Rewilding Love

Between the two of them, transformative coaches Angus and Rohini Ross have worked with hundreds of couples. They created the Rewilding Love podcast because they believe there is too much suffering in relationships. Too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity.In each season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus will help a couple face different kinds of relationship issues: from divorce papers on the table to rediscovering trust and intimacy to reigniting the spark. Angus and Rohini guide couples to find their own well-being so they can rediscover the natural state of love in their relationships. Listening to the podcast allows you to reflect and see a different way of being in relationship with others and with yourself. Their relationship work is inspired by rewilding, an approach to nature conservation grounded in allowing natural processes to restore balance and harmony. They invite you to join in the rewilding back to your natural state. Season 1 is a raw, intimate exploration with a real couple whose marriage is on the brink of divorce. Sit back, relax, and listen in, as Rohini and Angus share their fresh perspective and guide Alicia and Mateo away from the hurtful behaviors of reactivity, blame, and righteousness back to their own peace of mind so they have the opportunity to rewild the love in their relationship independent of whether or not they stay together.Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

Meet Alicia and Mateo, the couple in crisis who we’ll be following for the first season. Alicia was devastated when Mateo presented her with divorce papers. She wondered how they got to this point. Seven years ago, they were saying “I love you” on their first date. Mateo thought marriage would fix all of their problems, but now he feels like he’s made the biggest mistake of his life. Can Rohini and Angus help them rewild the love that is underneath the hurt and anger? And even if they do, will they stay together?A lesson emerges that all couples can benefit from, we are not responsible for our partner’s experience. Embodying levity and depth, Angus and Rohini begin the journey of pointing to the innate love, harmony, and well-being that is already present in all people and all relationships. This episode explores:How Alicia and Mateo met.The impact of mood on state of mind and how what we see through the lens of a low mood can’t be trusted.Flipping the paradigm: we are not responsible for our partner’s experience, and there’s immense freedom in seeing that.Angus and Rohini’s inspiration for the podcast.What it means to “rewild relationships.”How Mateo uses the threat of divorce to try and effect change, but he feels ambivalent about going through with it, leaving room for hope and possibility.The perils of falling into a victim mindset in relationships.Feeling unappreciated is a common theme couples experience.Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. These 100% organic soundscapes are designed to tune, invigorate, calm, balance, nourish, activate, and clarify one’s mind, body, and soul. RhythmPharm helps one to Listen Differently. Ep. 1 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Yellow/Clarity; Green/Growth Show Notes:Last chance saloon: Phrase comes from a saloon in Caldwell City, Kansas built-in 1869. It was called that because it was the last place to buy a legal alcoholic drink before passing into "Indian country" where the possession and sale of alcohol were forbidden. Hunky Dory: The least exotic theory of all, but almost certainly the true clue, traces hunky-dory" to the archaic American slang word "hunk," meaning "safe," from the Dutch word "honk," meaning "goal," or "home" in a game. To achieve "hunk" or "hunky" in a child's game was to make it "home" and win the game. Hunky Dory is also the fourth studio album by English singer-songwriter David Bowie, released December 17, 1971, by RCA Records.Rewilding Video:  How Wolves Change RiversFeedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

The blame game is in full effect as Alicia and Mateo each have their very separate realities and see the other party as wrong. Mateo blames Alicia’s temper for his habit of shutting down, and Alicia blows up when she feels like she’s the only responsible one in the relationship or the only one who cares. Their lack of empathy and understanding about the other person's point of view results in their polarization. This wedge between them helps them stay convinced that the other’s behavior is the cause of their suffering -- can Rohini and Angus help them find understanding?From narrow and self-focused perspectives, Alicia and Mateo justify their actions. From this state of mind, their thinking is distorted and they can’t see the whole picture. As they move toward more open-minded and open-hearted feelings, they gain the opportunity to see each other differently.  Once they arrive in this space of greater trust, they access a more well-rounded perspective. The quality of their relationship actually reflects the quality of their individual states of mind.This episode explores:The current status of Alicia and Mateo’s relationship.How Alicia and Mateo tell the tale of two different relationships.How a desire to protect optics in the face of friends and family can get in the way of being honest about what they are going through.How challenging it is for the relationship when both people feel discouraged.The importance of each person in the relationship having their own insight and transformation.The important role that the individual state of mind plays in order to open up to new possibilities.Initial sessions with Alicia and Mateo to begin hearing both sides.How common it is, and how detrimental it is, to keep a laundry list of woes.How many couples play the blame game.The challenges associated with volatility in relationships.How painful a lack of understanding can be.The negative impact of judgment in relationships.Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.Ep. 2 includes selections from Violet/Balance and Blue/CalmShow Notes: Agent provocateur: one employed to associate with suspected persons and by pretending sympathy with their aims to incite them to some incriminating action. Also a British lingerie retailer.Wood for the trees: If someone can't see the wood for the trees in British English, or can't see the forest for the trees in American English, they are very involved in the details of something and so they do not notice what is important about the thing as a whole.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org

