I Love Being Sober

Sometimes, no matter how wonderful your life may seem, there can be trauma that exists inside that keeps you from fully living at your best. In this episode, Mrs. American 2021 Hannah Kirkpatrick shares how self-reflection brought about a pivotal moment she needed to turn her life around against alcoholism and depression. And just like you, she’s had disappointments that caused her to question her worth. Worse, what she thought was her leverage ended up being her destruction. She takes us into the ways family support and therapy helped her in the recovery process, transforming her life and seeing through her dreams. So tune in and learn from Hannah and get sober and stay sober. Because you too can win in this pageant called life.

Becoming sober is no easy task. It would take a crazy amount of time, dedication and discipline. One should expect that it’s a long and hard road to get the results needed. On this episode of I Love Being Sober, host Tim Westbrook continues his talk about how to avoid a relapse. On this episode, he talks about Mistake Number 2: Expecting Instantaneous Results. Tune in on this episode to find out more!

BJ Fogg reveals the truth about habits and why the traditional approach is all wrong. Learn how to untangle negative habits from your life and replace them one tiny habit and behavior at a time, so that you can build momentum and reach your goals easier than you thought possible. BJ Fogg is a behavior scientist at Stanford, where he directs research and innovation at the Behavior Design Lab. He also teaches his models and methods in graduate seminars. 14 years ago, BJ’s nephew became addicted to opioids after being exposed to steroids and drug culture in high school. BJ and his family tried to support him in his recovery as best as they could, but despite all the effort on his part, his nephew died from an overdose. It wasn’t an intentional overdose. His nephew had been sober for the prior six months and something must have happened in his life where he felt like he needed to go back to using the drugs. Unfortunately, he went with his prior dose, which his body couldn’t handle anymore. BJ’s family believed that his nephew was on the path to recovery and he was going to be okay. It wasn’t until the overdose did that suddenly become an incorrect assumption. BJ usually helps people make habits, which is relatively straightforward. Breaking habits is much more complicated and difficult, especially with addiction. Addictions are a different kind of challenge. If your habits are life threatening, you need to get some help. BJ knew at the time that environment has a major impact on behavior, but he didn’t consider that in regards to his nephew. If he could go back and change something, it would be to take his nephew out of Las Vegas and completely change his environment. There are three ways to create lasting change. The first is an epiphany, which can’t be designed. The other ways are changing your environment and taking small steps to create new habits. One of the answers to addiction is a radical change in environment. Developing new healthy behaviors to replace old, unhealthy behaviors is how you shift your identity. Creating new habits is not that hard if you do it in the right way. The Tiny Habits method can be very approachable. Pick any ambition you have and you can take small actions which will move you towards your goal. You can systematically come up with the golden behaviors that can be turned into positive habits. If you can find a behavior that you really like doing that moves you towards your ambition, it can be very easy to wire that into a habit. You don’t have to pick only one method; try out a bunch that you already like and want to do and you will make it much easier. There are different means to an end. If a program works for you, then stick with it. If there’s something that doesn’t work, be willing to explore and try other things out. If the program or person isn’t a good fit for you, go out and find one that is. BJ grew up as a Mormon and never drank alcohol growing up, but that changed after moving to California with his partner and being exposed to wine culture. He began to notice that alcohol became a feature of his everyday life and decided that he wanted to stop. It wasn’t particularly difficult to stop drinking for BJ as he already had experience with changing behavior. There is a big difference between changing behavior and untangling bad habits with the latter requiring a little more effort. Moderation in all things does not apply to addiction. Quitting something 98% is harder than quitting something 100%. Start with the easiest tangled behavior by either removing the motivation, removing the ability, or removing the prompt. Once you do that, you will feel like you can take on tougher habits. Over time and after developing new habits, cravings, and desires, get redirected to more healthy ways of being satisfied. The temptation eventually goes away. Find those things that you do that works for you and allows you to calm down and reduce your stress. When you have those, you won’t consider your addictive behavior as an option. The urge will pass. If you pick habits that you want, it becomes a delight. You can create habits by feeling good. That’s why you pick habits that you want that help you feel successful. If there is a person in your life that you share a bad habit with, make a new healthy habit together. Surround yourself with people that want to be in recovery and find a sponsor to help you. Stay away from your friends if they aren’t serving you in recovery. One of the interesting things that BJ noticed is that once he and his partner stopped drinking, their social group also started drinking less as well. If you want to stop an unhealthy habit, make a list of all the times in the day those negative behaviors manifest and think of them as a set of related behaviors. Your first response will likely be sadness, but you can get through that by making a plan to untangle those behaviors. Start with the easiest one to eliminate, build momentum, and keep going. Start with the easy wins and build confidence, and the other wins will resolve on their own. The more practice you have at creating habits, the more your skills of change will increase.   Mentioned in this Episode: Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg tinyhabits.com bjfogg.com Check out the Preface of the book for free on Audible

