My Journal - Agatha Nolen

I’ve had a disordered relationship with food for all of my adulthood. It began after my brother died when I was seven and I developed stomach aches every morning at school. My teacher would take me down to the school nurse each morning for cinnamon toast until I felt better. (I came from a small town, and everyone knew everyone; my teachers were all friends with my mother). Although the morning feeding was helpful and after six weeks, I was able to stay in class all day, I associated food with the solution to my emotions. Whether it is grief, sadness, anxiety, happiness, or despair, my mind signals that I need to eat. Not based upon hunger, but exclusively based in response to an emotion I am feeling.There have been times when I’ve dealt with this dysfunction better and sometimes worse. During some times I’ve stopped eating hardly anything, and during other times I eat nonstop. I know this yo-yo eating can’t be good for me, so I’ve tried to moderate my eating, not necessarily as a hunger response, but at least trying to eat in moderation. How does this fit in with simplicity? I have come to realize that I think about what I am going to eat virtually all the time. It is very time-consuming to dwell on one activity in a never-ending loop. In praying in preparation for Lent this year, I decided to try the spiritual discipline of fasting. I’ve tried it in the past and always failed, but I wanted to try it again thinking that if I wasn’t constantly thinking about food, I’d have more time to think about God.For the first two weeks of Lent, I’ve chosen one day each week where I only drink liquids. It has amazed me how much freedom that day gives me when I’m not worried about what I’m going to cook (or order) and when I’m going to eat. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought, and it makes that day much simpler. I don’t know if I’ll be successful through all six weeks of Lent, but it has brought me a new perspective on my destructive eating habits and how they can be changed. I hope that you’ve found a spiritual discipline this Lent that is giving you a simpler life, too. Blessings, my friend,Agatha

Incorporating simplicity into my life isn’t a one-time “cleaning out.” I want it to be a lifestyle change that makes a difference for years to come. This week I am tackling my pantry. It isn’t huge, but it’s stuffed with assorted non-perishables that I’ve acquired over the years since the pandemic. In some cases, it was easy to buy “giant-sized” purchases from Amazon and Costco during the pandemic, but I also realized that there are remnants of unrealized dreams in my pantry, too.There was the phase where I was transitioning to “more natural” eating. Not bad in itself, but some of the items I acquired turned out to not be very tasty. I tried them in a few recipes back in 2020 and the rest of the bag has stayed on the shelf. I think it’s time to admit that I just don’t like organic Goji berries.In the past few weeks as I’ve been methodically going through my possessions, I realize that a lot of my purchases have been for attributes which I wish I had. I by potting soil and mulch, not because I need it, but somehow it represents taking care of the earth. I would like to think I am a good steward, and my possessions reflect that.I have many “organic” items in my pantry. I don’t know if they are really better for me than “non-organic”, but I can see in them my desire to be healthier. I think just by buying them, I should be healthier!I’m going to stop and think when making purchases. Am I buying this because it brings the real me joy, or am I buying it for the person I wish I was? In the past my buying habits may have reflected who I wanted to become rather than who I am.  I’m only going to buy things that are useful to the “real me” in the present moment.With Ash Wednesday this coming Wednesday, I’m going to try to think more thoughtfully about what I buy to eat, what I eat and why. I’m going to try intermittent fasting at least a couple of days a week. I think practicing a better relationship with food (and my pantry) will be a good spiritual discipline for my Lenten season.Blessings, my friendAgatha   

