Incredible Conversation

Bettina introduces a new podcast she is launching called Just One Thing For Parents. In this podcast she will be interviewing experts in the field of child mental health and asking them to share just one thing they believe to be helpful for parents supporting young minds. Each expert will focus on their area of expertise. The episodes are short (less than 10 minutes), accessible and easy to digest. Listen here to the first episode with Dawn Huebner who talks about how to support an anxious child. For future episodes go to Just One Thing For Parents by Dr Bettina Hohnen and follow there.

In this episode Bettina and Jane talk through dilemmas for parents and young people as they leave school for work of college. A parent is concerned about their diabetic son starting University, with all the self-care and orgnisation required of independent living. Letting go, particularly in the context of a medical condition is hard, so what should a parent do (1 min). How can a parent set their high-achieving daughter up to cope with the prospect of not being the top of the class, without it overwhelming her (10:16). A young person with ADHD knows that routine and regularity is particularly important for their brain, but how can they communicate this to friends at Uni without seeming like a loser (20:10). A parent is concerned about her son who went straight into a job after school, where his colleagues are older than him, leaving him feeling lonely. What can they do to support him? (29:00)

(1 min) We discuss how to manage screen time during the holidays. Does more leisure time always mean more screen time? (11:20 mins) We talk about how parents can support a student about to start GCSEs who wants to see her friends but her mum thinks she needs catch up on the school work she missed during the Covid period. (22:46 mins)  We consider the options if your teen becomes virtually nocturnal during the holidays. (32:13 mins)  We think about the best response for a teen with ADHD with plans to go inter-railing during the summer. Jane  wrote an article in Hello! magazine about summer holiday strategies for teenagers. You can find it here https://www.hellomagazine.com/healthandbeauty/mother-and-baby/20220630144195/school-summer-holiday-guide-for-teens-parents/ 

Jane and Bettina answer questions from parents about safety dilemmas with their children. An 11 year old girl told her parents she noticed a man behind her on the new bus route to school and the parent wonders whether she should drive her to school instead (0:40). We consider how to respond to a young boy sending nude pictures online, while exploring his sexuality (8:45). We consider the tricky issue of a boy gaming with many strangers online and whether a parent should stop him gaming (16:48). Lastly we address a question from a parent whose teen drank too much at a party and was sick afterwards. Mum is upset and doesn’t know how to handle it (26:00).

Our instagram has been hacked and it is unlikely we will be able to access it again. This episode is to let you know that, and also that the next topic will be “Staying safe online and in the real world". Please do send us any questions you have by DM to @drjanegilmour or @bettinahohnen on instagram.

At this time in the calendar year many families are supporting their young people through exams and studying and revision are a major feature of family life. In this episode we help parents think through some typical scenarios and consider the ways to have incredible conversations with their children. We cover ways to support a disengaged teenager who has important exams coming up (1:28), a young person who, despite her best efforts struggles to organise her work (22:30), as well as a young person who is so conscientious her parents are worried she has lost the balance in life (32:20). We also address ways a parent can manage their own worries about their son who, due to the covid pandemic, has had no experience of national exams, with a relentless fear that he may fail (11:30). 

In this special episode we talk about how to manage discussions on news headlines and world events in your family. We ask.. Should you bring it up at all ? How can I answer their questions without making them feel anxious ? What should I do if my child is consuming news excessively and is becoming really anxious. How do I manage my teenager getting their news from social media?

Episode 11 is for adults supporting young people through friendship difficulties. We discuss a question from a parent whose daughter is not able to separate from her and go on playdates she previously managed well (1:25). We consider ways to manage secondary school transition for a young person with a tic disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (8:34). A regular question from parents is how to cope with a child who keeps falling out with friends (16:53) and we end with tips and ideas for parents who are not keen on their son’s choice of peer group (26:28).

Here is our fourth real life example of how we or another families have used these incredible conversations to build relationships, strengthen connections and work through difficult times. 

Here is our third real life example of how we or another families have used these incredible conversations to build relationships, strengthen connections and work through difficult times. 