Aaron Huey discusses what it takes for parents to raise a healthy child and the root cause of a lot of the dysfunction we see in our children’s modern lives. Learn how epigenetic trauma is impacting your child’s life, why freedom and privacy are actually making their problems worse, and why treatment is pointless if the whole family isn’t committed to the recovery process. Aaron Huey is an internationally known lecturer on archetypal imagery, body language, and martial arts as well as the Founder and President of Fire Mountain Programs. Aaron grew up in a small town in Colorado with two hard-working parents. During his childhood, Aaron had spent a very small amount of time with his biological father, and despite having an excellent stepfather, Aaron still went down a risky path. Having a surrogate dad that was amazing didn’t change the wound underneath it all. Partaking in drugs and alcohol was mainly experimental until Aaron went into acting school and was sexually assaulted by his roommate. After that experience Aaron found himself pursuing drugs and alcohol more aggressively in an effort to simply feel happy again. Because there is so much that teenagers can hide from their parents, they need to be extra attentive to any sort of trauma that could result in maladaptive coping strategies. Trauma is the gateway. If something is going to cause pain on a daily basis and the child is not provided with a healthy coping strategy they will come up with a maladaptive strategy. The bottom line truth is that when Aaron was sober he was sad and when he was high he was happy. As he moved into his 20’s it simply became the way he lived his life. Abandonment, Abuse, and Assault are the foundations for Trauma with a capital T. Trauma can be epigenetic as well, studies are showing that family trauma can be passed down for 12 generations. There are different layers of trauma and not all kids will be affected by traumatic events the same way. There is a level of privacy that we afford our kids that is detrimental to our relationships. The third most popular page on the Fire Mountain website is How to Search Your Kids Room. Parents should control the password to their kids’ phones and be more involved in their children’s lives. Parents need to intervene often and early. Do not wait until something is drastically wrong before taking action and looking into what’s happening. We need to play the long game as parents and be willing to have conflict with our children early on. Freedom is important, but not for children. Children need a safe controlled environment where the parents know what’s going on. Parenting is a long term investment. Lying, sneaking, cheating, stealing, and breaking the law are the five big actions that you need to look out for. If the child can avoid those things, you can allow more kinds of freedom in their life. If one of those actions is present, there is almost certainly an underlying issue that needs to be addressed immediately. Kids aren’t making bad choices, they are making the choices that get their needs met. The key to the recovery process is showing people how to get their needs met in a healthy way. Smoking and drinking and drug abuse aren’t the problem, they’re the solution to the problem. Aaron tells the story of how he left California and moved to Colorado, how his first wife left him while he worked a renaissance festival as security, and his experience hitting rock bottom. A year and a half into recovery is where the real work began for Aaron and now he’s more than happy to be sober and clean and living a healthy connected life with his kids and new relationships. Aaron’s parents didn’t get to see the levels of how he was hurting himself, but they did get to see the healing process. Guilt and shame are the twin pillars that hold up the roof of shame. Aaron doesn’t recommend that children under the age of 18 go to a 12 step meeting because they don’t have the developmental tools to benefit from it. Children require a different approach. After an adolescent treatment, the family needs to go into 12 step meetings together. The biggest missing component in a children’s recovery is family recovery. There is no bad child, just broken systems. There is no trauma that a child can go through that hasn’t affected the entire family. If the system stays broken, the child will return to a broken state. You can expect a child to fix a family issue. As a parent, if you haven’t done the work on yourself when your child comes back speaking the language of recovery, you are going to pull them back into sickness. If you’re not taking care of your relationships and your support system, you’re going to have issues helping your child with their problems. The whole family needs to get into recovery. What do you need to do to refill your empty cup as a parent so that you can support your child? Nothing happens well without self-care. You can’t do the right thing if you haven’t taken care of yourself. Your adult relationships need to be tended to. Who else knows what’s going on in your life?   Mentioned in this Episode: firemountainprograms.com Beyond Risk and Back podcast

Dee McGraw is joining Tim to discuss the upcoming West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders and how the event is evolving with the times to help connect addiction specialists and share what’s working in the field right now. Find out how you can register for the symposium and make the most of the conference by learning new treatment strategies and networking with like-minded people. Dee has a BS in psychology from Vanderbilt University, an MSW from Grand Valley State University, and over 28 years of experience in the substance abuse disorder & prevention field. Not being able to meet in person due to Covid-19 has been very challenging for addiction specialists. C4 has been around for 33 years and was originally founded as a group discussion around the idea that addiction treatment services should be reimbursed and treated in ways that science has shown to be the most effective. They focus heavily on trying to spread the knowledge of the most effective ways to treat addiction. C4 also provides a broad range of continuing education credits to behavior health professionals. Dee is excited about connecting with people again during the next conference because they’ve done a lot to recreate the experience of an in-person event. One of the benefits of the virtual platform for the West Coast Symposium of Addictive Disorders is the ability to allow people to connect and interact with others that have similar interests. This can help them find their tribe a bit easier than a typical conference. Dee is not usually happy about being forced to change, but the current situation doesn’t leave much choice. Dee has had to learn a number of new things in order to help other people understand the new ways of connecting online. The topics that are going to make the biggest impact in light of the pandemic have to do with mental health, self-care, and compassion fatigue. There is a lot of trauma response Dee is seeing due to the pandemic and the general situation in the US. To get the biggest benefit from attending the conference you’ll have to figure out what your biggest ROI will be. For some that could take the form of networking and learning about what other people are offering and for others that could be the value they’ll receive in the educational workshops. Everybody should check out the exhibit hall at the very least. For someone who’s going to the conference just to learn, Dee recommends looking at the agenda, figuring out what you can do in two days and searching for programs that interest you specifically. The system they’ve put in place allows you to search by keyword. The discussion board is also a great place to find out what other people are talking about and ask any questions you may have. Each speaker has their own fan base and following and letting those people know that you are a part of the conference is a big help in raising their profile and letting people know what’s available to them. The C4 group originally negotiated an 18-year contract with the hotel where they’ve been hosting the conference and hopefully they can return to an in-person event again in the near future. Everything is up in the air at the moment but Dee is expecting that future events will likely have a virtual component either way. Dee has always been interested in the field of addiction and helping people. One of her earliest work experiences involved teaching people about themselves and alcohol and drugs. The knowledge was very transformational for people and made a major impact on Dee and what she saw as possible in helping people improve their lives. The common denominator for people in recovery and those that serve them is the simple desire to help others. It’s very humbling to be around such joyous and wonderful people. We all have a morning routine, whether or not we have designed it consciously. Dee decided at the beginning of the pandemic that she wanted to build some introspection into her life. She tries to get some exercise in the morning at least three times a week combined with a healthy smoothie which she sips on all morning as she answers her emails and plans the day.   Mentioned in this Episode: West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders - wcsad.com

