Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Most relationships, romantic or otherwise, tend to get stuck in predictable patterns of conflict. This episode is about how to resolve that conflict, and get things moving again. Dr. Rick and Forrest draw on Rick's decades of work with couples and families to talk about getting on the same team, healthy boundaries, making clear requests, differentiation, and the pursuer-distancer dynamic. The episode closes with Forrest and his fiancée, associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, on fixing versus feeling, and how they worked through it in their own relationship. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 01:30: What Rick wishes couples did differently 09:22: How to ask for what you want 16:36: Differentiation and family systems 28:33: When both people are right: content vs. tone 37:58: Why fighting can feel good 42:09: The pursuer-distancer dynamic 47:15: Resentment and requests about the future 55:33: Fixing vs. feeling with Elizabeth 1:06:59: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. If you want to try Momentous Signature Spec Creatine, head to https://livemomentous.com and use code BEINGWELL for up to 35% off your entire first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest is joined by Dr. Ashley Mason, a clinical psychologist and sleep researcher at UCSF, to discuss Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for insomnia (CBT-I). They talk about what separates insomnia from a few rough nights, why people with insomnia sleep (on average) only a little less than everyone else but experience the night completely differently, how insomnia develops and what keeps it going, and the five pillars of CBT-I. Dr. Mason walks through what treatment looks like in practice: fixing your wake time, restricting time in bed, working with 2am thoughts, a surprisingly early caffeine cutoff, and why meditation apps in bed are a hard no.  About our guest: Dr. Ashley Mason is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychiatry at UC San Francisco, where she directs the Sleep, Eating, and Affect Lab and leads the insomnia treatment program at the UCSF Osher Center for Integrative Health.  Key Topics: 00:00: Introduction 03:43: What insomnia is, and why it’s not just about hours of sleep 14:06: How insomnia develops 20:40: Sleep hygiene, the five pillars of CBT-I, and caffeine  27:02: What treatment looks like: wake time and time in bed restriction 35:20: Sleep anxiety, tracking, and working with 2am thoughts 39:31: Sleep as a performance category, fear-mongering, and alcohol  46:00: Meditation apps, relaxation, and brain dumping 50:34: How well CBT-I works, and using heat for sleep and depression 1:03:26: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Try Gusto today at https://gusto.com/BEINGWELL, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.  Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/beingwell.  Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to https://Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Visit https://beopen.shokz.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products. The offer can be combined with other official promotions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this second episode on self-acceptance, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on how to accept the parts of ourselves we don’t like. They explain why "just love yourself more" rarely works, walk through a four-step process, and talk about why acceptance gets easier when you can set boundaries with yourself. They also cover accepting the “bad” parts of who we are, how to work with the persona you've built to get through life, and self-authorship: taking a hand in who you're becoming.  The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:31: If I accept myself, won't I get complacent? 10:01: Why "just love yourself more" doesn't work 14:36: Group 1: Authentic parts we don’t like 23:51: Boundaries with your own parts, and sticking up for them 32:07: Accepting the difficult stuff 41:01: Own it to regulate it: mean streaks and near enemies 45:49: Group 2: Working with the act 54:46: Self-authorship 1:01:02: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Check your health the way I do with 160+ lab tests and access to scans through Function, all for only $365 a year. Learn more at https://functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL25 for a $25 credit. Visit https://Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance.  Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Self-acceptance gets recommended constantly, but are we really supposed to accept the parts of ourselves we don't like? Won’t that stop us from changing? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss what self-acceptance is, what it isn't, and why it’s the starting point for real change. They share the four stages of competence (and why conscious incompetence is where learning stalls), the two escape hatches people take from it, why harsh self-criticism is a form of avoidance, and Rick's three circles model of the act, the scared self, and the being.  The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics 0:00: Intro 3:04: What self-acceptance is (and isn't) 6:43: The four stages of competence 10:59: Two bad exits: "idiot" self-acceptance and excessive self-criticism 13:24: Critical self-acceptance: judge the behavior, not the self 22:13: The three circles: the act, the scared self, and the ‘being’ 26:44: The two things people struggle to accept 32:27: Should you accept the act? 43:20: Being with, working with, and the two levels of acceptance 51:35: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to https://Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Go to https://Leesa.com for 20% off select mattresses plus get an extra $50 off with promo code BEINGWELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shame is one of the hardest emotions to work with, in part because it blocks what we need most when we’re feeling shame: self-compassion. Dr. Chris Germer, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to discuss how we can get around that trap. They talk about where shame comes from, how to recognize it when it’s hiding behind other emotions, and practical tools that help us experience less shame.  About our Guest: Chris Germer is a clinical psychologist, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program with Dr. Kristin Neff, and author of the new book Self-Compassion for Shame. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: shame, hiding, and why it blocks self-compassion 2:52: What shame is and why it hides 9:45: How self-compassion changes the inner voice 13:44: The arc of working with shame 18:05: Shame as an innocent emotion 22:57: Backdraft and the wish to be loved 29:50: Self-compassion as exposure 39:43: When people really do judge you 45:33: The "shrug" 47:56: Healthy shame, toxic shame, and the parts of you 58:48: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Try Gusto today at https://gusto.com/BEINGWELL, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices