The Uncurated Life Podcast

It's the end of June so I thought I'd reflect back on this year so far... BEFORE I actually do all my goal assessing and shit for my channel. I'm also making an announcement so stick around to the end!     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

Today i'm telling you about my new favorite shoes and how I came to terms with loving them. It's a tale of being chronically ill in your 40s and denying your current situation.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Shoes - https://www.heydudeshoesusa.com/collections/wendy     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

I read the book The Four Tendencies a while back, but I honestly can't remember what I was. So today, in my latest installment of Personality Tests (taken by a cynic) I'm going for the Gretchen Rubin 4 Tendencies.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Test - https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

I'm full of rage this week and I figure I'd talk about it.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

I've got an 18 year old and a 16 year old and today I'm gonna vent for a bit about how complicated parenting teenagers is.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED https://www.unitedcounselingwellness.com/blog/family-therapy-parenting-teenagers-why-is-this-so-hard https://grownandflown.com/teen-years-hard/       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

Don't tell my husband, but my favorite person to go on a date with is sometimes... me.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED One Little Word - https://aliedwards.com/shop/classes/one-little-word-2022 Denver Botanic Gardens - https://www.botanicgardens.org/     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

We've all heard of Type A personalities, but what does that actually mean? And what are the other types? Today i'm digging into the A/B/C/D personality stuff!     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Owlcation Article - https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/what-is-your-personality-type-type-a-or-type-b A/B Test(short) - https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/AB.php A/B Test (long) - https://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/2141   Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

Some people long to be their own boss and work for themselves. I... don't feel the same way, and I've been working for myself for 6.5 years.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

I'm behind this week and feeling really rundown - so instead of the episode I had planned here is a brief interlude mentioning a few things that are perking me up today.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Highlighter Dot Pens (Mild Smoky Not Currently available at this link - affiliate link) - https://amzn.to/38AMYpu Elvis Trailer - https://youtu.be/wBDLRvjHVOY https://youtu.be/wBDLRvjHVOY Spring Awakening Trailer - https://youtu.be/f59eioQGL-c Book - https://amzn.to/3khibAH     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

I have a list of important phone calls to make and omg I don't want to. Today we talk phone anxiety.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED https://www.verywellmind.com/afraid-making-phone-calls-tips-3024317 https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-phone-anxiety https://www.thecut.com/article/psychologists-explain-your-phone-anxiety.html       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

In today's installment of personality tests taken by a cynic, I'm actually doing a collab with my youtube channel! Today's test is the Brain Type Assessment, so you can purchase your appropriate Evo Planner!     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED https://projectevo.org/bta/     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

There has been a lot of talk recently about Patreon in the planner community, and as a long time Patreon creator (and consumer) I thought I'd share my thoughts!     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Planners and Wine - https://www.patreon.com/plannersandwine Planner Girl Chatter - https://www.patreon.com/plannergirlchatter Maintenance Phase - https://www.patreon.com/maintenancephase     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com

I had my first experience with housecleaners (that didn't involve moving out) recently and I've been grappling with some intensely conflicting feelings ever since.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com  

SHOWNOTES I know a bunch of you are readers - today I'm giving you a bunch of books that I'm either reading or want to read!     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED (these are affiliate links - I receive compensation if you purchase through them) The Exorcist - https://amzn.to/3hem73D The Leftovers - https://amzn.to/3JQleeb Courtesan - https://amzn.to/33KquR8 Catherine The Great - https://amzn.to/3Hfo4Ye Peter The Great - https://amzn.to/3JM2goV Burnout - https://amzn.to/3s9SBlW The Fifth Season - https://amzn.to/3vbd1NC We Are Not Like Them - https://amzn.to/3h9IY0h Hello Habits - https://amzn.to/3v8qohn       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com   TRANSCRIPTION We're talking books today, my friends we're talking books, I'm Cindy Guentert-Baldo. Welcome to the uncurated life podcast, where we talk about life on and off of the internet. And today my husband is walking around upstairs too. You might be picking up a bunch of that noise and there's nothing I can do about it, but we're going to drown it out with talk of books.   One of my favorite things to talk about, I might do this more often if you guys like it, but I'm going to give you three books in three different categories. Those categories are. Three books. I read recently that I enjoyed and want to tell you about three books. I'm in the middle of that. I am enjoying and am hoping that I will continue to enjoy, but books I'm starting and then three books that I want to read that on my TBR list and I'm going to be attacking next.   So hopefully somewhere in these nine books, you'll find something that's interesting to you. So let's start first at the books that I've already read recently. They're all fiction. One of them is historical fiction. Uh, these were all first time reads. I believe I may have read one of them years and years ago, but I don't remember.   So those three books we'll start with the one. I think I may have read a long time ago, but I don't think I have. And that is the Exorcist by William Peter Blatty. You I'm sure you've heard of the movie. Uh, the book was written before the. The book is excellent. The movie is an excellent adaptation of the book.   If you enjoyed enjoy, it might not be the right word. If you, if the movie was something you were into, you may be into the book. The movie is a very straightforward adaptation of the book. I would suggest that there's like a little bit more color or flavor to the book than there is in the movie, as there is with any book adaptation.   