Whatever you focus on grows, and while recovery begins by focusing on avoiding relapse, you can’t maintain that forever if you want to stay sober for the long term. Find out how Tommy Rosen discovered the path to true recovery and what it means to live a life focused on being a positive loving force in the world and not just avoiding suffering. Tommy Rosen was the first person to introduce Tim to the idea of food causing inflammation in the body. Tommy grew up in New York City and it was always his dream as a kid to live in California where he eventually landed as an adult. His parents divorced when Tommy was only one year old and there was always an underlying sense that something was wrong in his family life. Tommy started experimenting with drugs and alcohol as a way to escape from the sense of foreboding he always felt. He recalls that the first time he smoked cannabis was the first time he felt a sense of control in his life and the tension falling away. For someone with that kind of life, there would be no reason to stop using that substance until it became such a problem that you could no longer use it and are forced to stop. This is basically what happened to Tommy as his cannabis use escalated to alcohol, psychedelics, cocaine, and heroine. It was during his cocaine use that Tommy realized he had a major problem and didn’t have the ability to stop. A person in the addictive mindset like Tommy is usually asking themselves the wrong question. The focus is typically on “Can I do this drug and not have my life implode?” which is not a very high-grade question. With addiction, at a certain point, all you’re focusing on is the drink and the drugs. Every other area of your life suffers as you make using your main priority. Recovery happens in stages, and in the first stage the one job is just not using one day at a time. The most important thing you can do is put some distance between you and drugs and alcohol. Over time you begin to detox physically, mentally, and spiritually. Recovery happens one day, one hour, and one minute at a time. If you get the urge, pick up the phone and call your sponsor. Putting your energy into not doing drugs and alcohol is only a temporary solution. Eventually you will begin to find alignment with what you’re doing and new challenges will come up. For Tommy, the first 12 years of his recovery wasn’t about struggling not to use drugs but in dealing with the challenges in his relationships and life. Tommy was very fortunate to have a committed sponsor who helped him throughout his recovery. The dilemma for people just beginning their journey through recovery is doubt in the process. The most corrosive element for anyone trying to beat addiction is doubt, because if you doubt the process, it isn’t going to work for you. You have to be around examples of victory in order to have enough faith to experience a shift in your life and give yourself the momentum to keep going. Avoiding suffering isn’t enough. You have to move towards trying to be happy with yourself and your life. How much time do you spend chasing nothing and being comfortable with just you, on your own? If you equate financial success with happiness you will be sorely mistaken. If you’re not adding value to the world and the people you meet, you’re going to spend your time chasing things and suffering from the lack you feel. Going to bed tonight sober is enough for some people because that’s an act of self-love. When you love yourself you can begin to love other people in the world. To be content and happy, you have to have a practice of meditation and calming your mind. If you don’t, you will never get off the hamster wheel of chasing happiness which is itself a form of suffering. Tommy’s recovery only came after he hit a new low. It led to a codependency that caused him incredible pain, and he shifted his addiction from alcohol and drugs to bad relationships and gambling. His second phase of recovery came after reaching his second bottom. and Recovery 2.0 was born from meeting a special mentor that showed Tommy the way. Tommy’s gambling addiction nearly destroyed his life over the course of a single disastrous weekend. Despite being in recovery for 12 years, Tommy knew that there was still something that he was missing. Shortly after that Tommy experienced near crippling pain in his back and got the unhappy diagnosis of needing to be on drugs for the rest of his life. Tommy retells the story of meeting his mentor who taught him how to live a pain free life without the need to take medication. Don’t try to just survive your addiction, don’t just focus on not drinking or using. At first you’ll have to do that but the time will come when your life will shift and drugs and alcohol won’t be a problem anymore. Forgive yourself for not being perfect in this world. That’s the basis of a life of beauty and magic and wonder, and it’s available to everybody. Everything has changed in 2020, but so much is still the same. Tommy still has to maintain his practice of meditation, still has to eat healthy food. Mind your own business and pay attention to your own life. Don’t get caught up in the chaos of the external world. Yoga and breathwork are incredible compliments to the twelve step program.   Mentioned in this Episode: Recovery 2.0 by Tommy Rosen r20.com

In honor of National Recovery Month, Allison Merlo is on the show to share the tragic story of how her brother lost his battle with addiction and what she’s doing to raise awareness and raise funds for a special scholarship in his name. Learn how difficult it can be to support a loved one struggling with addiction and how you can help somebody in need right now by contributing to the Mike Merlo Scholarship Fund. The unfortunate reality of addiction is that it often takes the lives of those who can’t escape its grasp. Allison Merlo is on the show to talk about the story of her brother and how he lost his battle with addiction. Many people have loved ones that are struggling with addiction and don’t know what to do. Growing up Mike was always an entertainer with dreams of being an actor. One of Allison’s favorite memories is of Mike surprising people at a talent show dressed up in a bikini and a blond wig. The turning point for Mike was fairly early. Allison remembers a weeknight where Mike had to get his stomach pumped from drinking too much at a very young age. The severity of the situation scared Allison and her younger brother considerably. Mike continued to struggle with his addiction for the later part of his life from that point on. Allison never really believed that her brother would die from his addiction, but she wasn’t surprised either. The pandemic is putting a lot of extra stress on people right now, which is only making the struggle with addiction more difficult. When Allison was younger she wasn’t sure how to help. Once she moved out to Arizona and built out her network she had an opportunity to teach yoga to inmates in jail, which helped her understand how to communicate with people like her brother, who had been in jail a few times by then and help support them. Looking back at Mike’s later years, Allison realized that she wasn’t in contact very often with him. There is no clear cut answer about how to support someone suffering from addiction. You just have to do what you can with what you have where you are. When you lose someone you will feel like you haven’t done enough. For Allison, there is a sense of wondering if she could have done more, but she does feel good about what she’s done to be of service. Allison is setting up a scholarship fund in her brother’s name to help people that don’t have the resources to get the help they need. If the scholarship fund can save just one life, it will be worth it. The way that she’s fundraising is by doing a rim to rim to rim hike around the Grand Canyon. Donate to Allison’s cause because every single dollar that you contribute is going to help somebody out there that is in need. Follow your heart and lead your life like that. We need to connect and that helps connect with others, and that ultimately helps us heal and recover.