Though Alicia and Mateo are on guard with each other, Rohini and Angus begin to explore the deeper feelings of love and wellbeing present in both of them. Mateo vacillates between the loving feelings in his heart and the pestering thoughts in his mind, as Angus helps surface a glimmer of Mateo’s true feelings for Alicia. Alicia expresses her admiration for who Mateo is as a person -- she wishes he saw himself the way she sees him. Can they start to trust their wisdom over their judgments?  As Alicia and Mateo struggle to find common ground, Angus and Rohini support them in recognizing the seeds of love that are still present and ready to be rewilded. This episode explores:How Alicia and Mateo’s experiences are subjective and a reflection of their mood in the moment, not the other person.How both Alicia and Mateo feel justified in their positions and decide the other person is responsible for their suffering.Finding the seeds of love in the relationship and bringing them into focus to support the rewilding of love.How Alicia and Mateo need to remember what love looks like and to arrive at seeing where there is still love in the relationship, rather than focus on what's not working.What is going to help Alicia and Mateo find common ground?Inner wisdom always points us toward love.Holding space for the innate wisdom, well-being, and love in each of us to unfold.The importance of where you are coming from when entering a conversation.How it is easy to make up our own story about what is going on with the other person when there is a lack of communication.Helping them to see that the other person isn't responsible for their suffering by looking at where their experience really comes from so that they can feel more empowered and less victimized in the relationship.Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.Ep. 3 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Show Notes:What Is the Difference Between a Crevice and a Crevasse?The difference between a crevice and a crevasse is more than just a few letters. It’s the difference between geology and glaciology. While both terms come from the Anglo-French word crevace, to break, they mean two different things. Crevices are cracks or splits caused by a fracture of a rock, while a crevasse is a deep fracture in a glacier or ice sheet.Stalker: Can refer to still-hunting, which involves moving as slowly, quietly, and inconspicuously as possible, so you will see the deer before it sees you. Or you know, more commonly can refer to a person who harasses someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

Alicia has an insight about not taking things personally. Luckily, she already has examples in her life where she feels immune to what Mateo says to her, and seeing that she doesn’t always take what he says personally allows her to see her own role in her reactivity. Rohini helps guide Alicia toward the truth of where her experience is always coming from, that we can only ever feel our own thinking, not circumstances. Together they explore how not being impacted by someone else’s behavior is empowering, not passive.Alicia begins to view her reactivity as a common denominator in other relationships as well, which helps her embrace the idea of waiting for a calm mind before responding to Mateo. The Rewilders teach the couple about how emotions move through us, so even though they are coming from within, they are not another thing to try and control. Instead, we can treat our feelings like the weather and ride them out.This episode explores:The personal vs. the impersonalThe power of not taking things personallyHow feelings act as a guide to our state of mind at any momentBehavior is a reflection of the other person’s state of mind, which has nothing to do with usGaining compassion for our partner when they’re in a low moodThe way to decrease volatility in relationshipsConnecting with our own inner peace regardless of our partnerWe experience what we are identifying with in our own mind, not circumstancesUnderstanding our experiences come from within is liberatingEmotions move through us like the weather, we can wait until we feel more settled to actPodcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.Ep. 4 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/ClarityShow notesCad and a bounder: Old fashioned, British phrase for saying a man is acting in an unkind, deceitful, or selfish way.North American irony: Angus questions whether this exists.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