But if you're not. If you weren't into the movie or whatever, or if the movie was too much for you while the book is not super graphic, it is intense. So there is that, but I enjoyed it. I actually have the SQL Legion, which I know he wrote after the movie came out. And is what the third movie was based on what that one scary fucking scene that's like fucking terrifying if you know, you know, I haven't read that one yet though, but I have it.   I'm pretty sure I've read that one before though. I think I remember getting it from a garage sale years and years when I was a kid, but I don't remember it very well. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. So yes, the first book is the Exorcist. The second book on my list that I read recently and really enjoyed was the leftovers by Tom Parata.   This is the book that the TV show was based on. I have not seen the show. I've only watched the pilot episode, but have not really made time to sit and watch through the show. But I had heard the show was interesting and I had heard that the book was good. I am a fan of dystopian fiction. I am. Of end times fiction, uh, all those sorts of things.   I thought it could be really interesting. And it was, it was a very interesting book, kind of a quiet book, kind of, uh, um, contemplate of almost, but a good book, not high adventure at all. If you're looking for like an adventurous dystopian style book, this is not the book for you, but if you're, if you enjoyed what was one that I recommended in my newsletter recently, uh, never let me go the book about the donor.   If you enjoyed that book, you may really love the leftovers. It has that same kind of mundane in a world, surrounded by what the fuck kind of situation. Really liked it. And then the third book I read recently is another one I've talked about on live streams and that is court isn't by Diane Hagar. It's a historical fiction book that is about Deanna , who was the main mistress of Henri.   The second, I believe it was on rave. Second of France. He was married to Catherine and they had a whole bunch of kids, but the end of TA was his teres on teacher. On teacher. I believe that's how you, I don't speak French, like the main, the official mistress. Right. And she was his alleged true love and was like one of the main political power movers in the kingdom where I see his wife was kind of pushed to the side, Catherine Domenici, wands Ryan's up taking a lot more power into her own when her husband dies in her kids become a king.   That's not what the book is about. The book is mainly about, uh, the relationship between DeAnn, Henri and Catherine. And it was a very, very fun read. I would suggest that if you like reading historical fiction, especially historical fiction, along the lines of say Philip Gregory, where there is some liberties taken with the history, there's recognizable history, but there's also plenty of liberties, especially when it comes to adding in sexy times, you will probably enjoy this.   So those are the three that I have read recently that I enjoyed the three books. I am either reading or just cracking into, I have not gotten very far in any of these yet, but I am starting them. So I just thought I would let you know, two of them are books that apparently are the first two in a series of four about the Romanoffs.   So, uh, Hear me out here. So I started watching, I watched the great, right. I watched both seasons of it, which I am fully aware that it is historical fiction in the sense that it has, like, it's a little Iqua of historical fiction, right? Like if fruit sneezes in the general direction of a fruit flavored sparkling water, then the great history sneezed in the general direction of the show.   And they even, they mention it like in the title of the show, it's like an occasionally true story or whatever. But like most historical fiction, at least for me, what winds up happening is I, I see enjoyable historical fiction. And when I'm done with it, I immediately want to find out what really happened.   So when I was done watching the great, I decided to look up some biographies to find one on Catherine. The great, and I discovered that this, uh, reporter named Robert J uh, Robert K. Massey had written a book about Catherine, the great, and he had written a book about Peter, the great who shows up sort of in.   In the gray. And I was like, Ooh. So I got both of them. And I started reading them. The reason I went with his books is because I had already read two of his books, which were both about the Romanoffs. They were about Nicholas and Alexander. One's called Nicholas and Alexandra. And the other one is called the Romanovs the final chapter or something like that.   It's about like the last year of their lives. And I had read both of those and I had enjoyed them both as books, but also his writing style. It's very important to me. If I'm going to read a biography that I enjoy the writers, the authors writing style. Otherwise, I can't get through it. I need biographies to read at least somewhat like a novel.   They could be very much full of facts, but they need the writing style needs to be an enjoyable one for me to read. And I liked his books. And so I was fine picking up those two, but then I realized when I pick them up that they're technically those two books and the two I've already read are a series of four book series about the most famous Romanov.   So Catherine, the great Peter, the great and Nicholas and Alexandra and their kids. So I was like, oh cool. I'm just reading it backwards order. Anyway. So both of these books, one of them is called Catherine, the great portrait of a woman and the other is called Peter the great his life and the world. Um, and I will mention these are all linked.   All the books I'm talking about are linked in the show notes, other Amazon affiliate links. So using those links will support this podcast. I appreciate that, but if you don't want to, uh, if you don't want to use those links, you can just Google the books and find them. Anyway, just started both of them.   I'm barely into them, but I did really like the other books. If you're into biographies and you're into historical biographies, these may be books for you to give you some context as to other biographies that I've read and really enjoyed the writing style. In case you have read biographies and like to know kind of where I gravitate.   I really like Antonia Frazier's writing her book on Marie Antoinette is probably one of my favorite biography books of all time. And then, uh, Jeff Gwynne has written some fantastic biographies. The ones I've read of his are, um, his book on Charles Manson, his book on Bonnie and Clyde, which is just fucking outstanding.   And his book on Jones. Uh, great, you know, super cheerful reading materials, Cindy. Anyway, that just gives you an idea of some of the biography sort of writing styles that I tend to gravitate towards. So those are books I'm working on. I will repor

