The Quarantigers

Listen, I've never had a colonoscopy.... and thank goodness for that, right?  BUT.... I imagine that on the day leading up to having one there's some apprehension.  Some un-ease.  Anxiety.  I imagine a lingering feeling of "I know I have to get through this, but man do I wish there was another way."  No, I'm not talking about listening to this pod (but I understand how you got there), I'm talking about Tiger King Season 2.  We finally sit down to talk about the last two shows of the circus that was Eps 3 & 4.  Stick around after for thoughts on The Matrix Resurrections, MORE diverse M&M's, and a bunch of other stuff that just sort of "came up".   Special shout-out to our boy Usman from Gambia! You ad-readin, bank account phishin' son-of-a-bitch! Credits: Written and Produced by: Craig, Tye, and Dan Edited by Tye Best Boy Grip: Craig* Music from filmmusic.io Sounds from Zapsplat

Come one and all to our SECOND Christmas Special! Join Dan as he calls both of your favorite Quarantigers hosts to discuss their special Christmas wishes for you, our sporadically loyal listeners.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Brought to you by:  JB's Personal Massagers Warehouse  "We'll stuff your stockings and so much more!"

They're back! Americas most beloved crew of sociopaths and lunatics are back in our lives thanks to America's least favorite crew of sociopaths and lunatics... Netflix. So let's go back to our roots and discuss Episode 1 (among other things).

Your old pals pay tribute to a fallen comedy legend and re-live a few of our favorite jokes, routines, and bits. There is not, and may never be, another guy like Norm.

Have you ever been EXTREMELY disappointed?  K thought he was special.  You.... you thought we were going to release high quality podcasts on a regular schedule.  Sometimes things just don't go your way in this life.  Join your old pals Tye and Craig, along with newly minted Traeger owner Dan, for a discussion about robot emotions, patch notes, and more bidet talk than any of us could have anticipated.  Also, just as a warning, be prepared to be BLOWN AWAY by Dan's movie rating system.  Written and Produced by Craig Laporte, Tye Roberts, & the other guy with no taste Edited by Tye Roberts  Music by whoever we're stealing it from these days... probably filmmusic.io still, but who knows.  Zapsplat contributes unknowingly in some way. 

Everyone likes to try something new from time to time... like that strange month in 2014 when Dan wore a toupee.  #NeverForget   We decided we're going to do these smaller in-between shows to talk about stuff we've been up to AND then to reveal the next full show topic.   Hopefully this gets a little more Quarantigers in your feed for you to "mark as listened".  Think of this like the Thursday Thunder to our Monday Nitro.  Too obscure?  Google it.  It's a great analogy and you've already got a screen in front of you.  I'm not your monkey. 

Where we jumpin' fam!??! Come join our squad as we discuss the gaming and pop culture hit known as Fortnite.  A landmark episode as we're joined by our first ever live guest! (I don't want to spoil it, but his name might* rhyme with "Crustin Shimberlake" )   So grab your balloons, "Batmanners", and umbrellas (if you're not a bot), and climb on board our Battle Bus for 1+ hour of Tye talking too loudly (we'll figure this podcasting thing out eventually). * - It doesn't.  Not even close really. Written and Produced by Craig Laporte, Tye Roberts, and Dan Hirt  Edited by Tye Roberts  Music from filmmusic.io and Sounds from Zapsplat

Craig hosts a discussion of one of his favorite childhood films: 1986's Iron Eagle.   Come join us as we talk about the budding and uncomfortable relationship between Doug Masters and retired Col. Chappy Sinclair, Chappy's willingness to expose a group of children to Treason charges, and how the US Intelligence Agency is the real loser here.  Also, DO NOT miss a Quarantigers EXCLUSIVE* when Dan unearths a lengthy scene from the cutting room floor.  This episode was brought to you by up to 14-different VPN companies.  Written and Produced by Craig Laporte, Tye Roberts, and Dan Hirt  Edited by Tye Roberts  Music from filmmusic.io and Sounds from Zapsplat (mostly, I think)  * = he made it up

It was Judge Doom.  There, I saved you an hour.  However, you should listen anyway if you're interested in where "Patty-Cake" ranks on our Top 25 list of cartoon-based sex-acts. Written by Dan Hirt, Craig Laporte, Tye Roberts Produced by Tye Roberts Best Boy Grip: Tye Roberts Sounds from Zapsplat and Who Frame Roger Rabbit Music from Filmmusic.io

If you don't remember what the world was like in 2019, this is the movie for you!  Come and join possible Replicants Tye, Dan, and Craig as they discuss all 37-cuts, and even the soundtrack of 1982's Blade Runner!  We ask the hard hitting questions: Do Replicants understand life more than Harrison Ford?  Is this Darryl Hannah's finest performance?  HOW DID THEY FIND AN ACTUAL UNICORN!??!  These answers and less(!!!) can be yours with just a couple of clicks... or finger presses.. or however it is you push play on this damned app.  Good luck.  Written and Produced by: Tye Roberts, Dan Hirt, and Craig Laporte Music from filmmusic.io Sounds from Zapsplat Best Boy Grip: Tye Roberts