Mateo reveals that he does in fact want the relationship to work, but only if Alicia changes. Angus points Mateo toward the fact that his experience is created from within, independent of Alicia, and that ultimately she cannot touch his wellbeing. Mateo is reluctant but is starting to see the role that his mood plays in how he interprets Alicia’s actions.Angus points out that Mateo is a deep-thinker, which can be a great thing, except when used against oneself. Mateo can see how his over-analysis, and painful thinking, is begetting more painful thinking that’s leading him to shut himself down in the presence of Alicia. He wants to feel more free, to be able to come home and kiss Alicia and talk about their day, but he thinks by opening that door, he leaves himself vulnerable to Alicia wreaking havoc on his mood. Now that he’s beginning to see where his experience is coming from, there is a glimmer of hope that Mateo might open himself up again in the relationship.This episode explores:The futility of trying to change someone else. This leads to hostility and resentment.The impact of state of mind on our experience.Righteousness doesn't allow room for understanding.The power of recognizing you feel the thoughts you identify with.One person in a couple making a shift can create change within the relationship.We can be victimized by our own habitual thoughts.The nature of thought is to settle, the mind is designed to return to peace.Suffering is chronic and continuous when we identify with low mood thinking.Recognizing when we can trust our thinking is a game-changer.Angus reveals his own misunderstanding when he and Rohini first adopted their dog.Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.Ep. 5 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Show notesViktor Frankl: An author, neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor who wrote "Man's Search for Meaning".Tale of woe: a sad story; a list of personal problems; an excuse for failing to do something.Funfair: British way of referring to a fair.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

Alicia reveals to Rohini that she felt completely blindsided by Mateo's unhappiness in their relationship. She blames Mateo and struggles to examine her own role in the status of the relationship. Rohini helps Alicia to let go of judgments that create the experience of shame for her so she can peel back the layers of denial and see how her reactivity has been pushing Mateo away. With her guard down, Alicia begins to explore her inner experience and how her own emotions, not Mateo's, can give her warning signals regarding her state of mind, and her need to take care of herself when her mood drops. Rohini explains how having the understanding that our internal experience is created from within, doesn't mean behaviors can't change, but shifts in behavior result from internal shifts in understanding and are much more likely when there is goodwill in the relationship. Alicia experiences greater freedom when she realizes she is not responsible for what Mateo is feeling. If she can stop working so hard trying not upset him, she'll reduce the resentment that has built up from all that hard work not going anywhere. By realizing she's not responsible, she can eliminate the feeling of walking on eggshells, and contribute to creating a feeling of goodwill in the relationship. Not feeling guilty and responsible, leaves a person feeling more open-hearted.This episode explores:A shift in understanding is necessary for behavioral change.It is okay to be on the learning curve of navigating difficult emotions.Self-care is the first priority when experiencing upset.We all live in separate realities - life looks different through our separate lensesSeeing psychological innocence in others helps reduce blame and resentment. We are all only ever doing our best given how we see things.Shifting the focus from blame to seeing the role of state of mind in relationships.Show notesTenderization: A new coaching term Angus has created to describe one's guard coming down.Hot potato: A party game that involves players gathering in a circle and tossing a small object such as a beanbag or even a real potato to each other while music plays. The player who is holding the object when the music stops is eliminated.Carte blanche: Complete freedom to act as one wishes or thinks best.Teflon: A brand of non-stick pans, i.e. being immune to someone else's reactivity.Podcast music Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 6 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

Mateo experiences a dramatic shift in perspective. By exploring some of his more irrational thoughts about Alicia, he begins to see how the discord in their relationship is a "monster of his own making." Low moods look for something (or someone) they can hang themselves on. But as soon as we start to blame someone else for our feelings, we disempower ourselves and become the victim to the very thing (or person) we're blaming.We find out Mateo wants this relationship to work, and he played the divorce card out of fear of getting hurt, not a desire for the relationship to end. Unsigned divorce papers enable him to remain in the relationship, with one foot out the door. Angus points out that not only does that take a great deal of energy, but that also there's no way for them to explore whether to remain in the relationship if Mateo isn't fully in it. Mateo wants to know how he can practice this understanding in real-time and Angus explains he needs to have his own insight about what will work best for him. Mateo sees that he needs to show up to the relationship without such a busy mind -- allowing himself to experience Alicia with a fresh outlook. But is Mateo too late? This episode explores the following:It’s easier to be all-in in a relationship than to have one foot out the door -- it takes a great deal of energy to live in limbo.It only takes one person to get this understanding for there to be a shift in the relationship.Not taking each other's flare-ups personally leads to more goodwill.When we’re in a low mood it is easy to look outside of ourselves to try and find the cause of that low mood. That is why we tend to blame those who are nearest and dearest to us.Learned conditioning isn’t who we are.Trust your heart, that’s where the gold is.Show notesPaint yourself into a corner: to create a predicament or unpleasant situation for oneself whereby there are no or very few favorable solutions or outcomes.Pavlovian response: refers to the physician, Ivan Pavlov, who conducted experiments that demonstrated the conditioned response, or the theory of classical conditioning. Napa Valley: beautiful wine country in California, or a really annoying reference your partner makes.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 7 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

