I Hear You

After over 80 years of research, Harvard scientists have identified the single greatest determiner of long-term health and happiness. And guess what—it's not money. Discover what scientists say we should be focusing on to ensure long-term happiness, and what *you,* specifically, can do today, to start working toward it.

In this foundational episode, we're talking about a core principle—a key truth—for finding greater happiness and satisfaction in life. We explore resentment—including how resentment forms in a relationship, and who’s responsibility it is to clean it up; as well as the sneaky little lies we buy into that sap our happiness and energy, as well as ways to get OUT of that victim mentality and regain our power and happiness when we feel we’ve lost it. This is a powerful principle that applies to every relationship in your life—romantic, professional, or otherwise. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e2-responsibility-the-foundation-of-healthy-relationships/

What if implementing one simple skill could improve *every* relationship in your life? Today we're talking about just such a skill, known as validation. We'll define validation and explain why it’s so powerful; explore invalidating statements and why they actually harm our relationships, even though we use them in an attempt to help; dive into fascinating research on how validation actually calms us physically, and helps us stay positive; and walk away with practical tips for applying this—and actually seeing results in your life—*today.*

In today's episode, we'll be talking about the single greatest gift you can give to another person: your attention. In today's chaotic world, those who know how to focus in on others and connect without distraction are increasingly rare. We'll discuss tips and techniques for managing our attention, as well as a simple-yet-powerful approach to helping others stay present when you feel they're not giving *you* their full attention. Show Notes & Episode Page:  https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e4-presence-the-lost-art-of-giving-your-full-attention

In today’s episode, we’ll be exploring an interesting paradox in the world of relationships—the fact that strong, healthy relationships need space. We’re going to talk about how getting too enmeshed with people—especially a romantic partner—can actually weaken the connection, satisfaction, and desire we feel in that relationship. We’ll be pulling insights from one of my favorite authors on the topic of desire—Esther Perel—and discuss ways to reclaim your individuality if you feel you’ve lost it.

Today we're exploring another foundational concept known as the drama triangle. The drama triangle is a social model that essentially explains, or puts names to, different roles people play in drama filled relationships. And once you understand the triangle and these roles, it becomes significantly easier to step out of the drama and navigate these situations with much better skill, confidence and understanding. If you run into drama at work, with friends, with your spouse, your significant other, or any other human, this episode is a worthy listen. Let's get to it. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e6-the-drama-triangle/

Today we’re diving into a tendency that the vast majority of the world struggles with. And I’m not exaggerating there. This tendency, known as codependency, is an unhealthy reliance on or concern for other people’s problems, emotions, actions, or opinion of us. And it’s a sneaky little devil, because it’s often disguised as kindness, compassion, caring, patience, and so on. We’re going to define codependency, talk about why it’s so harmful to us and our relationships, look at several examples of how it shows up in our day-to-day lives, and discuss a handful of techniques for getting out of it. We’ll be referring to codependency throughout this entire podcast series, so this is a worthwhile listen. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e7-codependency-your-happiness-matters-too

Boundaries play a key role in helping us build stronger, healthier relationships, and they also play a key role in boosting and maintaining our energy, health, happiness and confidence. If you have a hard time saying no to people, because you don't want to be rude, or maybe there's someone in your life that you're always covering for because they're acting irresponsibly, or maybe you're always helping people, but no one ever seems to be there for you. If any of these things relate or apply or sound familiar, you likely have a boundary problem. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e8-boundaries-when-to-say-yes-and-how-to-say-no

How aware are you of your day to day expectations? Of what you're expecting from life, your significant other or even strangers that you run into throughout the day? Chances are you carry dozens, if not hundreds of expectations throughout each day. And chances are also good, that you're only aware of a small fraction of them. Think of a recent interaction where you became frustrated, angry or disappointed. This could be with a romantic partner, a coworker, a friend, a family member. But what caused the upset? Did they leave dirty dishes in the sink? Did they not respond to your e-mail, your text? Or did they not invite you to go out last weekend? In most cases, the anger, frustration or hurt you feel has more to do with your unmet expectations than it does with whatever actually happened. And today, we're going to explore this. We'll explain how uncommunicated expectations are harmful to ourselves and our relationships. We're going to talk about a few simple ways of bringing awareness to our expectations. And lastly, we'll talk about ways to hold expectations, no matter how high they may be, in a healthy, positive, truth based way. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e9-expectations-the-silent-killer-of-relationships

On this week's episode of the I Hear You podcast, we're discussing 10 Ways to Brighten Someone's Day. You've likely heard the phrase "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." That's attributed to a number of different people, but I love that phrase. I love that concept, that reminder, because it's true and it's also easy to lose sight of. We often underestimate the impact of a simple act of kindness. And yet studies, and likely your own personal experience, have shown time and time again that as givers, we benefit almost as much, if not more, from the service as the recipients. So, in the spirit of giving, let's dive into 10 simple ways to brighten the lives of those around you. Note: I somehow missed #7 when recording...but it is available in the transcript in the show notes at the link below. ;) Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e10-10-ways-to-brighten-someones-day/

