Melrose Place Cast

Imagine, if you will, what life would have looked like on Melrose Place if they couldn't land Heather Locklear as a permanent cast member, but still needed to do some stunt casting. What if they brought in: Monica Lewinski, looking to escape her scandal-prone life in DC, and Bozo The Clown, with a dark, and mysterious secret... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

We're heading for the series finale, and thanks to IMDB's summary of this episode, I am spoiled by one of the main storylines - specifically what Anna is doing here.  No worries though, I won't ruin it for the podcast description, which I assume is read by only a small percentage of people who listen to this. But, Julie's actual sister-friend, Anna (obnoxiously referred to as a step-sister over and over) shows up to get in good with Julie but she is rebuffed by phone, by the hot tub, and in the office.  She is just about to give up when Craig talks Julie into a little bit of forgiveness. Adam and Grayson are doing a baby exchange, when baby falls off of a wagon and cuts his head.  At that moment, Grayson solemnly swears that they must never use Daniel (this baby's name) as a weapon against each other.  Whatever, by the end of the episode, when Adam won't mack up on Grayson, she says that if he leaves, he'll never see Daniel again - either they're one big happy family, or it's his son without a father. Meanwhile, Grayson announces to the camera that Hookers, Inc. has a nice ring to it, and the first girl she's calling in to service is Carrie, who is hard on her luck because she is SO OLD (25?) and didn't save money from when she was young and hot.  Lessons learned.  Next up will most certainly be Sarah, as Grayson has Ben keeping an eye on her, and by "eye" we mean "drugs" and "on" we mean "in" but don't worry, by "her" we meant "her." All this and more as Models, Inc. revs up to shut down ... unless season two is picked up by Netflix sometime soon! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

I think we all know who stole the show this week: Madge and Mabel! If you're rewatching along with us, you will no doubt agree that the characters of the week are the cantankerous old bags who think Billy has guts giving them a kick butt campaign. What else happened? Alycia and Peter are scheming to bring down Bobby. It seems clear to us that Peter is working Alycia with the lie about his father, but the writers haven't made it clear. Is it possible that they just wrote that into the script? Amanda continues to play naive here. Ghost Brooke is gone, and we must protest. Jo, Jane, Jake, Richard, who cares? But the special joy that is Sydney - she really is that good. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

The reboot hasn't happened ... YET. Instead, we ask our robot to help us imagine a scenario where the characters of Melrose Place are now running a small college. Scandal. Tomfoolery. Betrayal. Kimberly's ghost. I'd enroll. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Well, the time has come for us to say goodbye to our first title-screened character since Rhonda walked out of Melrose Place and into her suburban catering empire. Brooke, we hardly knew ye. Your scheming face, your every-day-gal persona, and your blackmail skills have left a lasting mark on the Melrose Place universe. You'll actually be missed. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Julie is growing and maturing as a person, as evidenced by setting up her boyfriend with a date. Sarah decides to have an abortion, but then avoids a car accident, apparently losing the baby. Cynthia is hospitalized, and has a heart to heart moment with Sarah and she decides she wants to live. As always, the real story is with Grayson, Adam, and Monique.  This is all about paternity, and who is the father.  Surprise, it's Adam. This show is getting so good and we're bummed that we know it's going to end soon. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Well, Mary continues to be offended by the offensive and offending episode titles - this one about Brooke playing the role of satan in a dripping dress from her accidental drowning. We get into it this week - more fan mail, this time involving a purple urn, ala Paul Bearer in 1996. We also discuss Matt, Allen, and the alleged lesbian involved in their relationship. We discuss Amanda and Bobby, but only out of contractual necessity. But Peter and Alycia are at least interesting in this whole mess. What else? I don't remember - but you will once you watch this great episode with us! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

What a sad loss of potential it was for all of the Models, Inc. characters to be sent away when Hillary closed the business. Imagine, if you will, a scenario where David comes to LA, not knowing Amanda is his sister, and then... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

