Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something “wrong,” and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you’ll likely resonate with this episode.If you’re someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you’ve ended up with.In our work with men we’ve often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around … and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.Fortunately, we’ve also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.Memorable quotes:“One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”“It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”“If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”“There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone.”“At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”“Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”—Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I’m a nice guy. Now what?Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions?Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict?Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard?Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatile parent in your house and a more passive one (or if that's the dynamic you're in as a parent right now, with your own children), you'll want to hear this.This conversation goes beyond obvious abuse and into the invisible wounds: the confusion of not knowing who will protect you, the way your body learns to brace, appease, or disappear, and how those early patterns quietly follow you into adult relationships.We also explore what healing can look like — not through blame, but through awareness. How do you grieve the protection you didn’t receive? What does it take to stop replaying the bully–bystander dynamic in your partnerships, friendships, or inner world? If you’ve ever felt caught between harm and silence, this episode invites you to name the experience — and begin choosing something different.---Mentioned on this episode:One Million Rising (pro-democracy training): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4496VWDjwS0&t=19svioletlange.com/root -- to sign up & get Zoom link (or replay after Feb 12th). If you have questions, just email violet@violetlange.com. You can also check out her program for women directly at: Love, Integrated 

“This is not something I ever thought I would do.”So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay.“As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship.His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations.Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community.So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more!---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Supernuclear SubstackCoHoUS (The Cohousing Association of the United States)The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center -- book by Rhaina CohenStepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life -- book by Amy GahranDM 242: Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (with Amy Gahran)LiveNearFriends.com -- You've thought about it. What's stopping you?---Memorable quotes from this episode:“Even with your best friend, you schedule dinner three weeks out.”“It was like, ‘Cool, that’s for you, but that’s not for people like me.’”“We buy our own loneliness.”“I moved in in the middle of Covid and it… was… awesome.”“I can’t think of any other decision that has impacted my day-to-day happiness in a positive way than moving into Radish.”“The things I was afraid of happening — I wouldn’t have any privacy; I wouldn’t have enough personal space — didn’t happen.”“I’m constantly meeting new people.”“Being in orbit with other people is such a healthy thing from a relational standpoint.”“You get to see yourself reflected in other people.”

“The gym can be a very scary place.”Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure."Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners.We talk about how to naturally boost your T levels (easier than you think!), the specific way our physical bodies store our "stuff" (and how to move it), and how to get started if you're not sure what to do first.We also touch on questions like:Is keto really worth it? (What should you actually pay attention to in nutrition trends?)How do you safely start lifting weights (without injuring yourself), especially if you're over 50?How do you best integrate from deep emotional release work (including psychedelics) in a physical way?What kind of stretches are best?---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:The ELDOA method (stretching and myofascial release)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"I started asking, 'Why did I get injured?'“If I’m really fit, then I’ll finally feel loved.”“[My clients] would hide their pain from me.”“If you want to increase your testosterone, squat heavy once a week and get in a cold plunge.”“If you have tightness in your body, you have emotional stuff going on.”“About half of my time spent on my body is stretching … and I don’t get hurt anymore.”“No matter where you’re at, you require mentorship and guidance.”“Pay attention to every single win.”

Do any of these apply to you?:You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlinedYou're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly)You fear never having passionate, connected sex again---These are all common patterns we see in our practice.Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have vibrant, thriving sex lives. Passion is possible!---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?DM 217: When sex is about more than just the sexDM 358: Do you trust men?DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- you need to know about thisDM 262: Are you lonely?DM 1: What if sex hurts for your partner or she doesn't want it? A woman opens up about her experience---Memorable quotes from this episode:“Your relationship is flat.”“I’m gonna ask in a way I can’t be rejected.”“‘I tend to wait for the signal.’”“I’ve neglected my partner before.”“For a lot of guys, ejaculation is how they deal with tension in their bodies.”“One of the most painful ways we’ve seen this show up is when this wasn’t clear when they got married.”“'I want to feel your desire to be close to me, to know my heart, to know my feelings.'”“This is her strongest aphrodisiac!”“I’m getting off all the feelings I don’t want to feel.”“It’s not so much what we’re doing, but how we’re being.”“The pathway to the change you want comes from being honest.”“It can change — that’s the good news.”