SHOWNOTES A big goal for me in 2022 is to reconnect with and discover hobbies. And while this is something I really want to do, I'm having trouble making time for it.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Working To Live Article - https://www.peaceinnovation.com/blog/working-to-live-the-importance-of-hobbies Frugal Crafter Video - https://youtu.be/cQTGOwktV30       Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com   TRANSCRIPTION So I, I took a look at my goals for the year and how I'm doing on them and so far. And one thing that is standing out to me is that I have been struggling to make time for the hobbies that I would like to pursue. And I want to talk about that. Hi everybody. I'm Cindy Guentert-Baldo welcome back to the uncurated life podcast, where we talk about life, both on and off of the internet.   And today, whew. I'm feeling, I'm feeling a little personally called out. I called myself out here in that I am, I want to reconnect with hobbies, but I am not making time for it. When I said about life, both on and off of the internet, part of what I wanted to do was reconnect with hobbies that I didn't feel the need to share with on the internet.   And I just can't seem to break that habit. So why is that? Why am I having trouble making time for hobbies? Why, why do I want them in the first place? Why are hobbies important? Let's let's start there. Let's start there. And I would also add that if you haven't listened to episode 1 52, which came out two weeks ago on boredom to listen to that one as well, because I feel like these two are intrinsically connected to each other.   I want to be bored. I want more time for hobbies. I feel like these things, if I can solve one, I might be able to solve the. Anyway, the biggest reasons hobbies are important. We know a lot of these things, right? We know that they can help us decompress and help us with our anxiety. They can stimulate creativity.   They can make time, help you make time for yourself and spend more time with others. Meet new people. Non pandemic wise when you're going like to groups of like knitting circles or whatnot. Anyway, I mean, I've been a lot of friends through my plan or hobby that's that's one way to meet new people. So there's an article I read on peace, innovation.com written by, uh, Deondra garner called working to live the importance of hobbies.   And I'm going to read from that article because I think it really nails. Quote, hobbies are a great way to decompress after a long day at work or on your day off. When life becomes too overwhelming, your hobbies can help you relax. Doing something you enjoy outside of work can be beneficial for your mental health.   Having hobbies can lower anxiety, lower your stress level and help cope with depression. Hobbies help you form a life outside of work. You are just relaxing and doing something you enjoy without any of the pressures of. Side world. You don't have to do something as structured as you would at work or school.   You don't have the added stress of attending on time to participate or working with a group or completing a task by a specific time. These aspects are what make hobbies such have such a positive outcome. When you're stressed, you can go paint, exercise, read, or do a plethora of other activities to lessen the amount of stress you have.   Hobbies can also increase your interaction with people and the value you can bring to each other. Participating in hobbies with others can sometimes make the hobby more enjoyable because you're doing something you enjoy with people who have the same love and passion for the activity that you have.   They get also impact your interaction with your family. When you find a new hobby, you can share it with your family. This gives you more time spent with your family and you're doing something you all enjoy. Another reason you should get a hobby is to gain knowledge. Hobbies, often teach you things that can have a positive impact on your life.   The knowledge you could gain from a hobby will stay with you for life. Meaning you could use this knowledge when you're 35 or when you're 85. After you figure out if you want to get a hobby, the next step is finding the right hobby for you. And quote. So the funny thing was, as I was starting to like, look into articles and shit on this.   And I was reading that and thinking about the hobby, the right hobbies for me, and then an, an video popped up in my feed from the frugal crafter, which I'll link below. And it was called, do you even like your hobby anymore? And the whole point of the video was like, you know, you might be doing something because you've always done it, but.   Is it actually bringing you joy anymore? Do you even like it anymore? D are you buying shit for the sake of buying shit rather than because it's bringing you joy. And that was something that actually caused me to think. Because lately, like I said, I've had some aspirations to reconnect with certain hobbies.   One of the things the frugal crafter brought up was saying that sometimes we want to return to a hobby because it's something we used to do, but. We may not be in a stage in our life that we like it anymore. Part of me wonders if this is sort of how I'm feeling about acrylic painting, because I've been trying to work on these paintings for my living room and I just keep putting it off now.   I don't know if that's because it's not, I'm not into it anymore. I was never super into it in the first place. Cause I never really took the time. One of the reasons I like watercoloring is I can just spritz the pallet and get going. But with acrylics it takes a lot more cleanup and I fucking hate cleanup.   So maybe that. I dunno, I'm not ready to drop it yet, but at the same time it gave me some food for thought. Another thing that I was thinking about was the hobbies. I know I enjoy. But sometimes I'm just not in the mood for them. Examples would be baking. I have not baked for the most part since I moved to Denver.   And I know for a fact that part of the reason I haven't been doing that is because I am scared as fuck about adjusting recipes for the altitude. And then there is. Reading, which is something I don't seem to have time for during the day. And then in the evening, when I normally would read, I have been so brain dead from the day that I just don't feel like reading more and I would just rather get on my phone and play candy crush.   And that's, we're going to, we're going to head into candy crush land for a second because currently candy crush is my hobby and it's not like I. It's not like I love it. It just, it gives me that short-term little dopamine kit. I can recognize that. I recognize that it's just something to do when I'm starting to feel bored back to the episode about wanting to feel more bored and bringing the candy crush out.   And then if there's no lives left, I get frustrated because I'm like, but I want to play it right. I'm thinking I might need to just delete the apps off my phone and I might, I may wind up just doing that, but it seems to be the go-to for me right now when I am bored and needing something to do. And instead of going and finding my book or doing something else, I just grabbed my phone.   Scroll, Instagram, play candy crush. It's not a great cycle for me. I'm not like if that was, if you love candy crush or some other game on your phone and that's the hobby you enjoy. Like enjoy partaking in then fucking more power to you. But I can tell when I'm doing it, that this is not something that is great for me either mentally or in any other way.   This is just, it's not my, my ideal thing, but it's the easy thing. And that's the thing that I'm just diving into right now, because I'm just so tired all the time from feeling so crappy because that's a big part of it is the exhaustion and the crappiness of how I'm feeling like I'm so tired and I'm dealing with.   Pain and misery in my body from being in kidney failure, that the thought of expending more energy on hobbies, is it just, it feels overwhelming and frankly, a little like annoying, like why would I fucking. But I recognize why I need to do that. It it's, there's so much there that would help me. My word of the year is replenish and it will help replenish my thought process.   I actually got through both January and February is one little word projects recently because I was waiting for all the shit to come in. It was shipping delays and I can't start something unless I have the right things. Cause that's just how neurotic I am. Did it was so proud of myself and so excited.   I shared it with my Patriots and then I shared it with my kids and I was like, look at this thing, blah, blah, blah, did not post it on the internet except to my patrons. So there's that, but it brought me, it brought me so much joy and it wasn't a big. A big deal. It didn't take a lot of time for me to work on it.   I worked on it and I put the time into it that I felt like putting into it and I enjoyed it and I was proud of it and it made me happy. And I realized, this is the thing these hobbies can do for me, if I can manage to make the time for them. So. I think maybe one step to making time might be the whole boredom thing, trying to make boredom a habit to then have room for hobbies, and then maybe deleting some of the things off my phone that are distracting me from it.   But the other hobby I'd kind of like to pick up, which is not in my goals, but I kind of want to go back t

