Claim OwnershipTwo Dicks in a Bar
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© Jesse Walcutt, Ed, Mike, & Nate
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Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join
209 Episodes
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The Dicks are excited to reshape America! Get ready to learn the new voting system… let’s make A-town Amazing Again!
With special guest Jay
The boys hit 210 and celebrate the only way they know how — by arguing about guns, addiction, traffic, housing, and whether the solar system might be conscious. Jesse’s got AI limit complaints, Ed’s got Renaissance Fest regrets, and Mike’s got opinions on bowling alley engineering. Also: Trump’s Mueller post, Rob Mueller’s death, self-driving cars as a subscription service, and the strong case for three presidents.
Jesse has officially outsourced his brain to an AI. This week he trained Claude to read his POS system’s creative spelling (“Crown Apple 750 w Flask” is apparently a different product than “Crown Apple 750”), hit his session usage limit doing bar inventory, and used it to tell him which Joe Rogan episodes to skip — which turns out to be most of them. Ed and Mike try to keep up while Jesse explains game theory, Robert Axelrod, and the prisoner’s dilemma, none of which anyone asked for. Also: online voting, casino money laundering (Mike legally cannot elaborate), and Iran’s oil fields are on fire but that’s fine.
Jesse, Ed, and Mike are back after a two-week hiatus with a packed episode. Mike’s mystery respiratory situation, a free Morton’s steak dinner that turned into an annuities seminar, and an unexpected fourth guest: Claude the AI, who holds his own pretty well against three guys who won’t let him finish a sentence. Also: nuclear drones, dark forest theory, rap battle psychology, and a Canadian named Ragnar who drove eight hours through a blizzard just to catch a plane home.
The mics are hot and the takes are hotter. This week, the Dicks tackle Trump calling an Olympian a "loser," the ethics of $9,000 medical trials (Jesse volunteers his body for science… and cash), and a deep dive into cognitive decline that actually ends on a hopeful note. Plus: Uber's broken business model, the Mandela Effect vs. government gaslighting, and why Bondi is a real American c*nt. It's loud, it's loose, and it's exactly what you need.
Grab a water (or something stronger) and pull up a stool. In this episode, the Dicks navigate a labyrinth of topics: Should John Candy be digitally resurrected for the Spaceballs sequel? How did two famous announcers not know they were brothers? And what’s the constitutional limit on federal ice agents? Stops are made for Aaron Lewis's rants, the perils of quitting vices, and the universal language of road signs. No agenda, just the flow of a great bar conversation.
The podcast where the intro is an outtake and the plot is whatever sticks to the wall. This episode’s journey includes: getting stuck in a hypothetical time loop, skipping the "begat" chapters of the Bible, designing the perfect Gremlins sock-puppet knockoff, and planning a side project for "old, scrotchety" rock covers ("Get Off My Lawn"). It's a beautifully unplanned mess—like a great night at the bar should be.
The crew opens with the finer points of personal hygiene before Jesse recounts his freezing, high-as-a-kite trip to Georgia, complete with antique posters warning of "crime, suicide, and prostitution." The conversation takes a sharp turn into the ethics of immigration policy (with some googled stats), before a warm, nostalgic crash landing into the greatest toys of the 80s—from Ewok Villages to Thundercats. It's a rollercoaster from ass-scratching to action figures.
As Jesse preps for a freezing trip to Georgia (and a legendary D&D drink menu), the conversation spirals into the nature of reality itself. Is there a secret government data center under a certain Florida ballroom? Are we living in a simulation post-2012? And why does science now say your brain isn't an adult until you're 32? All this, plus a passionate rant on remote work, resource hoarding, and whether Wile E. Coyote cartoons were ever in black and white.
The gang tackles the first "Short Attention Span Theater" episode of 2026 by trying to understand Three Kings Day, defending disc golf as "real golf," and offering unsolicited advice on growing a beard (and dealing with psoriasis). A visit from "Pittsburgh Bob" sparks a debate on regional sandwiches, while the conversation meanders through international politics, Olympic preferences, and the most aerodynamic head shapes for imaginary winter swimming events. It's a masterclass in conversational chaos.
