READY SLOW

It’s episode 89 and Shean and Shane are competing over who has the better medical emergency. Shane’s about to get escorted out of the hospital for demanding to keep his wife’s appendix, while Shean’s gotten into a car wreck with a crackhead.  The guys discuss the Trump v DeSantis catfight, the wet dreams of violent communists, godless nihilist narcissists, animals in heaven, and white people with black voices.Shane shares some advice he got from a new friend, and Shean talks about what made him ugly cry.Jesus Christ makes a special guest appearance. 

It’s episode 88 and Shean’s in a robe and Shane’s in a dungeon.The guys discuss Kanye, Farrakhan, Malcolm X, AI art, grief, trans youth, modern genocide, ancient civilizations, eternal returns, false flags, only fans, and sizzurp. Madonna’s new face makes a special guest appearance. 

It’s episode 86 and Shean is enduring a three-day marathon at the dentist, meanwhile Shane’s getting slandered by a journalistic standards community.The guys discuss the 87,000 new hires at the IRS, the raid at Mar-a-Lago, and how “they’re” dropping that brand new chem trail recipe from the sky making everyone sick in August. They also get into the circus that was the Alex Jones “defamation” trial.And did you know Shean was almost on The Voice? Meanwhile, Shane’s had to talk to his son about why some people are missing limbs. AI Kamala makes a very special guest appearance.

It’s episode 85 and the guys are becoming Mennonites.But before t hey convert, Shane tries to advise Shean about how to act normal when meeting a new friend in real life for the first time. Shean doesn’t know if he should bring a firearm or an earpiece for Shane to covertly share conversational treasures. Shean reveals his theory about NASA and swimming pools, meanwhile Shane is already starting problems in his new town by not being pro-dog-orgies in the middle of the street. The guys revisit Flat Earth, human history, glass domes, and the ways in which interpretations of God mutate throughout time. The cancer cell and the COVID-19 virus that infected President Joe Biden in the same week make a very special guest appearance. 

Shane and Shean announce their candidacy for President and Vice President of the United States of America. They vow to abolish all alphabet agencies. They also promise to leave NATO. And the UN. And they will reject WHO, WEF, and ESGs. CERN will also be destroyed, A lot has happened since the guys last caught up. Roe was overturned. CERN switched timelines again. Boris Johnson stepped down. Shinzo Abe was assassinated. And the Georgia Guidestones were destroyed. They also discuss secret forests under China, fake NASA photos, fake clouds, airplane tragedies, Jordan Peterson in HD, Aztec invasions, and more. Nancy Pelosi’s breasts make a special guest appearance. 

It’s episode 83 and the guys try to solve a mystery of possible lust and deceit in the land of God.  Shane’s reading C.S. Lewis while Shean’s Dr. Pepper addiction has brought on a home renovation binge. The guys also discuss bio-engineered salmon, pastors at Mexican restaurants, free will, morality, menstrual cups, and the one major issue that might be leading towards the inevitability of another Civil War. Jesus H. Christ makes a very special guest appearance. 

It’s episode 82 and bees are now fish in the state of California, meanwhile kid friendly drag shows are coming to a town near you.The guys discuss the documentary “What Is a Woman?”, the consequences of a broken home, utopia fetishists, wild salmon, and raw meat.Shean admits to lying to Shane, and Shane is stunned by the recent threat made against his coworkers.The Queen of England and her rotting reptile face make a very special guest appearance.It’s episode 82 and bees are now fish in the state of California, meanwhile kid friendly drag shows are coming to a town near you.The guys discuss the documentary “What Is a Woman?”, the consequences of a broken home, utopia fetishists, wild salmon, and raw meat.Shean admits to lying to Shane, and Shane is stunned by the recent threat made against his coworkers.Baphomet and the Queen of England’s rotting reptile face make very special guest appearances.

It’s Episode 81 and everyone is trying to sleep with Shean. He can’t leave the house without total strangers trying to bring him home. Meanwhile, Shane’s getting kicked out of his local library. The guys discuss Pride Month and the time Jack Lira hanged himself off Harvey Milk’s porch. They also get into yawn loops, parental failures, Macaroni Grills, not going to Mexico, the CIA’s ability to assault reality, and the symbolism of pineapples. Baby Jesus and the ghost of JFK make very special guest appearances. 

It’s the season 4 premiere and the guys try to make sense of mass shootings, hopelessness,  and the collapse of civilization. Meanwhile, Shane looks at the failures of Sri Lanka as a warning of any big government push, and Shean talks emotionalism—and how they’re facing literal actual death threats from a literal actual instagram poet.Also—adrenochrome, tribalism, unbridled ego, massive self-doubt, and acquaintances in the process of transitioning. A very special guest appearance from Chairman Mao and the ghost of Machine Gun Kelly’s rap days. 

Episode 80 will cause serious physical harm.   Mark Zuckerberg has preemptively banned it from Facebook. The Twitter bots have been programmed to suppress it. Instagram thots are petitioning for its immediate destruction. The guys discuss the need to dissolve every alphabet agency, the ethics of twerking on corpses in the club, and offer tips on how to distinguish a clone from the real thing.Shean discusses his bazooka bubble gum hate crime incident in a Dick’s Sporting Goods, and Shane shares his black pilled podcast theory. They also get into the concept of breakaway civilizations, Katy Perry’s pop status, creative plateaus, and the horror in Buffalo.A very special guest appearance from Margaret Sanger’s frigid vagina. 