This is the end, it appears, for Brooke. Everything important to her has been taken - her marriage, her feud with Alison, her job, her Daddy, her fiance, her baby, her house, it's all gone, gone gone. She falls, hits her head on the pool, and floats in the water. So....? Meanwhile, Jake manifests a garage, allowing us to have perhaps the best zinger of the series, "I'm sorry, did I park in the middle of your company?" Bobby and Amanda ... dear god make it stop. They continue continuing to continue the storyline, but we really just don't get the point. Kimberly finds her way back into Michael's arms through the same way she left: an explosive car crash. Is that too soon? Matt's love triangle storyline is picking up steam, and we are here for it. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Laugh all you want, but this show is getting better and better.  If they had a little more time, this would have had a run as long as Melrose Place. Cynthia's bulimia continues to worsen, causing her boyfriend to yell at her about her sexual assault in a public place and then break up with her at work as she is feeling lightheaded.  So his male feminist card is gone. Julie buys the movie rights to Skin Deep for "a buck and a blow job" (that's our term, not the term on the show) - and she meets a writer who turns out to have missed her long lost love when they were supposed to get married because he never showed up to gate 201, flight 11.  Of course, we aren't dumb so we know where this is going - Craig turns out to have missed HIS long lost love when they were supposed to get married because she never showed up to flight 21, gate 1.  Oh, voice to text in the early 90s caused so much trouble. Sarah, who coined the phrase, "at least you didn't sleep with a priest!" is now pregnant by said priest who is a good guy, as evidenced by the fact that he is white, but plays basketball at night with black kids.  #tiredtrope  Anyway, Sarah can't decide what to do about this darn baby, especially since her career is about to take off and she feels like Cindy Crawford.  Except, with a baby. The story continues with Grayson, who promises she has something on Adam that will make sure he can never be rid of her.  Hijinx ensue as they track each other down, but it turns out that when Grayson left because of drugs, she actually had a BABY - Adam's baby!  Dun dun dun. Who didn't see that coming? Mary, of course. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Apparently, this was a play on the phrase "booby trap" - and it took Mary's English degree to figure it out. Bobby and Amanda are in mortal danger, although the end is not in doubt. Sydney is eating the most godawful bagel situation you could imagine. Even Michael is grossed out. Michael drugs Kimberly, and then is shocked that she doesn't want to get back together. Jane is recovering nicely, and drags Jake's dirty ass boots into the pool. Yuck. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

After the bombing, Michael would have had every right to be turned away from women. After the false murder accusation and arrest, Matt would have had every right to be turned away from men. But look, fellas still have needs.... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

What's more offensive to the universe - Melrose Place's lack of a second comma in the title, or the fact that Jane's storyline is, and I hate to say this, interesting? Jane is mixed up with Sydney and Michael, plus a bit of Jo and Richard thanks to her paralysis. Sydney tries to shove her off into a nursing home, only to send her out into the ocean instead. Jake saves her. Speaking of Jake and saved, Bobby Parezzi appears to have cleared Jake's debt with the goon, making Bobby a boss goon, making Amanda Woodward First Lady Goon. Of course, because Bobby and Amanda are together again. Leaving Peter to scheme his way back into Amanda's heart, presumably by seducing Bobby's lawyer, who freed Matt from a murder charge. Speaking of Matt, he is showing early signs of needing a little boost to make it through his studies while still going to wild canyon parties with Alan instead of Alison. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Wow, the Melrose Place writers were not concerned about sensitivity with their episode titles this season. I wonder if we are eventually going to learn that Darren Starr was the one who prevented things like this for the first three seasons? We begin with Brooke's lifeless body being hauled out of her apartment, blood all over Billy, only for Peter to meaninglessly come down and say, "I'm a doctor. What's her status?" Why? Go back to Amanda's apartment! Later, while cleaning up the blood from his wife's suicide attempt, Alison comes by to confess her love to Billy. Awkward. Matt and Alan have a tiff over secrets and withheld truths. Alan had a sugar daddy and Matt was arrested for first degree murder, so, you know, things even out? Amanda and Peter and Bobby continue for no good reason. Peter is standing up to Bobby in impressive ways, which makes Amanda so hot she sleeps with Bobby. Also, Sydney and Kimberly are conspiring to frame Richard for drugging Jane. Now Jo is in on it, and Sydney is essentially going to the police and telling them where she planted the tranquilizers. Awww, these scamps on Melrose Place. So much mischief! Oh, and Jake is told to be a goon but he can't bring himself to do it. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Just a quick little interlude into your regularly scheduled program to share our deliberations on naps. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Either Teege's standards are dropping, or this show is heating up just as it was about to get canceled.  You listen in and decide. Monique is planning to scale back her wedding since Adam spent $5,000,000.00 on his divorce from Grayson to get her out of their lives for good.  (Spoiler alert: it didn't work!)  Grayson is now a co-owner of Models, Inc. and is sending Monique on junk shoots.  Nude modeling, mud baths, etc.  Fun times. Eric is getting out of prostitution. Cynthia is getting into bulimia. Sarah goes to see her ex-boyfriend, Mark the Priest, as he delivers his first mass.  Of course, she ends the episode finding out she's pregnant. Julie and Craig are seesawing back and forth, including Julie going on a date with a football player who is not the one who made Alison cheat on Billy.  Although he probably could have if he wanted. Hillary and Grayson continue to have tension, and Grayson is UP TO SOMETHING.  She mysteriously tells Adam that she has something on him, saying, "You'll never guess what it is but believe me when I play my hand you'll never get rid of me.   Adam can't imagine what this could be. Y'all, go find you a copy of Models, Inc., and stick with it, because it's good! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