It's time for another personality test podcast. And this one is fun because it also is going to tell me what time I should be doing things. Hi everybody. I'm Cindy Guentert-Baldo. Welcome back to the uncurated life podcast, where we talk about life, both on and off the internet. And this is an episode in an ongoing series. I'm doing that. Really titled anything but loosely known to me, at least as personality tests, test for a cynic when it comes to personality tests. And this week I am talking about the chronotype test. Now there's apparently a chronotype test that has been used for years. Uh, called the morning eveningness questionnaire, but it has been expanded by a doctor named Michael J. Bruce, who has expanded it into four. Chronotypes used to be three, but he expanded into four. Now this has to do with like your sleep and wake preferences. And when the best times are for you to do certain things, when your energy is highest and lowest and blah, blah, blah, he's written a book called the power of when I have it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, I don't know yet, but the book is all about discovering what your chronotype is and then making sure that you do your best to work along the lines of your internal clock. Now, I recognize that something like this in and of itself is inherently privileged because not everybody. Choose to work at jobs or in careers that respect your internal clock. You know, I don't know what my internal clock is yet. I haven't taken the quiz yet, but I used to have to work at 4:00 AM. When I worked at a grocery store, when I was in the bakery, I'd have to go in at 3:00 AM and that was not necessarily something I use, but it got to pay the bills. I get that. I just wanted to preface it with that mainly because when I talk about being able to. Alter how I do my work or when I could do my best work, I work for myself. And so that is both a blessing and a curse, but the blessing of it is that I'll be able to adapt based on whatever information I get from this shit. Should I choose to? But the curse is that because I can adapt. It means I also sometimes adapt my way into doing nothing for a while and then I don't get paid. I just, I wanted to add the context there. Anyway, let's get. This Dr. Bruce Bruce Wayne situation here. So the tagline, one of the taglines for the novels is, or the book is to learn the best time to do everything from drinking your coffee to have sex or go for a run, according to your body's chronotype. Okay. Well, one out of three ain't bad, right? Anyway. So I'm going to read to you about the chronotypes that he talked about in an article for psychology today, uh, so that we can understand which one is which, and then I will take the test and then we will come back and talk about it. He based the types on mammals, I guess, birds, I think I could be wrong about this, but I think the idea of like, um, an evening, a night owl or a morning Lark or whatever those ideas are from the original Kronos. Framework. He has framed them around mammals because as humans we are. We got the boobies. Anyway, the first one is lions. Lions are morning hunters and people who are the lion chronotype are the early risers of the world. Lions are optimistic, naturally disciplined, including about their sleep routines, practical and goal oriented. They're generally good sleepers with a medium sleep drive. It's rare to find a lion who struggles to stick to a regular early bedtime. Lions have a natural tendency for routine and moderation in their daily habits. And this shows in their overall health picture studies show that morning types of early bedtimes have a lower risk for cardiovascular disease, less obesity, and may have lower risks for mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, and others lions leap into their days full of energy the morning and early afternoon, or when lions are at their most productive. Aside from that. I, I don't, I don't anticipate that I'm Elian. He also adds that about 15 to 20% of the general adult population are lions. The second chronotype is bears. Bears are all day hunters and bear chronotypes are go with the flow types with middle of the road, sleep wake preferences of the four chronotypes bears adhere most closely to a solar schedule. Bears are most alert and productive during the middle of the day. From late morning through early afternoon, bears are easygoing and social fun-loving team players. They have a high sleep drive and tend to sleep deeply, but many bears carry a sleep debt. They don't get enough sleep to meet their needs. Bears are prone to inconsistency in their sleep routines. They often under sleep during the workweek and sleep extra on the weekend to make up for their insufficient rest inconsistent sleep habits can put the bare circadian Nicholas. Chronically out of sync, social jet lag has been linked to higher BMI and greater risk for obesity exists. Weight is a common challenge among bears who tend to carry weight, particularly around their midsection. Their vulnerability to social jet lag is one highly likely factor bears are the most common chronotype. About 50% of the adult population are bears because it is the most common chronotype bear time has. Influence over our social time. Six o'clock is the standard dinner hour because that's when bears are ready for their evening meal. Remember settling in to watch your favorite TV show at 10:00 PM. That's when bears are ready to lay low, but aren't quite prepared to fall asleep. And the majority of bear chronotypes modern society as long adopted bear time is the norm in large part. All the other chronotypes live on bear time. When it comes to daily social schedules for schoolwork and social. I will say just from all of that, I think I'm a bear. I'm just going to say right now, bear is the front runner. Uh, the third one is wolves. Wolves are nighttime hunters and the Wolf chronotype has a strong preference for evenings wolves are the people who drag themselves out of bed before 9:00 AM. And don't start really feeling tired until midnight or so. Wolves are creative, impulsive, and emotionally intense. They love to seek out new experiences and are natural brisk takers wolves have a medium sleep drive with peaks of productivity in the late morning. And again, Evening, because if their strong preference for evening hours, wolves often struggle with living. According to the schedule society demands of them. Things like work in school, get going too early and social fund ends too soon. What was, they're highly vulnerable to chronic social jet lag and insufficient sleep. And that can have consequences for their mental and physical help. Health research shows. Evening credit types are at greater risk for. Diseases wolves typically perform at their best with a run seven hours of sleep. Getting that much sleep can be tough for wolves because their biological rhythm is so at odds with society's timetable for daily life, about 20 to 15 to 20% of the population are wolves. Yeah. It's not me. And then dolphins. Dolphins of the mammalian world, our uni hem, what the fuck dude, can I even read this uni hemispheric sleepers? That means they sleep with one half of their brain at a time with the other half awake and active. That is a pitch perfect analogy. The fourth chronotype of restless light sleepers, as I've said, dolphins are wired and tired types. Chronically tired during the day. And wired with restless nervous energy at night, dolphins are light and restless sleepers with a low sleep drive who tend to wake frequently during the night, their minds are active in the evening with often racing thoughts and they feel physically keyed up. There are biological reasons for dolphins, nighttime, restlessness, and agitation. It turns out that dolphins have a circadian biology that's turned upside down. In contrast to other chronotypes dolphins, brain activity increases at night in areas of the brain that promote alertness and unlike other chronotypes dolphins, blood pressure and cortisol levels rise in the evening, which leaves them in a state of physiological arousal at bedtime. Come morning when the other chronotypes are experiencing elevations to blood pressure and cortisol that are fueling their morning, alertness, dolphin levels are playing. Personality wise, they're highly intelligent, cautious detail oriented. Perfectionism is a common dolphin trait and often anxious, as I've said, about 10% of the population are dolphins. I don't think I'm a dolphin, but I do resonate with some of that. I tend to not be able to turn my mind off at night and that will lead me to not being able to fall asleep for hours. If I can turn my mind off, I can fall asleep. But if I can't, if I get going on anything, that's the cause of a lot of my like, slow to sleep until. Anyway, I'm super interested in this now. So I'm going to take the quiz. It is@thepowerofwhenquiz.com. Everything will be linked in the show notes, and if it costs anything to get your big info at the end, I'll be sure to let you know, I'm going to take a pause here and I will be back in just a second with my results. Okay, so I'm done. And like I thought I am indeed a bear. I was actually talking to Jesse about it when he popped in here to ask me if I wanted lunch. And I was like, what do you think you are? He thinks he might be a dolphin, which actually would track with a lot of things, but moving forward. So when I, the, the quiz itself, uh, was just a series of questions. It's just, you drop your it's multiple choice type questions, and then you give them your email and they send you your results. Allegedly, I haven't actually gotten my results. There it is. They just showed up. This has been like 15 minutes since, um, since that's the case, now it does say he's going to be sending me a series of emails to tell me all about being a bear. So I'm unsubscribing because I don't want all of those emails and a. But it's just some interesting informatio