Rohini broaches the subject of divorce, recognizing that Alicia's fear of the relationship ending is part of what fuels her volatility. If Alicia can make self-honoring choices, it will be better for her and the relationship, and the key is to make decisions about the next steps from a place of inner calm and wellbeing instead of fear. The Rewilders don't view the ending of a relationship as a failure, rather their work centers around facilitating individual transformations and connection with inner wellbeing and peace of mind. This has the ripple effect of benefitting relationships.Alicia is really starting to see where her upset comes from; her relationship to her own thinking. She and Rohini discuss how she'll be better off walking away or distracting herself in times of reactivity instead of leaning into it and acting from that feeling. Only life or death situations are dire enough to require immediate attention, most anything else allows for a pause. Rohini cautions Alicia against using this understanding as bait for being hard on herself, we can't control what thoughts come in, but we do have choice over how much attention we pay them. If we resist boarding the thought train when we're in a reactive state of mind, we give ourselves the chance to return to an innate feeling of calm and wellbeing. Our quality of feeling always tells us the truth about our state of mind and learning what neutrality feels is helpful.Episode 8 explores:Not paying attention to our conceptual mind when it's caught up.Once we start on this learning curve, our normal for what upsets us starts to change.Neutrality has a peaceful feeling to it, if it doesn’t feel that way, you're not there.Learning where our experience comes from is simple but life-changing. Rewilding is the opposite of self-management.Making room for humanness and frailty in relationships brings out the best in partners. Conversely, feeling tamed or required to change brings out the worst.We don't have to board the train of our thinking.Show NotesSelf-flagellation: the disciplinary and devotional practice of flogging oneself with whips or other instruments that inflict pain (not recommended).Rational coating: the coating that some thoughts deceptively come to us coated with.Running with weights on: unhelpful mental cardio. Putting the oxygen mask on yourself first: Asked to do this in planes before aiding others; a helpful metaphor as a reminder to take care of ourselves first in relationships.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 8 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

Mateo's mind has settled down dramatically. But now that he's in this good feeling, he wants the manual on how to keep it. The problem is, it's his escape from the intellect, from the "how-to", that's helping him live in this better feeling, and pulling the intellect back in to try and figure out how to package and repurpose the feeling, will take him further away from it. There isn't a magic how-to, rather there is a deepening in our seeing of who we are and where our experience comes from and the experiential learning that goes along with it.By the end of the session, Mateo starts to see this for himself. In his words, "wow, maybe the understanding is  the reset." Mateo has an insight about the way he judges Alicia, and about all of the internal complaining he's been up to. From this perspective, he can see how trivial his headspace is when he's judging her and that really it's just a waste of time. Judgment comes from within, it's not about the other person, and he has to live in the painful feeling of all that judging. Angus points out that judgment is in fact the flip side of presence.There is no technique for staying in this space - we will slip up - but with experiential learning, we can surf our emotional experience more gracefully. We can surrender to the flow of our essential nature, which is our wisdom; our GPS system. It's not about never slipping up, it's about flexing our muscle to bounce back.This episode explores:Compassion as a natural byproduct of presenceHow to hold space for others when they're angry with us: to not take a personal attack personallyWhen we complain internally, we are creating our own movies about our partnersThe illusion that we won't perform as well with a quiet mind - when it's actually the oppositeSurrendering our conditioning and programming to what's always been there and what will always beThere is no perfection in thisThis approach is not new, it's natural.Show NotesMagic carpet ride to wellbeing: presence and understanding.Blood and gusto: Angus's special mix of idioms.Crazyland: a place only women travel to. No, just kidding, but a helpful term to use with Mateo during rapport building.Boom: What you say before you drop the mic.A-side: one side of a 45 record, or presence and compassion (b-side being judgment).Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 9 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

