Garden Plots with Skeletor

Are you looking for gardening guidance but can't stand the vague, wishy-washy answers to your plant problems? Are you sick and tired of advice from people you wouldn't trust to peel an orange, much less fertilize an orchid? Well you're in luck, because it is I, Skeletor, here casting pods at you. If you know anything about my work, and you should, it's that I am the sworn enemy of He-Man and the rightful Master of the Universe! What you may not know is that I'm also the rightful master of gardening! Overwatering? Underwatering? Not sure how to water your plants? NOT ON MY WATCH. Garden Plots with Skeletor is a scheme, I mean podcast, that will save your plants from your black-thumbed buffoonery and will turn you into… well, it will not turn you a Master of the Universe, but it will make you a less incompetent gardener! With my commands, your backyard will flourish, your window boxes will blossom, and you'll finally get that cool 'urban jungle' look that people keep talking about. Most importantly, you won't disappoint me, which is something I assure you you would be wise to avoid. Subscribe to Garden Plots with Skeletor wherever you get your podcasts. Garden Plots with Skeletor! Scheming to keep your greens… green.

TREMBLE BEFORE THE TERRIFYING DEBUT OF GARDEN PLOTS WITH SKELETOR! AFTER A BRIEF AND FRANKLY UNNECESSARY INTRODUCTION OF YOURS TRULY, WE MOVE INTO AN EXAMINATION OF THE SNAKE PLANT AND HOW TO BEST KEEP IT ALIVE DESPITE YOUR CONSTANT BUNGLING! THERE IS A LISTENER QUESTION! WE EXAMINE WHETHER POINSETTIAS WILL KILL BEAST MAN! MER-MAN VALIDATES MY LONG-HELD OPINIONS! AND MY INEVITABLE CONQUEST OVER ETERNIA GROWS EVER-CLOSER BY THE DAY! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard

BEHOLD, IF YOU DARE, THE MONSTROUS VISAGE OF EPISODE TWO! WE APPARENTLY NEED TO SPEND TIME TALKING ABOUT MY NEW SOUND MINION, BUT AFTER THAT WE MOVE ON TO DISCUSSING CARING FOR PLANTS IN WINTER! I CRUSH MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT GMOS AND HEIRLOOMS LIKE THE PATHETIC VERMIN THEY ARE! I UNFORTUNATELY FIND THE NEED TO EJECT A MEDDLING MINION FROM MY RECORDING LAIR! SPEAKING OF MEDDLING MINIONS, WE EXAMINE WHETHER PARLOR PALMS WILL KILL BEAST MAN! A LISTENER INQUIRES ABOUT PLANT DORMANCY! AND THE DAWN OF MY UNIVERSAL DOMINANCE DRAWS EVER NEARER! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Beast Man: Rafael Medina

NOTHING IN YOUR PITIFUL MORTAL LIFE COULD HAVE PREPARED YOU FOR THE GRANDEUR OF EPISODE THREE! I INTRODUCE A MONUMENTAL NEW SEGMENT THAT WILL HAVE ALL OF ETERNIA TREMBLING AT MY FEET! I EXAMINE THE HIDDEN POWER OF THE OTHERWISE UNASSUMING SNOW DROP! I DEIGN TO SHARE WITH YOU THE SECRETS OF A SPECIALLY-MADE HOT BED! I EXPOUND UPON THE CORRECT WAY OF GROWING SAGE IN YOUR HOME! I RIGHTFULLY LAMBAST A BONE-HEADED LISTENER ABOUT LEAVING THE HEAT ON TOO HIGH! AND I DISCOVER ONE OF RILEY'S GREATEST WEAKNESSES, MUCH AS I SHALL SOON DISCOVER THE WEAKNESSES OF ALL MY ENEMIES! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin

LOOK UPON EPISODE FOUR, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR! YES, I'M TALKING SPECIFICALLY TO YOU, HE-MAN! I GIFT YOU WITH A SLIVER OF MY VAST KNOWLEDGE OF PEAS! WE SPEAK OF THE RUBBER PLANT AND ITS ADMIRABLY DARK AESTHETIC! A LISTENER QUESTION PROMPTS AN UNCOMFORTABLE DISCUSSION WITH A MINION WHO, FRANKLY, NEEDS TO LEARN TO MIND HER OWN BUSINESS! I ESTABLISH MY UNQUESTIONABLE SUPERIORITY OVER A PUNY HOLIDAY! AND THE FALL OF ETERNIA'S PITIFUL ROYAL FAMILY BECOMES EVER MORE AN INEVITABILITY! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Evil-Lyn: Marissa Bond

YOU CAN NEITHER RUN NOR HIDE FROM THE TERROR OF EPISODE FIVE! NOR SHOULD YOU WANT TO, UNLESS YOU FEAR QUALITY GARDENING KNOWLEDGE OFFERED IN A PLEASING AND FORCEFUL FASHION! I TALK ABOUT TRANSITIONING YOUR GARDEN AS THE WEATHER BEGINS TO CHANGE! WE TOUCH ON THE FEARSOME AND IMMORTAL TILLANDSIA AND ITS POTENTIAL LETHALITY REGARDING BEAST MAN! I GRACE YOUR IGNORANT EARS WITH PRICELESS KNOWLEDGE REGARDING CACTUS CARE! A LISTENER'S QUESTION PROMPTS AN IN-DEPTH DISCUSSION ABOUT MINIONS, OVERLORDS, AND ENEMIES IN THE PLANT KINGDOM! AND SPEAKING OF KINGDOMS, YOU'D ALL BETTER GET USED TO SEEING A CROWN ON THIS HEAD, BECAUSE WHEELS ARE IN MOTION! FEAR THE MOTION OF MY MIGHTY WHEELS! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin

hey, it's riley. skeletor didn't feel like doing one of these description things for this episode, so i guess i have to be the professional one. it's a whole thing, you'll see. anyway, we talk about finding dead plants in feral foliage. we see if swedish ivy will kill beast man. we take a question from a listener about watering their peace lily. but mostly it's mer-man going over the latest plot and explaining why skeletor's being so weird. like i said, you'll see. Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE, EPISODE SEVEN LEAPS OUT FROM THE SHADOWS! AND DESPITE THE... BRIEF SETBACK OF LAST EPISODE, MY VILLAINY IS ONCE MORE IN FULL SWING THANKS TO AN INSPIRING NEW SECRET WEAPON IN MY ARSENAL OF EVIL! BE GLAD, THEN, THAT I HAVE CHOSEN ONLY TO BRING YOU PLANT KNOWLEDGE INSTEAD OF OUTRIGHT DESTRUCTION! THIS EPISODE TOUCHES ON THAT POWER-HUNGRY HERB KNOWN AS MINT! WE SPEAK OF THE DECEPTIVELY TREACHEROUS PEACE LILY, AS WELL AS THE OPENLY TOXIC POTHOS! I ONCE AGAIN ATTEMPT TO GRANT WISDOM TO MY MINIONS, TO NO AVAIL! A LISTENER QUESTION LEADS TO A CRITICAL DISCUSSION OF FERTILIZER! AND RILEY ONCE MORE OVERSTEPS HER BOUNDS AS A MINION! THANKFULLY FOR HER, AND FOR YOU, MY MALEVOLENCE REMAINS FIRMLY FIXED ON MY INEVITABLE CONQUEST OF ETERNIA! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Beast Man: Rafael Medina

YOU MAY HAVE PRAYED FOR DELIVERANCE FROM EPISODE EIGHT, BUT THOSE PRAYERS HAVE FALLEN ON DEAF EARS! IN THIS EPISODE, I MAGNANIMOUSLY SHARE MY PRECIOUS AIRTIME WITH A GUEST, ONE WHO BRINGS AN... UNCONVENTIONAL VIEW OF PLANTS WITH HER! SHE AND I (REALLY JUST ME) HELP MY SOUND MINION RILEY WITH HER LAUGHABLY REMEDIAL BIOLOGY HOMEWORK! WE TRY AN OFFERING OF LIBATIONS GIVEN TO US BY A LISTENER! AND NOW I MUST LEAVE YOU, FOR THE GLORY OF MY MIDNIGHT GARDEN AWAITS... A GLORY SOON TO BE OVERSHADOWED ONCE ETERNIA ITSELF BECOMES MY GARDEN! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Perfuma: Meganbob Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard Lucas Brown: Himself

