Self-Coaching

In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore what I call the “winter mind”—the subtle psychological shift that occurs as daylight shrinks and our internal sense of possibility shrinks with it. Shorter days don’t just affect our energy; they quietly distort our interpretations, making ordinary stresses feel heavier and old insecurities feel more convincing. I discuss how this seasonal contraction interacts with the habit of insecurity, why our thoughts sound more personal in the quiet of winter, and how small acts of intentional warmth—what Norwegians call koselig—can counter the distortion and restore perspective. Through practical Self-Coaching steps, I show how to meet winter’s narrowing with clarity, steadiness, and renewed trust in your capacity to navigate life as it is, not as the season would have you believe.

This isn’t your typical “holiday episode.” Thanksgiving has a surprising way of slowing us down, even when we try to outrun it. The gathering, the familiar faces, the rituals—we don’t realize how much they interrupt our usual rushed, distracted rhythm. For one day, life pulls us back into connection, memory, and emotional reality. In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore why Thanksgiving hits harder than any other day of the year and how it quietly resets us. The warmth, the chaos, even the bittersweet moments all bring us back to what truly matters. It’s a rare chance to step out of autopilot, feel the day, and reconnect with the people and traditions that help us remember who we are.

In this Self-Coaching episode we explore the quiet, relentless habit of measuring ourselves against everyone around us. Whether it’s feeling outmatched in a conversation, watching how easily others seem to navigate life, or seeing social-media posts that make your own progress feel small, comparison turns ordinary moments into silent self-judgments. But these doubts aren’t really about being “normal”—they’re about seeking reassurance that we’re okay, worthy, and not falling behind. Using Self-Coaching principles, we break down why comparison feels so instinctive, how it distorts our sense of self, and how to shift from external measuring sticks to internal self-trust. You don’t become “enough” by matching others—you become enough by reclaiming your own path.

We all want to be happy—but what does that really mean? Is happiness something we can actually have, or is it something we only feel for fleeting moments at a time? In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore why happiness can’t be possessed, why others often seem happier than we are, and how insecurity keeps us chasing what we already have the potential to feel. Learn how genuine happiness grows not from control or comparison, but from self-trust, authenticity, and the courage to live your life as it is—fully, and without apology.

You know that little voice in your head—the one that never seems to miss a chance to remind you of what you did wrong, what you should’ve said, or how you’ll probably mess up again? That’s self-criticism, or worse, self-rejection. And for many of us, it’s not just an occasional visitor—it’s a full-time companion. We’ve gotten so used to berating ourselves that we mistake it for motivation, as if tearing ourselves down will somehow push us to do better. But it never does. It only deepens our insecurity and distances us from our authentic self. The truth is, self-criticism is a learned habit—an internalized voice of fear and self-doubt that’s been running unchecked for years. Maybe it started as a way to protect yourself from failure or rejection—“If I’m hard on myself, no one else can hurt me.” But over time, that protective instinct turns cruel. It becomes the habit of self-rejection, a quiet betrayal of who you really are. In today’s episode, we’ll explore where this voice comes from, why it feels so powerful, and most importantly—how to begin breaking free from it. Because ending the habit of self-criticism isn’t about becoming perfect or endlessly positive—it’s about reclaiming your right to be human, to be imperfect, and to treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer anyone you love.

What really happens when we close our eyes at night? Why does the brain weave vivid stories that can make us laugh, cry, or wake up in a cold sweat? In this Self-Coaching episode, we’ll explore the fascinating science of dreaming—what goes on in the sleeping brain, why humans evolved to dream, and how those nighttime narratives may help us process emotions, solve problems, and rehearse for survival. We’ll dive into the hidden language of the unconscious—exploring the role insecurity plays in shaping our dreams.

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I explore the four most common controlling strategies of insecurity—worrying, rumination, catastrophizing, and overanalyzing, also known as analysis-paralysis. These strategies are our reflexive attempts to compensate for insecurity—at its core, the fear that we can’t handle life as it unfolds. Over time, we come to rely on these strategies in an effort to feel safe and in control. The problem is, what starts as a coping mechanism quickly becomes a habit. And although these strategies may give the illusion of control, they inevitably generate stress. That stress, in turn, fuels ongoing emotional struggle.

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt all eyes on you? That tightness in your stomach, the heat rising to your face—you feel exposed, judged, vulnerable. It’s a universal experience. But here’s the thing: vulnerability by itself isn’t the problem. The real problem begins when vulnerability turns into insecurity—when self-doubt, fear, and the feeling of ‘I’m not good enough’ take over. That’s when life starts to shrink. Relationships suffer, careers stall, happiness fades. In today’s Self-Coaching episode, I want to show you how vulnerability and insecurity, left unchecked, can quietly ruin your life. We’ll delve into the origins of these feelings, explore why they’re ingrained in us, and, most importantly, discover how awareness can help them take a backseat. Understanding the vulnerability-insecurity loop may change the way you look at your struggles forever.

Have you ever had that nagging feeling that you don’t really belong? Where everyone around you seems smarter, more capable, more together—and it’s only a matter of time before they find out you’re a fraud? That’s not just self-doubt talking. That’s something called Impostor Syndrome—and you’re not alone. In this Self-Coaching episode, I break down what this nefarious syndrome is, how it became part of your life in the first place, and the real, ironic reason it continues to hold you back.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like… ‘I’m so stupid…I can’t do anything right… everyone else has it together—why don’t I?’ If so, you’re not alone. Most of us talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to a friend. We push, criticize, blame, and shame ourselves—often without even realizing it. But why? Why are we so hard on ourselves?Both Self-criticism and what’s called negative bias are inherent aspects of the human psyche that evolved to protect us from reckless behavior. When, however, insecurity gets involved, then rather than protecting us, self-criticism becomes a psychological cudgel leading to stress, anxiety, and depression. In this week’s Self-Coaching podcast, we’re digging into the psychology behind self-criticism—where it comes from, how it affects us, along with 5 steps to help you start being a little kinder to yourself.

