The Podcast At Dawn's House

OMG, there's a missing child! And for once, a bunch of middle-school girls actually *are* the best people to solve this, because the adults are busy making casseroles and phoning Kristy to trauma-dump. Meanwhile, Mary Anne makes Jell-O. On today's agenda: cutting-edge computer technology; a mysterious lack of Jessi; a catalogue of OSHA violations; Barratt family revisionism; how to get your kissing face just right; cutting-edge weapons technology; historical turnip grievances; Stoneybrook's rich Francophone heritage; cutting-edge time-travelling cassette-tape technology. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

We haven't gone away, things just got busy over the summer. If only we could send our kids to an illegal daycare to free up some time...

OMG, Mallory's finally found her dream horse! Unfortunately she's also found her nightmare horse, so, win some lose some. Meanwhile, we debate which legendary Irish figure would look best on stilts, and there's some stuff about a blanket. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Kristy's running for eighth-grade president! Which sounds extremely low-stakes until you compare it to Mallory's unopposed run for seventh-grade secretary. Plus, a delightful glimpse of what might have been, if only Scholastic weren't COWARDS. On today's agenda: Alan Gray's writhing corpse; pizza legalities; Esther questions the nature of her reality; gritty, challenging middle-school theatre; a terrible shortage of visiting authors; delicious moles; pandering to the electorate for fun and profit; extensive bike-based misery; a Frookie Cookie deep dive. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there are 2 many babies! Well, it's more like two actual babies and a ton of eggs that the girls and their pretend husbands have imprinted on, because it's the mandatory egg baby episode! Plus, we all learn a valuable lesson about not relying on were-hedgehog erotica for accurate information on natural history topics. On today's agenda: real men dispose of their documents responsibly; Karen goes against her own moral code but stops short of murder; Logan fails as a provider because he's 13; more cinema-based humiliation; 32 pages on the real meaning of marriage; an unusually entertaining yet troubling Pike chapter; WE WENT TO LONDON AND DID THE THING; a traumatic egg-based jumpscare; non-toxic, painless baby paint; the one non-negotiable requirement of competent parenting. Full context for the ferret thing: https://www.newsweek.com/move-over-meerkat-manor-87497 Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!  