This coming week I’m going to be focusing on Simplicity in Possessions. I know that this isn’t easy and will actually be a commitment to a lifestyle change, but I need to start somewhere! I realized that I have areas of my house where I have stored away things purchased during the pandemic. Some of them are “case quantities” of everyday items that were only available from Amazon or Costco in large quantities, and others are things that I thought I needed to prepare for a new lifestyle under the pandemic. I have a “pandemic junk drawer”, a place in my master closet where a few things have been carefully stacked for 4 years and a hall closet that I converted to an additional pantry. Just this weekend I’ve identified a few items and new philosophies that will bring me some more space and a bit of simplicity into my life: 1.     I have a case of tea bags from the pandemic. This is in addition to the normal stock that I have in my food pantry in the kitchen. I’ve started drinking a cup of tea each evening, and I have an estimated 200 tea bags on hand. I plan to go through them to see if any have expired and for the remainder, I will share them with friends. (This is in addition to the hot chocolate mix, hot fruit tea mix, etc. also from the pandemic).2.     When no one was coming to the house, I thought I was going to become a superb gardener. I bought soil, mulch, pine chips and a fertilizer spreader (that is still in the box). This week, I’m going to use what I can, but I’m not fooling anyone. I have a lawn guy that mows, mulches, aerates, overseeds, and fertilizes. Surely someone I know can use a small fertilizer spreader.3.     I have a drawer full of masks, hand sanitizer, and assorted other pandemic-related fashion statements (mostly alumni masks). Oh, and expired COVID tests. So, I’m going through those also, throwing out the expired tests and keeping a few masks for future use. The government has extended some of the expiration dates on COVID tests so I’ll check those first, but if they are really expired, out they go. (You can check COVID test expriation dates here: https://bit.ly/4927fPp). 4.     I still have 100+ plastic bags from all the groceries I ordered on-line. We help serve food at the Church of the Holy Trinity, one of our downtown Episcopal Churches, once a month and the guests always ask for a plastic bag. A nice way to put them to good use. I know that simplicity of possessions is not easy, but I hope to start changing my lifestyle to bring fewer things into my life and start moving more things out. I think a negative “net” (more moving out than coming in) will be the secret to long-term success for me. In what ways are you using possessions to bring simplicity into your life? Blessings, my friend,Agatha

image from wayhomestudio on Freepik I’m in the M.Div. program at Duke Divinity and this term I’ve chosen by personal focus to be on Simplicity as a spiritual discipline. Last week I looked at “Simplicity of Time”, wanting to return my relationship with time to a place of holiness. In reviewing Guenther’s chapter on simplicity, I kept coming back to her comment, “do I really need to know what the weather is going to be like in Berlin, today?” I realized how much time I spend each day checking my phone for information that may be important, but not to me. I check the weather multiple times a day, even when it is clear, and I always want to see what my friends are up to on Facebook and Instagram. I’ve tried a few things last week to check my phone usage and I estimate I’ve saved at least one hour per day! That hour has been a time of rest/relaxation that I haven’t had in a long time. I’m planning to keep at it again this week to see if I can make it permanent. I realized also that I pick up my phone when I’m bored, or when I’m faced with some difficult homework assignment that I’m trying to avoid. Asking myself why I keep picking up my phone is important also in breaking those bad habits I’ve acquired. This is what I will be focusing on this week.I subscribe to a number of notifications of retail vendors that I frequent because I like to know when they have sales. But instead of clicking on the REI email each time just to “see if there is anything I need”, I’m first going to ask, “Is there anything I need from REI?” If the answer is “No,” I’m going to delete the email without going to their website to look at the sale items. I’m going to unsubscribe from all notifications for vendors that I didn’t subscribe to (I’m sure someone sold my information as I didn’t sign up for all these notices). Although it takes time to unsubscribe, I think it will save time in the long run.I’m only going to check the weather once each morning, unless there is a significant storm predicted for the area. Throughout the day, I can look out the window as I contemplate creation and figure out the weather.I’m only going to check Facebook and Instagram each evening. (This should save me a lot of time). Why do I feel like I need to know everything about my friends the minute that it happens? I’m going to eliminate multi-tasking as much as feasible. When I’m listening to music, I’m going to listen to music. When I’m writing a homework paper, I’m going to write. When I’m watching a movie, I’m going to watch the movie. When I eat dinner, I’m going to eat dinner. My life for a number of years has been structured around constantly trying to “get caught up”. I am much more productive and efficient when I can concentrate on one task and not let my mind wonder. I’ll be back next week to share with you how it goes. I had great feedback last week as one of my readers suggested that we should make time each day for some “Sabbath”. I’m incorporating that into this week’s plan, too! Blessings, my friendAgatha  