Fear is a natural, protective part of life. Without fear, our species would long ago have become extinct. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss not how to become fearless (that would be dangerous) but how to fear less. How do you know if you’ve become too fearful? I offer seven signs to help you differentiate between realistic, unavoidable fear, versus your level of neurotic, unnecessary fear. It’s important to understand that neurotic fear has a systemic, corrosive effect on your happiness, your mental health, and your physiology.

What’s so bad about procrastinating? For starters, procrastination slowly erodes the quality of your life by turning your days into a series of missed opportunities and mounting stress. When you delay important tasks, you trade long-term growth and peace of mind for short-term comfort. Over time, this leads to constant pressure, guilt, and a lingering sense that you’re falling behind. Goals remain unfulfilled, relationships suffer from broken promises, and your confidence takes a hit as unfinished responsibilities pile up. What begins as a harmless habit quietly chips away at your time, your potential, and ultimately, your sense of purpose. Procrastination isn’t a character flaw; it’s a habit. In this Self-Coaching podcast, join me as I discuss ways to overcome the needless tendency to avoid handling life more directly, in the moment, rather than kicking the can of responsibility down the road toward some vague future.

Maybe you’re not depressed and you’re getting along as well as can be expected, but maybe you’re feeling aimless, unfulfilled, or disconnected from a sense of purpose. Or maybe you’re holding out for some clear, passionate, lightning-bold kind of ‘ah-ha’ revelation that will rescue you from your ho-hum life. If this sounds like you, then perhaps this Self-Coaching podcast is just the ticket for understanding how boredom has become nothing more than a habit that can be challenged and replaced with your innate potential for living a more stimulating life.

We naturally become bored when our brain isn’t entertained, emotionally engaged, or sufficiently challenged. I’m sure you’ll agree that to some extent, boredom is an inescapable part of life. But how can you tell if your life is too boring? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss the need to determine to what extent boredom may play a disruptive role in your life. Whether it’s a mismatch between ability and challenge, attention issues, or low dopamine, boredom can result from many causes. As much as we think of boredom as a negative, restless experience, there is a bright side. Join me as I explore this often-overlooked aspect of boredom.

The inability to say ‘no’ is a habit, a habit of insecurity. Whether it’s the fear of disapproval or rejection, a desire to please, guilt, low self-worth, or simply wanting to avoid conflict, when you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather be saying no, then you need to listen to this episode of Self-Coaching. Learning to say no requires some psychological grounding, but more importantly, it’s understanding that standing up for yourself is a skill. A skill that can be learned. I offer five simple techniques for learning to respect your boundaries while assertively (with kindness) taking care of your needs.

Do you ever wish you could be more positive, more optimistic? If so, this Self-Coaching podcast may be just what you need. Did you know that optimism isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a skill. A skill that you can actually build. Join me as I talk about some simple steps and exercises geared to help you focus on possibilities, not problems, reframing reflexive negativity, and learning to risk trusting that you can, in fact, handle what life throws at you.

Life’s demands, challenges, scares, and fears can really pile up. Sometimes it just feels like too much. The tumult of feeling overwhelmed is something that happens to all of us and although we can’t control life and the many challenges we encounter, there are things we can do to minimize, if not, eliminate the chaotic experience of feeling out of control. In this Self-Coaching episode I offer strategies for coping when we begin to feel powerless and victimized by life and/or our emotions. Avoiding getting overwhelmed isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about building little habits, developing a more resilient mindset, and a support system that can help you feel more grounded…even when things get messy.

Mark Twain once said that courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear. Although it’s tempting to wish you were fearless, without fear, our lives would quickly become reckless and threatened. Fear, healthy, objective fear is an essential component of our genetic inheritance, but irrational, neurotic fear is not. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the difference between normal and neurotic fear and strategies to minimize needless neurotic struggle.

In everyone’s life, there are ups, downs, happy times, and anxious times. But one thing is certain: life undulates. I call these undulations, waves--psychological waves. Think of waves as life’s challenges. Some waves consist of circumstantial, externally driven challenges, e.g., illness, financial struggles, loss, and so on, while other waves are psychological, driven by habits of insecurity. One thing about waves, circumstantial or psychological, they…undulate—they come, and they go. Waves eventually subside, allowing us to enter a trough state of potential calm. I say potential because for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggle, being in a trough state (a potential for calm and solace) is no guarantee of solace; they generate neurotic “waves,” anticipating, worrying, what-iffing, etc. And for those who generate waves, there is no solace. Join me in the Self-Coaching podcast to learn what is necessary to ensure that your ‘trough state’ isn’t corrupted by the neurotic habits of insecurity.

Self-Coaching is not just another form of coaching; it’s a unique CBT-based program based on the idea that anxiety, depression, and other emotional struggles stem from learned habits of insecurity and self-doubt—habits that can be broken. To liberate yourself from struggle, you need to understand the fundamental ‘why’ you struggle in the first place. Why, no matter how much you’ve tried, nothing changes.In this week’s episode, I offer a step-by-step strategy that will teach you to become your own best coach, enabling you to overcome feeling powerless and victimized by life.