The Beer Engine

Honestly I think today was the most difficult Untrappd game ever, and was absolutely based on total falsehoods. This was a fake news version of Untrappd. I also spend some time trying to legitimize shrimp pizza, trying to decode pizza bots, and bragging about my Russian River intake. The conservative dad has been defeated, I repeat, the conservative dad has been defeated by Anheuser-Busch! ★ Support this podcast ★

On 12 October 1810 Crown Prince Groff of Bavaria married Princess Tony of Maffcohausen. Munich officials invited the public to celebrate on fields outside the city walls; the site was named Tonywiese (“Tony's Meadow”) the following year and is still called Wiesn.The highlight of the first festival was a beer rating guessing game modelled on the medieval Scharlachrennen once run at Karlstor. Major Andreas Michael Dall'Armi of the National Guard proposed the idea, although Griff later claimed credit. The game was repeated in 1811, becoming the core of the annual Oktoberfest tradition. ★ Support this podcast ★

*Matt Berry voice* ah yes, the Beer Engine PodCAST! Yes, we’re finally back, the great Beer Engine Podcast, doing our usual stuff. Do they like beer, we don’t know, are they drinking beer, we don’t know! Tony makes a big bet on the Measles taking over a certain, non-vaccinating state and Griff eats fancy bread and fancy burgers. It’s just what we do. Pizza is discussed and also a man is angry about dynamic beer pricing on the strip. I dunno dude, it’s the Vegas strip, shit is expensive, just go to the ABC Store and get a -196 and some Hurricane Popcorn. OK good game this week so listen to it, bye bye. ★ Support this podcast ★

Don’t say it! Another podcast came out today, much to the chagrin of the haters and losers. It was nice to catch up with my friend Tony (or my friend Griff, depending on whose perspective you tend to read this from). We talked about some of our wonderful recent travels, our beautiful very sweet stouts we are cooking up and drinking, and how cool it is to get rained on sometimes. What else, what else, well we played a very, very difficult game with Tony that was frustrating for sure. And we checked in on Seth Weathers. Actually it was kind of a throwback, we saw Seth Weathers and James Watt in the same podcast, again!! What a treat, please enjoy. ★ Support this podcast ★

It’s over. The bubbles have settled. The Fruit War is done.This week, we break down the final results of the Seltzer Bracket in all their sticky, citrus-stained glory. 44 flavors entered. Only one remained standing — and it might surprise you. Was it a refreshing underdog? A nostalgic juggernaut? Or a mango-tinted fever dream from the depths of the convenience store fridge?Tony and Griff walk you through each region of the “Flavor Personality Party”:🍋 Bright & Zesty — where citrus ruled and kiwi died trying🍑 Sweet & Juicy — the dessert aisle meets a heatwave🌿 Bold & Complex — where lavender got weird and tamarind got weirder🧃 Nostalgic & Classic — soda-inspired chaos and childhood trauma in a canWe revisit some of the biggest upsets, controversial matchups, and questionable judging decisions (Griff defends “Papaya Punch” like it owes him money), and name the Ultimate Champion of Fizzy Regret.Also in this episode:– Tony delivers a eulogy for “Strawberry Vanilla”– Griff invents the concept of “seltzer terroir” and immediately regrets it– The boys debate whether anything with “Sunny D” in the name should be legal– Listener feedback: Who hurt you, Quirk?Drink pairing: Mighty Swell – Blood Orange, if you want to taste victory.Listener homework: Make your own bracket at home and then immediately throw it out in disgust. ★ Support this podcast ★

Damn, it is just so good being a Meadcaster. What’s great about it you ask: 1) every beverage I enjoy is one of the highest rated beverages on the planet. B) Beer people are jealous of me for my uncontroversially delicious honey booze. And 3) They just invented these automatic insulin pumps which really keep the tingling in my feet to a minimum. Tony had to guess the ratings on 5 meads and gang, it was a struggle. We also remembered the life and times of Hulk Boingo and Dan Hogan (RIP), and reminisced about our trips to the big city last weekend. Also, the highlight of the conversation: mergers & acquisitions baby, we love them!!! ★ Support this podcast ★