The Holiness of Time, SSJE.org Margaret Guenther in her book, The Practice of Prayer, says that simplicity calls for a “radical trust that does not come easily.” I’m glad to hear that it’s not second nature; I’ve been trying to lead a more simple life for decades. I either fail miserably or seem to have success for awhile and then slip back into bad habits. Maybe I’m looking at simplicity from the wrong point of view. Guenther talks about attempts to return to nature by growing her own food and pumping water from her yard. I agree that it may be simple, but for me it is also impractical. There are things that I’m good at but relying on the earth totally for my subsistence is not one of them. My focus this term in my Formation for Ministry class at Duke Divinity is Simplicity. It seems like it should be easy, but instead it is really hard. Perhaps if I take it slower over the next 8 weeks, I’ll have a better chance of figuring out what Simplicity really is and how it can provide me with freedom in my life.  One area that Guenther discusses is simplicity in time. She concedes that our lives and the lives of our families have become tightly scheduled to a degree unthinkable even a generation ago. But I still have 24 hours each day, just like everyone else. Guenther recommends returning to the intentionality of Sabbath even if we can’t manage a full 24-hours at one time. She talks about how we waste considerable time joylessly leaving the television on after our favorite program is over or reading the news for more than we need. She asks, “does it really matter to me what the weather is like in Berlin, today?” I am guilty as charged. This week, I plan to make a few changes toward an intentional Sabbath:1.     I’ll go to bed and arise at approximately the same time each day.2.     I’ll keep a time diary and log my “Sabbath time”, even if it is only in 1 hour increments. Tracking my Sabbath time may help me see where I can be more intentional.3.     I’ll schedule regular in-office hours for my part-time job at church.4.     At least once per day, I’ll schedule 15 minutes of Sabbath time in my calendar. I’ll let you know how it goes as I make progress toward simplifying my time and returning time to a place of holiness in my life. I’m interested in your comments, too. How have you been able to simplify your life in the area of time? Blessings, my friend,Agatha 

 On December 27th each year, we celebrate the Feast Day of St. John the Evangelist, writer of the Gospel and letters, and who many believe also wrote Revelation. St. John’s Gospel is my favorite as I find it to be a constant encouragement and reminder that I am loved by God; I don’t have to earn my way into heaven. The readings for the day include the story from John’s Gospel (21:9-24) when Jesus appeared to the disciples on the beach after the Resurrection and invites them to breakfast. He asks Peter three times if Peter loves him and of course Peter answers, “Lord, you know I love you.” Jesus responds, “feed my lambs,” “tend my sheep,” and “feed my sheep.” I’ve been thinking a lot about pastoral care and how we are all called as followers of Jesus to care for others. Not just to say that we care, but to perform outward signs that show that we are caring for Jesus’s sheep. My church, St. George’s Episcopal Church in Nashville, has participated in the Room in the Inn Winter Shelter program since 1986. We house 12 male guests twice a month, sharing a hot dinner with them and providing lodging for the night. We get them up early for breakfast and send them with a lunch to-go. This happens from November to March each year when the Nashville weather can turn cold. It was 32 degrees the morning of December 22nd when our group of ladies from Room in the Inn boarded the bus to be returned to Room in the Inn campus in Downtown Nashville. I was glad they hadn’t slept outside the night before. It was the first time we’ve hosted women, and it was a delightful evening. A family came to make the cots and set the dinner tables. Another family and other volunteers brought food and served the dinner meal as we followed Jesus’s command to “feed His sheep and lambs”.  We had an opportunity to eat with them and hear some of their stories. I served as an innkeeper with another lady as we spent the night, and lady bus drivers had an opportunity to “tend Jesus’s sheep” as they returned them to the Room in the Inn downtown campus.  We’ve scheduled more dates to host both Men and Women in 2024 in the Room in the Inn Winter Shelter Program. Jesus needn’t ask, “Do you love me?” When we love Jesus, we show Him by taking care of our neighbors. Blessings, my friend,Agatha