Today, we're going to take a moment to step back and make sure we have our ladders up on the right wall. We want to make sure we know what matters most to us in life and then to make sure that that's what we're working toward. Make sure that's how we're measuring our life, so that we're not inadvertently pushing away what matters most under the guise of creating it. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e11-how-will-you-measure-your-life/

In today's episode, we dig into how simple, subtle word choices can silently sap our power, productivity and happiness. We start off with some fascinating research demonstrating the reality of the mind-body connection and dive into 10 changes you can start making today to instantly bring greater power, productivity and happiness into your life. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e12-empowering-language/

In today's episode of the I Hear You podcast, we're talking about another foundational element of healthy relationships: vulnerability. You take vulnerability out of a relationship and you're left with a dry, transactional connection. It's like trying to keep a plant growing without water. It just doesn't work. So today we're going to talk about what vulnerability is, what it looks like and why it's so valuable. We'll clear up a couple of misconceptions, explore a handful of tips on how to increase our willingness to get vulnerable, and last of all, talk about what we can do if we feel our partner isn't very vulnerable. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e13-vulnerability/

Today we're addressing a question I've received from a handful of readers and listeners: "How do I handle certain relationships where I feel like the other person is constantly complaining?" The question most often comes up when talking about validation, because we often feel like validation only encourages the complaining and ends up draining our energy, connection and happiness. So today we'll address these concerns head on, because I can tell you right now that the solution is actually quite simple and we'll give you actionable tools and sample dialog even to help you effectively validate and support these people in your life without enabling them or sacrificing your own happiness. Let's dive in. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e14-how-to-deal-with-constant-complainers/

Today, we'll dive into five additional insights and tips that I don't cover in my book that will help you take your validation game to the next level. And what that ultimately means, of course, is that you'll feel better equipped to support others, you'll develop deeper and more satisfying relationships and you'll be more confident dealing with conflict in the workplace, in your marriage than really in any other relationship in your life. Let's dive in. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e15-validation:-honing-your-skill/

Today we're addressing head-on a harmful, 100% false belief that many of us carry throughout our day-to-day lives. And that's the belief that other people's happiness, comfort, energy, whatever, is more important than ours. It's the belief that being a good parent, a good spouse or a good employee means driving ourselves into the ground for the sake of the greater good. The truth is, if you love others, if you want your family to be healthy and happy, if you want to have a successful career and have lasting joy in it, you must put yourself first. And today, we're going to talk about why. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e16-self-care-putting-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first/

Today we discuss a topic that's absolutely essential to understand if you want to live a powerful, connected and joy filled life. Now, I know it sounds like I say that on just about every principle that I talk about on here, and that's all true, because there's more than just one thing you have to understand to live a powerful, connected life, there's a lot of things at play here. We all go through life facing hundreds of little situations, thoughts, struggles and opportunities each and every day. Our brain does a fantastic job of automating many of the more mundane task, things like driving to work each morning, brushing our teeth, taking care of tasks, etc. because it frees us up to focus our energy on more difficult items, and that's fantastic, I appreciate that. This can get us into trouble, however, when we develop harmful habits and / or are looking at life through distorted lenses. Unfortunately we all have at least some level of distorted thinking in our minds. Show Notes: michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e17-truth-vs-distortion/

Today, we're talking about comparison, a sneaky little devil that seems harmless enough on the surface, but is often the underlying cause of shame, discouragement, playing small, dragging other people down or simply not living the powerful, productive, connected life we're all capable of. Now, if you truly don't care about what other people think of you and you live your life free of shame and fear or feelings of not being good enough, then you can skip this episode. For the rest of you, stick around. I think you'll find today's episode inspiring. Show Notes: michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e18-comparison-you-do-you/

While we typically focus in on relationships and how to change our thinking and actions there, today we're taking a break from that, at least in part because while today's episode doesn't relate directly to relationships, it absolutely has an impact on them. And the reason that I'm talking about it today, is that it has an impact on your productivity as a human being. It has an impact on your dreams and on your passions and on your physical health, on your financial health and your financial stability. With really every element of your life, if you want to improve, if you want to be better, today's principal, the compound effect is one of the best ways to achieve that. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e19-the-compound-effect/

Today’s episode is a continuation of an earlier episode on the same topic: Boundaries. If you haven’t yet listened to that episode, I strongly recommend you pause here and go back and listen to that one first. Because today’s discussion builds on concepts from that episode. In today’s episode, we dive deeper into the concept of boundaries, and address the following questions: - How do I know when I need to set a boundary? - But what if their actions affect ME? - I have a hard time enforcing or holding to my boundaries. What can I do if my codependency takes over? - Are there times when it’s appropriate to set boundaries with ourselves? -What if I don’t have a good explanation for enforcing my boundary? What if the person keeps finding issues with my explanation? And more. Show Notes: https://michaelssorensen.com/podcast/e20-boundaries-201/