We've got close to 400 episodes, and with the new year, I felt inspired to categorize Dear Men in order to help you get the most out of it!I've broken it down into six buckets, then listed episodes in an order I believe would be supportive to listen to:1. Do you identify as a Nice Guy? If you already know about Nice Guy Syndrome (perhaps you've even read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover), you'll love these. If you've not yet heard about it but your spidey sense is going off, it's probably a good time to learn more:374: The 3 main archetypes of men. Which one are you? (ft. Jason Lange)239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it? (ft. Jason Lange)367: 'For some reason, I tend to attract "projects."' (ft. Jason Lange)289: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange)235: 'I see a beautiful woman and immediately get triggered. Why?' (ft. Jason Lange)340: Top 3 traits we've seen Nice Guys develop to get what they want! (ft. Jason Lange)295: Ever 'fallen into' a relationship? (ft. Jason Lange)284: Is cheating (including emotional affairs) correlated with Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Jason Lange)296: What does it actually mean to step into your power? (ft. Jason Lange)315: What happens once you’ve recovered from Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Dr. Robert Glover)---2. Ever been with an emotionally volatile partner? If you've ever been with a partner who scared you, who had a lot of emotional intensity, and around whom you felt you were walking on eggshells, then it's time to understand Borderline Personality Disorder. (This could rock your world!)319: 'My relationship is war.' (What do I do?) (Ft. Jason Lange)128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (ft. Violet Lange)313: GuyTalk: Life after being with a BPD partner (Borderline Personality Disorder)354: What’s it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder? (Pt. 1) Ft. Setareh Vatan373: What's it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder (pt. 2) (ft. Setareh Vatan)345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder) (ft. Violet Lange)163: Ever had red-hot sex with someone who's bad for you? (ft. Jason Lange)221: What's her feminine storm, and what's abuse? (ft. Violet & Jason Lange)386: GuyTalk: How do you co-parent with a challenging partner? (including Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder)---3. Are you curious about sexy time? We have tons of fun episodes on this! Everything from sexual fantasies to episodes with erotica writers. Here's just a taste:37: Secrets of a Sex Researcher (ft. me!)388: GirlTalk: The reddest, hottest sex we've ever had (as women)318: GirlTalk: Role play in sex. What's it like!?152: GirlTalk: How to go down on a woman so she *loves* it189: GirlTalk: Does size matter?282: Anal sex! Yep, we’re talkin’ about it. (ft. Sara)245: What's it like to be swingers? (ft. John & Jackie Melfi)119: GirlTalk: Blowjobs! What we like and don't like in oral sex on men384: What's the impact of circumcision on a man? (ft. Michael Smith, Intactivist Educator)390: What is foreskin restoration? (ft. Bob Werner)---4. Are you dating/wanting to date?Whether you're wanting to "date better," or you're getting back out onto the scene after a major relationship has ended, you'll find a gem in here:186: GirlTalk: Approaching us in the wild (the "cold approach")220: How do I tell if she likes me? (ft. Jason Lange)136: GuyTalk: Dating after divorce387: GirlTalk: What inspires a woman to deeply trust a man?360: GirlTalk: Striking while the iron is hot!358: Do you trust men? (ft. Jason Lange)335: Ever felt like women had a 'list' in dating & relationships? (ft. Violet Lange)344: 3 dating myths to let go of immediately (ft. Jason Lange)337: GirlTalk: Ever felt like she’s testing you?341: GirlTalk: The most important relationship skill of them all324: What does it mean to open a woman? (ft. Jason Lange)291: Want to get better at dating? Here are 3 ways to practice with women (ft. Violet Lange)138: GirlTalk! When should you text her vs. call her?---5. Want to know more about trauma healing?Eventually we all come to realize how messed up we are. ;) It is at that point that it's helpful to learn more about how to un-learn damaging patterns.The good news is that it's never too late, and major breakthroughs are more than just possible when you put in the right effort and get the right support -- they're probable.320: From breakdown to breakthrough: how to recover from trauma (ft. Jason Lange)123: What exactly IS somatic therapy, and how does it differ from talk therapy? (ft. Z Zoccolante)379: Can ketamine really treat depression (and PTSD and ADHD)? (ft. Sam Mandel)314: Can microdosing help you develop better relationships? (ft. David Romero)300: What's it like to do MDMA therapy with your wife? (ft. Lucas)278: Need a breakthrough? Try breathwork. (ft. Luke Adler)371: GuyTalk: What's it like doing in-person men's work?150: Want a happy, healthy relationship? Ancestral trauma healing. (ft. Ben Goresky & Mark Wolynn)166: Can psychedelics help heal you? (ft. Jason Lange)159: It happens to boys, too. Somatic therapies to heal from sexual abuse (ft. Rahi Chun)155: Overcome anxious/avoidant attachment with somatic therapy modality Network Spinal Analysis (ft. Dr. Matt Kreinheder)223: Sexological bodywork, somatic sex education, and overcoming trauma (ft. Chris Muse & Alyssa Morin)199: Want to overcome trauma quickly? De-armoring can help (ft. Sunny Ju)---6. Are you in partnership? Learn about polarity!If you've ever been in a sexless marriage, or a love relationship where you wished there was more sexy time happening, polarity is likely a big part of what's going on. Or even if your relationship is good and you want to take it to GREAT, this is the topic for you.Polarity is a key concept in our work, and it is the balance between masculine and feminine energies, which we often talk about as "alpha" and "omega" energies.380: What exactly IS polarity? (ft. Violet Lange)394: Why is polarity so critical for attraction? (ft. Jason Lange)292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? Reverse polarity could be the culprit (ft. Violet & Jason Lange)360: GirlTalk: Striking while the iron is hot!357: GirlTalk: What does it mean to “claim” her (and why does she love it)?297: The problems with polarity (ft. Jason Lange)293: Give it to me whining! (Ft. Jason & Violet Lange)277: Want to maximize polarity? Learn to do this well. (ft. Jason Lange)66: GirlTalk: When men do this, we get wet.342: Are you scared of her big feelings? This may help. (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]250: How do you re-polarize a relationship (bring back the spark)? ft. Jason Lange322: 5 ways to polarize a powerful woman (ft. Jason Lange) [Replay]

Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like the spark had died? There's no chemistry but you're going through the motions, wishing there was more heat, more aliveness, more oomph.If so, you might have been bumping up against the principle of polarity.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:DM 380: What exactly IS polarity?DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a coupleDear Men 297: The problems with polarity---Memorable quotes:

“I become a bit of a depresso-goblin when I live alone.”So shares one of my housemates -- an eloquent interpretation, perhaps, of the loneliness episode we're living through, according to the US Surgeon General.We all know that loneliness sucks. Among other things, it elevates risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety (among other health concerns).So what do we do about it? According to the Pew Research Center, around 40% of adults are un-partnered, and a recent CNN article states that close to 30% of all US households are folks living on their own. Add to this the gig economy and an increased prevalence of workplaces that are entirely online, and you've got a major societal issue.Living in community is one way of coming together, having more fun, getting more practical support, and strengthening the overall social fabric of your life.Here, I get personal. I myself live in a coliving situation with six other friends. In this episode we delve into questions like:What was your life like before living in community, and what motivated you to seek out a community living situation?Anything you were hesitant about when it came to living in community?What needs of yours are met by living in community? What challenges have you found in it?How has living in community impacted your love relationship (if you’re in one)? What advice do you have for others who are considering living in community?---Memorable quotes:“It seemed like a good healthy risk.”“I don’t have coworkers, so the vast majority of my sustaining social connection comes from this house.”“It's special to have built-in friends.”“One hesitation for me was that everything wasn’t going to be accessible to me 100% of the time in exactly the way I’d want.”“Living with people helps me with being open to receiving.”“It’s more isolating when you’re living in a home with just your partner.”“It's great having that space to be received and seen by others.”“It requires vulnerability and communication.”“It’s very lively!”“A better version of me lives when I live in community.” ---Mentioned on this episode:Nesterly: Share a home with someone you can trust for over 1 month stays. Renters can lend a hand for discounted rent.CoHoUS (The Cohousing Institute of the United States): A resource with courses as well as online social gatherings for those interested in cohousing and coliving