Episode 79 is a call to arms. Shean and Shane are begging you to fight like Hell. Safe, legal, and rare vs bloodthirsty abortion mimosas. Absconding to Mexico. Drug mules. Decapitated tourists. Young mothers.The guys respond to comments they’ve received over their ideas on murder. Shane remembers a friend boasting about forcing his girlfriend to commit murder like a pez dispenser. They also argue the empty talking point that tries to equate freedom of speech with murder. They discuss the importance of shared definitions for a healthy culture and cul-de-sac moms making it rain on their 10-year-old drag queens.Plus, materialism and how America is a debtor’s prison. Hitler’s wet dream and Lincoln’s favorite racist joke. Also, NASA, Oz, and coincidence.Shean recounts the trauma of a childhood model, and Shane is starting to fear his cycling community.Special guest appearances from Lindsey Graham’s lady bugs, Lori Lightfoot, the tooth fairy, and the antichrist. 

Episode 78 is all about Shean’s live-streamed corpse, Shane stripping naked for ID.me at gunpoint, fake cities, the peloton cult, the soho house cult, Kim K’s vanishing derrière, Depp v. Heard, Roe v. Wade, the Met Gala, disgruntled mailmen, bookstore dildos, and trying to find common ground in an increasingly divisive socio-political landscape.Shean and Shane row and cycle respectively throughout the entire episode for a rare ASMR spectacular. There are very special guest appearances by a dying robot and a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper.

It’s Episode 77 and the guys are finally unveiling their long awaited line of merch. One-piece swimsuits, flip flops, mugs, bucket hats—they’ve got something for everyone who wants to wear Shean and Shane’s faces around town. If you support BLM and if you denounce the holocaust—this merch is for you.The guys discuss Elon’s twitter, Mike Tyson’s tigers, stranger danger at a baseball game, Nashville, Catholics, Baptists, and Jews.Shean talks about once auditioning for Glee, and Shane tries to out bougie Shean once and for all. Today’s very special guests include a long list of mythical creatures: giants, dinosaurs, unicorns, JFK, and Shaun King.

Episode 76 is a hostage situation as the guys incriminate themselves by discussing how and why they’d get away with murder. Shane talks about stumbling into a funeral, meanwhile Shean is positive there are infinite natural resources. They discuss huffing ether, tragic aquariums, and animatronic pedophiles. The guys also react to a listener who demands an apology.Pinocchio makes a special appearance after returning from Epstein’s island.

It’s episode 75 and Shean was attacked in the woods—he nurses the wounds as the guy’s discuss white girl slaves, denim, toast with butter and cinnamon, pizza gate,and grunches. They also get into starting fights on instagram with strangers for fun, plus they go window shopping online and deconstruct men’s fashion. Shean mulls over the idea of buying a coffee shop and Shane tells the story of Jim Limber.Ketanji Brown Jackson makes a very special appearance.

It’s episode 74 and Shean and Shane fight over creative differences. Shane also got Shean banned from Facebook for 90 days, and Shean’s enrolling people into a ponzi scheme as gas prices rise.The guys discuss time traveling back to the 1990s, Kris Jenner’s chokehold on media narratives, Kanye’s teeth, Shean’s mission to Australia, Nazis in Ukraine, and Shane starting fights in a movie theater. Batman, Ball gags, Detransition tik tok, and Kyrie Irving makes special appearances. 

The guys have reunited. Shean was in Heaven on Earth while Shane was in Hell on Earth. Shean is haunted by lizards from Punta Cana, and Shane nearly died moving his family out of their house. The guys discuss the latest trends in hysteria, war propaganda, Ukraine and Russia, twins dating twins, Superb Owls, Uhaul, and heart attacks. They also breakdown whether or not Kanye summoned demons in Miami. Is he a creative genius or a tool of the illuminati? The guys share some fan mail and new prophecies.Joy Behar, Marilyn Manson, Vladimir Putin, and "Uncajems" make special appearances.

Episode 72 is not another teen movie meets wolf of wall street meets little shop of horrors meets mean girls.The guys compare notes about their high school lives. One of the guys committed white collar crime, the other committed blue collar crime. Can you guess who did backflips into pep rallies and who almost got expelled because of pep rallies? It’s Black Future Month, Canada might save the world from tyranny, Michael Phelps is a supposed hypocrite, the dying supermarket dream, the definition of idealism, fear of rejection, and words of affirmation. Plus, the guys talk about how they’re grown ass men spending a whole Sunday pranking another grown man. Shane also considers a very serious question concerning a snail and $20,000,000.Trudeau, once again, makes a very special appearance in blackface from an undisclosed location.

Remember the old woman with a forked tongue that wished death on half the country — that Shane said would never listen to Ready Slow? Yeah… she and her friends and family listened to last week’s episode. And she’s not happy. In related news, Shane & Nancy lost their house in West VA due to a series of unfortunate events. Shean and Lacie go to a kid’s birthday party and walk away with a renewed sense of freedom. He’s also auditioning friends for real life on Bumble BFF—and it could be going better.The guys also discuss how mothers  are the strongest voices on the COVID front lines, how The Weeknd is a genius, how choirs rip open the fabric of space-time, dinosaurs, mezcal, mountains, Taco Bell, and Indiana.Shean shares his theory on life, and Shane expands on his genocide theory. President Obama makes an extra special appearance from Flint, MI. Ready Slow welcomes all their new listeners in West Virginia who listened to last week’s episode.

Episode 70 finds both guys snowed-in and dreaming of a white Martin Luther King Day. Shean is setting guidelines for hiring employees and Shane is fighting an uphill real estate battle against liars, con artists, and thieves.The guys discuss historical cubism, death mocking, and the white woman with a humanities degree that curated the African section of the ATL airport.They also get into whether or not Shane is the one who’s truly unhinged for calling out his old employer on instagram. Plus, Shane welcomes Shean into the Church of Kanye after listening to the new song, “Eazy.” The corpse of Vladimir Lenin makes a special appearance.