Dr. Mel Pohl reveals his personal struggle with drugs and alcohol and how even professionals suffer from addiction, as well as the truth about chronic pain. Discover some incredible facts about the opioid crisis, and if you suffer from chronic pain, how your life can be better than you could possibly imagine. There are a lot of myths surrounding the opioid epidemic and chronic pain in general. Pohl was born in New York and studied at the University of Michigan. After training at the University of Buffalo Medical School, he moved to Las Vegas and has been there working in a variety of clinical settings for the past 35 years.. Mel started experimenting with drugs and alcohol in college and eventually cannabis became his drug of choice. He dabbled with other harder drugs like cocaine but cannabis was the hardest drug for Mel to give up. He’s quite concerned about marijuana as a drug right now because the marijuana that he got addicted to was only about a tenth as potent as what is currently available on the market. Mel’s addiction lasted until several years into his residency. He recalls using between calls and having very little respect for the clarity of mind his position required. When you have an addiction, there is usually a voice in your mind that justifies your actions. It wasn’t until Mel worked in a treatment program, learned about alcohol and addiction and found some mentors, that he realized he had a problem. Alcohol became Dr. Mel’s biggest addiction and caused the most issues in his life and work. When you’re in the middle of an addiction you don’t realize some of the ridiculous things you do, especially in a professional environment. It’s not until after you get sober that you see your behavior for what it was. Not everyone is a low-bottom drunk. From all outside appearances, it may look like they are successful but on the inside they’re empty. There are a lot of professionals struggling with an addiction to alcohol. The data suggests that for an addict, profession is one of the last elements of their life to fall. Family and relationships, self care, and self esteem all fall by the wayside before the ability to stay employed suffers. Earning a living financially is a way for many people to justify to themselves that they don’t really have a problem. Mel’s life was on the verge of disaster. It was only a matter of time before it all fell apart, but he was lucky to realize that he couldn't keep up the lifestyle and needed to change. Mel started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to learn how to be a better doctor, but in the process he started to hear stories and experiences that he could identify with. After getting sober, Dr. Mel found himself in perpetual pain and he struggled to stay sober. It wasn’t until a friend insisted that he attend an AA meeting with her that he found solutions to the problems he didn’t even know he had. When Mel decided to get sober he was committed but he didn’t know how to actually live that life. He wasn’t happy about it but he knew people that seemed very happy with their sobriety and he understood the impact of addiction on the health of the brain, so in some ways Mel’s situation and training were pretty unique. Mel developed a chronic back pain problem and in his journey attempting to treat it, he encountered a number of people suffering from opioid addiction. Those experiences led him to develop a program for people with chronic pain that has now been running for 13 years. Acute pain is related to injury and is purposeful. It’s meant to prevent an action that causes damage to the body. The trouble is the belief that chronic pain is basically the same process extended out over time. Opioids and surgery are not good solutions for chronic pain because they don’t address the thoughts and feelings of the pain or the mental issues that could be contributing to the problem. All pain is real, but thoughts and feelings are the genesis of that pain. Emotion and pain both come from the limbic system within the brain and the emotions associated with the pain can be changed. Challenging the cognitive distortions around pain is the first step of Mel’s program. Dealing with the fear associated with the pain is important to making any sort of progress because whatever you believe about yourself often becomes true. Expectations influence outcomes. Pessimists may have a more realistic view on what’s happening, but optimists generally do better. Placebos are almost as effective as opioids in treating chronic pain. A substantial part of any good physician's job is being a cheerleader and helping the patient believe in their ability to heal and get better. Just as there is a circuit of addiction, there is a circuit of chronic pain that reverberates inside the human brain, and the treatment is uncoupling the stimulus from the response. Opioids are not just problematic for addiction, they are generally very ineffective for pain. Even when they work to treat the pain, the relief is only temporary and this leads to an increased tolerance to the drug. As the cycle continues, the odds of getting addicted only get higher. Opioids can also actually cause pain to increase in the long run. Not starting at all is the only solution without major long-term consequences. Every treatment plan needs an exit strategy, but that’s not very common among opioid prescriptions. If more doctors talked to their patients about the quality of their lives, they would realize the gradual degradation they are causing by constantly prescribing these opioids. These questions are more than a 15-minute pain consultation really allows for. Most pain doctors are so swamped and don’t have the skill set they need to actually treat the root cause of their patient’s problems. Making it harder for doctors to prescribe opioids without giving them the tools to treat pain would leave many patients in a tough spot. One of the most important things you can do for your chronic pain is get moving. Pain in this case doesn’t necessarily mean harm so movement is crucial. Mel’s program integrates many different forms of stretching and exercise in addition to the stress reduction techniques, spiritual, and mindfulness practices. Dealing with addiction involves more than just a single issue, it encompasses all areas of a person’s life. In these Covid-19 days, Mel is seeing an uptick in stress as people’s support systems become compromised. He’s also seeing a rise in relapses in the face of the pandemic. Anxiety causes pain, so anything that helps you down regulate your anxiety is a good way to diminish your pain. If you suffer from chronic pain and take opioids to manage, your life can be better and more enjoyable than you can possibly imagine, but it takes some work to get there.   Mentioned in this Episode: lasvegasrecoverycenter.com The Pain Antidote by Mel Pohl, MD

