Sort of Brilliant

Lover - 8:29 folklore - 1:00:50 evermore - 2:00:00 We're in a post-TTPD world, but we sorted all of these albums pre-TTPD. Guess what, our feelings have not changed! TAKE THAT AS YOU WILL. Anyway, here we talk about two of the most lyrically beautiful albums Taylor has ever written, plus Lover! Can you believe the pandemic actually gave us the gift that is folklore? Neither can we, but it's a gift that we deserve so we'll take it.

Red (TV): 6:00 1989: 1:17:20 Reputation: 2:16:30 We did something bad...and took 3 hours to sort what may be the best 3 albums of Taylor's discography (excluding Folklore, but she's playing the game on a different level ok). This week we're looking at Red (Taylor's Version), 1989 and Reputation, taking Taylor through her 20s. There's really nothing else to say, listen to the episode, it's one of our best.

LAUREN TURNED 30 THIS WEEK! And for her 30th birthday, we're going to explore the very roots of our homoerotic society. That's right kids, while Destiel was a mere fledgling ship and at less than 100 fics on LiveJournal, Merther was out here DOING THE DAMN THING in season 1. And don't come at us being all "oh, this must be another Hufflepuff/Gryffindor ship!" IT'S NOT. It is something we have never seen before and will probably never see again, that's how goddamn rare it is. If we do see it again, I doubt we'll see it done this well, or well at all. Anyway, come join us in Camelot, on the shores of Lake Avalon, where magic is outlawed, there is only one once and future king, a sword in a stone, dragon, and the greatest sorcerer in history. Try not to cry like we did.

Debut - 19:30 Fearless (TV) - 45:17 Speak Now (TV) - 1:25:47 IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING. How many times do we talk about Taylor Swift on this podcast? Almost as much as we talk about Supernatural. More so lately now that she's President of the World. So here's the deal: we already sort all her songs in our free time, we figured, why not record for everyone? In the name of science. So that's what we did, and we're starting with the three OG albums, Taylor Swift (better known as Debut; it's ok Taylor, you were young), Fearless (TV) and Speak Now (TV). We'll sort every single song on every single album, and then, using Taylor math, we'll sort the album. Are you excited???? You fucking better be, purely to know what house your favorite song was sorted into.

It's time for more Marvel!! Bet you missed it, we know Rachel did. This week Hannah joins us because why not, and we sort everyone from the new show Echo, which was amazing and CRIMINALLY UNDER-ADVERTISED. Like John Oliver, we're doing everything we can to get the Mouse to sue us, so fuck you Disney. Anyway, this isn't about them. This is about Maya, who is amazing. And Biscuits, who is also amazing. Jury is kind of out on everyone else depending on who you are (we're looking at Rachel again) but at least we can all agree that Fisk sucks. So hope on by and join us for the review and analysis of this street level anti- (but not really) hero, and just. Watch the show. It's so good.

Hi. Hi. Omg. we've finally posted an episode on a Tuesday in 2024 (I mean...they've all been posted on Tuesday...). ANYWAY. Happy Valentine's Day! To celebrate all of you in love, we're sorting Heartstopper, a cute wholesome little show about teenagers in love that was straight gooey fluff. We're sorting the whole gang (that's Nick, Charlie, Elle, Tao and Isaac for those of you who haven't kept up) and mostly this whole episode is as wholesome as the show itself. Mostly. Apologies to comics Tao, we hear we may have liked you better. BUT that didn't stop us from discussing these kids' dramas and relationships just in time for a commercialized holiday all about buying people you like chocolate. Did you know Valentine was a Saint that chased all of the snakes out of Ireland? And now we celebrate him with heart-shaped chalk discussed as candy. BE MINE and all that. This has gotten way off topic. We really enjoyed Heartstopper, thanks to all the Destiel girlies who turned us onto it.

OPA! We are 3/3 on getting the podcast out on Wednesday for 2024, and soon we're gonna gaslight you into thinking that was the release date all along. Now let me tell you how the word "gaslight" is Greek. Anyway. This week we're sorting all your favs from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which of course includes Toula, Ian, Gus, Maria and Voula. Plus a little Paris and all of the other cousins, because it's a big family and why not. This episode you'll hear a lot about Rachel's childhood cultural trauma (which are somehow at the same time her most treasured memories, go figure) and use jumping around from character to character like it's a Greek circus. Put some Windex on it and enjoy.

GENOVIA. THE LAND I CALL MY HOME. We're in Genovia this week! And we're sorting pretty much everyone worth sorting, which of course includes her majesty Mia Minuette Thermapolis Rinaldi, QUEEN of Genovia. We're following her from San Fran all the way to that little country tucked between France and Spain as we continue with our best of the early 2000s movies. With so many characters we basically cover the whole sorting spectrum, and that still doesn't save us from having an incredibly common romantic couple (Hollywood loves these houses together and on a related note I love you Nicholas Devereaux). Anyway. We also talk about Lily. And obviously Queen Clarisse. And Joe, the best character of all with the best line of all. Anyway. Give us Princess Diaries 3 you cowards.

Boo, you whores. It's time to sort the mean girls! We've got a round up of Plastics and a girl from Africa (don't ask her why she's white) to sort this week, because, well, we just hit 2024, but to use it still feels like 2004. Plus, the musical Gen Z version of this movie comes out soon, and we're riding the coattails of this Renaissance like you wouldn't believe. So come join us in sorting, because we're not like regular podcasts, we're a cool podcast, and we know you're obsessed with us, and we've got four for you Glenn Coco, and even some crack....how many references can I throw into one podcast summary? I don't know, but she doesn't even go here. Just join us, we promise it'll be fun.