How do you know if you're addicted to porn?Instead of addiction language, some mental health specialists use the term Problematic Porn Use to discuss this. The heart of it is the same, however: How do I stop watching porn? (and why is it so freakin' hard to stop using porn??)Here we delve into the topic, but not from a shame-based point of view. Instead we look at the underlying needs that are met by porn use -- and how to move beyond it.The truth is that this is a complex and intricate subject. It's not as simple or easy as "just stop" -- and whether it's an outside force or your own inner critic saying this, it's simply not helpful (and often damaging).As with many things in life, the truth is, as Jason puts it: “You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 358: Do you trust men?Dear Men 262: Are you lonely?---Memorable quotes:“When we don’t know how to share what’s inside of us, most men will default to is ejaculating it out.”“Porn is a subset of the attention-hijacking we’re all in the middle of right now.”“It was very disempowering to feel like I didn’t have control.”“You get exactly what you want and you can’t be rejected.”“As our system gets larger, we don’t need certain crutches anymore.”“I hit a certain level of stress, and my body does this.”“I changed my life so I wasn’t hitting that trigger switch.”“You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”

ATTRIBUTION NOTE: This is NOT an original episode. This is a complete episode of The Ezra Klein Show that I'm posting here, with a note from me at the beginning.Original episode can be found here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-relationships-would-you-want-if-you-believed-they/id1548604447?i=1000644331040What follows is my own reasons for posting this:---We are at a crossroads in our cultures and societies worldwide.In many places, social networks are in tatters. Mental health is abysmal in spots without tight-knit communities -- which, let's face it, is a growing number of places. The nuclear family paradigm has dominated over the past 50-75 years, but does it work?Evidence suggests otherwise.Single adults living alone are so lonely they often experience significant anxiety & depression. Parents are stressed and overwhelmed, with children taking up so much energy and attention that it's hard to connect as a couple (including sex! and other kinds of intimacy). And older adults are either aging alone, or in environments that sap their vitality.Studies show that trends around social isolation hit men particularly hard. According to Gallup, for example, "[Young men in the US] are significantly more likely than their female peers to experience deaths of despair."And: "Americans who experience daily loneliness are significantly less likely to report smiling or laughing ... They are also half as likely to be classified as 'thriving' in life."Let's review that: Lonely people are HALF as likely to be classified as thriving. And what happens when you're not thriving? You're almost always not having great sex, wonderful intimate relationships, or a satisfying love life.So what do we do about this? How do we "fix" the loneliness epidemic?This is the first episode in a series that I will be doing on creative solutions and innovative ideas around not just how we think about relationships, but how we think about living. I don't mean that metaphorically, either; I mean our literal living environments.We've lived separately for too long. I believe it's time to bring the generations back together in meaningful ways, and have more FUN at home.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen

Why do you need to know about this?---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It’s a journey of healing; it’s a journey of growth; it’s a journey of restoration.”“Everyone ends up better … in so many different ways.”“Life truly is better with a foreskin!”“It’s a wonderful sense of wellbeing.”“The glans is an internal organ — it’s not designed to be exposed to nature, and when it is exposed 24/7, it has to protect itself.”“Some people report having whole-body orgasms!”“Once you have the foreskin, during intercourse that foreskin goes back and forth across the head of the penis and it makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. There’s no more working so hard to get to orgasm.”“It turns intercourse into beauty.”“There are no surgical options because the skin on the penis is unique.”“There’s more sensitivity, so you’re not straining and working hard to get to orgasm.”“It really doesn’t take very much tension to do this.”“Every millimeter of skin you grow is going to bring you relief.”“It doesn’t matter what level you’re starting from; the benefits start accruing from the moment you reach down and start gently tugging.”“‘Welcome to the community and to your restoration journey.’”“When I told my urologist I was restoring my foreskin, I got this blank look.”“There is a way to fix this.”---Mentioned on this episode:DM 384: What's the impact of circumcision on a man? (ft. Michael Smith, Intactivist Educator)