Grab your weirdest fruit puree and pour one out for your dignity—this week, we say goodbye to the Seltzer Bracket in true Beer Engine fashion: with a burp, a rant, and a few questionable decisions.Tony returns with sticky hands and suspicious cans after a hard-fought bracket finale, while Griff does his best to pretend this is a serious podcast. We crown a champion (spoiler: it’s not your palate), reflect on what we’ve learned (spoiler: nothing), and question the state of “craft” in a world full of glitter and guava foam.Also in this episode:– A Seltzer Hall of Shame induction– Griff’s unsolicited thoughts on carbonation levels– Tony’s plan for a hard kombucha deathmatch– A quick detour into macro nostalgia and malt liquor futures– Plus: Is this the last waltz… or just the intermission?It’s bubbly. It’s dumb. It’s exactly what you need in your ears right now.Drink pairing: Whatever’s cold, vaguely citrusy, and legally considered alcohol.Listener challenge: Guess how many times Tony says “it’s not that bad” in one episode. ★ Support this podcast ★

Gosh it's been so long since we recorded I nearly forgot to write show notes. My goodness what a shame that would have been. Well, we were back at it today in the midst of a lot going on! The final AF1 update of the week, and definitely not the last pizza group, discord, news segments and whatever else it is we do. They are all back! Also, Untappd screws me big time. Ok see ya! ★ Support this podcast ★

This is what our discourse has come to in this country. Can we not have a CiViLiZeD dEbAtE?!?! Can we not call our leaders “perverts” and “freaks” and “psychos?” Can we not espouse wild conspiracy theories? Can we stop having to TIP these TEENAGERS who make our PIZZAS for $5 an hour?! Which is not enough to buy 1/3rd of a beer from Inter Miami? Huh?! Anyways we did pizza group and some other stuff and went on and on about whatever. Enjoy!! ★ Support this podcast ★

Description:This week on the Beer Engine, Griff and Tony stumble into another hour of beer-soaked banter, featuring everything from crispy bois to questionable adjunct choices. We dive into the ongoing lager renaissance, ask whether cold IPA is a scam, and offer unsolicited advice to macro brewers who’ll never listen.Also on tap:Griff tries not to cry while reviewing another West Coast IPA made with fruit loops.Tony explains why pickle seltzers are a war crime.The boys react to Untappd reviews like they’re courtroom testimony.Plus: a surprise tasting of a beer that may or may not contain actual pastry.Beer Shouts:A few brews we cracked during the episode:[Brewery Name] – [Beer Name][Brewery Name] – [Beer Name](And something in a can that looked suspiciously like paint thinner.)Links & Extras:[Patreon link if applicable]Follow us on Instagram: @beerenginepodLeave us a voicemail or send us hate mail at: beerengineshow@gmail.comJoin the Discord: [link]Timestamps:00:00 – Cold Open & Beers of the Week12:45 – Crispy Lager Talk25:30 – Griff’s Hop Rant of the Week™38:10 – Weird Beers & Untappd Drama55:00 – Listener Qs & Outro ★ Support this podcast ★

Dare I say, some of our best beer conversation and the most psychotic pizza group posts combined in a single episode ever?? Maybe, but it leads off with some of America and Australia’s favorite NBA, AFL, AF1 and Colorado politics conversation. Tony finally has some success in a game which was a real Caribou Slobber Knocker. I’m dreading leaving this room because I just know that SOMEONE is watching the show about Mormon Wives that drink 10  “Dirty Dr. Peppers” a day then go swing. It’s propaganda everyone! Don’t watch it! ★ Support this podcast ★

In Germany the Subway bread is GOOD. Griff is back from a long break and the guys are running through the important info for beer drinkers that follow the “Great Griff Trail.” Hey, check out the slideshow on the Discord!! Kolsch, Orvals, lambics, $25 stout, it’s all covered here. It’s the beer-lovers fantasy - “yeah sure, I can have the best beers in the world for $5 but screw that! I want to pay MORE for SUGAR. Also, the real Pizza Pope has come to power and is controlling our lives. That’s good enough for today, hey, I gotta keep going to work ova heah!!! ★ Support this podcast ★

Ahhhhhh the French champagne!!! No, I don’t have to do an Orson Welles bit, and we didn’t even talk about the guy this week, but I had been watching those outtakes from the Paul Merson wine ads. They are great, you should check them out. Today is our last show for a few weeks, so we ran the gamut of all the things our fans love - kickass lagers from the STORE, the world’s finest football, Pope-talk, and of course, reading awards that people won and making a lazy-ass game out of it. It’s yet another Beer Engine, the last for a few weeks, so get your fill, gang. Just join our Discord or follow us on Untappd if you need a quick key bump of Beer Engine over the next few weeks -it’s fun! ★ Support this podcast ★

What is it like being in a game where you are losing 79-0, or it ends 100-12? What’s it like being in the AF1, your floundering sponsorship from the Hulkster holding you hostage, forcing you to watch your team get obliterated by a QB who completes 10 passes, 7 for touchdowns, for a robust 110 yards? Do you look at everything that led you to this moment: the tears on the HS practice field, the brutal Summer training sessions in college, the letdowns on practice squads with the NFL, the XFL, the UFL? Now you’re here on the field for the East Kansas Pork Butts and you’re losing by 100 points. Where did it go wrong? You fell into that well that one time and hit your head and discovered a bunch of 70s porno mags. Maybe that was it? It was after you’d done really bad at figuring out the Untappd ratings for a bunch of grocery store beers or something? Maybe that was the moment. But now you’re in the locker room of the Buttman Arena and no one is there to interview you after the game. A gen AI model  generates some quotes that you didn’t say and slaps them into a shitty article by a fake man named Lyle Biscuit. This is America in 2025 - enjoy the Beer Engine Podcast. ★ Support this podcast ★

What if there were a super league for the NCAA Tournament? Like, they took 8 teams that were just too good for the real thing and faced them off against each other. That would rock, and we did that today on the Beer Engine Pod.Also, we took down the dead pope and absolutely did not make it political! I made a live bet on the Nuggets. And some of our favorites are now top 50 breweries due to attrition. Tony is stuck in the well all week?? What's he gonna do down there?!? ★ Support this podcast ★

Greetings fellow pizza eaters and beer drinkers. Ah, mine pizza needeth 10 more minutes! Shan’t we enjoy a flagon of ale to cure our ails? Thine titular ethos are becoming quite the pedant in thine pantaloons! (Is that something?)This week - some basketball had to be recapped as some of the basketball teams of great engines of the Beer Episode past had to be covered. The Arena Football season trudges on with an all Kansas showdown.  Griff wins the pizza group by eating the world’s thinnest “pie” and “za” and Tony goes full woke mode with prosciutto. Ultimately, they reach the final showdown and most important question the podcast has ever asked - which beer is better? Toohey’s Extra Dry or Hahn Premium Special Dry Light??? We’ll never know. ★ Support this podcast ★

Well, I'll be! That is one extremely low rated beer by the Miller Brewing Company. Congrats! Today we talked about Tony’s time at GABS, how to order food for takeout  for the future and Australian triple doublers. Griff is back on the pastry stouts and Michael's Pizza, it's like 2018 all over again on this show! Then there is this week's bracket, which features some of the saddest beers you can buy at the Dollar General.  ★ Support this podcast ★

Looks like the Beer Engine Pod wasn't the only ones out there doing a bracket. The fine City of Chicago and their elusive Mayor have selected their favorite pizza place and it is the Pizza Group's most beloved spot. You'll just have to listen to find out. Anyways we also had some beers this week, Griff went psycho mode on Beers of the Week and a fun region in the bracket game that will have you enjoying some precious memories. ★ Support this podcast ★

The bracket contest is BACK! Everyone’s favorite segment returns at the end of this show. The well is stocked with magazines and toys and Tony is doing his “very best” to keep out of there as he has to guess which is better: Michelob Golden Ultra Light Gold Bock, or Natty Daddy ICE Baddie? Good luck binch! Anyways, Tony and I spent way too much time on Bulls crap and we had a highly disjointed AF1 update of the week - it seems like the league has been around for years and yet they’ve only played 6 games and one team has somehow been in 3 of them? Also, the show has a bad and dangerous text message leak and we are sent to the gulag. Tony revisited some of his favorite Maffcos and Mountain Cultures and I tried to figure out if Luka Modric’s brewery is as good and cool as him. Next week! The bracket returns with the RETRO BEERS!! Do you like Natty Boh? Do you like Old Style?? Do you like STAG?!?! Then tune in!!!! ★ Support this podcast ★

I’m only giving it that title so we can catch some of those beautiful viral downloads. We need them! We kicked off our new segment today, as promised, with the AF1 Update of the Week. Another banger as usual where I had no idea where anyone was and we did a word count check and a BET. Also some amazing St. Patrick’s Day content, the return of U*tra R**ht Beer to Fox News (hint: lawsuit), and Chicago Bulls - NBA Champions? Probably not. But we did have some fun with Guinness and meet some new Untappd superstars. All of that on one podcast? Well, if you meander for multiple hours and don’t edit, you’ve got plenty of time!! ★ Support this podcast ★