What a wildly inappropriate title. Jane is paralyzed from the drug-induced stroke thanks to Sydney. Kimberly gets Sydney to act as Jane's caregiver, meaning Jane, Sydney, and Michael are all living together in the Beach House like one happy family in an open relationship. Matt has a live in boyfriend now, so that's an escalation. Amanda and Peter continue the inevitable march towards a love triangle with Bobby Parezi, this time using Alison as a fourth wheel, ignoring the fact that she is very recently widowed. Billy, meanwhile, finds out that Brooke wasn't ever pregnant, and announces loudly that he's leaving her, for good. Oh okay we'll see. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

At long last, Mary is rescued from the basement and promises that today, on this good day, we will finally hear what happened to Puddle. Also, we find out who has been talking about us online. It's a Christmas Miracle! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

In what was clearly a mid-season finale, Melrose Place amped up the drama! Sydney accidentally kills (?) Jane, with tranqs prescribed by Kimberly. Michael goes to a room full of doctors and demands that someone call 911 to ... get ... a ... doctor. Peter and Amanda continue to warm to each other. Jo has a change of heart about kicking Jane out of the business, but afterwards, Jane finds the paperwork so now she's super mad. Brooke finds out the pregnancy was a fraud, just as we thought. But Billy is now totally into the idea of the baby and Brooke. So much so, that he pretended to have an affair with Alison. I promise, it made sense in context. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message

Well, we are dealing with disordered eating in the most offensive way possible.  In fact, the boyfriend who recognized the problem had the audacity to say, "you've never looked better."  So that's not great. There is some incredibly blocking - with three models, each in the same pose, on the same chair, on the same patio, reading the same book, lean forward in their chair in the same outrage at something that has been written about them.  "DRUNK?!?"  "CRAZED?!?"  "PORNO STAR?!?"  Yelled one at a time ... all correct.  Anyway, Sarah goes on the air and drags Julie, telling the nation that Julie has traded sex for jobs a bunch of times, and made sure everyone knew her full name. So Julie turns Sarah's hair green, and in retaliation, Sarah brings Craig back just for Julie to sleep with him and then get in another fight. Monique and Adam face a $5,000,000.00 question - should Adam sleep with Grayson in exchange for her giving up her share of the clubs and leaving forever?  Eventually, they agree to do it, but Adam isn't happy and threatens to rape Grayson, so she kicks him out and accepts the financial buy out instead. Hillary is going to lose the agency, the bank is calling the loan.  To take her mind off things, she's hooked up with her friend's male prostitute, who turns out to be Eric.  Awkward. Anyway, Hillary is bailed out by a mysterious investor, who turns out to be..... Grayson. #drama --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melroseplacecast/message