I’ve just returned from my second hike of the Camino de Santiago in Spain. I had such fond memories of my first trip in 2019, I wanted to go back since the day I returned. On the first trip I had gone not knowing anyone on the trip who then became my friends. This time I wanted to return to show friends the beauty and romance of the Spanish landscape and its people. One thing I missed on my first trip had become a quest. Over twenty years ago, I began reading books and poems by St. John of the Cross. St. John of the Cross was born in 1542 in a Spanish town close to Ávila. In 1567 he was ordained a priest and worked with Teresa of Ávila to reform the Carmelite order to bring it back to its primitive roots. His most familiar poem, Dark Night, describes how God purifies the soul passively and brings the theological life to perfection. There are two fundamental conditions in the spiritual process. There is the painful passage through the dark night and then the unspeakable joy of encountering God. I experienced that “dark night” on my first Camino in 2019 when I was walking the longest day of 18 miles. It wasn’t so much the physicality of the walking that became the dark night, but it was my inability to keep my mind occupied. It was only when I concentrated on Christ that I was able to overcome the darkness. St. John was noted for his writings and teachings, but he also produced a small drawing of The Crucifixion around 1575 when he had a vision at the Monastery of the Incarnation in Ávila. We were unable to go to the Monastery on my trip in 2019 but it became an obsession of mine to see this small drawing. My quest was realized this year. This sketch was revolutionary that anyone could claim to be so united with God that he would view the crucifixion from God’s perspective. This tiny drawing spurred a painting by Salvador Dali in 1951 that is in the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum in Glasgow. My quest is fulfilled. The drawing is breath-taking. Blessings, my friend, Agatha

It was hot this Summer in Nashville, like miserably hot. I had stopped walking in my neighborhood because of the heat; even my gold retrievers thought the pavement was too hot for their paws. We’d play a bit in the backyard, but then they’d even beg to come back in the house.Today it was a delightful 61 degrees in the early morning and my church has re-started a Walk in Love Gathering at Edwin Warner Park which is only minutes from my home here in Nashville. It was lovely to take a stroll with a small group as the morning unfolded. First, we heard a few Celtic prayers and then for the next 15 minutes we walked in silence each meditating on the Scripture and asking how it was impacting me personally.We stopped for a few minutes to share our stories and they were all different! We’d heard the same readings, but they meant something different to each one of us!We continued on, chatting for the rest of the walk, turning to double back from a bird blind on the Hungry Hawk Trail.I’d forgotten how nice it is to start the day with a walk with friends. In a March 2023 guest essay in the New York Times. Andrew McCarthy wrote, “Whatever the Problem, It’s Probably Solved by Walking.”McCarthy quotes writer Rebecca Solnit that walking “is how the body measures itself against the earth.” McCarthy adds, “and through such physical communion, walking offers up its crowning gift by bringing us emotionally, even spiritually, home to ourselves.”I’m planning on doing more walking, not just to get from point A to point B, but more of a wandering, letting the earth rise up to meet my feet, and letting my head clear in the fresh air of fall. Blessings, my friendAgatha(Photo of bird blind on Hungry Hawk Trail)  

I always enjoy hearing from my readers, but this recent email is special: from Barbara, a “wife, mum and nanna in the UK.” Barbara writes: I just wanted to send you a little message to tell you what a blessing your book “You are loved: praying with John” is being to me. I am fairly new to praying with beads, and recently felt a drawing in my heart to grow in my belovedness, and to pray with Scripture, so your book seems heaven sent to me! Several years ago, I did a wonderful Ignatian prayer journey with a spiritual director, which took a year to complete. It was a very precious time to me, and something very special happened during the week of praying about Jesus being baptised, and hearing His Fathers voice calling Him His beloved Son. I had been in a small shopping centre where I live, called The Royal Star Arcade, and as I was coming down some stairs, the warm sun was shining through a window, and a song began to play in the background. It was ‘My Girl’ by the Temptations. It seemed just for me, and sparkled with something heavenly, and so I whispered “Lord, could that be You singing Your love over me?” Well, since that day, He has sung it over me many times, and in such lovely ways. I remember going to sing to patients in our local hospital for the very first time, and feeling very nervous - I walked into my very first ward, and what should come on the radio, but “My Girl!” The reason I am sharing this, is because despite His wonderful kindness to me, I don’t always feel like His beloved, which is probably why He has led me to your book! But…yesterday, while isolating and sitting in bed with covid, I quietly prayed through chapter one using my prayer beads. I sensed a couple of places where my heart was particularly drawn, and afterwards decided to write down what He might be saying to me… “My child, I see you, even at times when you’re not aware of it. I know you…” As I wrote ‘I know you’ I couldn’t believe what happened, for suddenly I could hear “My Girl” playing on the TV downstairs on a program that my husband was watching. I just closed my eyes in wonder and thankfulness, and then wrote… “…and you are truly My Girl.” This has so lifted my heart, and came about because of your lovely book, and I just wanted to write and let you know that ‘His overwhelming, abiding love’ that you mentioned in the preface…is coming through just as you had hoped!  Many blessings, in His wonderful love,Barbara Thank you, Barbara, for echoing that we are always God’s beloved. Blessings, my friend,Agatha  