Here is our second real life example of how we or another families have used these incredible conversations to build relationships, strengthen connections and work through difficult times.

We do something different this episode to our usual format because we want to introduce you to our new book How To Have Incredible Conversations With Your Child. In this next four short episodes we use real life examples to illustrate how we and other families have used these incredible conversations to build relationships, strengthen connections and work through difficult times. This is episode 1 of 4.

In the week that Jane and Bettina launch their new book How To Have Incredible Conversations With Your Child, this podcast hones in on what to do when communication breaks down. They start by describing (1:10) a model from a book by Sheila Heen and colleagues which highlights three layers of difficult conversations; the ‘what happened’ conversation, the feelings conversation and the identity conversation. They discuss a question from a parent whose son shuts his parents out of conversation (8:43). A parent is concerned about her daughter who is anxious about exams prompting them to discuss how hard it is for parents and young people to hold the balance between pushing themselves to do the best they can and looking after themselves (15:27). They tackle the tricky issue of young people, social media and the potential impact on friendships and social integration if a parent holds firm on not allowing their child to enter that world at an early age (28:25). Lastly we offer ideas for what parents could try if they think their child is using inappropriate strategies to cope in life, such as drugs and alcohol (38:43).

We are all dealing with disappointments as covid continues to impact on our lives. In episode 8 we take on this topic, answering questions from parents and teachers about how to help their young people cope with different situations. We discuss ways to help the whole family manage a cancelled holiday (1:10) and how to respond to an angry 7 year old who has to cancel their own party despite a parent having promised it will happen (7:00). We think about the upsetting news for an 11 year old that they will miss out on a longed-for group sleepover with best friends due to having to isolate (13:50). A question from a parent about what to do with their boy who can do nothing but think about football, which is getting in the way of his studies (19:10) and how to manage our own and our teen boys embarrassment after he over-stepped the limit when drinking alcohol at a party (24:35). Lastly offer some ideas and strategies for a parent feeling disappointed by their own response to a question sprung upon them by their child (30:05).

At a time when parents are having to tackle the hard conversations, in this episode we do the same, helping parents work out how to walk the often difficult line required to be a parent. A parent struggling with their 12 year old daughter bringing up the conversation of sexual harassment asks for guidance  (1:30) . We discuss how to recover after a child has been caught cheating (14:16), the tricky issue of what to do with a child who claims he no longer wants to live (22:55) and how to respond when you find out your child is sneaking sweets into their room to eat secretly (34:25).

This week we have submitted the draft of our next book Incredible Conversations which is a resource for anyone supporting pre-teens, a place to have conversations and strengthen relationships. In line with that theme, we cover questions in the podcast from a group of teachers wanting to know top tips for preparing young people for the teenage years and how teachers and parents can help young people feel safe when there is so much uncertainty around in the Covid pandemic. We consider how to find the balance between nurture and independence and the potential value of parents learning about what children need to grow up to be psychologically healthy. With covid impacting on so many, we discuss how teachers can support children with loss and trauma. We end on a high with discussing the importance of mistakes, showing children we are all human and it’s potential to build resilience.

Episode 5 includes a discussion of why teens may be vulnerable to extreme views on the internet (1:42), why toxic stress may be particularly harmful in adolescence but day to day stresses are beneficial (12:25). We figure out why teenagers who were managing their health condition well before puberty, suddenly seem to forget it all (19:42) and why living through COVID is a masterclass in tolerating uncertainty which will have advantages as well as losses (29:40).

Questions in this episode focus on learning.  The discussion includes the impact of screen time on sleep, finding the Goldilocks spot with tech use, how we might support teenagers facing uncertainty in education prospects, and using the positives and negatives of lockdown to inform success in the new academic year. 

Bettina and Jane talk about the power of mentors to change teenagers’ behaviour, getting a reluctant teenager back out into the social world, supporting your teen’s passion with a cause like Black Lives Matter and how single parents might have been affected by the period of lockdown.

This episode discusses how to support teens’ losses during lockdown, how to prepare them when they see friends for the first time after lockdown, and figuring out the difference between a bored and depressed adolescent.