Love and Abuse
Subscribed: 1,876Played: 63,085
Subscribe
© Copyright loveandabuse.com The Overwhelmed Brain, LLC
Description
Helping you identify toxic communication, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other forms of difficult behavior in relationships. Love and Abuse offers the perspective of both the victim and the perpetrator. Full of tips and advice for your friendships, family, love life, and marriage.
You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a psychological game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.
Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.
https://loveandabuse.com/
You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a psychological game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.
Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.
https://loveandabuse.com/
151 Episodes
Reverse
The emotionally abusive relationship can sometimes be hard to define. How long must abusive behavior go on before actually admit that what's really happening is abuse?
How do you know when it’s time to instigate a split? If your partner’s behavior leaves you feeling oppressed and defeated, and they refuse to change, and they also don't want to end the relationship, then what?
Breadcrumbing can be a manipulative way to keep someone in your mind so that you can't fully move forward, keeping you as a pawn in another person's game. In this episode, a person wrote to me talking about their ex, a 13-year breadcrumber!
2The way someone talks about their relationship reveals a lot. Abuse victims and perpetrators each have their own language patterns. Knowing these language patterns will help you understand on which side of the fence you're on.
In abusive relationships it might be difficult or even impossible to discern which parts of yourself are truly you and which are shaped by the abuse. Let's talk about what it takes to start building or rebuilding your identity.
You walk into an emotionally abusive relationship as one person, but where do you go after you're in one for a while? Is the person you're with trying to change you into someone you're not?
Love can feel like a double-edged sword, cutting deep despite the tender moments. Or is that really love? Caring and kindness mixed with toxic, controlling behaviors create a dangerous emotional cocktail of bonding and trauma.
They did the worst thing imaginable and now want you to stay in their life. Is it possible they can change? Should you give them a chance?
What does it take for an abusive person to change? A whole lot (if they even want to change), but this one component of healing is often one of the hardest for them to stop. Their consistent focus on you can make their healing and change much more difficult, let alone having no time and space to heal yourself.
The one-off difficulties in relationships are perfectly normal for everyone. They're not welcome, necessarily, but normal. But what happens when the "one-offs" become systemic? What happens when they are non-stop? That's when changes are inevitable.
When they threaten to leave or take something away from you, but they never follow through, expect them to repeat that behavior indefinitely. Empty threats are effective on those who fear them coming true. There is a way to stop the empty threats (but you probably won't like it).
You'd think it'd be easy to figure out: The hurtful one is the abusive one. But what happens when the victim gets convinced they are the abuser? Determining that while in the abuse cycle can sometimes be very difficult. However, I make it very clear in this episode.
"Everything's great with me," they say, as you sit there staring, confused, wondering what the hell you're missing because you're having a completely different experience as them. When is a relationship not an actual relationship anymore?
When you get into an emotionally abusive relationship, you have no idea what you're walking into. When you figure it out, you might have to make some tough choices. One of those choices might lead to getting deeper into something you know is bad for you.
Some people just won't stop being hurtful. Why won't they stop? Are they just terrible people we have to accept and move on? Power and control is their M.O. and it's important you know why. For some there is hope. For others, well, it may take a lot more than hope to see change. https://loveandabuse.com
Hurt people hurt people, so we should have compassion when they hurt us, right? You know the answer and I know the answer. How does the person who is hurting you start to change and heal, though? Lots to unpack here.
The person you were before the difficult relationship almost always looks and feels different than the person you became while in the difficult relationship. And losing that part of yourself may make you think there's no way back. Sometimes, you can't even remember who you used to be.
When someone keeps hurting you, you might blame yourself and think if you were only better, they'd stop. But as their hurtful behavior continues, resentment builds and you start questioning everything about yourself.
What is the cause of mistreatment in a relationship? Do you think it's possible you are reason someone is hurting you or trying to change you? If so, you need to listen to this episode. There are many reasons this is happening, but...
What do you do when someone shatters something that brought you joy? In this episode, I talk about understanding your limits in relationships and recognizing when resilience becomes a liability rather than a strength. It's important you know how to navigate toward making the right decisions for you and those you love.
