This Week in Sparkling Water

What is really happening here? Well, water of the week is De La Calle Tropical Ponche Tepache.

This episode is obviously a companion piece to last week's episode, but stop me if you've heard this story before. I'm not kidding. If you've already heard this story, please interrupt and tell me. I am so very afraid of repeating myself and that fear is triggered here, because I simply can't remember. Did we already cover all of this? Have we been here before? This place looks familiar, but I'm not sure. Perhaps, to get over my fear, I should tell the same story every week for a year, each time finding a new way to tell it, each time telling it a little bit more boring and a little bit more amazing. Water of the week is Blackberry Lemon-flavored Functional Seltzer with adaptogens and nootropics from Hiyo.

But where does a bad mood come from? Water of the week is Alani Nu Kimade by Kim Kardashian.

Water of the week is three flavors of Singha: Yuzu Lemon, Red Lemon, and Lime Lemon.

Joakim is having a very hard time and there's nothing you can do about it. Water of the week is a bottle of Perrier from the strip club on Montecito St. Would it be rude to mention that the lady who sold me this water really needed a breath mint?

What happens in the mind of a small animal if you take away his home? What will the honeybee do if you separate him from the hive? What happens to the spider if you clean your house and destroy his cobweb? The duck without a pond? The ant without the anthill? Anyway, this week's water is Sparkling Berries from Origin.

What kind of episode title is that? Does that mean anything at all? Today, we're drinking Ginger Meyer Lemon from Aura Bora.

This week, we drink the sparkling stuff from Tahoe Artesian Water.

Everything is moving away from me and I don't know what's going on: Water of the week is Winter Sangria and Raspberry Lime from Trader Joe's.

This is from years ago and there is nothing we can't be honest about.

I don't know what it means that we keep forgetting to drink the water, but I know it's not a good sign. What else are we forgetting?

Water of the week is Watermelon Lime from Olipop.

An average human life is four thousand episodes of sparkling water, but that's not true if we're too distracted and forget to drink the water. In that case, it's even shorter.

This episode is a hardy potato soup with kale and chicken and bacon and ribeye. Water of the week is Lemon Lime from Olipop.

Today was a bad day in America. I just cannot that Coral made me go back out there. Water of the week is Hoppy Refresher from Lagunitas. Sparkling Hop Water.

Do you ever grab your longest wooden spoon and reach down into your big steel drum of butter--hoping to put some Can't Believe It! on your early morning butter toast--only to find nothing. You are out of butter. Water of the week is Black Cherry Energizing Fruit Beverage from Petey's Bing.

Yeah, let's talk about the prophet and why her hand is on my thigh. Water of the week is from Saratoga: Born in the foothills of the Adirondacks over 150 years ago, Saratoga Spring Water has been carefully crafted for a smooth taste, curating an experience of yada yada yada, yeah it just goes on forever.

The answer is No. We shouldn't. Water of the week is two flavors from Bear's Fruit: Mango Habanero and Strawberry Basil.

Such a chill topic that I am totally allowed to talk about. 100% appropriate. Water of the week is two gifts from Lilith: Blackberry Sage and Watermelon Mint from Bear's Fruit.

Let's talk about Joakim's many childhoods. Will he ever not be a child? Water of the week is PATH Raspberry Orange and PATH Grapefruit Mango.