Alicia is on fire, using metaphors left and right to describe the nearly continuous flow of insights she's experiencing. With Rohini relating this understanding to Alicia's pre-established worldview (Christianity), Alicia can see clearly the power of letting God -- or the intelligence behind life -- take over in times of distress (and any time really) instead of relying on the intellect and her previous tendency to overthink. One can feel Alicia buzzing with inspiration, relief, and a feeling of open-heartedness. It's such a relief to learn we don't have to control everything because in reality we can't control anything! She can see how her deepened understanding will help her in her relationship with Mateo, but also her relationships with others and perhaps most importantly, her relationship with herself.This magical Rohini-Alicia session has Angus feeling a bit competitive, but mainly he's glad to hear about Alicia's big shift. When he suggests Rohini do a victory dance, she gently reminds him that couple's intensives are not a competition.This episode explores:Resignation vs. acceptanceCommunicating from empathy rather than righteousnessUnderstanding has a vast ripple effectListening to our common sense is very practical, and yet it provides a powerful and comprehensive compass for navigating lifeWisdom is infiniteWe can't undo a jump in consciousness - we will slip, but we can't un-see new insightPressure and performance don't make very good bedfellowsIncreased resilience when in a place of presenceLetting go of control is not a passive activity -- it's an active listening to inner promptings and letting them be the guide.Show notesThe Uncomfortable seat: we learn that for episode 10's recording, Rohini has taken one for the team and sat in the uncomfortable seat -- not metaphorically, but physically and literally.Jesus Take the Wheel: The prompting for one of Alicia's insights, and also a lyric from Carrie Underwood's country-western hit as Angus points out.Click moment: Alicia's preferred term for insight.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 10 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgTo leave questions and comments for Ask Anything Episodes Call: (424) 272-6497Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

Alicia, Mateo, Rohini, and Angus come back together for part one of their group session following the breakaway phase of the weekend intensive. We hear what can be described as a celebration and confirmation of the insights Mateo and Alicia have uncovered during their time with the Rewilders. They both reflect on past upset from a new perspective, while discussing a recent dinner out that would have "gone south" before their journey with Rohini and Angus began. Mateo was able to keep his cool, realizing he was actually just upset that he had to wait to eat, instead of assuming Alicia was doing something to make him feel irritated.Alicia shared about her upset over Valentine's Day and her realization that it wasn't actually about the holiday at all. Instead it was about a shared responsibility communication breakdown that she feels confident they can sort out better next time one comes up. Rohini reflects on Alicia's significant anxiety reduction compared with when she first arrived.Though they both share about their insights, we hear Alicia seeming a bit more confident in their steadfastness, while Mateo tees up questions and concerns we'll hear in the next episode. Will Mateo's insights last?This episode explores:Releasing the internal narrative when showing up to relationship -- the value of presenceImportance of realizing we have a narrative going on -- not a clear picture of realityApproaching the day with a blank slateNavigating low moods vs. thinking we shouldn’t have them anymoreReinforcing when to engage with each other and when not toShow NotesWobbler: Angus begins the episode in a low mood, wearing his wobbler on his sleeve.Flash in the pan: Angus's concern that Mateo may not stay with his insights. Were they just a "flash in the pan"?Disney ending: A fairy tale ending rarely experienced in "real life". Pop Rocks: Candy that explodes in your mouth; also the taste of discontent being replaced by wellbeing.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 11 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgTo leave questions and comments for Ask Anything Episodes Call: (424) 272-6497Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

The Rewilders meet with Alicia and Mateo to discuss more key relationship takeaways all together again. Mateo comes in with thinking inspired by his risk analysis background, as he starts to reach out for the how-to guide once more. The Rewilders help him recall that his wisdom will help guide him in the moment. Alicia sounds ready to go home and practice this new understanding in their relationship -- she feels confident that they can approach conflict differently now. Mateo gets there as well by the end of the conversation.Angus relays a touching story about when he and Rohini first came to this understanding, through their own intensive from the client seat. At first their home was more peaceful than ever until the sh*t hit the fan again. But this time it was different. As Angus prepared to go give Rohini a piece of his mind, he was struck with the feeling of his own true nature reconnecting him to his conscience. He saw very clearly that he wanted to embody his true self rather than the "nutcase" who was about to yell at his wife.Mateo and Alicia can really relate, and they see how this understanding would be so useful for everyone to know, regardless of relationship status. Alicia and Mateo graciously reinforce their happiness that their sessions will be shared with the world, in hopes that if even one person has a change of heart from listening, that that will be worth it all.This explores explores:Connecting with our conscienceHow with this understanding, the love becomes the norm and the B.S. becomes the exceptionThey will still come up against challenges and resistance, but that's how we grow in consciousnessWhen we’re able to not take behavior personally, we’re more able to make a clear choice about staying or leaving because our sense of self is not wrapped up in the decision.The difference between shutting down and compassionately waiting for a clearer mindStar Wars charactersShow notesFlabbergasted: Angus's feeling at the end of the session; "greatly surprised or astonished"Nip it in the bud: an expression that is often mistaken as "nip it in the butt" though, disappointingly, it is in fact the “bud”.Psychological snake oil: Angus initially feared he'd been fooled by this when learning about state of mind and wellbeing.Take the needle off the record: wake up to your true nature; also a totally hipster move.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 12 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgTo leave questions and comments for Ask Anything Episodes Call: (424) 272-6497Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