Joe Capela reveals his personal history with drug and alcohol addiction that led to a $400/day cocaine habit, and how an intervention saved his life. Joe now helps other families intervene in their loved one’s lives and offers them a solution from a place of love and compassion, instead of blame and frustration, that helps them get their lives and relationships back on track. Tim tells the story of Robert and his brother who struggled with addiction, asking the question about whether it was right to kick his brother out of his house and stop being an enabler. Joe was in denial regarding his addiction and it took a family intervention to get him into recovery. He wasn’t happy initially but a few days into treatment he realized the intervention saved his life. Setting boundaries is easy, keeping those boundaries is the challenge. When families hire Joe to intervene, it’s as much for the family and helping them establish boundaries and make a shift in the family dynamic. Joe grew up in California and looking back on his childhood he always believed his family didn’t have an addiction problem, even though he exhibited that behaviour early on. Even after graduating, getting married and having kids, Joe still enjoyed the party life. He recalls the moment he first tried cocaine was the beginning of the end. What started as a once a month cocaine habit eventually became a $400 a day habit. Joe never realized that he had a drug problem, he thought he had a marriage and a financial problem. When he was in treatment he realized that those problems were actually a direct result of his drug problem. Joe entered into an outpatient problem in 1986 where he managed to complete the one-year program, but not while clean and sober. Three years later Joe was intervened on again and went into a residential program at that point. He’s been clean and sober since. They started by chipping away at his denial and helping Joe realize the extent of his cocaine and alcohol addiction. One of the initial motivations of starting treatment was for Joe to save his marriage, but on the 26th day of the program, his wife informed him that she was filing for divorce. That day was when Joe tried to leave and finally understood the meaning of surrendering. Surrendering to the process and being willing to take suggestions is the reason that Joe is clean and sober today. Many people that get clean want to work in the field and help other people recover as well. For Joe, he felt the call after getting sober and decided to quit working in the automotive industry to go back to school and train to work in a treatment facility. Joe set a 5-year goal for himself and managed to work in the same center he recovered in at the two-year mark. He has since worked at several treatment centers around the world. When Joe got started there weren’t very many interventionists in the world and he never intended to be one. When he went to work with the County he started exploring the interventionist path and fell in love with it. The time to call an interventionist is when you recognize there is a problem. If you have someone who has relapsed or failed treatments, that’s when it makes sense to bring in a professional to help facilitate the process. Joe’s approach to intervening is from a place of love and concern, with no shaming or blaming involved. By the time a family gives Joe a call, they have already tried intervening on their own. They’ve set boundaries but they couldn’t keep them because the family dynamic is usually too close. The trouble is there is a window of opportunity early on and waiting to call an interventionist can cause you to miss that window. When it comes to interventionists, your best bet is to find someone who has experience with the work. A common fear for families is that if they set a boundary the person they are trying to help will kill themselves, and while that is a risk the addict is already killing themselves. By setting the boundary you are at least giving the addict a chance. Joe is trained in multiple models of intervention and it really depends on the family dynamics that determine how he goes about working with people. Joe also brings in the family to help deal with their own issues because addiction is a family disease. It’s crucial for the family to go out and find their own support. Most people don’t understand mental health disorders or how to deal with them. Joe is available to the family up to six months after an intervention and will travel to wherever in the country he needs to be to make sure they get the best results. Joe tries to keep everyone involved engaged for as long as possible because it dramatically increases the odds of success.   Mentioned in this Episode: CapelaInterventions.com