God rest ye merry gentlemen Let nothing you dismay It's the Christmas Special episode Stop reading and push play There's stories and Die Hard That's right there's John McClane Oh tidings of Sega and toys Sega and toys Oh tidings of Sega and toys Written and produced by Craig Laporte, Tye Roberts, and Dan Hirt Edited by Tye Roberts Sound Effects from Zapsplat Music from Kevin McLeod at filmmusic.io

Who doesn't love some good old fashioned friendly competition?  Kenny Hotz and Spencer Rice are "best friends" determined to become bitter enemies, all in the name of avoiding humiliation.   So join us on the famous red couch and listen as we discuss these two idiots/geniuses scratching/clawing/shitting/puking their way to some of the most insignificant personal victories you could possibly imagine.   Written and Produced by Tye Roberts, Craig Laporte, & Dan Hirt Sound and editing by Tye Roberts Sound effects from Zapsplat and whatever Tye says during the episode.  Music from Kevin McLeod from Filmmusic.io

There's no getting around it... you're going to hear us say "midget" and "dwarf" a lot and even try and figure out what the difference is.   Come and join us on our FIRST EVER "Watch Along" Episode, but don't get too comfortable, we abandon the format quickly because we're bad at this.  You get what you pay for.  Thanks for listening! Music by Kevin MacLeod @ Filmmusic.io Sounds by Zapsplat Complaints can be sent to thequarantigers@gmail.com

Have you ever wondered what three straight guys would say if they were forced to watch Mean Girls?  If you're not Tye's sister, I'd bet the answer is "Not even for a second."  Anyhoo,  come and listen in as Dan gets awkward and Ty and Craig try and find good things to say about stuff other than LiLo's questionably legal upper-half.  We get the "heavy flow" and "wide -set vagina" jokes out of the way early, so don't worry too much.   Credits: Written and Produced by Craig Laporte, Tye Roberts, & Dan Hirt Edited by Tye Roberts Sound effects obtained from https://www.zapsplat.com Music from Kevin McLeod @ Flimmusic.io

In today's climate, what is more commendable than giving the power back to the people?  Nothing!  Well, we put the power into YOUR hands... kinda.  You folks provide the suggestions, but we still make the pick.  I mean... it's more power than you usually get... but it's still our show.  Don't be greedy.  You power hungry heathens.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.   Come and join Craig, Tye, and Dan (on his 101st podcast!) as we discuss, narrow, and disqualify all but ONE from the list of 13-listener  suggestions (THIRTEEN! Thanks Fam!) for Episode 4 of The Quarantigers Season 2. Music by Kevin MacLeod Sound effects from Zapsplat

Welcome back friends!  Like most of the worlds current and past problems, the blame lands squarely on the shoulders of Norway.  Come along as we discuss the John Carpenter masterpiece, 1982's "The Thing"!!  We'll try and figure out why a gaggle of "researchers" would try to kill The Thing with fire over and over again despite the early and clear revelation that fire does not kill The Thing!     If you don't want to listen that's fine, we're all busy sometimes.... but in the wise words of MacReady: "Yeah, fuck you too!" Music from Kevin MacLeod @ filmmusic.io Sounds effects from Zapsplat Poor taste and humor courtesy Craig, Tye, and Dan.

Listen, we all make mistakes.  Jake Cardigan got himself framed and cryogenically frozen for murder.  Walt Bascom ordered a bunch of SUPER noisy computers for his office.  Warbride STILL doesn't know her OWN NAME!  And Dan.... while Dan chose this legendary piece of shit for us to discuss on the latest episode of The Quarantigers!  Come along as we struggle to explain what the hell is happening in the year 2044 and realize that these are all just people from other 1990's Sci-Fi shows.

The boys are back!  We kick off Season 2 with Craig's first choice for a show topic, the 1984 hit Footloose.  Come and listen along as we recap the journeys taken by new kid-in-town Ren (Kevin Bacon), Local faith leader Reverend Shaw (Jon Lithgow), and the Reverend's daughter Slutty McWhoreface (Probably not Darryl Hannah), along with their trusted gaggle of closeted professional dancers.  Find out what their lives in Bromont, Oklahoma were like during the dance-ban of the 80's in this thrilling documentary! Music by Kevin Mcleod from filmmusic.io Sound Effects from Zapsplat

THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! Your old pals Craig, Dan, and Tye are BACK with a few new tricks up our sleeves and a laundry-list of top secret show topics!  We're just taking this moment to slide into your DM's like an unsolicited D%$K-pic to let you know what's coming.   So listen to this trailer and keep an eye on that feed because WE ARE BACK!

The world is falling apart, but we did it fam! Join your old acquaintances Craig, Dan, and an uncharacteristically drunk Tye as we break down the FINALE of Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, & Madness!  That's right kids, this is the end o' the line for our friend Joseph Maldonado-Passage, but we're not going anywhere (yet)!   We expected this one to be short and sweet, but a mistakenly strong mixed-drink by Mr. Roberts tacked on an extra hour of unfettered emotion and apologies.   I hope you all enjoy this one as much as I did.