It is good to read the stories in the New Testament and have a general idea of the meaning or lesson that the Gospel writers were trying to convey in capturing the teachings of Jesus. But it is even more meaningful when you see the story being lived out in our modern world. The Church of the Holy Trinity is an Episcopal Church in the Diocese of Tennessee located in downtown Nashville just a few blocks from the Rescue Mission. The church holds a worship service every Sunday at 1 PM for everyone in the neighborhood. After worship, they feed everyone a hot lunch and then have sack lunches that they can take with them. My church, St. George’s Episcopal Church is in the same diocese, and we support their “Church in the Yard” worship service and feeding program on the 2nd Sunday of each month. We have one team that cooks and assembles sandwiches on Saturday and then we attend worship and serve food on Sunday at Church of the Holy Trinity. Yesterday was a very special day. It had been raining the weekend, so it was too muddy to have worship “in the yard” and the air conditioning had just gone out in the main church, so we had worship and fed everyone in the parish hall adjoining the church. We had 58 participants who attended worship and then 120 people who came for the hot lunch and sack lunch-to-go. It was a glorious day with people from all different nationalities and at different points in their journeys. One of our guests was helping to pick up the disposable dishes and trash after people finished eating and asked if we could reserve a hot lunch (pasta bake and roll) and sack lunch with water and hold it for him since he was busy helping others. We put his lunches and water back to the side so he could retrieve it when we had finished feeding everyone. After one hour and 120 people, everyone was fed, and we were out of food and water. We were finishing cleaning up and had locked one door when a lady walked in and said, “Do you have any food?”. I was apologetic and told her we had completely run out for the day. She said, “What about water? Do you have any water?” Again, I told her I was sorry, but we had given out all the water that we had. Just then, the gentleman helping with the trash came over and hearing the conversation, pointed to the lunches we’d reserved for him. He said, “Give her those”. We wanted to make sure we’d heard him correctly and asked, “Both lunches and the water? You want us to give her those that we’d saved for you?”  He said, “Yes, everything”.  As I handed her the hot lunch, lunch sack and water she started to cry as she walked off. Of course, I was reminded of Jesus’s story in Mark 12:41-44. As the wealthy were putting large amounts of money into the temple treasury, Jesus took the disciples aside to explain to them how much more of a sacrifice the widow’s offering of a few coins was because she gave out of her poverty and put in everything in the offering that she had to live on. That is what Jesus asks of us, too: to be willing to give up everything we have in His name. Blessings, my friend,Agatha

This Thursday of Holy Week is known as Maundy Thursday where we commemorate the Last Supper where Jesus celebrated his final meal with his disciples. After washing His disciples’ feet as a sign of humility, Jesus gave them a new commandment, “"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another" (John 13:34).  In Nashville this past week, we have experienced unspeakable grief with a school shooting at The Covenant School where three children, three adults, and the assailant perished within just a few minutes. We have unanswerable questions that keep swirling as to why a young person wants to take their life as well as the lives of others. It is as if the crucifixion was moved up on the calendar one week so we hear Pilate’s words to Jesus, “What is truth?” But Jesus knew that Thursday that the end was near; less than 24 hours remained in our Lord’s earthly life. Events moved rapidly that evening: there was prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, betrayal by Judas, the arrest, mock trial, painful beating, the long walk to Golgotha and execution. In the Maundy Thursday service is the ancient custom of the Church in stripping the altar where all signs of comfort and life are removed to symbolize His suffering and death. Everything is removed, the altar cloths, the chair cushions, the candles, the prayer books. There is a silence that hovers as we watch in horror when we recognize that all our creaturely comforts are being removed from our lives, too. Tears begin to flow with small sobs as we realize the injustice that still exists in the world when an innocent people are killed. The church lights are lowered, almost extinguished. There is just enough light for people to trudge their way out in silence, contemplating what it would be like if it were us going to our death in 24 hours instead of Him. This year we gather again at 7:30PM Thursday to be reminded of our finitude and our fallenness as human beings. We have failed and we will fail again as evidenced by the condemning of an innocent man. This year we will also remember the other souls taken too soon who now rest in peace and rise in glory. Please join me at our Maundy Thursday service at 7:30PM, St. George’s Episcopal Church, Nashville, TN. Blessings, my friend,Agatha  

We wonder why it seems like God doesn’t hear our cries. With Lent around the corner, I’m reminded of days of fasting and abstinence growing up in the Roman Catholic church. There was a sacrifice involved, but it was hard to not forget and accidentally eat meat on a Friday. It didn’t seem that fasting brought me any closer to God.In Isaiah 58, we hear the prophet crying out as it seems that God isn’t listening. The prophet begs for God to acknowledge the people and points out that they are fasting, worshiping, and studying the word of God all the time. Why does God continue to ignore their pleas?In verses 6-9, God responds and is clear. God doesn’t want our fasting or even our worship, what God wants is for us to “break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed and cancel debts” (MSG). God wants us to share our food with the hungry, find homes for the homeless, put clothes on the ill-clad and be available to our own families.Fasting, worshiping and studying are not bad in themselves. But unless they result in actions to love our neighbor and help others to flourish, God will continue to ignore our pleas.I’m still contemplating where I will focus this Lenten season with Ash Wednesday only a few weeks away on February 22. I may fast some, I’ll continue to worship and study the Word, but I also plan to spend time taking care of God’s creation. My inword contemplation has to lead to outward actions for God to take notice and “turn the lights on.” “Then when you pray, God will answer.” Blessings, my friendAgatha

At Duke Divinity School, the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health offers monthly webinars via zoom. I’m looking forward to the one this week: Spirituality, Recovery and Resilience: A Holistic Bio-Psycho-Social Spiritual Approach to Mental Health Treatment. (Anyone can join the free webinar: Tuesday, Jan 31, 2023, 11:00-12:00 CST. Zoom: https://duke.zoom.us/j/94380012247?pwd=aTZ2bUxWSWtQaG05bmFlNEQ4VXBpUT09) I’ve been reading a lot about the changes the pandemic had on us socially: we’ve become more isolated and in many cases, lonely. That has manifested throughout the U.S. in tragedies such as an increase in deaths from opiate addiction and mass shootings as well as more subtle outbursts of anger and hopelessness on social media. As a pharmacist, I practiced only occasionally in the area of psychopharmacy, but always wanted to know more about how our healthcare system considers mental health and ways that we can increase awareness. In my M.Div. program at Duke, I am also now interested in how spirituality and religion intersect with mental health. Growing up, talking about mental health issues was taboo. In the recent hit, Encanto, the number one song is “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” in which Bruno is a family outcast and goes into hiding in his home. The first thing I thought was that Bruno had some issues that the family didn’t want to deal with so he was banished from being recognized as part of the family. Watching Encanto for the first time made me realize that I have had mental health issues that I have “brushed under the rug” too. I’d become anorectic for a short time during my freshman year of college and that depression-caused eating disorder returned again during my treatment for breast cancer in 2008. It was never clear if my mother had become disoriented and taken too many morphine tablets or if was a more intentional desire to end her life when she was dying of cancer. One of my children threatened suicide prior to an intense two years of rehab and therapy and my husband had admittedly tried to drink himself to death during a time when I was in South Africa on a mission trip. I’ve had family members addicted to alcohol. Close friends have had friends or offspring with difficulties coping with life and unfortunately, some have resulted in suicide. I have to first ask myself, “Why don’t we talk more about mental health and wellbeing?” I know that it seems like a somber topic, but we can’t keep pushing it aside. On my blog, the page that gets the most ‘hits’ is “Healing Prayer: For Those Suffering From Addiction.” I’m going to start talking more about it and asking my friends frequently, “Are you okay? I’m here to just listen if you want to talk.” It’s just a first step, but an important one in bringing Mental Health Awareness out into the sunlight. Blessings, my friend,Agatha

Many of us had high expectations for 2022. After two years of the pandemic, 2022 had to be a better year. I heard a lot of people anxious to get back to “normal” and others vowed to make some changes and be thoughtful in their commitments. We were all relieved that the pandemic had subsided and that we had medications that at least made for lesser symptoms but did 2022 step up to our expectations?This past week I’ve talked with many people who expressed disappointment that 2022 wasn’t what they had hoped. For me, I spent a lot of it recovering from emergency knee surgery which caused a lot of changed plans. I was thankful that I made it to my high school reunion in July but other trips with friends had to be cancelled. Twelve weeks with no driving and twenty weeks of physical therapy consumed my year as a constant reminder how physical limitations cause schedule adjustments. I was thankful for good friends who got me to doctor’s and physical therapy appointments and brought me food.One close friend mused that we should lower our expectations for 2023. Maybe we want for too much. Wanting less will not change the circumstances but will at least cause us to see the year in a different light.I’d like to suggest that we ask a different question. Instead of asking if 2023 will be a better year, as Christians we only have one question to answer: “Do we trust that God will make everything right?” This is a much harder question to answer, but more practical when we have hope that eventually God will make everything right and there will be a new heaven and earth. It might not happen in 2023, or even in our lifetime, but we must believe that in eternity, God will conquer evil where there will be no more tears, and death will be no more.To all my friends who have lost loved ones in the past few years, or had their expectations dashed: we may experience disappointments and chaos again in 2023 but we must trust that God will make everything right.Blessings, my friend,Agatha

I feel best when I am serving others. In recognizing and helping with the needs of other people, it forces me to focus on someone other than me. It prevents me from being self-centered and wanting everything to be perfect in my world. I am blessed with abundance in my life, but it is easy for me to take the bountiful harvest for granted. There are always needs to be met if we are willing to look outside of ourselves. Yesterday, I had the privilege of helping a sister Episcopal church in Nashville with their Church in the Yard (CitY) service. Every Sunday this downtown church provides an outdoor worship service and then feeds anyone in the area. The Rescue Mission and Room in the Inn for the homeless are just blocks away and people come to worship in the church yard and then stay to eat. The plan is always for worship and food, but today it was too cold for an outdoor worship service. We still served a hot meal of pulled pork, cole slaw, and rolls and everyone got a sack lunch to go. We had 95 people to share lunch with today and it was a blessing for me to be able to participate in this wonderful ministry. We’ll continue to serve on the 2nd Sunday of each month as the weather gets colder and the needs become greater. Blessings, my friend,Agatha

I seem to need to “return to center” frequently these days. The news across the world is tragic with wars and human oppression. The news seems relentless in its ability to promote anxiety. Regularly, I need to stop and to pray, but first I need to settle down into the right frame of mind to listen to what God is speaking to me. When I need to re-center, it is almost always that I turn to music before i am ready to return to God.I have always loved all kinds of music but have been most intrigued by classical music. A few years ago, I invited a friend who likes rock and roll to go with me to a classical concert and he said, “I don’t know much about classical music, you’ll have to explain it to me.” And my reply: “It really isn’t to be explained but more about being experienced. The notes can take you anywhere your mind needs to be.”This piece is by Johann Sebastian Bach with Andreas Scholl, a countertenor. It is from Bach’s  Mass in B minor with this 6:38 section in the key of B flat-major and G minor. The Agnus Dei which means “Lamb of God” appears at the end of the mass and is based upon Christ’s final appearance to the disciples before his Ascension into heaven. It comes from John the Baptist’s words in John 1:29: “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”  In addition to the music of the violins, I like that this is scored for an alto voice. I’m an alto and we never get a melody! Link to: Agnus Dei by Johann Sebastian Bach with Andreas Scholl (8:07): https://vimeo.com/760898958 May Peace be with you.Agatha

Santiago and Teresa What if a Sabbath isn’t just about rest? We first encounter Sabbath when God finished the work of creating the world and rested on the seventh day (Gen 2:2). In the next verse, God blesses the seventh day and declares it hallowed (or holy). I’ve heard preaching about the Sabbath for years and many times the admonition is to attend a worship service and reframe from all work. I’ve always been a churchgoer, but as hard as I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to come close to avoiding all work and effort on a Sunday after worship. Whether it was cooking a Sunday meal or catching up on work (including homework), I have always had something on my “to-do” list that carried over into Sunday and again, I failed to “keep” the Sabbath.  I’m re-thinking Sabbath in light of the third verse in Genesis 2 in which God declares the Sabbath as a “holy” day. When God blesses the day, it becomes rich with blessings. Rather than a day of aimless rest, the day provides the space for us to keep focused on God. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel says, “The Sabbath is no time for personal anxiety or care, for any activity that might dampen the spirit of joy…it is a day for praise, not a day for petitions. Fasting, mourning, demonstrations of grief are forbidden.” When I am engaging in activities which bring me joy, I am recognizing that my joy comes from God providing a richness of blessings. I have many things that bring me joy particularly a walk in the park, playing with my dogs and taking photographs. Being with friends also brings me joy. I wonder if some activities that may be “work” to me, bring joy to others. Cooking can be joyful when feeding family and friends, or it can be “work” when done only for sustenance.  On my Sabbath day, I plan to concentrate on activities which recognize God as the creator and the source of all joy. It may look different every week, but in my joy I will keep the Sabbath holy and give praise to God through my worship and my energy. It even may involve quite a bit of activity! Blessings, my friend,Agatha

This is a book review of a new book by Norman Wirzba: Agrarian Spirit: Cultivating Faith, Community and the Land (published August 1, 2022)

A man who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years was healed by Jesus in Bethesda (John 5:1-15). In Luke 8:43-48, Jesus healed a woman who had been suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years in Capernaum. I’ve wondered about the healing miracles. How did Jesus choose who to heal? It appears that having faith (or having friends or loved ones with faith) has a lot to do with it. The invalid had been suffering long before Jesus was even born, and we presume that the woman had recently come to faith because she’d heard of Jesus’ healing. But in one moment, both were healed. I’ve spent a lot of time lately wondering about healing and faith and listening to God. I fell and broke my kneecap in March and had surgery in April. After sixteen weeks I’m just getting back to driving and walking without a brace or cane. I still have physical therapy to go but am expected to make a full recovery and for that I am thankful. For me, healing didn’t come in one decisive blow. It has been very gradual these past 16 weeks, more like the blind man in Bethsaida who first sees trees and then later sees people (Mark 8:22-25) before his vision is finally fully restored. I believe that emotional healing is the same for me as physical healing. It takes more time and is a bit unpredictable. The emotional loss of a good friend, or a contentious personal relationship may take a while to heal and I can’t hurry it. I’m resting now in the understanding that healing is on God’s time, not mine and I can be assured that he will bind every wound and wipe away every tear. I pray that we all take the time we need to heal from physical, emotional, and spiritual ailments. We can’t hurry God’s time, but instead we can rest in the knowledge that God will heal us. Peace, my friend,Agatha

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about the body as a unit being made up of many parts and that God has arranged them all just the way God wanted them (18). Paul goes on to say, “those parts of the body that seem weaker are indispensable (22). I was glad to re-read these verses this week for reassurance that all God has made is important and all works together to serve God. In March I fell in some water at the house and broke my right kneecap resulting in surgery in April. I’ve been in a knee immobilizer for 4 weeks and just started 6 weeks of physical therapy yesterday. We are all predicting and praying for a complete recovery with a return to walking and playing golf in the future. But for now, it seems I’m on somewhat of an extended rest. No driving and limited walking to reduce the swelling and help the healing. I’m a good patient, but this is certainly not what I’d planned for in retirement! This was the summer for Divinity School (I’m on medical leave), my post-retirement reward of a Holy Land cruise with an old friend (cancelled), and medical leave from my golf club. Although not specifically called out by Paul like hands, eyes, ears, a nose, and feet, I’ve come to appreciate how important two working and healthy knees are! I’ve also have realized just how much “busyness” I had planned post-pandemic. My God has slowed me down to a crawl and for that I am thankful. I have the luxury of reading good books and keeping up with my friends via calls, emails or texts. I have wonderful friends from church that have fed me and shuttled me to doctor’s appointments, and friends from afar sent comforting gifts and texts/calls to remind me of our friendships. I’ve slowed down enough to appreciate those kindnesses more than all the other “activities” I had planned. I am also learning that everything doesn’t have to happen “right now”. Hopefully school will resume in the Fall, golf will restart at some point in the future and there will always be another cruise or vacation to take with my friend. I know Paul was talking about how each of us has different spiritual gifts and that no one contributes more or less to furthering the kingdom of God. But on a practical standpoint, I’m glad he used our physical bodies for the metaphor. We need to take care of our bodies as well so that we can use our spiritual gifts to the fullest. Blessings, my friend,Agatha