JUST AS THE DARKEST OF PROPHECIES PREDICTED, EPISODE NINE HAS ARRIVED IN ALL ITS HORRIFYING GLORY! PREPARE, IF YOU CAN, FOR AN ESPECIALLY EDUCATIONAL FERAL FOLIAGE SEGMENT ON THE DASTARDLY DANDELION! STEEL YOURSELVES FOR MY SAGE WISDOM ON SELECTING TRANSPLANT SEEDLINGS! TRY NOT TO BE OVERCOME BY AWE AS I ADVISE A LISTENER ON DEALING WITH UNWANTED HERBIVOROUS PESTS! AND... LOOK, LISTENERS, I'VE ONLY EVER WANTED THIS SHOW TO BE ABOUT GARDENING, BUT TWO OF MY MINIONS HAVE DECIDED TO DRAG MY PERSONAL LIFE INTO THE SPOTLIGHT! AGGRAVATING AS THIS IS, THEIR UNPROFESSIONAL QUESTIONING ACTUALLY LEADS TO SOME HIGH-QUALITY DISCUSSION ON HOW TO EVADE ASSASSINS! YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS EPISODE... IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE! NYAHAHAHAHA!   Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Evil-Lyn: Marissa Bond

YOU MAY COMMENCE THANKING ME PROFUSELY FOR THE GLORY AND WONDER OF EPISODE TEN! AND FRANKLY, I EXPECT A LOT MORE GRATITUDE IN GENERAL GIVEN THE AMOUNT OF WISDOM AND GUIDANCE I PROVIDE FOR YOU PEOPLE ON A REGULAR BASIS! SINCE I HAVE NOW PROVIDED YOU WITH TEN FULL EPISODES OF SAID WISDOM AND GUIDANCE, IN FACT, I HAVE DECIDED TO USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE A GLIMPSE INTO MY INNER LIFE WITH ALL OF YOU! CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THE DEPTHS OF MY GENEROSITY?! I POSIT THAT YOU CANNOT! LISTEN, AND HAVE YOUR WORLDVIEW FOREVER CHANGED BY THE POWER OF MY LISTS! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Whiplash: Liz Logan

REMEMBER WELL THIS DAY, FOR THIS IS THE DAY THAT YOU EXPERIENCED THE UNPARALLELED EPISODE ELEVEN! AND THIS IS AN ESPECIALLY INSTRUCTIVE EPISODE ABOUT WHY IT IS UNWISE TO CROSS OR DISAPPOINT ME! WE START WITH TALKING ABOUT HOW TO SELECT, AND THEN STEAL, PLANTS FROM LOCAL NURSERIES! BUT THAT DISCUSSION IS CUT WOEFULLY SHORT--BECAUSE OF SOME BUNGLING FROM AN ESPECIALLY INCOMPETENT MINION, WE ARE FORCED TO REVIEW THE LETHALITY OF CERTAIN TYPES OF PLANTS! AND SPEAKING OF WOEFUL INCOMPETENCE, WHAT WOULD HAVE OTHERWISE BEEN AN INSTRUCTIVE DISCUSSION ON HOME VEGETABLE GROWTH TURNS INTO A PARADE OF IDIOCY THANKS TO MORE MINION-BASED INCOMPETENCE! TAKE AN OBJECT LESSON FROM MY MINIONS, LISTENERS: THOSE WHO ANGER ME WILL FEEL MY WRATH! NYAHAHAHAHA!   Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Beast Man: Rafael Medina

