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Espresso

Author: Benedict Polizzi

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Stand Up Comedian Benedict Polizzi gives listeners horrendous advice
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How did you actually meet your best friend? If they weren't wearing a starter jacket or you didn't absolutely hate them you're not actual friends babe ๐Ÿ‘ฏ-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi โ˜•๏ธFOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/๐Ÿ’• WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX๐Ÿงข "๐—•๐—”๐—Ÿ๐——"๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฌ% ๐—ข๐—™๐—™ ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ ๐— ๐—˜๐—ฅ๐—–๐—› https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------*TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS**0:00 - Intro**7:25 - How Do You Meet Your Best Friend?**9:00 - Childhood Best-Friend Origin Stories**18:03 - The Random Celebrity Question**21:42 - Becoming Friends When Someone Falls Down**29:26 - โ€œBro, Did You Study?โ€ College Friendships**33:18 - How Fashion Creates Instant Connections**36:02 - When Hating Someone Turns Into Friendship**39:42 - The Starbucks Best-Friend Story**45:19 - Why Seeing Someone Be Dumb Builds Trust**49:12 - Becoming Best Friends Over Food**54:24 - The Family Dinner With Almost No Food**59:18 - Sneaking a Friend Into the House**1:07:46 - Meeting Your Best Friend at a Strip Club**1:13:02 - College Classes, Gym Friends & Lifelong Friendships*
You haven't truly had an eating disorder until you eat ten bunless Big Macs with a knife and fork ๐Ÿ˜™ย  Today we remember why high school kids are the most ruthless people on earth and why putting Pepto-Bismol in your math teacher's coffee is rat tail kid activity. Don't act like you wouldn't sign up for a government-funded week of going back to high school at age 35 just so you can cater lunch from Qdoba and depants your bois in the hallway ๐Ÿ˜Ž Love ya fam see ya sunday๐Ÿซก-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizziย โ˜•๏ธFOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/๐Ÿ’• WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX๐Ÿงข "๐—•๐—”๐—Ÿ๐——"๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฌ% ๐—ข๐—™๐—™ ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ ๐— ๐—˜๐—ฅ๐—–๐—› https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------**TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS****0:00 - Intro****2:40 - Leaving your car running for four hours while substitute teaching****5:35 - Playing indoor ruler baseball with Mr. Bogardis****7:50 - Mrs. Anderson and the hair scarf showdown****9:00 - Proposing high school week for thirty-five-year-olds****12:15 - Hiring pale nerds and the situational hotness trap****17:45 - The substitute teacher with a pet flea in a locket****21:45 - Art class prop comedy and calling the ice cream shop on a stapler****25:50 - Turning in your Scratten and religion class junk resituating****29:10 - Mr. French's Assateague Island elementary camping trip****36:05 - Searing cream cheese bagels on the bottom of a dirty shoe****38:50 - Shuffling I hate Miss Phillips messages onto math quizzes****42:20 - Spotting the Chris Farley lookalike sub eating wings at Hooters****46:30 - Native American lesbian PE teachers screaming about untied shoes****52:40 - Off pizza for four months and fighting the pizza demons**
Today we go through the ones who got away ๐Ÿ’” it can be the blonde girl who wanted you on your business trip or literally when the timberwolves passed on steph curry ๐Ÿ˜ญ is it the time you missed the Schwan's Ice cream truck outside? Or when the college QB kissed you at a party freshman year and never saw his sexy ahhh again?ย  If you fumbled your first kiss bc your homies kept calling you about your fantasy football draft it's not a missed connection it just means your for the boiiis๐Ÿ˜ Love you fam โ˜•๏ธ See you on Livestream Sunday Tahhaaa
If u don't shave your best friend's leg with your bare foot while sleeping next to them are you even friends? What if I told you I stole 72 egg whites out of a Whole Foods soup container and got cornered by self-checkout security lady? We break down how to run an illicit grocery twist-tie bead ring syndicate at a summer daycare and hold back the urge from buyingย  a black-market Barney VHS all while pretending we didn't HOUSE five stolen grilled cheese sandwiches in the Menards break room. KISS ME WHERE I STAND ๐Ÿซก Luv u fam๐Ÿ™ See ya on Patreon this sunday ๐Ÿ˜-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizziย โ˜•๏ธFOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/๐Ÿ’• WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX๐Ÿงข "๐—•๐—”๐—Ÿ๐——"๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฌ% ๐—ข๐—™๐—™ ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ ๐— ๐—˜๐—ฅ๐—–๐—› https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------
The Fam put on a CLINIC with voice msgs this week ๐Ÿซกย  I'm still trying to decide if eating green ketchup meatloaf makes you a complete lunatic or a straight up visionary. BTW THIS IS A PRO PEAS PODCAST๐Ÿซ› IF YOU DON'T LIKE PEAS GTFO. Quick question you tryna dig holes in an empty lot sometime?ย  Luh U๐Ÿ’•-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizziย โ˜•๏ธFOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/๐Ÿ’• WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX๐Ÿงข "๐—•๐—”๐—Ÿ๐——"๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฌ% ๐—ข๐—™๐—™ ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ ๐— ๐—˜๐—ฅ๐—–๐—› https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------
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