You read that right. We're only sorting one person this episode. And yes it is over an hour. We're extremely talented and neither one of us ever shuts up. Anyway, his brain is full of spiders and he's got garlic in his soul...it's the Grinch. Rachel finally had her way, and this year for Christmas, we bring you our first knock down drag out sorting fight since Jack Kline all the way back in episode 2. We've been holding it in this long and now we're ready to unleash onto the world. Was it worth it Rachel? Was it worth rigging all those polls and watching them continue to lose year after year? Now we have this. Merry Christmas, and remember, if a furry green man wearing a read coat tells you there's a light on your tree that just won't light on one side, don't let him take it.

We're back on the high seas with all of the (gay) pirates, who have now been traumatized thanks to Blackbeard and Stede. But at least they're back together again. Good for them! Anyway, we're not talking about them this time, they had their moment and they're not any less insane. This time around we're talking about Izzy, Jim and Buttons. Izzy is traumatized, Jim is traumatized, Buttons is...a bird. This is a great show and we love talking about it. And guess what! We were joined by Meg and Carla from Bed, Wed and Behead Pod. Way to bury the lede. Like a pirate.

The superheroes are baaaaaack (did they ever really go anywhere) but this time they are WOMEN. This, in the year of Barbie, Taylor Allison Swift and USWNT, is also the year of THE MARVELS. And we're celebrating by sorting Carol Danvers, Monica Rambeau and Kamala Khan, also known as Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel and a cool ass superhero name YET TO BE DETERMINED. Possibly by the X-Men. These are movie spoilers, but if you're here to listen to the episode you sure as hell have better watched the movie, because this episode is a walking ad. It's a GREAT movie.

Have you heard about the plan? Of course you have, we've all heard about the plan. It's ineffable. It's everything. Just no one knows what the plan is. What we DO know is that there are two characters who don't exactly follow the plan, but don't...not follow it either? They may be the plan if we're being honest. And they're definitely in love. Aziraphale and Crowley and two VERY different characters, which makes them fun to sort, especially when we're only comparing the two, because no other characters really matter if we're being honest. Anyway. This house pairing is a weird one! But what would you expect from an angel and a demon.

Travel with us to Mystic Falls, Virginia (a fake town, not even in Virginia) to sort literally every vampire in the USA. Because they're all there. Even the Original ones, who are only like a thousand years old. But we're not talking about them in this episode. We're talking about the love triangle, the two brothers and the doppelgänger, the threesome that never came to be even though it totally should have - Damon, Stefan and Elena. Don't tell me the CW would never do incest, have you ever seen anything on the CW. Anyway. Elena should have totally had them both, and Stefan and Damon have a weird enough relationship that it probably would have worked out. This summary is now all about incest? Go listen to us sort.

I WANNA DO BAD THINGS WITH YOU. Did we take you back to the best intro of a TV show ever made? You're welcome. It's officially spooky season and we're ready to be fang bangers (we never stopped) with all the vampires we'll be covering in this episode. Beehl, Sookeh and Eric (PERFECT SPECIMEN) are who we're covering this week as the love triangle that consumed us all after we finished reading Twilight and realized we could have the same story, but better, and with sex. Anyway. Shoot back some V, don't invite anyone into your house, and get ready to sort with us.

WEEOO WEEOO WEEOO. The ambulance noises are for 911, and also because Hailee and Illy are back! They continue their not-so-secret manipulation to get us to watch this entire show out of order by making us sort everyone in existence. This week is Chim, Maddie and Josh! You may be expecting Hailee to fold on her sorting choices again, but this time she doesn't (she says). We had a lot of fun and can't wait to pick up this show again in a year.

Who's the man? SHE'S THE MAN. Remember in the 90s and early 2000s when every teen movie shot into cinemas was actually Billy Shakespeare in disguise. I do. Bring those days back so we can have more batshit insane crazy plots like this. No one does mushrooms like Billy did anymore. Anyway. Rachel demanded a back-to-school movie, so here we are, celebrating back to school with cross-dressing, multiple love triangles, some even 2-person love triangles (TRIED AND TRUE TROPE) and soccer. Enjoy kids.

SUBLIME!

After 3 years, Rachel has finally done it. She's finally managed to leverage the power of her birthday to get Lauren to watch all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even better, Lauren enjoyed herself. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RACHEL INDEED. As the episode title suggests, Rachel refused to pick characters, so instead of getting multiple episodes out of her favorite show, she chose to sort everyone under the sun (and not. Because of the vampires. Get it?). As you can imagine, this episode is well into two hours long. But never fear, we are extremely funny people. So grab your stakes and hope on the bus, we're heading to Sunnydale, the Hellmouth, a fact everyone there knows upon voluntarily choosing to live there. Shit's about to get weird!

Guess who the Reylo fan is. No really guess. Is it one of us. Is it neither of us. We really cannot tell. We can tell you that the sequels are sorely lacking in any Obi-Wan Kenobi or Anakin Skywalker. REY KENOBI TRUTHERS 4 LYFE (truthers because it is true, welcome to the initiation of your gaslighting). The sequels also needed Han and Luke and Leia together just ONCE, like AT ALL, but I DIGRESS. Let's all face it, because we have to: these movies had amazing potential. But they sucked. Don't ask us what the plot was. The only thing good about them (besides The Force Awakens, we started so strong, we could have had it ALLLLLLL) was the characters, and luckily that's what we talk about! So this week, we are sorting Rey, Kylo Ren, Finn and Poe 3 out of the 4 of whom are really great fantastic people and 1 who is so fucking unintentionally funny wow it's actually a good thing he died though because there was no coming back for him. SO. Join us and see where we sort them. Does Kylo live up to grandaddy Vader and prove himself to be the heir of Slytherin house? Spoiler alert: nope! It's so much funnier than that!!