ENJOY WHAT REMAINS OF YOUR PITIFUL STATUS QUO, FOR EPISODE TWELVE HAS ARRIVED TO SMASH ALL OF YOUR PRECONCEPTIONS! AFTER RILEY WASTES ALL OF OUR TIME BY REFUSING TO ADMIT TO HER OWN GARDENING INCOMPETENCE, WE GET INTO THE EPISODE PROPER BY SPEAKING ABOUT MONSTERAS! WE INTERROGATE THE MARIGOLD AND ITS POSSIBLE BEAST MAN-KILLING PROPERTIES! WE SPEAK OF THE USES OF INSECT MINIONS IN YOUR GARDEN DURING FERAL FOLIAGE! I BLESS A DANGEROUSLY IGNORANT LISTENER WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF ALOE CARE DURING LEAF IT TO ME! AND WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT MY PEACE LILY?! WHAT YOU SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT IS MY IMMINENT REIGN OVER ETERNIA, NOW MORE IMMINENT THAN EVER! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin

hey fam, riley here, and you know what that means. yup, skeletor couldn't write the description for this ep. turns out eternia has some pretty strict laws when it comes to, you know, trying to conquer the world or whatever, so he's not exactly in a position to make it to the usual recording studio, if you know what i mean. we do what we can, though. we still manage to talk about... uh, moss, i think? and something about orchids? honestly tho, a lot of this episode is a bit of a blur to me because we had some surprise guests that are just like, omg. you guys won't even believe it. i stan so hard. just listen, you'll see. Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard Prince Adam/He-Man: Kris Newton Queen Marlena: Claire Mulkerin

sup y'all, it's riley again. yeah, skeletor was still locked up for this episode, but i wasn't gonna get arrested by trying to bring the recording equipment back to his cell, so i figured i'd just wing it this week. turns out though, a lot of skeletor's minions actually have a lot to say when a certain someone isn't screaming at them constantly. evil-lyn talks about her ambitions. beast man gives his advice on the best plants to chew. mer-man reveals his surprisingly impressive credentials. whiplash honestly kind of blows my mind with his really stupid philosophy. trap jaw spills the t on why he's really working for skeletor. and i try to keep everyone from catching fire. so far, so good. Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Beast Man: Rafael Medina Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard Evil-Lyn: Marissa Bond Whiplash: Liz Logan Trap Jaw: Aaron Catano-Saez

BANISH FROM YOUR PUNY MINDS ANY MISCONCEPTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO ESCAPE FROM THE TERRIFYING POWER OF EPISODE 15--I ASSURE YOU, YOU CANNOT! AFTER BRIEFLY INDULGING ALL OF YOU WITH DARING TALES OF MY ESCAPE FROM ETERNIAN PRISON, I INDULGE YOU EVEN FURTHER BY ANSWERING YOUR INANE QUESTIONS ON-AIR! WE DISCUSS MY SHOPPING PREFERENCES! WE MENTION HOW YOU CAN APPLY FOR A MINION POSITION AT SNAKE MOUNTAIN! I EXPLAIN WHY MORNING IS NOT ONLY THE BEST PART OF THE DAY, BUT THE ONLY GOOD PART OF THE DAY! THESE AND MANY MORE PEARLS OF WISDOM AWAIT YOUR UNWORTHY EARS! AND KNOW THAT NEITHER THE IRON BARS OF AN UNJUST LAW ENFORCEMENT SYSTEM, NOR A TRULY TERRIBLE UPCOMING HOUSEGUEST, WILL KEEP ME FROM MY RIGHTFUL PLACE OF RULERSHIP! NYAHAHAHAHA! (also, stay tuned to the end for a li'l blast from the past, courtesy of yours truly <_<) Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Beast Man: Rafael Medina