As the clock ticks down on 2025, the conversation takes an unexpected turn when a guest reveals his estranged father—absent for over 30 years—has just shown up with a one-way ticket and no place to stay. While prepping picklebacks and debating the physics of teabagging, the crew steps back to offer raw, unfiltered advice on family, forgiveness, and the questions you may never get to ask. All this, plus a urgent meteorological theory on why Florida might be safe from hurricanes. Ring in 2026 with the most chaotic and heartfelt countdown you'll hear.
What do a celebrity murder case, 100-day sobriety bets, ceramic car coatings, and the ethics of ghosting have in common? Absolutely nothing—and that’s exactly the point. Grab a seat (and maybe a weed soda) as the guys jump from true crime to dating apps, from disc golf fails to 90s music deep cuts, in a conversation that proves the best talks happen when there’s no plan at all. No topic is safe, and no segue is required.
Our mission is simple: use ridiculous, NSFW charity events to raise money for cat rescues. Our podcast is everything else. Co-hosts and brewery reps Dan and Mike are the masterminds behind the "Vibrator Roadshow," a traveling spectacle of battery-powered madness. Each week, they drag the microphone to a different bar to recap the races, plan the next event, and get spectacularly sidetracked with the locals. It's a mix of grassroots activism, South Florida nightlife, and the kind of meandering, hilarious bar talk that only happens after a few rounds. Tune in for the cause, stay for the chaos.
The conversation bounces like a pinball in a dive bar. One minute we're hearing a "totally true" story about partying with Johnny Depp until sunrise, the next we're analyzing the psychological torture of disc golf scoring apps. In between, the Dicks solve the 1970s porn distribution network, argue about the legality of nudity (free the nip!), and try to remember if there was ever a good reason to wear a drug rug in South Florida. It's a chaotic, cozy hang for the holidays.
Our fact-checker bailed, so we're just making things up now. We explore the real first Thanksgiving (it was Lincoln, dibs), why cake is a chemical lie and pie is a fruity fraud, and how to properly hit on your bartender using only a cherry and a hair flip. It's a holiday episode so chaotic, we're surprised the pilgrims didn't just turn the Mayflower around.
Strap in for a wild ride as the conversation bounces from the competitive world of DIY disc golf putting to the dark corners of political hypocrisy. The crew dissects Charlie Kirk quotes, South Park's latest takedowns, and the never-ending Epstein saga. But the real meat of the episode is a passionate, absurd argument about the words "moist" vs. "damp" and their application to... well, everything, especially cake and underwear. It's insightful, idiotic, and everything you didn't know you needed.
The conversation is as all over the place as a drunkard's stroll. This week, the Dicks dive into a family controversy: was a nephew's school suspension for an edgy doodle justified or total bullshit? The debate quickly spirals into a chaos-fueled session featuring experimental nicotine pouches found outside the bar, a plan for a disc golf trip to the Keys, and a heated rundown of everything from Kevin Smith's filmography to the latest Epstein brother revelations. Strap in for a lesson in low-stakes degeneracy.
Our quest to outsource our personalities to machines continues. We unleash an AI-written stand-up routine so brilliant and stupid it might get us cancelled (or at least mildly frowned upon). Then, we debate the only logical next step: volunteering for a sketchy, IV-pumped DMT study to see God, or at least a convincing alien. Strap in for a episode that jumps from shitting on nepo-babies and war criminals to figuring out if you can, in fact, cheat death with a good game of Battleship. The bar is open, and our filters are closed.
The dicks are back in your ears and they're tackling the hard-hitting science behind No Nut November. Is there any truth to the "superpowers" promised by online influencers, or is it all just a sticky situation of misinformation? We dive deep into the myths of masturbation, testosterone, and sperm motility. Plus: Jesse's medical saga continues, a bizarre tequila review gets the Al treatment, and we somehow end up discussing the proper way to start a fire and the geopolitical implications of road construction. Just another normal dinner with the dicks.
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