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but holy crap, I would love to be BORED.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Benefits of Boredom - psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/202004/5-benefits-boredom How To Be Bored - https://zapier.com/blog/benefits-of-boredom/ Under the Influence Podcast -     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com   TRANSCRIPTION Hello, my name is Cindy Guentert-Baldo, and I need to be. Welcome to the uncurated life podcast, or we talk about life both on and off of the internet. If this is your first time here, I am so excited that you're here. And if this is not your first time here, thanks for coming back today. We are talking about boredom and why I need to be bored and why I somehow cannot manage to be okay with being bored.   It's a thing that I am coming to terms with. I just got off of a three-day weekend and I had some moments where I got bored and immediately turned to candy crush. I'm actually going to be talking a little, you'll be hearing a lot about candy crush over the next few episodes, but like, it was like, I couldn't just sit and be bored.   And I realized that this like constant busy-ness in my mind. Is one of the things that is contributing to my massive sense of overwhelm. It occurred to me that maybe I need to embrace boredom just a little bit. So let's talk about being bored. Why is being bored? A good thing, because it sounds like a bad thing, right?   Like when you're a kid being bored is like the worst possible thing ever, you know, like, oh my God, mom, I remember my kids being like, what can I do? What can I do? What can I do? And I'm like, you can fuck off. I didn't say that, but I wanted to.   One of the reasons I think being bored really can frustrate a lot of us is because when you're bored, it's like time moves slower because you're not constantly busy, constantly. Everything else shit starts to drag. And then as soon as you get wrapped up in something and suddenly it's flying by. But I realized with as quickly as like February has flown by for me, uh, maybe being bored and having that time going slow could be a good thing.   There's an article. I have a link and the articles I talk about in the show notes, this one is from psychology today. It's by a Dr. . He wrote an article called the benefit five benefits of boredom. And so I'm just going to read through them really quick. The first benefit of boredom is that boredom can improve our mental health.   So according to the article, It says that in this age of information, our brains are overloaded with information and distractions. The wealth of information means a scarcity of attention. Attention uses one's limited cognitive resources for productive activities. So taking a break can be a valuable opportunity to help our overloaded brains relax and alleviate stress.   It is beneficial to step away from social media and other stressors long enough to feel bored and quote. So right here is something that I think is a distinction between. What I'm doing and what I might maybe should be doing. I'm okay. With stepping away from social media and from other things, I can do that for a few minutes.   I don't think I do it long enough to get bored, because I think the moment I'm starting to even brush against the idea of boredom I'm right back on my phone or I'm right back in my book or I'm right back, whatever. So there's a podcast. I'm sure you've heard of it. If you haven't. It's awesome. It's called under the influence.   One of the things they're talking about in the newest season is in the fall having a day where women exit social media for a day to show the power that women hold over social media, it doesn't really talk about non-binary or other people, which is something that I've actually been curious about. And I want to message them, but the idea here is to step off for an entire day.   And I was listening to her talking about, and I'm like, that's a great idea. And then I was like, do I think it's a great idea because I want to show the power that women have over the internet and like the internet economy, or is it that the idea of just not being on social media is. Refreshing. I don't know, but this idea of stepping away from it long enough to be bored.   So not just stepping away from it, but step away to actually our board. It's not something I'm including in my March goals, but it might be something I start to think about. Come. The second benefit to being bored. According to the article, boredom can increase creativity and can provide an opportunity to turn inward and use the time for thought and reflection.   Boredom can enable creativity and problem-solving by allowing the mind to wander and daydream. People were in one study, people were made to do boring tasks like reading reports or attending tedious meetings, the boring tasks encourage their minds to wander, which led to creative ways of thinking. The study showed that with mundane activities, we discover useful ideas in the app.   External stimulation. We use our imagination and think in different ways and quote, this was kind of where the boredom came from. For me, the idea this, this particular benefit was the one that was at top of my mind when I was thinking about wanting to be board, was that one of the things I want to do this year is more hobbies and really stimulate my creativity outside of work so that it can like benefit my whole life.   And I'm just not bored enough. I don't think to really let some of those newer ideas start from. One thought process I had when looking at this article was like thinking about being in high school and being in a class that, or a college middle school, whatever, being in a class that I really wasn't into.   And I was a nerd. I was into most of my classes, but there were classes I wasn't into. And so I would start doodling and I'm a child of the nineties. So often those doodles were like the Stussi S that special S or drawing Tweety bird, or Marvin, the Martian. If you are a child with it, like if you were a teenager in the nineties, you know exactly what I'm talking about, the cover of my trapper keeper and so on and so forth.   But I was, I would do some of my most fun doodles when I was that bored. So this makes a lot of sense. The third benefit to boredom, uh, from the article, boredom motivates a search for novelty without boredom. Humans would not have the taste for adventure and novelty seeking that makes us who we are intelligent, curious, and constantly seeking out.   The next thing, novelty seeking implies dissatisfaction with the status quo and a willingness to challenge established ideas and practices. Great achievements are facilitated with dissatisfaction with the status quo. And I'll tell you right now, this is when I read this benefit. I was like, oh fuck. Yeah, because I am both an very intense creature of habit.   Like I get stressed out if my routines and my habits are funny. But I also do get frustrated when I'm doing the same old, same old for too long, in certain aspects of my life, especially creative aspects of my life. I've always been somebody who kind of bounces like a hummingbird from hobby to hobby. And I think that this idea of novelty and seeking out new and interesting experiences is something that I am really trying to lean into this year.   But it's kind of fighting against my nature. I want these things, but my nature is to stick, be a homebody stick to the things I know through teens. I know the status quo is comfortable for me. And so stepping outside of that is difficult. And I'm thinking if I can get bored enough, that might motivate me to do it in a way that just saying, I want these things.   Does that make sense? I wonder if it does, it's making sense to me, at least from the article, the fourth benefit of boredom is that boredom motivates the pursuit of new goals. Boredom is an emotional signal that we are not doing what we want to be doing. Being bored means we are currently engaged, not only.   Uninteresting or challenging situation, but also in a situation that fails to meet our expectations and desires, boredom encourages us to shift to goals and projects that are more fulfilling than the ones we're currently pursuing. And here I think is maybe the crux of why it's so hard for me to be.   Generally speaking, I am not in an uninteresting or unchallenging situation with my life. We moved to Denver that in and of itself is challenging. Right. But I, my family has some challenging health problems right now, but I'm relatively happy with the state of my life, with the things I'm doing with whatever.   I don't feel very. Dissatisfied with my life. What does she say in the breakfast club? My home life is unsatisfying or my home life is satisfying. And I recognize what a privilege that is, but maybe that's part of why I don't tend to gravitate towards boredom aside from the fact that I've always been someone who just can't manage to not be busy.   I also am someone who is relatively content with the state of my life. And so maybe that is one of the reasons why I don't have that, like, kind of wanderlusty achy feeling. And the fifth benefit of boredom, according to the article is boredom and self-control skills boredom affects the ability to focus and pay attention because the interest is lost among students boredom results in disengagement, from class and poor performance, they can feel bored when they lack the cognitive resources to focus.   The ability to f