IF YOU NEED PROOF OF THE EXISTENCE OF A HIGHER BEING THAN YOURSELF, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN EPISODE 16! AND THERE ARE CERTAIN MINIONS AROUND SNAKE MOUNTAIN THAT WOULD DO WELL TO REMEMBER THAT THEY, TOO, ARE BEING WATCHED BY A HIGHER POWER... ONE THAT SEES ALL, KNOWS ALL, AND IS EAGER TO DOLE OUT WELL-DESERVED PUNISHMENT! BUT THAT COMES LATER! FIRST WE GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT TREACHEROUS PLANTS LIKE THE SUNDEW! WE SPEAK OF THE BETRAYAL THAT MAY SPRING UP IN YOUR OWN GARDEN, BE IT DISEASE OR INCOMPETENT MINIONS! WE ARE PESTERED THROUGHOUT BY THE MOST IRRITATING HOUSEGUEST IN THE UNIVERSE! AND I REVEAL MY BRILLIANT DEDUCTIVE SKILLS, AS WELL AS MY TERRIBLE WRATH, IN AN UNFORGETTABLE LEAF IT TO ME! LISTEN WELL, LEST YOU TOO KNOW THE WRATH OF SKELETOR! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Hordak: Chris Sims

BEG ALL YOU WANT, PLEAD ALL YOU LIKE, IT WILL DO YOU NO GOOD AGAINST THE BOUNDLESS FURY OF EPISODE SEVENTEEN! ALL YOU WOULD-BE CULTIVATORS OF AQUATIC PLANTS CAN THROW YOURSELVES AT MY FEET IN BREATHLESS GRATITUDE, FOR IT IS IN THIS EPISODE THAT WE DISCUSS WATER GARDENS! MER-MAN, MY MOST MOIST OF MINIONS, JOINS ME ON THE MIC AND SHARES BOTH INSIGHT INTO THE BENEFITS OF WATER GARDENS, AND THE OCCASIONAL TANGENT INTO HIS OWN DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR! A PITY, REALLY, THAT THIS EPISODE'S WISDOM IS SO TAINTED BY A CERTAIN BOORISH BAT-THEMED HOUSEGUEST FROM ETHERIA WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS! AND THAT IS IT, THERE ARE CERTAINLY NO ADDITIONAL INTERJECTIONS OR SNIDE REMARKS FROM TRAITOROUS SOUND MINIONS WHOSE EXISTENCE I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE! BUT THAT IS MY PRIVILEGE, ETERNIA--TO IGNORE *MY* EXISTENCE IS TO INVITE YOUR OWN UNTIMELY DEMISE! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard Hordak: Chris Sims

ugh, i can't even with this. it's like, i get why he's mad, but he has no idea why *i'm* mad? not even a little bit? what a jerk. you know what, i'm glad uncle hordak is still around. at least then they can be jerks at each other some of the time instead of at me all the time. i guess i should probably write something about this episode. i dunno, skeletor talks about cilantro for a bit and how much it sucks. then he and uncle hordak try a drink submitted by a listener and it kind of all falls apart after that. in a not terrible way, though. i mean, it's pretty terrible for them, which is pretty funny for me. so i guess it's not a total loss. Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Beast Man: Rafael Medina Mer-Man: Nathaniel Hubbard Evil-Lyn: Marissa Bond Hordak: Chris Sims Lucas Brown: Himself

YOU CANNOT RESIST THE UNIMAGINABLE FORCE AND MAJESTY OF EPISODE NINETEEN! YES, I REALIZE THAT LAST EPISODE WAS SOMEWHAT ATYPICAL OF THIS SHOW, BUT *THIS* EPISODE... IS ALSO SOMEWHAT ATYPICAL! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT! THIS IS MY SHOW AND SOMETIMES THINGS THAT SEEM OFF-TOPIC AND UNUSUAL ARE SIMPLY PART OF A GREATER PLAN! AND SOMETIMES LINGERING ISSUES NEED TO BE ADDRESSED! ISSUES LIKE MINION-BASED BETRAYAL, LINGERING OBNOXIOUS HOUSEGUESTS, THE AFTERMATH OF EXCESSIVE IMBIBING, AND... PERHAPS... FEELINGS THAT SLIGHTLY RESEMBLE REMORSE IF, YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK AT THEM IN AN OBJECTIVELY INCORRECT WAY! DO NOT SEEK TO COMPREHEND THE VAST AND SUBTLE EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE OF SKELETOR! NYAHAHAHAHA! Cast: Skeletor: Dan Mulkerin Riley: Kit Mulkerin Hordak: Chris Sims