Have you ever felt stuck in a love relationship that wasn't working? Maybe you were straining and striving to make it work. Maybe you felt like it was all on your shoulders -- all your responsibility to "fix" it. Or maybe you were afraid of what would happen if it went away. Would she make it? Would you?There are concrete reasons why it's hard for men in particular to let go of romantic relationships (whether marriages or other long-term committed relationships) that are no longer fulfilling.Here we delve into 8 specific reasons why it's hard for men to answer questions like:"Why do I feel so stuck in my marriage?""How do I fix my marriage?""What do I do if I'm unhappy but feel obligated to stay?""What can I do to make my marriage better?""How do I get my wife to want me again?"---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:DM 377: How do you overcome the fear of being alone?DM 144: Are you staying together for the kids?My streaming sex course! Please Her In Bed: www.pleaseherinbed.com---Memorable quotes from this episode:“Often relationships that are hard to get out of have some element of codependence.”“What happens if I leave her? How will she survive?”“What if I break up with her and she’s mad at me?”“If the relationship fails, I fail.”“Maybe this is the best I’m ever going to get, and if I leave it, I’ll regret it.”“There’s a type of safety there, and not having to confront the fear of being alone.”“It’s really about not excluding oneself.”“If I don’t believe I’m worth it, I’m not going to ask for it.”“Other men are dangerous so the only safe place is your feminine partner.”“A relationship doesn’t have to last forever to be successful!”“I was living on scraps before, and I didn’t even realize it.”“This would have been impossible for me to do without my men’s group.”“As you let go into community, you can discover yourself in a totally different way.”

How many hundreds of miles would you travel for great sex?Some of the hottest sexual experiences are some of the least-expected. Sometimes that has to do with location, and sometimes it has to do with ropes and corsets. Often it involves anticipation, and it's frequently NOT about what you think (i.e. perfect "performance").Here, four of us women friends bring you behind the curtain when it comes to the best sex we've ever had. Some of what we say may surprise you! And some may be things you've always wondered about. Included topics: going down on her, blow jobs for him, domination play, and jumping off (this is not what you think but definitely worth hearing about!).When it comes to dating and relationships, stand-out sex is a big part of it -- but what that looks like is sometimes unanticipated.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:My streaming sex course! Please Her In Bed: www.pleaseherinbed.com---Memorable quotes from this episode:"He had me blindfolded so he was like, 'I'm going to take care of you, and I'm going to do all the work.'" ;)"You know when you meet up with an ex and it's like, 'Do we or don't we?'""He was very curious and made sure to know what I liked and what I didn't like."

Most men we work with long to be trusted. They yearn to satisfy their partners on every level: physically, emotionally, and sexually. Above all, they want their woman partners to feel safe with them.The fact is, those two things are inextricably linked: If you want a woman to feel safe with you, she needs to trust you. Yet we still live in a world where a lot of women feel unsafe with a lot of men.So what does it take to be deeply trustable? Here, we each reveal what it takes for a man to be trusted by us on a personal level. We share intimate stories of times we interacted with an un-trustable man (and what made him un-trustable), as well as the times we felt deep trust, safety, and connection.Want a woman to fully surrender to you? Listen on -- whether you're newly dating, long-married, or in any other kind of love relationship, you're sure to get something out of this vulnerable, raw discussion of love, safety, trust, intimacy, and sexuality.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