Tim Westbrook and TJ Woodward dive into the power of Conscious Recovery and explore the root causes of addiction. Learn about TJ’s journey in recovery and the powerful spiritual principles he uses to help people change their false beliefs and embrace their infinite potential, instead of viewing themselves as broken people that need to be “fixed”. Tim wouldn’t know what his life would look like in the midst of the pandemic if he weren’t clean and sober. Addiction, suicide, and mental illness is up by 600% and fewer people are coming into recovery. White collar workers are working from home while still continuing to drink, which means that they aren’t getting into the trouble they normally would and their addiction is getting worse without it being obvious. The impact of the shelter in place policies has created a secondary effect on people and we probably won’t know until this time next year what level the impact is. Being sober is the very foundation for the success that TJ Woodward has enjoyed in his life. Many people have asked TJ how he can know whether he still has a problem with addiction when he got sober at the age of 20. His answer is that he loves his life and being sober so much so having a drink wouldn’t enhance his life in any way so it’s not even a question for him. When your life is so good, it’s not worth the risk of having one drink and going down that path. As long as you continue being grateful and stay connected to other people in recovery, you will know that that life is not what you want. An extensive clinical study revealed that people who had higher levels of anxiety about Covid had higher levels of anxiety before Covid. We don’t change our habits based on what we don’t want, we change our habits based on what we do want. Recovery becomes about “what life do I want?” Whatever you put energy into grows, so if you put energy into what you don’t want, you’re putting it into the wrong place. TJ grew up in the 90’s and recalls coming into the world pretty happy, but that quickly changed into fear and wrongness which changed his worldview. He shut down at an early age, feeling damaged and broken until he discovered drugs and alcohol. One of the narratives that we hear in recovery is that someone has to hit bottom before embracing recovery. For TJ that meant feeling empty and grasping for something or someone just to feel better or feel less. At the age of 13,TJ started experimenting with drugs and alcohol, but he didn’t realize it was a problem until a couple years later. We don’t call drinking or using drugs an addiction as long as it’s working, we call it “fun.” There was no intervention for TJ. The last year of his addiction was particularly damaging internally and his sense of emptiness and disconnection pushed him further. Luckily for TJ, he had a sober friend who planted the seed in his mind that led him to his own recovery. Abusing drugs and alcohol isoften an attempt to fill a sense of emptiness, but it never works. For TJ, what he was really missing was a sense of spiritual wholeness. Relapse is often accepted as part of recovery. TJ was so disconnected that once he discovered recovery he was willing to do whatever it takes. At the time TJ got sober in 1986, the idea of treatment was becoming widespread for the first time. In the beginning, TJ didn’t know that he would be working to help others in recovery, he was in his late 30’s when he went back to school and focused on spiritual counselling, which he now brings to the people he helps. There was no classic addiction in TJ’s family. There is a common narrative that addiction is passed on and if the addiction isn’t present in your family, maybe you don’t actually have a problem. The issue is that addiction takes many forms and doesn’t always manifest as drug or alcohol abuse. TJ took on the generational trauma from his parents and internalized it. Most of the treatment in recovery focuses on symptoms and behaviors. Mental health and addiction were considered separate and unrelated. TJ came into the field with a spiritual approach of reconnecting people with their wholeness in the form of Conscious Recovery. One of the practices that has been very powerful for TJ is listening to his inner wisdom. The idea for writing his Conscious Recovery book came to TJ during meditation. TJ loves the 12-Step program but his path took him in a different direction. Conscious Recovery is not an alternative to the 12-Step program, it’s an additional tool in the toolbox. The 12 Steps are the foundation for the recovery of millions of people. Being with a community of supportive people that helps you connect with others as well as yourself is the goal, whatever form that happens to take. There are more opportunities now to connect in different ways than ever before. TJ’s life changed dramatically early on in recovery after meeting a particular woman who opened his eyes to the story of his recovery. Instead of trying to figure out what’s broken about someone, Conscious Recovery focuses on the infinite potential of what that person is capable of. Personality isn’t permanent, we are changing all the time and we can choose the language we use to describe ourselves and our future. The power of “I am…” is really important. Your “I am…” statements shape how you think of your identity and move you in ways that you may not realize. Recovery is about changing the narrative that you tell yourself. In the Western medical model, we look at symptoms and try to eliminate them. The issue is that the Western approach doesn’t always deal with the root cause. The issue with the DSM is that it often puts people into a category that may not be the right one. It’s not necessarily bad, but a diagnosis can sometimes keep people trapped in a belief about themself that is not necessarily permanent. The root causes of mental disorders are often some unexamined trauma, and just dealing with the symptoms is like putting a bandaid on a bleeding wound. If we only treat symptoms and behaviors, nothing really changes. The seeds you plant in your unconscious grow into fully formed beliefs. Healing your core false beliefs is the path you need to pursue. Your beliefs about yourself also determine who you attract into your life. If you believe you are unworthy, you will choose an unworthy life. You will choose relationships that confirm your core false belief. When TJ was five years old he decided he was stupid. The healing work involved going deep and embracing the emotions of the past and understanding how and where that seed was planted. It takes time to heal. Don’t rush the process but focus on dealing with the root cause as early on as possible. One of the things that treatment practitioners can do right now is start to recognize that they can address root causes much earlier. Conscious Recovery says underneath all your addictive behavior is a whole, imperfect person. The wisdom is within you. It’s not the counsellor, sponsor, or therapist’s job to fix you because you are not actually broken. The person who has relapsed multiple times is carrying a great deal of shame about themselves. If we start to explore anxiety as a strategy than a condition, we can start to explore what it’s managing. If you really want to be clean and sober, take the time to explore what is happening within you and think about what communities you want to connect with to accelerate your recovery.   Mentioned in this Episode: consciousrecovery.com