The Rewilders meet separately with Alicia and Mateo for follow up sessions after they've returned home from the intensive. At first, things sound resoundingly positive on both ends. Mateo has found massive success getting through to his team at work by incorporating what he learned about state of mind and presence. And Alicia is successful with not being reactive especially before holding important conversations with Mateo.One might assume Mateo has been benefitting from Alicia's calmer state at home, but he reveals to Angus that in actuality he's experiencing fairly severe and chronic anxiety, especially at home. He may appear "cool as a cucumber on the outside" but he's "hotter than a tamale on the inside." This has major implications for their relationship.Angus shares one of his sure-fire barometers for his own level of anxiety; the degree to which he can handle Rohini's finger chewing (in other words, Rohini's anxiety). In the past, Angus wasn't able to bear Rohini's anxiety at all because he couldn't bear his own. But since taking his thinking less seriously and cultivating more presence in their relationship, he's typically able to handle Rohini's finger-chewing quite well, except for the times he isn't, which he now knows to be a reflection of his own state of mind rather than something lacking in Rohini.This episode explores:Our innate resilience when in touch with our true natureNew, experiential reference points created during intensivesThe power of being genuinely present with another human beingThe impact of anxiety on relationshipsShow NotesBefuddlement: Angus's perplexed feeling wondering how to ask people to stay tuned.A turn-up, not turnip: A surpriseProjection 101: The first course on the act of projecting / the cause of Angus's judgment of Rohini's finger-chewingListen to this space: Another way of saying, tune in next week for Episode 14, when more on Alicia and Mateo's relationship developments will be revealed.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 13 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgTo leave questions and comments for Ask Anything Episodes Call: (424) 272-6497Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org. 

**Warning: This episode contains strong graphic language, discussions of sexual situations and it addresses sexual abuse. If you are sensitive to this subject matter, please skip this episode.**The Rewilders are picking up the pieces after leaving listeners with a total cliffhanger in last week's episode when they had just found out from Alicia that Mateo did want to renew their rental lease. Rohini and Angus continued working with Alicia on her own. After a couple of months pass, Mateo finally reaches out to Angus to talk.Mateo reveals to Angus painful truths about his past, for which his feelings of shame have kept him from being fully open with Alicia or anyone. Angus normalizes Mateo's emotional experience while expressing empathy and universality. Mateo begins to feel a great sense of relief. Talking about his past and how it still impacts him today proves to be a tremendous weight-off his mind.After a couple of months apart from Alicia, Mateo feels resolute in wanting to be in a partnership, where he can be whole and honest. He wants to share everything with Alicia, but he expresses concern about what her response might look like. Angus reminds Mateo about his true nature and where his experience of life is really coming from. They discuss the spiritual truths that Mateo embodies regardless of his past, present, or future. And he checks with Mateo on whether he truly wants to be with Alicia. Want to know how Alicia responds to Mateo after two months apart and intimate revelations are shared? Tune in next week.This episode explores:When we obtain a stronger inner foundation, things we haven't addressed in the past reveal themselves. The conceptual mind is an illusionist.Sexuality as a spectrum.The prevalence of sexual abuse, and yet the stigma.When we bring things out into the open, we annihilate shame.Secrets can kill us inside.It takes work to keep a secret and it makes us unavailable to partnership.Using grit and willpower to avoid facing pain can only last so long.Show NotesResources for victims of sexual abuse: RAINN; NSVRCBrené Brown Ted Talk: Listening to ShameGlorious game of life: the spiritual truth that we're all "cut from the same cloth." Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 14 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org. 

