Complex PTSD Recovery: We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers

Today, sharing a mini essay I wrote for another platform, where controversial perspectives are the topic of conversation.In so much of this "trauma recovery game" we're inspired to hunker down against past patterns. But is that really healing?Want more Traumatized Motherfuckers? Join the Patreon to get hundreds of past episodes, weekly releases, and a part in supporting this DIY show. Or find more info on the project at t-mfrs.com.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we sign up for close connections anymore? Especially after learning about our CPTSD patterns? It's an episode pulled from the private Fort! Let's talk about relationship hangups from an experiential standpoint, integrating what we've heard from the research with real life brain operations to demystify disorganized feelings about closely connecting with others. Check out ⁠⁠t-mfrs.com⁠⁠ for more info and blogged transcripts of each public episode.To help yourself help yourself, while also helping this project to support MFs round the world, hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the full years-long conversation and private Discord support community filled with unfluffy folks like you. And cheers y'allMFJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've talked a lot about committing fully to relationships and overcoming our conflicts together, through examining the subconscious wounds that actually underly our relational upsets. But here's my question: Is that realistic?Today, we talk about getting clearer on the contents of our potential and current relationship partners' preprogramming, through checking our own somatic experiences, our shared trauma histories, and their adaptions to the social systems that raised them.For alllll the relationship x CPTSD details that will reframe how you view other people and yourself... hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and join the private conversation around relearning "healthy relating." Prepare to reflect.🍻--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning?Let's talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship... while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using fear as a self-defense.Looking for more "real relationship talk"? Well that's the order of the month, over in the private podcast stream. We're dropping four full episodes of "less fluffy" relational conversations, talking about how relationally traumatized partnerships actually tend to shake out... and how to "read them" before you're in too deep.See you there!And cheers, Fuckers!MFJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself.Need more holiday support? Don't we all. For all the other holiday freebies, just hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Search "holiday" to find releases from the past for no cost, or subscribe to access the pre-wrangled Holiday Survival Collection for your listening ease.Stay safe, support yourself, and see you soon Fucker!MFJess and Marcus Barkus--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So, how’s life been lately? But how has it really been? Having some variety of experiences that goes beyond your normal baseline standard depression, anxiety, self-hatred and disinterest in being alive? If you're new here - needing answers or a lobotomy ASAP - welcome to the club. Together we've had 18 months of trauma-learning through peer-reviewed research, connecting dots from our conversations in the community, and a bit too much personal experience. Apparently this one-human project has been helping folks all over the world, but it's also gotten pretty "trauma-advanced" through all of our conversations together. We've gotten way past the introductory information that plenty of Fuckers still need to make sense of their baffling brains. So let's back up, start this thing again, and discuss a basic biological framework for understanding the 4 billion horsemen of CPTSD in one scowl swoop. Let's get on the same page before starting the next big chapter. This is TMFRs, a trauma support and educational effort with less of a "look on the bright side" perspective, more of a "here's how to handle the science and psychology of mental illness, applied to our real life accounts of dealing with this raging neural dumpster fire" mission. You aren't damaged, doomed, or dead yet. But if you're ready to be done ruminating, nervous system deregulating, isolating, and self-hating - you might be a Motherfucker. Ready to hear the whole story so far? The backlog of 100+ trauma-defining and -refining episodes is available for $5 at Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Jump into the community, the private Discord, or my DMs from there. Send in your story anytime to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com, and let someone know they're not alone. Cheers FuckersJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's not so mysterious, actually. We’ve really made Trauma into a big word with a lot of negative connotation, qualification, and over-complication. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t shamefully uttered the phrase “But I wonder if that’s really bad enough to count as trauma, when other people have had it worse.”So let’s stop right there and clear up the fact that trauma has nothing to do with being in the top 1% of human tragedy. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.What IS Trauma, speaking from a neurological level? How do our memories split, our heads get littered with backed up data, and our bodies join in the dysregulated shitshow? What are flashbacks, triggerings, and intrusive thoughts? Where does rumination fit into the puzzle? What's our "Human" vs "Animal" power struggle got to do with it? And how can we visualize things, neurally, to understand our brain errors?Let's talk about Trauma, in one conceptualization of neuro-, systems, psycho-, and evolutionary biology... Plus, less-sunny snippits of "real life on trauma" experiential recall - because you're not the only one feeling like life's become an endless death march on bloody knees through a hurricane. You aren't alone. You aren't the only one learning how to handle your T Brain or T Life. And there are a few hundred Fuckers waiting to talk trauma in the TMFR private community, available anytime through Patreon and Discord. If you're ready to hear the whole story, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to get the full backlog of TMFR research and reveal episodes for figh bucks. If you've got a story to share, record yourself! Use any headset and recording app, and send your Self to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to get on the show. Send out a signal; let someone know they're not in this alone. Cheers FuckersJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's talk about everyone's favorite new buzzdiagnosis - Complex Trauma (CPTSD). What is it? Why is it so difficult to name? And what does it really do to your brain, as far as creating self-destructive neural structures that can undermine your lifetime?Here's a biological / neuropsychological breakdown of life on undiagnosed CPTSD, AKA living with "pervasive relational trauma." In a nutshell, CPTSD is the same brain mechanism and downstream nightmare we just discussed last time in our PTSD talk... But specifically it’s defined by the early timing, the relational nature, and the persistence of trauma. Let's focus on the ways these early developmental influences tend to impart automatic, lifelong, destructive programming in your brain. Ready to hear more about Complex Trauma, from an experiential standpoint? Great news, this isn't the first time around the block. There are two much longer, much less brain-directed episodes on defining the experience of CPTSD already streaming at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. And 150+ additional episodes where that came from. Check out the full backlog of science meets insight meets struggle, and then consider jumping into the TMFRs Private Discord if this method of talking trauma makes sense for your recovery. CheersJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's take an unexpected step back, and talk more about the EXPERIENCE of living with CPTSD, not just the brain processes that make it reality. With memory, attentional, emotional, and relationship issues at the forefront of the list, not to mention all the stress-based health failures, there's a lot to say about the endless death march of having untreated CPTSD running the show. The real cumulative CPTSD experience is probably when we take all these tormentors coming from the insides of our own brains and bodies, lay awake all night, every night, and enjoy that endless tour de “all the most humiliating, lonesome, and terrified times in my life.” In my book, there’s nothing worse than the insomnia-shame combo that rips away any lingering sense of control or sanity you may have had.It's helpful to know that all your struggles come from one single mental origin. But more importantly, it's critical to know that you aren't alone and your neurons aren't unfixable. This may be your life on CPTSD so far, but it doesn't have to be your life forever. For more information on your stupid fucking brain, hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com or jump into the community at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers Cheers y'allJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I know, therapy probably hasn’t been a walk in the park so far. If you’re here, you’re probably looking for more information, more help, or more reassurance that you’re not the only one looking for a way out. But there's no real substitute to having a professional to keep you grounded, processing the right materials, and creating personalized progress goals in line with your individual struggles.As someone who did NOT want to go to therapy, after two very bad experiences with people who didn’t know what the hell they were doing, I can tell you, my trauma brain completely changed the day I found a qualified trauma therapist. And I want everyone to have that experience. Today, let's talk about the challenges of finding effective help and the caveats of safely turning to prescription meds. Because trauma requires trauma-trained therapy, and there's a lot to choose from.For more help finding a practitioner who matches your personal preferences, go to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists. For help affording therapy, check out https://openpathcollective.org/Hit up t-mfrs.com to see some gnar-graphics that accompany these chats via the Blog. To talk with other MFs about the challenges and triumphs of this MF life, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to join the private support community. See you there.Cheers y'allJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Emotional numbing. Over-intellectualizing. Depersonalization. Derealization. Fragmented Personalities. Let's talk about all the ways that our brains try to protect us from stress, overwhelm, and danger. The ways we might