Lia and Alanna Watch The X-Files

"End Game" picks up where "Colony" left off, but unfortunately Alanna's dreams of two Mulder's are quickly crushed. This episode reveals the truth about "Samantha," confirms Mulder's daddy issues, and has more clones than Alanna is comfortable with, forcing her to wonder if she's been recording each episode with a different Lia each week.  The Girls coin a new motto: Trust Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Girls start this episode by talking about real-life news: the government has confirmed, again, the existence of UFOs! Also, Lia reasserts her controversial belief that COVID-19 is an alien virus. But back to what actually matters, The X-Files gives us another “To Be Continued…” cliffhanger, and Mulder is in crisis because he fails, yet again, at trusting no one. “Colony” has clones, an alien bounty hunter, Mulder's dad, and the introduction of someone who claims to be Mulder’s “”””sister”””. Alanna tries to connect this episode to past storylines and is nearly successful. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Fresh Bones" deals with instances of voodoo magic at a Haitian refugee camp, but Mulder and Scully don't do much. Lia and Alanna admit to casting spells with questionable intentions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the episode that no one knows how to pronounce, Mulder and Scully  investigate a murder in a town with a bunch of lazy Satan worshippers. The producers say this is a 'parody' but The Girls are unsure they know what that means. Lia reveals what she'd do if she were the Devil. Alanna gets to enjoy her favorite thing: a long, insane, dramatic monologue. Also, we learn that the show named characters after internet super-fans and are starting a petition to get our names in if they ever do another season.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In "Irresistible" Mulder plans to take Scully on an elaborate date, but the agents end up working a case that triggers Scully's abduction trauma. Lia and Alanna  beg the writers to just please leave Scully alone. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Aubrey" takes on important topics like generational trauma and why Mulder eats all those sunflower seeds. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In the FBI, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the X Files. These are their stories. Wait... "Excelsis Dei" leaves The Girls asking, "What?" and "Why?" This episode attempts to tackle a sexual assault case, where the perpetrator is an invisible entity, and (you guessed it) the victim isn't believed. If you find yourself wondering "How did this episode get made?" just remember, there were no women in the writers room.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The girls do their best to navigate the confusing twists and turns of "Red Museum." Alanna asks some big questions that Lia can't answer. This episode has it all: violent teenage boys, cows, and a vegetarian cult that is truly just minding their own business.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, Scully is back to work and unsurprisingly we are not talking about her abduction trauma. Instead, we're investigating dangerous spores inside a volcano. Alanna's worst nightmare, plants inside the body, comes true. Mulder wears denim on denim, AGAIN!  And, Lia analyzes the suspicious dynamics of the scientist team, particularly how Jessie has been cutting her bangs.  By the way, the official advice of Lia and Alanna is that you should not pay your taxes, since your tax money will go to alien spore research.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a BIG episode. In fact, our longest non-fanfiction episode. Scully returns out of nowhere and her family must decide whether to take her off life-support or not. Mulder, who was watching porn when he got the call, rushes to her side and can't help but try to sway the families decision. Lia and Alanna go deep into Mulder and Scully's love for each other, the emotional rollercoaster Mulder is experiencing, the TALENT of David Duchovny, how incredible Scully's sister is, and more! Oh yeah, before we forget, who the f was that nurse?!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Scully is gone and Mulder is acting out. Things take a very adult turn when he explores bloodplay and the BDSM world of sexy vampires. Oh and yes, that is David Duchovny's real-life girlfriend playing his sexual partner. A surprise to no one, The Girls draw incredibly important parallels between "3" and Twilight. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Girls take on Ascension, and Alanna has a lot of feelings... sexual feelings. Mulder chokes someone and maybe hits on Scully's mom. Oddly, instead of being turned on, Lia is filled with despair by his depression because she "cares" about his ""emotional well-being."" Elsewhere, Alex Krychek continues to be the worst. There's a "high-speed" chase on a ski lift (or is it a gondola?). And, there's breaking news: The X-Files are back in business, baby! Also, The Girls plan out their rewatch podcast which will be available wherever you listen to podcasts in 50 years.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It may be the most exciting episode of the season so far, but first Lia and Alanna  talk in depth about David Duchovny's many novels. And no, they haven't read them. Episode 5 introduces us to Duane Barry, a possibly deranged, multiple abductee,  former FBI agent. The girls are split on whether or not Duane Barry is a liar, but they are aligned on something much more important: Mulder looks hot in that red speedo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the fourth episode of the second season, and Lia actually remembers seeing it before! This episode introduces us to Alex Krycheck, whom Alanna hates, and Lia has a hard time not revealing future plot points. The Girls discuss Scully's deep love for Mulder, Mulder's need for explicit conversation, and, for some reason yet again... Phoebe Green??? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s episode 2x03 and The X-Files are still shut down. A postal worker who gets a paper cut and then gets fired is being subliminally convinced to go on a killing spree. Alanna does research into the real-life history of mass shootings at Postal Offices  and Lia admits to believing 100% in the Chemtrails conspiracy theory. The Girls dissect the difference in David Duchovny's portrayal of Mulder between Season 1 and Season 2, as well as the character's obsession with pornography. Scully is in this episode too, but only just barely. Regardless, The Girls go deep into the pay disparity between David and Gillian. Lia and Alanna request that you write into the show if you've ever microwaved a full bag of bagels.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Season 2, Episode 2 is set in the sewers and The Girls aren't happy about it. Gross from start to finish, with the exception of when Mulder gets wet. Lia and Alanna discuss a shocking event that happened with the Dave Matthews Band (it relates!). And, an unexpected scene triggers Alanna to share a deep  fear.  The Girls also dive into Mulder's depression and tackle the real question on everyone's mind: why aren't Mulder and Scully together? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's season 2, episode 1 and we're still doing this! The X-Files may still be shut down, but that doesn't stop Mulder from going to find some aliens in Puerto Rico, or Scully from having to save his life. Join us as we discuss how tall Young Fox Mulder is, whether or not alien legs are sexy, and of course, Mulder's infamous denim on denim outfit! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you to all the fanfiction writers out there, you're doing god's work.NOTE: We mark all episodes explicit, but we really mean it with this one. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the season one finale! The Girls actually made it through a whole season! In celebration, Lia and Alanna countdown their favorite moments from the show and the podcast. Then, they get into "Erlenmeyer Flask." Alanna learns what that is, reveals her fear of monkeys, and questions why the only men she likes are David Duchovny and Robert Pattinson. Lia tries in vain to seriously discuss the plot and vows to do better by Scully in future seasons. They're both really proud of each other and they won't let you forget that.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the second to last episode of the season and yet "Roland" has nothing to do with the season finale. Lia and Alanna breakdown the agents investigation of a disabled janitor accused of murder, but don't worry, his twins frozen head is making him do it. The girls take on controversial questions, such as: How offensive is this episode and is it even okay that they made it? What happens to cryogenically frozen heads and would you freeze yours?? Was David Duchovny an asshole on set??? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.