If you have an invisible illness, chances are at some point you've been accused of "faking it." What most people who don't have these types illnesses don't know is... we do fake it. We fake being WELL.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/chronically-me/201910/feeling-sick-faking-well https://www.ravishly.com/chronic-illness-fake-being-healthy https://themighty.com/2020/12/chronic-illness-fake-being-well/   Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com   TRANSCRIPTION So the other day on Instagram, I was talking about, uh, the. The guilt that I feel when I'm having a not so great day and just want to take a personal day. But I feel like I can't because I have to take so many days when it comes to having a really bad chronic illness day. And one of you, Wendy messaged me on Instagram and asked me if I would do a podcast on fake.   Well, chronic illness. People think you might be faking sick, but we're actually faking well. And she, I was like, oh fuck. Yeah, I hell I want to talk about that. So thank you, Wendy, for bringing that up to me because that's what we're gonna talk about today. Welcome to the uncurated life podcast. My name is Cindy Guentert-Baldo on this podcast.   We talk about the way we live our lives, both in person and on the internet. And this is a major piece of it. If you are chronically ill. In one form or another, this could actually have to do with mental illness. This could have to do with physical illness or all sorts of different. For a little bit of context.   I am in kidney failure. I have polycystic kidney disease. And so I have a lot of the problems that come with kidney failure, the nausea, the, um, the brain fog, the exhaustion, all of that, but also have massive football sized kidneys, and those add their own level of pain to my day, with the size of them pushing on my ribs, pushing them, my organs, I can't bend over.   I can't tie my shoes, blah, blah, blah. I am in pain. Or uncomfortable or both every minute of the day. So very much I am, um, chronically ill, however, um, aside from some yellowness in my skin and my large kidney belly, which a lot of people just assume I'm pregnant. You can't see my illness on the surface.   I'm not wearing it on my sleeve. The same goes for people with so many different invisible illnesses, whether it's fibromyalgia, whether it's Ehlers Danlos syndrome. And those just both come to mind because my kid is potentially diagnosed with one of those. We're still working on that, but there's all sorts of invisible physical illnesses that can cause pain.   And that can make you feel like shit every day. The same goes for a lot of mental. Illnesses things that you're dealing with, like depression or chronic anxiety or all sorts of different things like that. There are so many things that afflict us and impact how we're doing on any given day that people on the outside, people who are not, uh, us basically, they can't see.   It becomes a real feeling of stress, especially when people question you, if you're having a bad day, this happens. This happened a lot for me when I was working for, I worked for myself now, but when I was working for somebody else with coworkers, when I would need to take like a moment and people would question because they couldn't tell, it's not like I have a broken arm hanging from my side or something.   So they would question me about whether or not it was faking, feeling shitty. I've seen this with my kid. They have run into problems with other people in their life who have questioned them on how they're feeling. Are they really feeling, is it really that bad? I know a lot of people in the chronic illness and chronic pain communities feel this way.   I know, especially it can feel this way when you go to the doctor and you are asking for help or relief with your pain or looking for answers. And there are some amazing, amazing medical professionals out there, but there are also some who maybe did not pay. Empathy on their trip through medical school, especially if you're a woman, especially.   And I've heard, like if you're a woman, if you're fat, if you are a person of color, your, your, like your concerns are not always taken as seriously at the doctor. If you have the nerve to go to a doctor about it at all. For me, one of my biggest issues is that I am in pain all of the time, and I very rarely have anything to help me with relief from the pain.   Because of the stigma around pain management, pain management medication, and with the whole like opioid epidemic, I have an entire rant on how the opioid epidemic and all the situations with that. Some of the people impacted the most by it who don't get talked about the most are the chronic pain patients who.   They have to spend their lives in misery because, um, of the way that like people are not being treated like criminals, if they need to, if they need pain management. So there is that all of this to say that it is very easy. If you are somebody who suffers with an invisible illness of any sort to be.   Accused of either directly or indirectly a faking it, of faking your illness of exaggerating your illness of, of over-blowing your illness and what Wendy said to me. And what I really started to articulate to myself is that, yeah, I do fake it. I fake it a lot, but I don't fake being sick. I fake being well, here's the thing.   When you are somebody who is dealing with chronic pain, chronic illness, you don't need to fake feeling like shit because you already do, but you may decide either purposefully or just subconsciously that it would serve you better to just put on the wellness facade. It's easier that. So I'm going to link several articles that I looked at in the show notes, because there's, there's other people.   Who've also said this very succinctly, but I'm gonna just talk about some of the reasons I can think of about why and how I've faked being well, one of the biggest reasons. I'm fucking sick of talking about it. I'm sick of people asking me how I'm doing. I'm sick of having to explain. I'm sick of having to talk about it.   I just want to be left to be miserable and peace. And if I present as miserable, people are going to ask me, they're going to be concerned. Maybe I just don't want to talk about it. That. So I fake it. The funny thing is my family's onto me. I can't fake it as well around them anymore. They know me well enough where they can see the changes in my body language.   They can see the changes in my face. They can see it. Eyes. They could see it in how I carry myself. They can see it in the way that I move around them and the way that I just move in general, the way I walk, maybe even the clothes I decide to wear. They're very astute at picking up on the signs. Even if I'm trying to present like quote, everything's fine.   They can tell. That I'm lying, especially Jessie, my husband. Oh my God. He can pick it out, like out of a fucking lineup, but generally speaking in other relationships. Yeah. I'll just, I'll fucking fake it because I don't want to deal with it anyway. I don't want to talk about it that day. It gets old, man. It gets old and it especially gets old.   When you start to feel like that becomes your entire identity, like, look at me, I'm the sick person. And that may not be your entire identity to other people, but it can start to feel that way to yourself. So faking well to, just, to just not deal with it is most definitely something that I, I do like on a regular basis.   Another way that I fake well is because I, I don't, there's this dichotomy that comes when you're sick. Right. You see this a lot, especially in like the cancer community, right. There's like the cancer warriors, the people who are like bravely facing on their cancer. And then there's. Like the super miserable sick people you hear about like when somebody is reaching the end of their life and they're just, they're miserable.   So they're miserable to everybody else around them. So there's, there's these two kind of archetypes of a sick person. And in my experience, especially being chronically ill. Neither of those really sum up my experience on a day-to-day basis. I'm not a warrior, I'm not battling my illness. I'm, I'm just, I'm doing my best every single day.   I don't want to be seen as the hero of my story because it's not that simple. I don't want to be put on a pedestal for it, but at the same time, I also don't want to be seen as like the miserable sick person and. It's hard to push back against those narratives. It's really difficult to push back. It's like pushing back against stereotypes.   It can be really difficult. And when you're already exhausted and already in so much pain, it's easier to just sidestep the whole thing altogether. Like people, if I'm not having a bad day, Sickly wise, or if I'm putting on that, I'm not having a bad day sickly wise and it won't come up, then I don't have to deal with it.   But as soon as it comes up, it becomes something I might have to deal with. And I just don't want to, most of the time, I don't have the fucking energy for that. Another reason one might fake being well is so that you can kind of.   If people start feeling sorry for you because you're sick or they start questioning whether you're faking, being sick. It's a very short leap from that to questioning whether or not you're capable, whether or not you're competent, whether or not you are, you are capable of being like a full