When you've got kids with someone, you need to be able to cooperate. But what do you do if your ex is emotionally unstable/volatile, physically or emotionally abusive, or otherwise difficult?Most partners don't start out that way, of course. As one man put it, it felt more like "the ground could be kind of unstable" in the relationship. Another said, "I was hyper-aware of her emotions all the time, and trying to minimize her upheaval."Maybe the two of you have even tried seeing a couple's counselor. But it didn't work -- or in some cases, even seemed to make things worse. Says one man, "Even in therapy, a lot of it was, ‘You’re the cause of this.’"Here, three men share their personal experiences of co-parenting with challenging partners -- women who often have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).They go into what it was like being in the relationship, the progression from being a childless couple to having children together, and then the journey out. They share both practical and emotional tips about co-parenting, and offer what they've learned along the way.If you're in this situation, may this help to light the way.Memorable quotes:“She said things like, ‘You have ruined my life, and caused me more trauma.’”“It’s hard to see that stuff when you’re in it.”“In reality, we just had wounds that sort of fit well together at the time.”“I told myself I had a loyalty to her.”“I had so much fear of, 'What’s gonna happen if I actually follow through?'”“At some point I didn’t feel safe; I felt threatened.”“What made things better for everyone, including my ex, was strong, healthy boundaries.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (ft. Violet Lange)Book: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Paul T. Mason & Randi KregerBook: Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Y. Manning, PhDBook: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy, Randi Kreger, et alBook: Parallel Parenting -- The Only Way to Co-parent with a Narcissist: Managing a Counter Parent, Setting Boundaries, and Protecting Your Child From Parental Alienation by Wendy CarterArticle: 25 Fictional Characters People With Borderline Personality Disorder Relate To (https://themighty.com/topic/borderline-personality-disorder/bpd-borderline-personality-disorder-fictional-characters/)

Some experts estimate that ~15% of marriages are sexless, while others put the number as high as 33% ("sexless relationship" defined as a couple having sex 10 times a year or fewer).That's a lot of people.Now let's talk about the stakes:Does a sexless marriage generally mean a less fulfilling one? In a word, yes. According to researcher and associate professor Denis Donnelly in the New York Times, "Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being." Plus, her research showed that folks in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active ones.So what do you do if you're in this position? How do you handle being in a sexless relationship or sexless marriage? Can you bring the sex back in -- repolarize the relationship? Here, we work on answering questions like: "How do I bring up sex with my wife?" -- in Jason's words, “A lot of guys don’t know where to start because they don’t know where it’s coming from.”And, "What do I do if my wife doesn't want to have sex with me?" -- or how to handle the sense that when she does, it's more of her feeling like "this is a thing I have to do for you to get you off my back."It's a tender, vulnerable, and important subject. Let's dive in.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It’s not just about the frequency of sex.”“My wife does give me her body, but that’s it. It’s a duty.”“For guys, the experience is, ‘Well, why don’t I just use a sex doll?’”“Men just shut down and become resentful.”“Sex is really just a form of communication.”“‘I want to feel her wanting me, wanting sex.’”“The more sex we’re having, the more sex we want to have.”“Sex is deeply entwined with our ability to open and feel connected.”---Mentioned on this episode:DM 1: What if sex hurts for her? (her insider view on being closed off sexually)DM 196: The "invisible" relationship pattern that can impact everything (emotional neglect)DM 250: How do you re-polarize a relationship?DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?---To book a call with me to discuss Sexual Mastery, go to melaniecurtin.com/sexualmastery

In North America, we tend to think of circumcision as "normal" and "widespread." But did you know that circumcision as a practice only became widespread in the US in the mid 1900s?So what's the deal? Why did it originate as a practice and why has it persisted? And perhaps most importantly, what is the impact on a man -- both physiologically as well as psychologically?The answers may surprise you -- I know they did me. I was unaware, for example, of the extent to which intact foreskin helps a man with sexual pleasure. I also didn't realize that foreskin restoration is a thing -- that if you've been circumcised, there's actually a way to re-grow foreskin.There's a lot of intensity and sensitivity around this subject, and for good reason: It matters deeply. If you yourself are circumcised, you have loved ones who are, and especially if you're a parent-to-be, please listen. It's important.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“Much of the history is murky.”“I acutely felt the feeling of being different.”“Dollars per hour, circumcision is the most lucrative thing a doctor can do.”“Circumcision is estimated to be a $5B/year industry in the US.”“Men don’t like to feel like victims.”“Most responses are silence.”“There’s an unconscious desire to control the sexuality of children.”“‘OK, something really bad happened to me.’”“It ends with me.”"This can be a story of resilience and triumph."---Mentioned on this episode:Book rec: Circumcision: The Hidden Trauma -- How an American Cultural Practice Affects Infants and Ultimately Us AllDocumentary on Netflix: American CircumcisionSubreddit dedicated to foreskin restoration: www.reddit.com/r/foreskin_restoration/For more on our upcoming course, Sexual Mastery, go to melaniecurtin.com/sexualmastery