see this as "adaptive skill." And the ways we might not even realize dissociation is happening, by half-brained design. Looking to learn more? You know what to do. Go to t-mfrs.com to see the visually-enhanced version of these posts (my shit-doodles, don't get excited). Hit Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to hear the full episodes already devoted to dissociative topics. Or hit that Google bar to start learning on your own! Cheers Y'allJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know the team well. They all travel together. One feeds into and strengthens the next. And getting away from them feels inescapable. It's a Traumatized Motherfucker's worst friends; rumination, shame, and depression. Which cognitive hellhole comes first? Current models aren't certain. All we know is, this horrible-thought-horrible-feeling cycle is one hell of a ride.  "The end result of trying to “put ourselves in our maggoty, scum-filled place” is sitting at home alone, isolating ourselves, and engaging in self-destructive behaviors while we try to pass the excruciating hours of the day, which are broken into even more terrorizing individual seconds of the day spent with our least favorite person on the earth." Today, we're taking the neuro-psychological view of clinical depression... and discussing how their common "low energy vibe" might be the best tool for noticing, naming, and not-falling-for-their-shit next time.  Ready for more of this conversation? There are options. Hit up t-mfrs.com to see the blog post and visuals that go with this talk. Jump into the backlog of episodes available through patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers when you're ready for deep, dense, posts on similar topics. Or hit up the private discord community, also gated through the patreon page.  Got a story or perspective of your own? Hit me up any time at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com. Send in your voice or your written word, and make a difference for MFs who need to hear they aren't alone.  Cheers friends.  Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Time to talk about perhaps the largest post-traumatic complaint. It's time for Anxiety. (When isn't it?) Let's also chat about those highly related conditions often driven by anxiety... Obsession and Scattered Thinking. The link between all of them that might help you with managing the system? Neutralizing the "high energy" changes they create in your brain and body, plus rewiring that brain to recognize these neural activities are all unwinnable attempts to out-pace a rightfully-assumed-dangerous world. "In anxiety, obsession, and ADHD, we try to predict the future based on what we’ve seen in the past. We try to control our world by out-thinking it. Out-preparing for it. Our thoughts move very quickly as our brains make automatic decisions based on existing neural connections. We can’t stop taking compulsive action because our brain never gives the “stop” signal."Let's break down some of the most holistically-debilitating conditions of life on trauma... the "neurotic" end of the energetic scale - Anxiety, OCD, and Unmanageable Thought Patterns. Into this approach? It's just my brain's way of understanding this CPTSD experience, you won't find it elsewhere. Check t-mfrs.com to dig into the blogged and visually enhanced versions of these episodes to enhance your info absorption. Check Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for a huge backlog of shows on CPTSD and an ever-expanding focus on "managing your neurobiology" topics. And consider the TMFR private discord community if you're looking for supportive chats on shared recovery resiliencies. Remember, your brain is just a neutrally-observing organ, equipped only to learn about your environment in order to predict and react to upcoming events. Oftentimes, its been taught wrong. It's your job to reframe what's correct. Cheers Fuckers. Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's the difference between your past high-functionality and current fears of "losing your fucking mind"? Bad information that was programmed into faulty neural networks being activated more regularly in ways that override the accessibility of the "human brained" prefrontal cortex. The good news is, you can fix it. Your brain isn't "you" or a reflection of your value. And it's just a stupid biological reactor organ, waiting to be taught better.  "As much as we put it on a pedestal, your head isn’t infallible in interpreting your environment or history or future. It makes up stories to do so. It predicts events as quickly and accurately as possible, but the instructions or translations of events it contains might be flawed from the start..."Let's talk about collecting bad data, creating inaccurate stories, triggering ourselves to high-hell, obsessing, addictions, self-sabotage, and losing executive functioning. Into the neuro-comprehension talk? Welp, that's what we're doing most often these days in the private podcast stream at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Learn how to see your brain and neural programming... so you can change anything you're not happy with. Looking forward at building better brains, not backwards at punishing ourselves for unchangeable events. Cheers, Fuckers. Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So, let's say your brain is on fire 24/7. Your body is doing the same. You're uncomfortable every moment, from the inside and out. You, very literally, are too sick and tired to deal with another obstacle or point of pressure. So... You reasonably start avoiding sources of strain. But then it gets unreasonable. What happens if everything is deemed "risky"?Talking the eventual extreme outcome of untreated CPTSD. Turns out, it's a lot more common than you probably think - TLC specials, aside. Today, let's rap about the agitated, agoraphobic, rigid-brained experience of rightfully avoiding everything that hurts. Looking to stop avoiding life so much? (On a personal note; highly recommend.) Come hang out with me a bit more in the TMFR private podcast stream and community. Live vicariously through my "eh, fuckit," approach that's firmly replaced the anxious bubble where I used to hunker. Check out the story, research, and tips at t-mfrs.com or get the private feed at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here's a holiday release for ya. Merry whatever-you-do, and let's talk about families fuckin things up.  Mental illness seems to run in families, do'nnit? Turns out, there's some biological mirroring mechanisms you might want to hear about. Why are you "the way you are"? It's because of them. Why do they refuse to see your progress and personality realistically? It's also because of them. Today, let's talk brain development, brain programming, and brain-protection tactics (you might know them as scapegoating, cognitive dissonance, and delusions). Buckle up, Blacksheep. it's time to talk about the dangers of dysregulated humans penning the blueprints for younger brains. Generational trauma, yeehaw.  Want to hear more about this? I've got a few shows from this summer that might make sense of your... world. Hit t-mfrs.com for more project information and patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers whenever you're ready to jump in to the episode backlog, exercises, and support community.  Cheers and good luck out there.  Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's the difference between "being a good person" and sacrificing your whole life to support others? In most of our families and social structures... there isn't one. Which makes it pretty hard to name the problem, re-examine your instincts to serve, or stand up for your right to operate your own brain. Today, let's talk about one of the most ignored and normalized survival responses. Fawning. If history has anything to say - sorry to everyone who kickstarts a new round of therapy because of this conversation. It's been a commonly enlightening topic for revealing accepted, pervasive, trauma patterning. For a lot more talk on fawning, including some 2021 year-end wrapups that are coming out in January, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Check t-mfrs.com if yer curious about the whole project, and to find visual versions of the shows. Cheers, MFucking Fawners. Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you edit your daily activities to feel "acceptable," to the detriment of your own wants, needs, and goals? Can you see yourself clearly from the outside, on one timeline? Do you have the power to "drop out" of your brain and observe its activities as a separate observer? Maybe not.Today, we're talking about the loss of "Self" - the most flowery and easily dismissible of the CPTSD hallmarks... which might explain why we continually lose progress in trauma recovery. It's the key to keeping your brain, behaviors, and 'balance' on track. The cognitive task-manager that knows what you're here to accomplish. The center of human "purpose" and autobiographical experience. And the most elusive of the CPTSD recovery tools - especially when its been deemed "shameful" for so long. Let's talk about your Self. My favorite top-down and bottom-up tool for bypassing dissociation and keeping that brain in working order. Uh, lot more to say about this one. My Self has been a bit conceptually Self-obsessed, as it relates to neurobiology and plasticity. Check those detailed episodes out at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and prepare to see your brain from a management-enabling distance that allows life-managing clarity. It might be the best thing you've ever done for your Self.  Cheers Fuckers.Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Convinced you aren't individually damaged, doomed, or destitute yet? Sick. But that comfort doesn't do much good if your brain, behaviors, and life don't change along with the perspective. Here are 10 steps for CPTSD recovery and your life redesign. Keeping in mind, "different strokes for different folks," "different gains for different brains." Let the experiment begin. See you on the other side, Motherfucker. For a lot more "moving forward" information and support... you know by now. Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the catalogue of podcast episodes so far, some videos, some worksheets, and access to the private Discord support community. Submit your recovery or struggle story any time - just send your recording to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com. Reach a hand back for the Fuckers that follow. Cheers y'all, and thanks for the time you've given your brain. Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're back! Let's wrap up a year of in-depth trauma research and community insights with a new season.  Free holiday support Discord server: https://discord.gg/5AYuCuQRhn  Public holiday episodes (browse or search "holiday"): patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers Full episode guide: https://www.t-mfrs.com/epguideHo-ho-ho, Motherfucker. I'll see you there. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.