Angus and Rohini create a safe space for Mateo and Alicia to meet for a much-needed conversation about Mateo's past trauma and how it's impacted his life and their relationship. Mateo fears Alicia will be enraged at him when he shares about his recent sexual experiences outside of their relationship but is shocked to find she has a different response. Alicia has renewed her relationship with her spirituality, and she credits this for her ability to move forward, forgive, and stay in the present. Rohini relays a story about the power of not listening to her conceptual mind in regards to a conflict with her daughter. When she was caught up in her reactivity, the problems she and her daughter were facing seemed nearly impossible to tackle. But after her mind settled, which allowed her true nature to emerge organically, she had a refreshed outlook on how she could approach her daughter and they were able to see eye to eye as a result.Meanwhile, Mateo and Alicia seem to be off to the races as far as regaining their connection and granting forgiveness is concerned. The group reflects on how much new "bandwidth" is freed up after secrets are revealed and shame is annihilated. But in true Mateo fashion, he has one more jaw-dropper to share with the group before the close of their session. That leaves Rohini feeling skeptical.Rohini and Angus share news from their follow up with the couple. Will Angus get his "Hollywood ending"?This episode explores: The burden of a secret is toxic.Releasing shame allows us to be open-hearted again.Learning is what's most important -- even though it can be painful.When a relationship is in crisis, the opportunity for healing and growth is part of that "crisis-packaging".ForgivenessShow NotesThe truth will set you free: Biblical adage from the "people's favorite gospel". And, when we let go of judgment we can see that our innate essence is always pure.Netflix metaphor: Angus's famous metaphor about a low mood's desire to find a matching "frame" -- like when rewinding a show on Netflix.Bundy Drive: the physical street Mateo and Alicia turned onto to get to their session with Angus and Rohini -- also refers to Mateo's foreboding feeling about Alicia's possible response to his revelations.Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 15 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

Rohini and Angus close out their journey with Alicia and Mateo by answering listener questions in this hilarious and informative episode. They draw upon personal experiences and client stories to answer the in depth questions they received.Among other things, the Rewilders clarify for listeners the difference between accepting bad behavior and not taking it personally. They never advocate for people to stay in an abusive or unhealthy situation, instead they stress the importance of knowing that the behavior is not personal. And that sometimes just learning this, paired with understanding that our peace and wellbeing are found within, changes behaviors and circumstances on their own.In an effort to make the recording process more fun and interactive for Angus, Rohini introduces a game that leads to lots of laughter. It sounds like Angus remained sufficiently entertained as a result.Stay tuned to Rewilding Love to hear from special guest speakers in future episodes. Thank you for joining us on this journey!This episode explores:Being neutral does not equal being a "doormat"How to deeply listenThe power of presence when our partner is spinning out of control and how we can still honor our own bandwidthThe importance of remembering we live in separate realitiesBeing in a place of peace leads to a healthier perspectiveShow NotesSydney Banks: An ordinary man who experienced a spontaneous and profound spiritual awakening in 1973. To learn more about him visit https://threeprinciplesfoundation.org/ and http://sydbanks.com/.Gaslighting: The term "gaslighting" can be traced back to a 1938 play. British playwright Patrick Hamilton created "Gas Light," a mystery/thriller that premiered in London and played there for six months. But most folks familiar with the history of the term think back to the 1944 film adaptation of the play, "Gaslight."The movie stars Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. They play a married couple, Paula and Gregory. Throughout the film, abusive husband Gregory manipulates Paula to make her feel as if she has gone mad. He leads her to believe she's stealing things without realizing it and hearing noises that aren’t really there. Paula begins to question her reality. (from  The World Public Radio)Podcast musicRewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles-based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 16 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.Feedback: info@therewilders.orgAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

We had a great time interviewing our friend and colleague Dr. Amy Johnson about the nature of thought and how it impacts our relationships. As Amy points out, we're all in relationship with our thinking about other people and our thinking about ourselves. We can't be in direct relationship with anyone without experiencing them through thought.Amy shares how seeing the role of thought in her life, helped her relax around some of the "problems" she imagined would eventually derail her relationship. Once she saw how she was making it up, she was able to be present and enjoy her husband just as he is. One of the reasons it's so powerful talking to Amy is her ability to seamlessly draw from her knowledge about biology and neuroscience. It's our biology to have preferences, and for the mind to work the way it does -- calculating and assessing -- but realizing there is an invisible force at play that is far more powerful than our brain, helps us to shift our identification from our intellect to the intelligent, formless energy behind life. We conclude the interview with a set of personal questions about Amy's own relationship, and we were really touched by her responses. Amy's work centers around helping people who struggle with habits and anxiety as she struggled with this herself for many years. We cannot recommend Amy's work enough, and we outline some of her offerings below in the show notes. This episode explores:We are a spiritual being having human experiencesOur brains find evidence for whatever we expectThis understanding is not about transcending the human experienceThe content of conditioning varies, but the same understanding can create a shift for anyoneWe have a greater perspective when the situation isn't about us -- sticky thinking is sticky because we've personalized it. Amy Johnson, Ph.D. is a psychologist, coach, author, and speaker who shares a groundbreaking new approach that helps people find true, lasting freedom from unwanted habits via insight rather than willpower. She is the author of Being Human (2013), and The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking Any Habit (2016). In 2017 she opened The Little School of Big Change, an online school that has helped hundreds of people find freedom from anxiety and habits and live a more peaceful life. Enrollment for the Spring is still open! School starts March 1, and enrollment is open until March 4, 2021.Johnson has been a regularly featured expert on The Steve Harvey Show and Oprah.com, as well as in The Wall Street Journal and Self magazine. Learn more at www.DrAmyJohnson.comAngus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.Episode features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles-based composer Greg Ellis.Feedback: info@therewilders.org

