The Night Hags

Welcome to the first annual Haggy Awards! In today’s show, we look back at the last year of movies we’ve watched for The Night Hags and we’ve got fifteen categories and a ton of positive female reinforcement! Who are the winners? You’ll have to listen to find out! Best Beach Kill:Zombie 2 - Shark and Zombie FightThe Fog - Fisherman Kills Stupidest Way to Die:Nightmare Beach - Electrocuted Spring Breaker on a MotorcycleScare Me - Falling Down the Stairs and Getting Stabbed Best Portal to Hell:The Sentinel - An Attic Apartment in BrooklynThe Beyond - Dry Crusty Dick Hell Best Sequel/Reboot:It: Chapter OneFright Night Most Brutal Kill Scene:Evil Dead 2013 - The Bathroom SceneHereditary - Piano String Self BeheadingTerrified - The Bathtub Scene Worst Boyfriend/Romantic Partner:Gerald’s Game - Gerald (CATEGORY SWEEP!) Coolest Monster:Shin Godzilla by Takayuki Takeya and Mahiro MaedaThe Thing - Rob Bottin & Stan Winston’s The Kennel Crab Dog Alien Best Transformation:The Exorcist - Regan MacNeilMalignant - Maddison Mitchell Into Gabriel Best Space Kill:Sputnik - Alien in the Throat KillJason X - Frozen Head Smash Kill Best Murderous Rednecks:Misery - Annie WilkesCabin in the Woods - Zombie Rednecks Best Halloween 3 Tie-In:Halloween KillsMy Bloody Valentine / My Bloody Valentine 3D - Thomas Berman and Tom Atkins Best Gratuitous Boobs:Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker - Aunt CherylSlumber Party Massacre - Luscious Boobs Before the Title Credits are Over Most Fucked Up Film:Violation (CATEGORY SWEEP!) The Worst of Year One:2013 MalignantLeprechaun 2 The Best of Year One:The ThingScream

This week we watched Halloween Kills and Rob Zombie’s Halloween. We also talk about Michelle’s Halloween costume (with a reveal!), the many Halloween timelines, objectification of women in Rob Zombie’s movies, his portrayal of villains, Michelle’s feelings about his upcoming Munsters movie, Harvey Weinstein’s connection to the Rob Zombie movie, and more Rob Zombie’s Halloween in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: How about hard fucking passMeg: Pretty brutal, terrible acting Halloween Kills in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Great homage to the franchiseMichelle: Halloween: The Purge edition

This week we watched The Beyond (1981) and The Night House (2021). We also talked about adulting, New York Comic Con, Korean dramas and Squid Game, the history of The Beyond released as The Seven Doors of Death in 1983, Night Flight, Onondaga Lake and swimming in lakes, gaslighting ghosts, soup szn, and more. The Beyond in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Watch out for Muppet spidersMichelle: Head holes help plot holes  The Night House in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Terrifying PS I love youMichelle: Super spooky ghosty maze

This week on the double feature we watched Pumpkinhead (1988) and Trick or Treat (2007). We also talk about becoming health goths, making coffee, Mike the Night Hog aka Big Beans makes a cameo, the first trip to a Spirit Halloween of the season, finding a band on Craigslist, Dick Warlock, where Trick or Treat falls on Michelle’s Werewolf Scale (7 out of 10), haunted houses, the future of Trick or Treat sequels, and more. Pumpkinhead in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Haggis the Witch as goalsMeg: The O.G. Night Hag Trick or Treat in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Rhonda is me at partiesMeg: Cute murderous pumpkin face

This week's double feature is Cabin in the Woods and 2013's Evil Dead with this week's theme being The Woods! Also: Michelle gets a surprise, Fran Kranz’s Mass (2021), the realities of coffee cup bongs, our favorite baddies in the basement, our favorite deaths in Cabin in the Woods, a combined love of Bruce Campbell, the reverse Weird Al, and more. Cabin in the woods in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Always trust the stonerMeg: The stoner sees all Evil Dead 2013 in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: How to do a remakeMeg: Reverse Weird Al Evil Dead