OMG, Mallory's found a ghost cat! Or a reincarnation cat? Or possibly just a regular cat? This book definitely comes down on the side of "ghosts are real", but is EXTREMELY vague on what ghosts actually are and whether they can use a litterbox. Also, the Pikes learn about Alzheimer's! Merry Christmas, folks! On today's agenda: a litany of crimes against food; the cool lesbian biker auntie we all wish we were; Mallory and Jessi's shameful secret; it's not crop theft if you know the farmer; some remarks about aging that are frankly uncalled-for; cut-rate ectoplasm detectors are a false economy; Claudia Kishi, old-person whisperer; Esther's cat chooses violence. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Laine's coming to Stoneybrook! Unfortunately, she's become a huge pain in the ass! And she's way beyond pigs. Thank goodness Kristy's here to be loudly unimpressed. Meanwhile, we plan for extremely specific hypothetical fights among our various children. On today's agenda: Chekhov's bathtub; respecting your friends by blowing up their graves; everyone's favourite sleepover movie; china clown fandom rise up; seasonal rodent copyright law; bringing back 1910s slang to prove a point; adventures in prune art; a tasteful anecdote from Karen and Esther's school days; half a borough of fun; the crucial differences between a casual red outfit and a trendy red outfit. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn's got a big date, some homemade sweat skirts, a repertoire of PUA techniques, and a new personality! Also there's some terrible stuff about fat-shaming. Meanwhile, we sample authentic Californian cuisine, learn about amino acids, and make some travel plans we may come to regret. Simpering wistfully into the void; a black hole of dysfunction; alcohol and violence and sexy postcards and eating in front of the TV; a romantic afternoon in the chastity barn; an extremely overdressed lump; a duckface epiphany; ill-advised pieces of mail through history; a tasteful tribute to Southern culture; outfits that go from day to synagogue to night; SOY; giving a small but non-zero amount of fucks; failing upwards into a relationship; The Secret for men; Panic! At the Movie Theatre; Dawn invents emo fashion. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, we're back! After a lengthy hiatus involving international travel, LARPing toddlers and multiple cases of Covid, it's finally time for part 2 of Snowbound!  On today's agenda: we finally hold Belgium accountable; Get Ready With Kristy; southern boys be skiing; how to know when it's true love, Ann-style; the haunting of Bart Taylor; Chewy's double life; Esther says a wrong word; Richard Spier has some chill downtime; a land of wonder and bad cup noodles; Madame Noelle busts out the emergency liqueurs; the best Christmas present for the boring stepfather in your life; a lot of depressing foreshadowing about climate change. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, the babysitters are snowbound! And they're very very surprised by this, despite extensive weather forecasts warning them about this exact situation! We had so much to say about this one that we couldn't fit it all in one episode, so this is part 1 of 2. Will the babysitters die of hypothermia and/or embarrassment? Stay tuned! On today's agenda: a tragic lack of mole people; Kristy negs her way into the Stoneybrook News; important fashion history facts; a brief glimpse of panties; a lot of ambient shrieking from Esther's neighbour kids; sibling psy ops; late-breaking news about Vivaldi; advanced romance-quashing techniques with Nannie; Dawn's mom breaks out the swear words. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn's gotta beware! There's a snake boy loose in San Francisco! Also, the local kids are manipulating the hell out of the babysitters, and we're here for it. Meanwhile, Stacey is having glamorous adventures and nobody cares. On today's agenda: Bruce Stringbean; Kristy's intervention consultancy; a frankly unreasonable amount of babysitting; extremely convincing California dialect; flagrant Australia erasure; a kipper in the ear; plausible bean deniability; an impressive commitment to collage; cinema recommendations with Karen's nine-year-old; we have Opinions about Mansfield Park.  Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on  Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there's a genius in Stoneybrook and it's not Janine! Janine WISHES she was as talented as this kid. Meanwhile, we experimet with a pivot to audio drama. On today's agenda: mandatory Disneyworld representation; unspeakable crimes against God and nature; Chekhov's Toupee; Karen's son makes Esther insecure; leave Mckenzie Clarke alone; Alan Gray surprises and delights us; Uncle Andy's Tar Machine; Claudia fails third-grade fox biology; an infestation of art pseuds; crosswords as a spectator sport; nobody needs to know more than one (1) cricket player. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on  Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!  