Rob Cook takes us on an epic journey through his life, from being born and raised in the housing projects of Birmingham, Alabama, to 21 years of active duty service in the military, to moving to L.A. and becoming a transformational life coach. He humbly shares about transitioning from living like he thought he should, to living as a man can -- as a person in touch with their essential nature. Rob takes pages from his past professions to help inform the myriad of offerings he brings to the table today. While many have told him he needs to focus his professional energy in one arena, he has thrived by not limiting himself to one offering and seeing how several teachings and avenues can connect with each other. For example, why focus solely on mindset coaching when he can do that as well in fitness training? He sees how the two are perfectly married. And when helping companies grow their business, he draws upon lessons learned in the military, such as team dynamics, collaboration, and leadership. Rob is a force to be reckoned with! And the love he shares with his partner Laurie is inspiring. The way he talks about their relationship, and what he has learned from her, brings laughter and tears. Don't miss Rob's epic keys to success, which include "moving often" and "laughing a lot." We are much the wiser after getting to speak with Rob Cook!This episode explores:Breaking rules that don't line up with our essential natureWho am I?Laughter happens in the moment Not having to act like a man -- I am a man.The understanding that changed "every aspect" of Rob's lifeMilitary as a microcosm of society -- we're all people first.Letting go of the ego's grip.Accepting others for who they areTry to get each moment right, not all of it right.Partners that change our lives.Rob Cook is a Mindset Coach and creator of the unFIT brand. He works with clients to unlock the benefits of total health so they may thrive in any area of their life.  He also is the host of the 3PGC’s podcast titled “We’re Listening” -- a community where all voices are heard. He became a certified life coach through Supercoach Academy, discovering an ideal balance between the mental and physical realms in his work as a coach. As the founder of unFIT, he offers a fresh approach to Unlocking Your Health From the Inside/Out through coaching, training, workshops, and speaking events for start-ups, non-profit organizations, Fortune 500 companies, and everything in between.Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.Episode 18 features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles-based composer Greg Ellis.

We had the pleasure of sitting down with our dear friend and coach Erika Bugbee. Erika's wisdom is evident in every word she expresses. We cover topics like parenting teens (or children of any age), marriage, and relationships of all forms (even the ones with your in-laws). Erika skillfully uncovers two fundamental keys to having success in any relationship. Showing restraint when we'd rather tear into our partner for their annoying habits, behaviors, etc... goes a long way. We often show restraint in relationships with those who are not our nearest and dearest, but with those, we're closest to we often have the least patience and tolerance. It's an act of love and grace to show restraint in the face of irritations and conflict. For the second fundamental key, we invite you to tune into the episode!  She relates this guidance to Eric Clapton's song "Before You Accuse Me." In the midst of blame and judgment, it's so easy to keep looking outside of ourselves for the source of our frustration. But let's keep in mind how messy or difficult we can be, and use that awareness to help us soften with our loved ones. Maybe they are the tolerant ones having to put up with us all the time! It can be helpful to flip your focus like this when you get caught up.We also talk about how the urgency for wanting to get it right in parenting can muddy our ability to give our children what they need in the moment, which very well might be space. If we can be comfortable with the unknown, around how we are going to handle a situation, we can walk away and come back to it with more clarity. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to seeing something new.This episode explores:The toxic taste of judgmentAs soon as you soften, they soften -- it's a chemical reactionShowing restraint and overlooking as acts of loveThe things that drive us crazy are often our partner's or kid's upside Acceptance of the unknownThe generosity of giving someone spaceShow Notes"Before You Accuse Me": An Eric Clapton song featured on his MTV Unplugged album. Incredible album to listen to from start to finish! Also a helpful mantra to remember for relationships. Erika Bugbee is a global coach with 20 years of experience working with teens, young adults, and couples who are open and motivated. She helps clients relate to their minds differently so they're less affected by limitations, fears, and distress, which optimizes their enjoyment, peace of mind, and potential in life. Get pointed in a new direction by working with Erika. Learn more at her website: https://www.erikabugbee.com/.Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.Episode 19 features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles-based composer Greg Ellis.