It's been a long time since I lost my parents - 20 years for my dad, 15 years for my mom, and still grief is a constant companion of mine. In today's episode I am reflecting on my own grieving process and what it looks like, so many years later.     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Prolonged Grief Article - https://hms.harvard.edu/magazine/aging/profound-sadness-prolonged-grief     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com   TRANSCRIPTION I'm going to open this episode up with a quick trigger warning. Um, I'm going to be talking about loss in this episode, loss of parents specifically, um, and. So, if that is something that you are not in a place to think about right now, then I will not have any hard feelings. If you choose to just move onto something else.   May I suggest a previous episode I had recently where I talked about my self-care stuff, because that could be a good thing to reflect on instead. Let's jump into it. My name is Cindy Guentert-Baldo. Welcome to the uncurated life podcast, where we talk about how we live our lives, both on the internet and off of the internet.   And one thing that I think hasn't changed in the age of the internet is great. I don't think it has fully changed. At least I'm sure it has evolved in some sense, but we as humans grieving as a part of life, because loss is a part of life. It, we are we're social animals, right? We don't, um, we're not meant to be in a complete silo on our own for our entire lives.   There are going to be people who come into our lives and go out of our lives. And when they go out of our lives, whether it is via. Just moving on, whether it is via breakup, whether it is via drifting apart or whether it. Death. When people go out of our lives, there is usually at least some amount of grief.   There's also grief that we have for ourselves. When like something changes. We evolve, we change jobs, we move there's a change in our lives. And there is often a level of grief that comes with thinking about. Your previous life, even if you're happy with your new life, there is sometimes a level of grief that comes with that new part of you today, specifically, though, I am going to be reflecting on grief and loss.   When it comes to losing somebody very important to you. For me, it was my parents and what it feels like so many years later, because. When it's immediate, it's not always easy to think into the future, how you might be feeling. And I want to speak to the perspective of that, especially for people who might be grieving right now, so that you can kind of hear about it from somebody who is farther down that path.   So to give you some context, um, my dad died 20 years. I was 21. He was 40. It happened right after September 11th happened. He died of a stroke. He had a brainstem aneurysm brought on by PK D, which is the kidney disease that I also have. And he, he had a brainstem aneurysm. He went brain dead and we had to take him off of life support.   Five years later. So 15 years ago almost to the day this podcast is going live, like it's right in this week, my mom died. My mom died suddenly in her sleep. We never found out what the cause was. The autopsy didn't show anything. She just died when they each time. When my dad died, I was 21 in a new relationship with my soon to be husband.   And then ex-husband when my mom died. Um, I was the parent of both of my kids at that point. My oldest was three and my youngest was just about to turn one. My baby sister was pregnant with her oldest. Right around that same time, we actually wound up having to move Becca's baby shower because my mom's funeral wound up being on the day of Becca's baby shower.   I didn't deal with my grief very well when both parents. Either of them. I am the oldest of three sisters and I very much went into mama bear mode. My mom, when my dad died, fell apart, she, he was her high school sweetheart. They'd been together for 21 years at that point. I mean, they've been married for 21 years at that point and she was not expecting to lose her husband when she was 40.   And then when my mom died, It was like, fuck, really? Like, we just, just did this, you know, so both times I kind of pushed my grief off to take care of others and then it came back and it hit me like a freight train later, especially when I had cat, uh, after my dad died, I had cat a couple of years later and, um, the postpartum depression hit me really hard with a bunch of unresolved grief.   It took me a good amount of time to really not be in like full blown meltdown, every few minutes mode. But as the years have gone on. It's evolved. Now, when I was doing some research for this podcast, before I started recording it, I actually learned about something called prolonged grief, which is not what I have.   I'm not going to suggest that I have that, but it is interesting. And if you are somebody who is, who is more than a year out from a big loss and it still feels real, like it just happened every single day. You may have prolonged grief, prolonged grief is an actual thing. So I'm going to read, I'm going to read kind of a description of it.   Prolonged grief generally presents as an inability to adapt the loss. You wake up and feel like it's brand new over and over again. Uh, it was added to the, um, diagnostic manual of mental disorders saying that it is grief that persists for one year or more. And according to the article I found, uh, prolonged grief.   One of the hallmarks of it is that usually. Usually the treatments that are used for like people with like severe depression, don't work on people with prolonged grief. It's, it's different than that. And it can actually bring increased health risks, but they are starting to work on it and work on specific treatments for prolonged grief.   Are more effective. So if you are somebody where the grief feels raw and fresh every minute of every day, even more than a year out, definitely seek help for prolonged grief because that's generally speaking when you lose someone, grief is not the same for everybody, but it does start to evolve. As time goes on and we adapt to it.   And that's what I want to talk about because that is where I'm at and where I've been for several years. So the best way I can describe being 20 years out from suddenly losing one of my parents and then 15 years from the other parent is that it's become my. It's become one of the many companions that kind of ride alongside me every day.   They don't, they're not very talkative. That particular, that grief companion is not talkative, does not stick, like is not constantly whispering in the back of my mind. Like some of my other companions are, you know, But, but it's there. One of the things I have learned in these past years is how to recognize the things, the triggers that will bring that little grief companion to the forefront.   Because what I have learned is that I have learned to live with it. It has not become over time. It is no longer the first thing I think about it is no longer at the forefront of my mind. But it's there. And when it does get brought to the surface, it hurts and it hurts in so many ways that are similar to the way it hurt.   When I lost my parents, even that pain has been blunted just a little bit. But rather than a constant low grade feeling of grief, it's more like, kind of quiet. And then every once in a while something will happen and it'll bring it to the surface and I'll have a good cry. And one of the things I've learned over the years is to keep an eye out for the things that tend to trigger it now, to be fair, there are often things that trigger it that I'm not expecting.   And then I get hit with an unexpected wave of it. But generally speaking, I can tell there are certain kind of specific things. One is certain Elton John songs. I've made no secret of the fact that I love Elton John and B. There are certain Elton John songs. I can't listen to without crying like a baby. I have I can't picture things in my mind.   I can't picture my parents' faces. My dad loved Elton John and he loved to play piano and sing Elton John songs. And when I hear goodbye, yellow brick road and Daniel, which are the two hardest ones for me, goodbye, yellow brick road and Daniel. There's a few others as well, but those two are like the top.   When I hear them, it's like, I can smell my dad again. I can, I can smell him. And it's visceral and it just sends me, I don't actually have something like that for my mom. I don't have something that just full blown Rex me the way, the way that that does. Well, that's not true. I have a recording of my mom singing Patsy.   Cline's. If I listened to that, that wrecks me. But I wonder if the reason that I am so, like my it's memories of my dad that really sent me because you know, my mom and I want up having a really closer, close relationship as adults as I started having kids, even though she moved away, I there's two reasons.   I think my, my grief from my mom is not quite as visceral as my grief from my. A I lost my dad when I, he was my first major loss. I had lost like great-grandparents and shit. And like a friend in high school, my aunt had had cancer, but survived it. But like, my dad was my first real loss and I was 21. And then I got diagnosed with PKD right afterwards.   So it threw me for a loop. So there's that, but also, and I think this one might be a bigger piece of it. I never got closure with my mom, my dad, we saw him in the hospital. He, w