Overcoming erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and other forms of sexual dysfunction in men is complex.This is part II of a two-part series.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It was an energy of oppression in my body.”“Like many things in this field, men tend to not come forward around it."“I developed a fear of having sex.”“I had seen naturopaths, Western doctors, supplements, etc. and nothing helped.”“The core of its energy is that it has no heart for me.”“‘Be a good boy; we have to take care of mom.’”“I would have paid $100,000 for that result.”“It was a miracle in a lot of ways.”“My tissues could finally receive the medicine.”---Mentioned on this episode:Luke Adler: https://lukeadlerhealing.com/To book a call with me to discuss Sexual Mastery, go to melaniecurtin.com/sexualmastery

Did you know that premature ejaculation is the most common form of sexual dysfunction on the planet? In a similar vein, experts estimate that erectile dysfunction impacts a staggering 30-50 million men in the U.S. alone. And some studies suggest that 1 in 10 men experiences delayed ejaculation.The truth is, sexual dysfunction affects millions and millions of men, but the experience is often one of being alone. Helpless. Feeling stuck or out of control. Common thoughts:"Why can't I get hard when I want the sex? I feel like my body's betraying me.""I'm so frustrated about cumming so fast -- I want sex to last.""What's the point of even going on a date if I know it's eventually gonna end up in the bedroom?""I'm terrified that I won't satisfy her sexually, and then she'll either humiliate me, leave me, or both.""What's wrong with me?"---Here, Luke reveals the one primary and often overlooked yet vitally important commonality that exists between all sexual dysfunction. As he puts it, “Western medicine has reduced it to it being all about blood flow...” and it's about way more than that.As a doctor of Chinese medicine, Luke brings a unique and potent perspective on the topic. The plain truth is that overcoming sexual dysfunction like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation is simply not about what you think it’s about.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“I have to whisper about it in doctor’s offices.""Shoutout to the men for whom Viagra or Cialis just don't work."“Men are conditioned, programmed, indoctrinated into carrying their pain alone."“I went to naturopaths and MDs and nothing touched it.”“I get that you can run 100 miles. Let’s talk about your relationships.”“I could not RECEIVE help … like it could not get into my body.”“Your cock is your compass.”“This isn’t about sex; this is about power.”“It’s literally a miracle.”---Mentioned on this episode:Luke Adler: https://lukeadlerhealing.com/To book a call with me to discuss Sexual Mastery, just email me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com

Welcome to Cocktober! We're spending this whole month on a plethora of penis things.As a sex researcher, I can tell you that when it comes to men's top sex problems, a common and unrelenting theme is around erections: getting them, keeping them, and being able to savor or "complete" them. This past spring and summer I interviewed ten men about their experiences with erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and delayed ejaculation (DE). Some men had just one thing going on; some had a combination of these things.This episode is a distillation of the top five things I learned in doing those interviews. There were some unexpected themes, and some you might expect.If you've ever contended with this topic, I suspect you'll resonate with some of the stories and patterns enumerated here. And get ready for more c*ck content. This whole month is dedicated to the sacred member.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Book rec: Circumcision, The Hidden Trauma : How an American Cultural Practice Affects Infants and Ultimately Us All by Ronald GoldmanDocumentary rec: American Circumcision (Amazon Prime, YouTube, AppleTV+)