OMG, Jessi's got a wish! Because this is an Ann book, everyone's wishes are heavily Disneyworld-focused. Ann also bravely raises some tough questions about tragic childhood illnesses, and then less bravely proceeds to answer exactly none of them. Meanwhile, we brainstorm activities for Aoife's funeral and raise much-needed awareness of Simian Foamy Virus.   On today's agenda: Mal and Jessi read a whole new genre of book; NEW ENGLAND INTENSIFIES; Jordan Peterson's Sexism Corner; a two-phew Chapter 2; Stoneybrook's main industry takes a severe hit; popcorn and caviar, the breakfast of champions; Charlotte and Becca expand their vocabularies; Karen Brewer creates life and then hastily uncreates it; ignorance as praxis; eye tests, juggling and Stations of the Cross.   Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.   If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Mallory's on strike! We were very excited at the title of this one but it turned out to be less about labour activism and more about time management skills. And the value of airing your familial grievances in a thinly-veiled tell-all memoir.   On today's agenda: lawnmower-based punishments; grief counselling for mass extinction events; feels about eels; the Stoneybrook adults have the least convincing cover story yet; ACHAB; a terrible cocaine mishap; the triumphant return of Ridiculous Baby Name Of The Week; union-busting with scab children; crimes against the family photo album; the prisoner's dilemma model of babysitting.   Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.   If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Stacey's accused of being a jewel thief! And more importantly, this leads to financial problems for Claudia and she's out for revenge! Meanwhile, the junior podcaster attempts to eat an entire box of staples. On today's agenda: Stacey cleans house; spicy Pepsi; digestive system DLC; the Ozymandias of footwear; a distressing scenario involving chicken livers; Karen sets the record straight; obstacles to horse ownership; shoe size trauma; important worldbuilding continuity; definitely offal. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Mary Anne wants Logan back! More importantly, though, she wants an A on her group project and nobody is going to get in the way of that. Not Logan, not Cokie, not a particularly exhausting B-plot. On today's agenda: an unexpected Pete Black redemption arc; Karen has not forgiven Kerry Bruno; Hot Dog Laws; a very specific concept of romance; signs your date is not going well; authentic cat shenanigans; Mary Anne's Bump of Wistfulness; a fish fountain without a bicycle; disgraceful Toilet Monster denialism; the seductive power of five pounds of candy; urgent priorities for HSE reform; diversity in monster representation; a romantic getaway to Brick Township; absolutely too much manifesting; Logan enters his rake era. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there's a Baby Parade! Kristy and the gang grapple with the age-old question "What if illegal daycare, but on a poorly-conceived parade float?" It's a difficult one to answer, because Ann categorically does not know what a float is. Meanwhile, we have an idea for a TV procedural that is going to make us all extremely rich. On today's agenda: Scrabble trauma; fun with asbestos; any number of babies can be too many babies; new frontiers in AI art; Claudia learns to weld; a bold editorial stance on pipe types; glamorous uses for leftover meatloaf; situations that are not enhanced by a cat; none of us can be invited anywhere; a sick burn on the memory of Mimi; Slim Peabody entertains Watson and only Watson; Charlie has a cathartic afternoon at the rubbish dump. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, the girls are going to New York! Again! There's Edwardian ghost children, adaptogen cannoli, and an assortment of generic bystanders. Meanwhile, we have some dating advice for the many teens who presumably listen to this show. On today's agenda: teenage mutant ninja cockroaches; Juilliard Junior High; the Jack Reacher movie casting we all need; the symbolism of roach motels; Mary Anne whiffs her perception check; Karen's thoughts on modern art; Ann almost discusses the Forbidden Topic; doorman distraction techniques; the cow incident; passive-aggressive fortune cookie shenanigans; Turner Classic Movies and chill; tragic scene of lower-middle-classness.  Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn's having a big sleepover! Unfortunately, the sleepover itself is the only part of the book that didn't make us cringe violently. Well, that and the stegosaurus rap. On today's agenda: we are thirsty for Watson and cancelling Richard; a tragic lack of Lusk merch; Mrs Rodowski has no shame; Ann doesn't believe in research and we don't believe in the Colts; hot vegans in your area; Charlotte Johansson's trademark wisdom; a U-haul full of emergency caviar; a religious souvenir face-off; the four elementary teachers of the apocalypse; can collection life hacks; Goober and the Flugelmeisters; good dogs that do bad things; the slowest news week ever. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Stacey's finally having an emergency! It's the pancreatic drama we've spent so long waiting for, and we're all very excited. Also, Charlotte Johansson has every disease in the world, and it's Mrs McGill's fault. On today's agenda: Funko Pop Roadshow; celebrity crusts; the world's most depressing train trip; a deep dive into 1990s nursing fashion; Karen airs a long-standing grievance; a delightful new word; a deeply upsetting new word; our sickest burn on Starlight Express to date; cutting-edge medical technology; charley horse reminiscences; Laine goes gift shopping; fudge embezzlement; the reverse trolley problem. Our theme song is 'The Incredible Shrinking Larry' by Matt Oakley and 'Big Band Jingle A' is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive. If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, and come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!