SHOWNOTES Today, in honor of Valentine's Day, we are continuing the personality test experiment with The Five Love Languages!     • DISCLAIMER Colorful words may be used. don't be alarmed.     • NEWSLETTER https://view.flodesk.com/pages/61525a85337f1c2aacf52f6d     • Etsy Shop is open! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CGBPrints       • FIND ME ON ALL THE THINGS Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/cindyguentertbaldo YouTube - https://youtube.com/c/CindyGuentertBaldo Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/llamaletters/ Discord - https://discord.gg/Rwpp7Ww Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/llamaletters/ Website - www.cindyguentertbaldo.com     • STUFF I MENTIONED Quiz - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language     Inquiries - cindy@cindyguentertbaldo.com   TRANSCRIPTION What is love, baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more. If you want to watch A Night at the Roxbury now you're welcome. Welcome to view and curated life podcast. My name is Cindy Guentert-Baldo, and today we are continuing my experiment of trying out various personality tests, uh, from the perspective of somebody like me, who's fairly.   When it comes to personality tests, and today by request, I am doing the five love languages because it's Valentine's day when this podcast goes live, it just seemed appropriate. My original plan was to do this with my husband, Jesse. Difficult sometimes to nail down times, or we can both sit down and do this.   So today's just going to be me. But if you are interested in me having him on the podcast to talk about his love language and maybe see what we can figure out between the two of us, uh, tag me at @llamaletters in your Instagram stories and. Anyway, let's just get right into it. And if you're interested in the other personality tests, they are in previous episodes, I've probably done five or six at this point.   So yeah, it's an ongoing series again, tag me at @llamaletters. If you have any suggestions for other personalities, You would like me to take, so let's get right into it. The five love languages. I probably don't have to explain this to most of you. Most of you probably already know all about this because it is extremely popular.   But if you don't know the love languages are a personality test about how you express and receive love. It's meant to. People, uh, effectively communicate their feelings in a relationship. It was originally a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, who is a licensed marriage counselor. He's also an evangelical Christian.   And if you're anything like me, then that sounds alarm bells in terms of taking some sort of a personality test from the quote Christian perspective. If you're not Christian, While his books, there's a series of these love language, books, or languages about different ways to be communicate. Uh, there, from that perspective, from everything I understand, I haven't read them, but they do have that perspective.   But according to my basic internet search, anyone can benefit from his material. I don't feel like reading the books. So I went to the Google and I came across like the official website of the love languages. And so let's talk about what they are and there's five, which I've said already a bunch of times, uh, first is acts of service, which are for people who actions speak louder than words for them.   Right. Somebody doing something for them is their form of love. Next is receiving gifts. Uh, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved quality time is the next one. And that is forgiving. The other person, undivided attention. Uh, words of affirmation is the love language, where words are the thing that gives you, the people giving you good, like compliments affirming words is the way you receive love best.   And then we do this is that. No physical touch. I knew I missed one left for that person. Nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch. Now I pulled all of these from the website directly in their little blurbs, but they've got videos and all sorts of other stuff where you can dig deeper into it.   Again, I don't really want to, I just want to take the test and figure out which one I am. So I'm going to the quizzes page on the website and there's several quizzes. They've got the love language quiz, but then he's also got the apology language quiz, the anger assessment quiz, the appreciation language.   A quiz. And again, if you're interested in me doing any of these, either by myself or maybe with my husband, let me know on Instagram about what I'm going to be doing is the love language quiz, which says what's your love language, trademark for couples singles, teens, and children. Take this quiz to discover your primary love language, what it means and how you can use it to better connect with your loved one.   It says here, you need to save your results because they won't save them. There is, as of right now, no cost. So I will let you know, after I take it, if there is a price to pay for like the more detailed analysis, which is what I've been paying for a lot of these, for the sake of science in this podcast.   But, uh, I don't necessarily think you need to do that. If you're trying to save your money here or whatever, like I'm doing it for science, man. Anyway, I'm going to pause this and take the quiz and we will talk about it in a couple of weeks. That didn't take very long at all. Probably about five minutes.   It was a group of probably 20 or 30 paired statements, which is it's more meaningful, more meaningful for me when, and then two different things. So things like my partner says, I appreciate you. Or my partner does something. That's been stressing me out, whatever the case may be. And so I scored fairly highly on two of, well, no one of them, I scored the highest two of them, my score kind of close to each other.   And then two were kind of down in the bottom. I'm not surprised by this breakup at all. Uh, acts of service is my, my primary love language because I just, I love when. Jesse does ship for me. I'll be real. Um, I don't think that that was my love language for the longest time. I think the second one on my list, which is if acts of service came in at 23, at 37% words of affirmation and physical touch both came in close to each other at 23 and 20%.   If you would asked me what my love language was. Six or seven years ago before my kidneys really started to fail. Or if you had asked me what, I might've thought myself, just in general, what it would have been words of affirmation would have been the, uh, the one that I expected to be the top, because I know that I tend to really shine when I am complimented.   When people tell me that they appreciate me, like I am a pleaser. And so. I also can fight back against pleasing. It's very uncomfortable place to be. But the point being is that when somebody lets me know that they're proud of me or whatever, that always really lights me up inside. However, um, as my kidneys have started to fail and I've gotten more and more exhausted.   I have found that people doing things for me, because they were thinking of me because they recognize I was tired or stressed out or that I just have a lot on my plate. And then just stepping into do something without me having to ask has very, definitely become like the top of my list. I, I didn't read the books.   I don't know if this is more like, what was the other one was the Enneagram. Now, one of the ones that I did recently said that this is kind of how you are from the day you're born. It was the one that has you thinking about what you were like as a kid, uh, I, I, I would imagine that your love language might change depending on your circumstances.   If you're a, for example, in chronic pain, a lot of the time, perhaps words of affirmation goes out of the way when it comes to acts of service. It doesn't surprise me. That receiving gifts is on the very bottom. Yeah. Honestly, I've always been very, um, I've always been very touched and excited when somebody has given me something and thoughtful, but generally speaking, um, gifts are just not something that like lights me on fire.   I, it's just not my thing. It's not that I don't like getting gifts. I just, I'm kind of ambivalent about it. I don't think about it a lot of the time, which is probably why I'm so shitty at giving gifts as well. Um, Quality time has been lower on my list lately. And it's not that I don't love spending quality time.   It's just since the pandemic, we spent so much time together that quality time, sometimes I just want quality time with myself. Do you know what. And physical touch was the one right in the middle at 20%. Very close to words of affirmation. Again, this is one that I think has changed as I have gone deeper into my kidney problems.   Uh, Um, somebody who loves hugging, loves touching, holding hands, all of those things. However, the intimacy side now just be totally real with you. The intimacy side of relationships for me has gotten really. Tamped down. And I think it's a combination of the antidepressants I'm on, but also the fact that I am in large amounts of pain all of the time, my kidneys are massive.   And so the thought of anything invading my body, any even pleasurable invading force. Sound like the business right now. So I would imagine that that might have pushed physical touchdown, where it might have ranked higher. I would probably have suggested that maybe six or seven years ago the order might've gotten words of affirmation, physical touch, then acts of service.   But currently right now, this, this, this tracks with everything I know. And it's actually very interesting to me to think about the differences between what it is now and what it might have been before. My kidneys had progressed as badly as they have. Anyway, interesting conversation. I really do want to do this with Jesse, so I may have a SQL to this coming up soon, but in the meantime, I would love for you to let me know on Instagram at @llamal