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store
United States
Amazing podcast and delivery. Paul you're a gem.. can you pls let me know the web site hig mention for the "abuser" ?
your show has been an absolute game changer for me. Thank you so much for working on yourself, so that you are able to share such valuable information with the rest of us. I appreciate you Paul!
it was really great, Thanks a million ♡
useful:)))))
this is so spot on! what I'm experiencing this exactly right now! I just bought your workbook! can't wait to read it!
I appreciate that Paul is willing to share things from his past, like the emails he mentioned he wrote in 2005-2006, that show his vulnerability and human-ness (if that can be a word!). It brings me hope that I too can be rid of the toxicity I feel in myself from the many years of being in a toxic and manipulative relationship. This podcast is so insanely helpful, I cannot express enough gratitude to Paul!
my Young wife I gave her all love m attention n she uttered "u don't really love me this is all a show " broke my heart, I told her it's Untrue how can she neglect my efforts n sincerity. Now I m keeping distance not joking n making her laugh or any informal conversation, so she can realize the VALUE of what I was giving her before. it's been 1 week,.it is so painful to be doing this to my love but I have to so she understand VALUE of what she took for granted. I miss making her laugh, I always ignored her flaws out of love but this time it was direct attack on my sincerity. She is 24 what does she know about love? but a lesson has to be taught somehow for deterrence in future..hope I'm not mistaking..I'll give cold shoulder 2 weeks n then debrief n forgive her yet again, true love is sacrifice n education to the weakest link in relationship -Alan de botton
Paul, you always make me feel so much better about life and myself. You give me strength in times when I thought I had none left. I appreciate that you put yourself out there all in the name of helping others. I'm not sure if I would've ever found the strength to get out of the bad relationship I was in if I hadn't found your podcasts. I'm forever grateful! Excellent episode!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎
A wonderful and very helpful episode today, Paul! 👍 I recognise my past self and old relationships in some of the things that you covered today so it's good to see I have grown immensely since then.
Hi Paul, just wanted to let you know that I LOVE both of your podcasts and am very happy to have found you! ❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍 And to that person writing this letter: he sounds like a very jealous person to me... Greetings from Turkey & Germany 😊 Gülay
Another great episode packed with useful advice for anyone who deals with toxicity in relationships be they romantic or otherwise. ✌️
I did the hard job of leaving my 16 yr relationship with 4 children it hurts I thank you for this podcast
There's a lot of sound advice here especially for anyone who has dealt, or deals with, toxic interactions. This is something I wish I'd have discovered several years back if only to spare myself the wounds gained from toxic people. But you live, you learn.
Thank you for your insights today. I learned a lot 👍
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a sensitive issue. The tips today will help me identify when I'm being gaslit and also when I'm doing the gaslighting so I can break away from the people and habits causing it.
Thank you so so much for your wisdom today, Paul! 👍 I have been following your Overwhelmed Brain podcast for a while now and really felt that I would benefit from this one too as I've experienced my fair share of toxicity in relationships and am still healing today.
thx for being transparent n showing how to bravely face criticism even though all of it was untrue. It teaches us some people suffering may pass on their pain to others with these untrue hurtful comments. Its such a wrong way to cope with personal problems. You cant find some1 more polite, friendly & decent as paul here n its for free. Therapist/psychologists charge arm n leg for this n Here mr. paul is taking time out of his life to contribute n making conscious effort to ease pain n suffer of people with effective sound advice n sharing valuable experience. imagine a teenager listening in n learning the ups n downs of relationships. Purely valuable, imho. To the complainer, i forgive you for failing to hurt a decent human being. May god ease your suffering for you are obviously suffering.
Don't feed the trolls. You are doing a great job. I learned so much from you. I've had therapist with a PHD and it was horrible. Thanks so much for helping me mentally. I finally left this emotionally abusive after 15 years.... After I started listening to you. I know it was long overdue. Thank you so much.
my prblm is my wife is young23 n stubborn n does not want to learn anything. i want her to learn n become better person. she is oblivious about life..naivwe n she just wastes time entertain herself 24 - 7 on tiktok or youtube. so i m wanting her to change n become responsible so we can grow family n move fwd..
can you do something on co-parenting with your abusive ex?