This week we watched 2021's Malignant and 2013's Malignant. Michelle tested positive for Covid-19 after vaccination and explains what a breakthrough case feels like, the symptoms, discovering the diagnosis, what it’s like to live with a partner who didn’t test positive in a one-bedroom apartment, this episode has possibly the best movie we’ve seen this year and maybe the worst movie we’ve seen ever, our desire for a James Wan cinematic universe, and more. Malignant 2021 in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: A+ batshittery a la ArgentoMeg: Best of 2021 nominee Malignant 2013 in Five Words (of Less):Michelle: A waste of Brad DourifMeg: Don’t waste your time

This week we watched Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995) and Candyman (2021). Spoiler warning: You do not (and probably should not) have to watch Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh. We also talk about going on a bender as an actual adult, a boat with hot tubs on it, Midnight Meat Train, The OC and Dawson’s Creek, how we almost had a Candyman vs Leprechaun movie, why you should never take the elevator in a library, Bob Ross: Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed, and more. https://www.instagram.com/p/CTAruQUh3t9/ Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Break mirror, break franchiseMichelle: Absolutely unwatchable Candyman in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Canon while simultaneously dismantling itMeg: A worthy sequel for Tony

Animal interruptions with spooky chats, Meg’s pink pink pink office, AC/DC’s lyrics, cocaine, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape is a bummer, changing swear words on cable TV, Does the Dog Die?, construction equipment/trucks, being a white dude in the 80s was dope, Dr. Sleep, a mid-show attack from Beans, where to see celebrities in NYC (or miss seeing celebrities), degloving, men’s misunderstanding of women’s trauma, “the dumpiest sex scenes I’ve ever seen,” and more. Maximum Overdrive in Five Words (or Less):Meg: AC/DC apocalypse cuffing season.Michelle: Cocaine. Gerald’s Game in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Get past beginning for moonfaceMichelle: Moonlight man is nightmare stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgIgYhaqKeo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twbGU2CqqQU

This week we watched Hell House LLC (2015) and The Innkeepers (2011). We also talk about the difference between four and five skulls on Shudder, Hell House 2 and 3, visiting bad haunted houses, a Hell House spinoff we’d want to see, haunted hayrides, Halloween in January, dudes who hate their friends, Gail Weathers, and more Hell House LLC is Five Words (or Less):Meg: Great editing, cast, and scaresMichelle: Creepy clown for the win The Innkeepers in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Bloody old man in bathtubMeg: Always bring your inhaler

This week we watched Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) and Jason X (2001). Michelle’s drinking spiked seltzer, aka murder juice, The Muppets take Manhattan, are Friday the 13th scary?, NYC in the 80s and 90s, sailing to Manhattan from Camp Crystal Lake, third rail stories, connections between Jason Takes Manhattan and Jurassic Park, the prospects of Jason vs NASCAR, and more Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Inconsistencies aside, good bad movieMeg: Boxing Jason for the win Jason X in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Launch all copies into spaceMeg: Would make great drinking game

This week we watched the Fear Street trilogy and talked about shrimp cocktail and wedding food, Colon and Color Guard, book stores in the mall, Maya Hawke, Eureka’s Castle, the series’ connection to Stranger Things, watching sex scenes with parents, the importance of blacklight in the 90s, AIM screen names, town “rivalries,” camp color war, and more. Fear Street: 1994 in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: NIN at the mallMeg: New age Scream vibes Fear Street: 1978 in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Never touch the pulsating blobMeg: Angsty Friday 13th for teens Fear Street: 1666 in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Books will save us vestMeg: Two women persecuted over boner

This week we watched Werewolves Within (2021) and Howl (2015). Werewolves are Michelles favorite movie monster! We also talk about video games, the difficulty of getting werewolves right and Michelle’s difficulty of picking a second movie for this episode, Peter Steele, the Long Island Rail Road, horror movies on a train, the Angry Birds movies, where Werewolves Within falls on Michelle’s werewolf scale, Taco Bell, and more! Howl in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Deserves spot in werewolf canonMeg: The Peter Steele werewolf movie Werewolves Within in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Redneck Clue with werewolves Meg: Great job straddling comedy/horror

This week we watched two movies that we don’t think have a theme? This week’s movies are Terrified (2017) and False Positive (2021). We also talk about Wondershowzen, Dream Phone, Legally Blonde, Dig Inn, how wigs work, and more. False Positive in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Being pregnant seems awfulMichelle: Looks great but missing something False Positive in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Being pregnant seems awfulMichelle: Looks great but missing something

This week we watched The Conjuring (2013) and The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) and also talk everyone having a podcast, trying to say the word “brewery,”  Michelle’s hatred of ears, Paranormal Witness, thoughts on multiple realities, the rules for hexing, water beds, and more The Conjuring in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Stop taking people’s goddamn landMeg: Fuck those fucking hands The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It in Five Words (or Less)Michelle: Just watch the morgue sceneMeg: Enough with Satanic Panic already

This week we watched Saw (2004) and Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021). We also talk about Meg moving to the woods, Michelle went on vacations, Scream on Ice, having five friends, why not to go to college, what to watch on a plane, escape rooms, cherry, and more. https://twitter.com/stridinstrider/status/1411354435138244608 Saw in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Always try the tank firstMeg: Lots of gory vibrato Spiral in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Way better than I anticipatedMeg: Great job say more

This week we got some requests from Honorary Hag Taylor. This week's movies are The Hunger (1983), a mayo-based cold salad from the director of Top Gun and the cinematographer of Lethal Weapon, and Near Dark (1987). We also talk about what we would do if we met David Bowie (today), Bela Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKRJfIPiJGY), how Ryan Murphy ripped off The Hunger for American Horror Story: Hotel, Joshua John Miller and Near Dark’s connection to Halloween 3 and Halloween 3’s glue for the horror genre, entirely metal playgrounds, and more The Hunger in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Coolest movie intro everMeg: New wave vamp fever dream Near Dark in Five Words (or Less):Michelle: Peak unhinged Bill PaxtonMeg: Vagrant racist vamps seeking validation

TW: This episode discusses rape and sexual abuse in the context of this week's movies. This week we watched The Power (2021) and Violation (2020), two new movies directed by women. We also talk about anti affirmations, Michelle almost is convinced to go camping, family dynamics, performance anxiety, syrup of ipecac, Fleabag, bodybuilders who don’t know how many days there are in the week, fear of the dark, and more Violation in Five Words (or Less):Meg: All of my nightmaresMichelle: Fleabag with brutal murder The Power in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Five star floor risingMichelle: Good creepy bits, slightly uneven

This week we watched movies with monsters! The Ritual is one of Michelle’s top eight movies of the decade. This week we talk about Shin Godzilla (2016) and The Ritual (2017), Michelle’s karaoke partystarter, anime, Godzilla vs Kong, why being in the woods is terrifying, thoughts on the Hellraiser franchise, playing Oregon Trail as an adult, Meg’s dreams, the Zoom murder, and more. Shin Godzilla in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Dope radioactive monster mashMichelle: Tummy sliding Godzilla is badass The Ritual in Five Words (or Less): Meg: stick human nightmaresMichelle: more proof against camping

This week in celebration(?) of Mother's Day we watched Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1981), which you'll also find under the name of Night Warning (1983) and Prevenge (2016). In addition, we talk about forgetting the words to Rub A Dub Dub, show love for Susan Tyrrell, show love for Alice Lowe, the origins of a Michelle Halloween costume no one understood, Killing Eve, Ghosts and Truth Seekers on Amazon Prime, how pregnant women can do anything, Michelle refuses to pre-confess to a crime, Meg’s win/loss record of girl fights, Paddington, and end on a prayer (seriously). Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Horny pedo Mrs. VorheesMichelle: Watch for Sheryl’s epic meltdowns Prevenge in Five Words (or Less):Meg: This can easily happenMichelle: Pregnant woman as predator

Today's show features a request from Blake Collier from Twitter! This week's movies are Possum (2018) and Magic (1978). We also talk about Meg’s hair kryptonite, Scooter’s dental surgery, UK public information films, Michelle’s nicknames, the worst haircut a man can have, the Brothers Quay, Anthony Hopkins on Instagram, puppets, vs Muppets, creepy hot men, and more. Possum in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Sad incel porn.Michelle: Pervy snoozefest with creepy puppet Magic in Five Words (or Less):Meg: Anthony Hopkins PG-13 sex sceneMichelle: Ann Margaret is so charming