In this powerful interview, Dr. Georgia Fourlas talks about her personal story of addiction and recovery, and why it’s so easy for intelligent people to deceive themselves. Learn about the root causes of addiction, what resources are available to you if you’re struggling with staying sober, and why living in consultation is vital to your long-term recovery. Everyone knows someone who has been part of a 12-step program but has been unable to stay sober. Chances are those people are struggling with other issues that they haven’t dealt with. As great as the 12-step program is, some people just need more help. Fourlas tells the story of how she got her Masters degree at the age of 23 while using drugs and alcohol to deal with the challenges of life, and how she fell into a pit of addiction after graduating. It wasn’t until she was exposed to long-term treatment that she finally found a solution. Fourlas knew she had a problem in high school, but she assumed the issue was the people she was friends with. It was always external things that she attributed her issues to and it wasn’t until the long-term treatment and intensive therapy that she saw things differently. For people who walk away from the program, you will keep finding lower and lower bottoms until you either get recovery or you die. Unfortunately, Tim and Dr. Georgia have seen many people die from their addictions over the years. For Dr. Fourlas, long-term use required long-term treatment. She had convinced herself that she was a smart person that could think her way out of her addiction, but she was wrong. All the short term treatment options weren’t enough for Dr. Fourlas. It wasn’t until she was in a therapeutic community for several months that she saw real lasting results. To expect to be cured in 30 to 60 days is unrealistic. When someone is in treatment, they’re in a bubble and protected from the triggers of everyday life. Going back into their old environment and expecting to live a healthy lifestyle is not realistic. Many people in the world use drugs to deal with trauma from their childhood or adult relationships. Not everyone suffers from addiction but for those who do, 30 days is not enough to deal with those deep seated issues. You need a healthy lifestyle, friends, behaviours, and habits to stick with long-term Fourlas’s realization that she needed help came when she was working with her therapist. She realized that she was intelligent enough to deceive herself, and therapy helped her break through those barriers. Just being away from her old life long enough helped her to see more clearly as well. After her long-term treatment, Dr. Fourlas understood that she couldn’t just jump back into her old life, which is why she ended up going into a recovery house. You have to stay in the program until you don’t want to leave. The ones who are the most honest with themselves and understand that they may not be ready yet are closer to being ready than the people who think they’ve got a handle on everything. The key ingredients to a successful recovery are abstinence and connection. You need to be connected with people that are going to be honest with you. Having a healthy purpose and spiritual life is important as well. Introspection is also vital. You need to be able to look inside and see what you’re responsible for. People can be victimized and still take responsibility for addressing the issues and trauma that happened to them. Being a perpetual victim will not lead to healing your pain. Closure from other people is a fantasy. You can’t control others and if you look for healing from people who have victimized you in the past you’re setting yourself up for failure. In the era of Covid-19, anxiety, depression, suicide, and many other issues are on the rise. Distance from family has caused increased suffering and fear as well. The two most profound things though are loss of our normal lives and the overwhelming prevalence of the virus. For some people, the lack of human touch is a major problem that is taking its toll. If you have alcoholic tendencies, being stuck at home makes it much more likely to exacerbate the problem. Without a focus, people are falling into their addiction when they otherwise wouldn’t have. Addiction manifests in a number of forms including drinking, smoking, drugs, pornography, social media, gaming, and more. The problem isn’t the substance, it’s the compulsive behaviours and the underlying issues that cause them. You have to learn how to open up and connect with other people to get closer to recovery. When you repress your emotions and needs, that’s when you get depressed and feel guilty or ashamed, but you also have to be careful not to take hostages regarding your emotional needs. Learning healthy boundaries requires work. You need to be able to deal with your childhood trauma, which can be a challenge, because many people don’t realize what qualifies as trauma. Healthy boundaries are as important as staying in recovery. How else would someone be able to say no to the person pressuring them to have a drink? Without boundaries you will find yourself in relapse and being stepped on. When it comes to social media, it’s hard to know what healthy boundaries look like because they’re different for each person. For Dr. Fourlas that means avoiding politics and religion, and staying out of arguments. Social media is the best example of the world with a lack of boundaries. Fourlas runs several different types of workshops at the Meadows, which are five-day deep dives into one of the areas that are causing people issues in recovery. They usually serve as a foundation for avoiding further addictions or launching you over the obstacles that you might find in recovery. Survivors is a key program that many people have gone through years into their recovery that they’ve found very helpful. One of the best assignments that Dr. Fourlas had ever received from her therapist were two questions: “If you’re so smart, why do you act so stupid? And if you’re so right, why have things gone so wrong for you?” It made her look honestly at her life and her behaviour. We can usually convince ourselves of anything. We need to live in consultation in order to succeed in recovery, with people who know how to guide us through our issues and understand addiction. Dr. Fourlas’s morning routine involves getting up earlier than she needs to to give herself time to get ready, looking at the news through comedy, cuddling her cat, and some light motivational or funny videos. She knows that if she rushes in the morning, the rest of the day is much harder.

Andre Norman, the incredible and inspiring Ambassador of Hope talks about his journey from violent convict to Harvard fellow, and how he now travels the world empowering people to seek the help they need to build better lives. Andre talks about his struggles with anger and violence, the epiphany that changed the course of his life, and why change is available for everyone. Andre Norman’s early experiences prepared him for a life of crime and violence, culminating in being sentenced to over 100 years in prison. It was during a two-year stint in solitary confinement that Andre had an epiphany that changed his life. After serving 14 years behind bars, Andre is now known as the Ambassador of Hope and helps empower other people to turn their life around. Andre was born and raised in Boston with a single mother who struggled to provide for him. By the end of high school, Andre was a part of a gang and found himself in prison. Andre tells people that he went to prison because he quit on all the opportunities he had available to him, not because he was black, or came from the inner city, or the son of a single mom. In the first six years of his sentence, Andre convinced himself that he was doing well. He convinced himself all the negative aspects of his life, including being a gang leader and locked up in solitary prison, were good things. He rationalized and justified his whole existence until it all came crashing down when he realized he was the king of nowhere. Once he decided he didn’t want to be where he was anymore, he had to face the truth about who he was and what he had to do to change. Andre wrote down who he was and started working on the list one area at a time. Andre got his GED, he went to anger management and started working on his relationships. It took him eight more years of doing the work to get out of prison after serving 14 years total. Andre didn’t do drugs or drink but he went to every program they had available. It was a friend that eventually brought him to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and that’s where he learned how to take accountability and apply the 12 Steps to his anger issues. Alcoholic behaviour can take many forms, for Andre it was anger. Addiction is created from pain, and when you have pain you look for release. Fighting and attacking people was how Andre dealt with his pain. Pain doesn’t always come from someone being a bully or violent, it can be as simple as a misunderstanding and not realizing how the other person feels about something you’ve done. Andre’s last fist fight was in 1991. Once Andre decided that fighting was no longer how he wanted to live he had to figure out another way to communicate and develop better habits. The other initial step was realizing that bad thoughts don’t make you a bad person. Separating thoughts from actions and taking a few seconds to respond instead of reacting violently is how Andre slowly changed his life. When you’re in jail, the only thing you see is failure. That’s why it’s so important to show up in person and show that if you can make it, they can too. Andre’s nickname, The Ambassador of Hope, came organically from helping people all over the world. Andre travels around the world to deliver a message of hope to people who need it. Andre was awarded a fellowship by a Harvard professor as part of his efforts to help heal tensions in Ferguson after Michael Brown was killed. The US has a racial addiction. At some point, the country needs to acknowledge that they have a black/white problem and start working towards fixing it and implementing a solution, instead of focusing on the problem. The instant you say there is no risk, it quadruples the odds of something bad happening because you are no longer guarding against potential problems. When you believe that you can’t relapse, you are putting yourself at risk. When you acknowledge that risk is real you do something about it. When you say risk doesn’t exist, you do nothing about it and make yourself susceptible to anything that can go wrong, and something usually does go wrong. Most people don’t understand the long term consequences of their actions. At age 17, Andre had a chance to be a Junior Counsellor for a foreign exchange student but because he didn’t understand the opportunity he lost it. Understanding the opportunities that are in front of you is very important. Get educated because opportunities are coming at you at a thousand miles an hour, but if we can’t recognize them they will go by without us. You have to get out of your comfort zone to grow. Andre learned to ask for help for the negative habits he had, but he didn’t realize until much later that you can ask for help on the good things as well. Learn the action steps that can rebuild your life and those action steps can take you someplace great.   Mentioned in this Episode: andrenorman.com

Walter spent 18 years as a financial educator teaching at many prestigious universities, including UC Berkeley, UCLA, ASU, DePaul, TCU, UNLV, University of San Diego, UC Santa Cruz, UC Davis and Tecnológico de Monterrey. In 2003 he started his own investment firm. In 2013, he paid a $10,000,000 "Dumb Tax" and lost his firm—the consequence of reliance on others without a full understanding of the issues and risk associated with a transaction. He is committed to communicating and teaching the many lessons he and others have learned in the quest for happiness—keeping wealth without losing oneself or the people they care about.

In this episode with Tim Westbrook MS and Dr. Louise Stanger discuss what should you do when a loved one is in active addiction, what should you look for in a behavioral health treatment center (they are not all the same?), and more.  Her new book, The Definitive Guide to Addiction Interventions: A Collective Strategy, is the first academic book in the U.S. about the intervention process. She will be teaching the first 12-week University Course in the U.S. on Intervention for The University of Wisconsin Winter, 2020. Her new book (Surprise) will be out in this Fall 2020 as well. Stay tuned. Dr Louise welcomes hearing from you and learning about you. You can reach her at 619-507-1699 and DrStanger@allaboutinterventions.com

Is it important to understand the human condition for proper placement in treatment/pain recovery/mental health programs? Take the guesswork out of placement by completing a Comprehensive Diagnostic Evaluation. Learn more in this episode of I Love Being Sober with host Tim Westbrook, MS and Dr. James Flowers, PhD, LPC-S.   For more than 29 years, Dr. Flowers has been one of the most familiar and respected names in the area of mental health, chronic pain, and substance use disorders.   Dr. Flowers has dedicated his career to his passion, designing multidisciplinary treatment programs and clinical protocols to help individuals suffering from substance use disorders, mental health issues and chronic pain. Dr. Flowers is a lifelong distance runner with more than 28 marathons to his credit. He has competed in several ultra-marathons, including 70 and 100-mile races. In addition, Dr. Flowers is a pilot.

Moms (and dads) in recovery or seeking recovery, you won't want to miss this as Amanda Marino talks about being a sober parent, being a sober parent during the COVID 19 pandemic, and the impact of COVID 19 on addiction.

What is DNA-based drug testing and why would you use it? Does brain imagery have a role to play in diagnosis and treatment? In this episode of I Love Being Sober, Mark Rohde PhD, Chief Clinical Officer for True Mobile Health and Tim Westbrook MS discuss these topics and more.

In this episode of I Love Being Sober, Kristen Kirkpatrick, MS, RDN, Senior Fellow at Meadows Behavioral Health and Tim Westbrook, MS discusses the importance of food and nutrition to the recovery process. Kristin is the lead dietitian and manager of Wellness Nutrition Services at the Cleveland Clinic Wellness Institute in Cleveland, Ohio. A bestselling author, experienced presenter, and award-winning dietitian. Kristin is a sought-after national speaker on a variety of nutrition and wellness-related topics, appearing on the TODAY show, NBC Nightly News and The Dr. Oz Show. She has also contributed to national publications including The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, TIME, Runners World, Oprah, Martha Stewart Living, Food Network, Costco Connection, Self, Women’s Health, TODAY.com, The Huffington Post, US News and World Report, and she is a featured expert on Cleveland Clinic’s Health Essentials. The Huffington Post named Kristin “one of 35 diet and nutrition experts you need to follow on Twitter,” and in December 2017, her show The New Rules of Food aired nationally on PBS.

What is the value and importance of Case Management to long term recovery success? Why is family support and coaching crucial to the Case Management process? How has the COVID 19 pandemic impacted people suffering from addiction and mental illness? Answers to these questions and more during this episode of I Love Being Sober podcast with Rick Baney and host Tim Westbrook.  

Is working in addiction treatment the same as working in recovery? Is working as a treatment professional the same as working a personal program of recovery? The line between addiction treatment and recovery is often blurred, and many individuals in recovery who also work in addiction treatment often confuse the public when speaking with folks seeking help for a loved one. Learn more in this episode of I Love Being Sober with Rick Hubbard and Tim Westbrook, MS.