parenthood with a kid-filled home. For six years, pregnancy eluded Derek and Emily.  One afternoon, during the summer of 2019, Emily gives Derek miraculous news "You're going to be a Dad." Infinite joy unleashes. Six months later, it's January 2020, right before the Covid-19 pandemic erupts. Emily's textbook perfect pregnancy progresses. Just three months until the due date, but something isn't right. Emily has breast pain. Prescribed antibiotics can't fix it. Emily is biopsied. Derek and Emily fear the worst because Emily's OB/GYN insists on delivering biopsy results in person. They receive a heartbreaking diagnosis. Courageous Emily starts the biggest fight of her life, for their unborn son, and herself. This challenging three-part story tests faith, shouts courage and resilience, and how Derek picks up the pieces and forges his new life as a widowed young Dad with a two-year-old son. Bullets Once Upon A Time Five Minutes On The Phone We Tried For Six Years Dude, You're Gonna Be A Dad The Biopsy Nine Centimeters, Failed Anesthesia Surgery Tomorrow To Save Your Life! Surgery During Covid: Kiss Her Goodbye and Drive Off Two Weeks After Double Mastectomy: Déjà Vu She Wanted A Second Opinion Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

"How does one recover from narcissistic abuse?" Molly explores the question. You'll hear how, despite the years of psychological abuse, Molly conjures the courage, embodies resilience, and chooses to face her new life to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. When I shared with Molly the words "…to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix," she laughed nervously because this is unbearable. A Sisyphean task. You don't "fix" yourself overnight with a couple of Brené Brown books and ten insurance-approved therapy sessions. (I own and recommend Brené's books.) The trust issues. Will Molly ever trust anyone again—especially a man? How might that impact the rest of her life? Molly can't operate in a vacuum. She's not the only one requiring repair, but the damage to her kids and their psychologically fractured relationship with Molly. What about Molly's befuddled siblings? Molly's father was ultimately duped. The in-laws. The disbelievers. The piles of shame because Dick deceived all. Yet resilient Molly—against all odds—exclaims triumphantly, "My personality is coming back!" To me, that's cause for a ticker-tape parade! As I type this, my eyes well up with tears of joy. Molly refers to a Garth Brooks song—Unanswered Prayers. Molly talks about how unanswered prayers turned out to be blessings. Hard to disagree with Molly. So much more in this final episode. If you haven't listened to parts 1, 2, or 3 do that first or you won't be thrilled. Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2   Part 3. Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Warning: Crash helmet is required for this mind-bending episode because Molly blows the roof off! If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2. Elusive puzzle pieces and climactic revelations clearly appear. The breadcrumbs, all the clues MolIy drops, lead to what I call the inconceivable twist. Molly grieves Dick's death. But, barely a week after the funeral, Molly is summoned to an emergency meeting with her husband's business department heads, accountant, and attorney. One long-time loyal employee starts the meeting by declaring to Molly, "I don't know what you've been told." Questionable business dealings are disclosed. Molly's world turns upside down. Molly soon discovers her late husband Dick is not the man everyone saw on the surface. Molly labels the real diagnosis behind Dick's behavior. And it's the essence of evil. Remember the title of this series, My Grief Was Gaslighted? Molly defines gaslighting. But worse, she identifies and labels exactly who might employ this mind-melting tactic. Molly reveals Dick's befitting mental condition—with its own special name. A person with this disorder is a stealthy perpetrator—the pure essence of evil. And Molly describes exactly how the perpetrator chooses his target. Revelations vindicate and crush Molly—because she realizes, for decades, she was the target. Right in Dick's cross-hairs, Molly was the bullseye. And there's more… Dick had a secret addiction. And secret money accounts. Secrets kept from Molly. Did others know? Molly details the corrosive mind games plied against her — and her kids. And I point-blank ask, How did you not see this? And what is grief like now? And now, what loss do you grieve? Please listen diligently to part three of my late evening conversation with widowed guest co-host Molly Murphy. If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to Part 1   Part 2. Link to my sister's podcast episode Three Weddings. Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

In this episode (2 of 4), Molly's husband Dick makes one last-ditch effort to counter his failed treatments and inescapable prognosis. Dick receives a fortuitous referral to visit an eminent cancer doctor specializing in Dick's exact diagnosis. This doctor is at a top research facility globally—Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan, New York City. You'll hear what the doctor says about Dick's prognosis—and where Dick ends up. Put on your seatbelt as Molly details relationship strains from the past, to present odd behaviors. Molly drops more breadcrumbs, more clues. If you haven't listened to part one, here's the link. Bullets Last Ditch Effort THE Eminent Doctor Says… Inexplicable Odd Moments Everything Caves In That Song Becoming Unhinged Mosh Pit Hospice Like a Loopy Five Year Old Taken Away: Food, Drinking, and Sex Ensure: The Quintessential Cancer Drink Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary