We Read Movies

This week, we watched the sequel, 20 years in the making, to Q Allen Brocka's film Boy Culture, about a very sex-negative prostitute who bums everyone around him out. After raising money on Kickstarter to produce a star-studded TV series about the continuing adventures of everyone's least favorite escort, eventually we got this movie made up of the 6 episodes they actually filmed slapped together with no continuing story or any of the promised stars. Was it worth the wait? Let's find out! Topics discussed: Pretending to be straight to get on competition shows The men-who-will-have-sex-for-money capital of the world Tricking tops into bottoming, with rhetoric Tricking escorts into saying the n-word, with rhetoric Hammer Jack and Tiger Bolt vs. Professor Trenchbottom of the Impenetrable Deep We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the coming of age teen movie Henry Gamble's Birthday Party, about the most terrible pool party you've ever imagined. Dark secrets about your mom's sex life, casual racism, self-harm, and worst of all a guy playing the guitar. Can Steve from Stranger Things jerking off into a sock save it? Let's find out! Topics discussed: Free-use porn Being prayed up Your cousin's brother Holy ghost poops Pool safety We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, not to spoil things too much, but we watched the actually very fun superhero/spy comedy/thriller Codename: Dynastud. In the distant dystopian future of 2024, being gay is illegal, and only one man can save us, the magical spy codenamed (by himself, so more what we'd call a "nickname") Dynastud. Featuring head-exploding jizz, evil gay robots, and a Canadian space station, we had an absolute blast talking about this movie. And not just the kind of blast that involves exploding a guy's head with magic space jizz Topics discussed: Batman's code of ethics Green Lantern's dumb weaknesses An even weirder comic book B. Kliban Cats How many heads can you "accidentally" explode with your cum before you're considered a murderer Links mentioned in this episode: https://www.pomegranate.com/collections/b-kliban?srsltid=AfmBOoqEFA5NL_lty1C_PYfg-f3fEgHN1ltKfc9chq4N4MfSt-sClTuH We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the only somewhat incomprehensible 2023 thriller (?) Birder, which is described on IMDb as being about a "bird watcher who invades a nude queer campground in New Hampshire, ensnaring locals with his dark fetish." What is this dark fetish? Is it bird watching? Let's find out! Topics discussed: Gangbangs made up of emojis Choking people Dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks AI pokemon erotica The New York dating scene We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

We're back! This week, we watched the Academy-beloved, audience-disliked 2024 movie Emilia Perez. Does the Spanish-language musical about a trans Mexican druglord in hold up, even though it was made by a cis French director who chose to learn nothing about trans people, about Mexico, or even to learn how to speak Spanish? Let's find out! Topics discussed: The problems with Mexican kidnapping codes Why can no one in this musical sing? David Cronenberg's Crash How to know you're the bad guy We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we had special guest Tyler Mead on to talk about the 2017 comedy (mostly?) The Little Hours. Based on one story from The Decamaron (apparently. We've certainly never read it), it's a mostly improvved story where Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie and Kate Micucci play foul-mouthed, horny nuns and they're all at least a little bit queer too. So what's not to love? Topics discussed: Nick and Vanessa Lachey belong in jail Reading is fundamental and we wish we could do it Glicked Non-English speakers in movies always have English accents Links mentioned in this episode: https://www.tylerhmead.com/ We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

We're back! After a long hiatus while Chris moved across country, we're officially in full swing again, and bringing you a talk about the 2016 slasher (stabber? poker?) Pitchfork, about a group of teens being hunted by a man with a pitchfork for a hand for... reason? Topics discussed: Murderous little girls Straight ads in front of gay porn Goat Story Cow tipping What would Freud think of this movie? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

After a brief hiatus, we're back, with the truly amazing bad movie Vampires: Brighter in Darkness. Vampires are real, y'all, and they're all gay, obviously. But otherwise they're not at all like the vampires you're used to. They can summon demon scorpions, and teleport, and hitch rides on the backs of airplanes, but mostly they just hiss at each other. They hiss so much. Topics discussed: Glen Powell's cannibalism story What to do with $10 million Pokemon again AFI's hit song Miss Murder Vampires, what are they exactly? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the not-really-a-movie movie Brooklyn Bizarre. It's 80-90% montages of upsetting weirdo burlesque performances, and then there's a completely unexplained murder at the end, but join us as Eric tries to convince us that it actually means something. Topics discussed: What exactly is burlesque? Chris describes a very short porno Mumblecore movies that pretend they're gay movies Russian accents What exactly is a metaphor? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week we watched the 2023 slasher movie Departing Seniors. When a gay high-schooler is pushed down the stairs by bullies, the blow to his head that almost kills him actually gives him psychic powers, which he can use to see the future. He then uses that power to save his bullies (who, you may remember, just pushed him down the stairs) from a vengeful serial killer, it's unclear why, tbh Topics discussed: The 3 Body Problem is kind of a dumb show But so are a lot of shows we like Other movies that have psychic powers in them Bad hair Never forget that, in the comic books, Thanos wants to make love to a skeleton We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2005 rom-com Adam and Steve featuring Parker Posey and Chris Kattan (and starring two other people). We say rom-com, but there's not really any romance, nor is there any comedy. Instead, we're given confusing bits about family curses and a full performance of a song from the Sound of Music. Topics discussed: We watch a lot of tv shows and they're all more interesting to talk about than this movie Hair in the 80's 9/11 The hottest cowboys We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2018 thriller Devil's Path. When two obvious lunatics meet on a cruising ground within a state park, each with their own secrets, they begin a deadly game of cat and mouse. Or, at the very least, they wander the woods for about an evening, yelling at each other about whether love exists or not. The movie doesn't make much sense, but, hey, at least it only an hour and 22 minutes long. Topics discussed: The name of the pokemon Muk The efficacy of half a deck of Tarot cards Cruising and the movie Cruising Brother fucking, yay or nay? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 1988 British film The Fruit Machine. Which, yes, does mean it's time for some positively terrible accents from us while we discuss a film where a couple of teenagers witness a murder, go on the run, get abused by a famous opera singer, and finally rescue a magical dolphin. It's a truly wild film. Topics discussed: Robbie Coltrane Flipper's jean shorts Are fish creatures? Are dolphins fish? What exactly is the X-Simulator? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we were joined by Seattle drag royalty Mark Finley to talk about the movie that he appears in, Holiday Heart. When a drag queen with the legal birth name of Holiday Heart (played by Ving Rhames) befriends an addict (Alfre Woodard), and her daughter, he puts all of his dreams on hold for the benefit of people who don't seem to deserve his kindness, or even want it. Also then he gets into a relationship with the addict's drug dealer/ex. It's all very strange. Topics discussed: What people care about in France Tucking The music of Super Smash Bros The slowest moving car related death in history We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we got into the Christmas spirit with the 2013 movie Scrooge and Marley, a gay retelling of A Christmas Carol that implies the two title characters will be in love, but they're not. It's mostly a faithful retelling of the Dickens story except that everyone is gay in it, and also they add Bruce Vilanch playing a real creep. Topics discussed: Chris has been radicalized to libertarianism (but not really) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pride and Prejudice Roommates who pee their pants Ghosts with jobs Judith Light! We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched Baby Steps, the sequel to the 2018's Say Yes, which you may remember from a past episode, is about a woman with cancer who decides to set up her husband and her twin brother. In the sequel, they're still together, and from beyond the grave, she's decided to interfere in their lives further, this time by telling them that she froze some eggs and they should have her baby. Oh, and also there's a DPing scene Topics discussed: Air Bud doesn't go to their school, though! Prom themes Open relationships with very stringent rules Ghosts Women in gay porn We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched The Singing Forest, a movie that we have a lot of theories and questions about. Questions like, "why?" and "wait, what?!" IMDb calls it "The worst LGBT movie ever," are they right? Let's find out! Topics discussed: The Young Pope is younger than other popes Reincarnation Chris tries to remember the name of the movie Deadfall for a while You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2022 "thriller" eXploited, which is in no way related to eXistenZ, despite their shared love of capitalizing letters in the middle of words. No, this one is about how online porn leads to murder. Or... not really murder, I guess. There's actually surprisingly little murder in this movie that sure makes you want to think it's about murder. But you do get a lot of weird fetishes! Topics discussed: Being given porn by basically strangers Drunk guy fights Why are people so bad at assembling monkeys? 0.002% body fat Eric's dorm room We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2006 homoerotic boarding school witch movie The Covenant, starring Sebastian Stan and Steven Strait. Although it's not a "gay movie" per se, it's actually surprisingly gay, and the swimming pool scene was important for a lot of gay teens in the early 2000's. Topics discussed: Incubi and the band Incubus What exactly is a Darkling? How many vaginas do spiders have? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2020 movie Out of Body. When a demon is released from an orb (you know how all orbs have demons living inside them?), and possesses the body of Malcolm, it's up to his best friend Henry (who's secretly in love with him) to get it back. Or that's what the description on IMDb would have you believe. Mostly Malcolm just tries to get Henry laid from beyond the grave for some reason, and then the movie kind of ends. Topics discussed: America's favorite serial killer Ginny Thomas's safe word The difference between red and salmon How would we include RuPaul in this movie? This is why we never shake an orb We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm