Playing With Fire

How does it go for you to show up with all your unique you-ness? Of course some of you is private, but it can be tricky to bring the rest of you out into your relationships. We talk with distinguished psychotherapist and renowned speaker Rachel Wright about our various experiences being out as our individual selves. For more from Rachel: ⁠www.rachelwrightnyc.com⁠ ⁠The Wright Conversations podcast⁠ Instagram: ⁠@thewright_rachel⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

The phrase "we opened up too fast" comes up a lot in the conversations we have with people who are transitioning from monogamy to non-monogamy. But what does "too fast" even mean? And more importantly—too fast for whom?Here's the thing: once you've crossed certain thresholds in opening up, there's no going back to a state of unknowing. You can't unsee what you've seen or unknow what you've learned about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. This can feel scary, but it's also where some of the most profound growth happens.In this episode, we talk about:— Why "too fast" is really about thresholds, not speed— How foiled expectations drive so much of our dysregulation in the opening process— The difference between pacing that allows for skill-building versus holding so still that you never actually learn anything— Why differentiation work matters just as much (if not more) than the logistics of who you're dating— The power of imaginal work— How to recognize when you're objectifying potential partners (couples privilege on steroids) and why that's a sign that you might not be ready yet— The reality that monogamy skills don't all transfer to non-monogamy, but non-monogamy skills work everywhere— Why learning resilience and repair skills is more important than getting everything "right" the first time— The profound relief that comes from increased self-knowledge, even when relationships end— How educational community and mentorship can provide the support that makes all the differenceResources mentioned in this episode:— Our Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Essentials Playlist— Our Nervous System PlaylistJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & supportLearn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

This week we are sharing our most popular episode ever- this one is a not-to-miss! Relationship agreements might sound dry but the process of co-creating relationship bliss is NOT dry in the least.  This episode is part explanation, part demonstration of how we review and negotiate the living document that is our relationship agreement. We found a hole in one of ours while recording that we need to address--No relationship escapes being a work in progress, including ours. Are you ready to open up happily? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

When we see conflict as a red flag, we pave the way for dishonest ‘peace,’ people pleasing (where no one is actually pleased at all), and emotional walls that try to protect us but end up leaving us isolated and disconnected.The truth is that conflict is not inherently a sign that something is going wrong in the relationship. In fact, generative conflict is the pathway to deeper connection and growth. This conversation gets real about the extremes of dysfunctional conflict (cheap peace and violent disagreement), what generative conflict actually looks like, and how it can bring people together instead of pulling them apart.In this episode, we talk about:— Why conflict isn't a sign that something's wrong with your relationship (and what it actually signals instead)— The spectrum of conflict: from dishonest harmony to violent disharmony, and how to find the generative middle ground— Ken's transformation from conflict-avoidant to someone who can sit in the discomfort with curiosity and patience— How gender dynamics and emotional labor show up in who does the work of naming and navigating conflict— The power of asking "what else is it?" instead of dismissing someone's feelings or getting defensive— Why making space for your partner's inner child (and historical wounds) can be relationship-changing— The difference between taking something personally and taking it on—and how ego strength plays a role— Practical skills that have reduced our conflict duration by 90% (seriously)— Why repair can and should start during the conflict, not just after— How conflict skills become even more essential when you're opening your relationship— The importance of curiosity, vulnerability, and dropping defensiveness when things get heated— Why hypervigilance from childhood can make us defend against there being "more" to a conflictResources mentioned in this episode:— Our Repair Skills Playlist— Our Imago Dialogue PlaylistJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & supportLearn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for a Playing With Fire Community Call hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Leaving high-demand religion isn't just about changing your Sunday morning schedule. It’s about deconstructing a belief system that touches everything in your life. And when you start pulling on this thread, you might find yourself questioning monogamous norms too. These processes can open you up to a wealth of opportunities, but they can also bring a whole lot of uncertainty online. That’s why we're thrilled to bring you this conversation with Natasha Helfer, an AASECT-certified sex therapist supervisor and licensed marriage and family therapist with 30 years of experience working at the intersection of conservative religious upbringing, sexuality, and internalized sexual shame.Natasha was excommunicated from the Mormon church for her advocacy work, so alongside her professional expertise, she brings a wealth of lived experience to this topic. If you've ever struggled with the aftermath of purity culture, if you're deconstructing from high-demand religion while exploring non-monogamy, or if you're supporting someone through this journey, this episode offers validation, insight, and practical frameworks for understanding what's really happening during deconstruction and reconstruction.In this episode, we talk about:— What makes a religion "high-demand" and why sexual behavior monitoring is such a central feature— The difference between being pushed out (excommunication) versus choosing to leave, and why both can be traumatic— Why deconstruction is not a linear process with a clear endpoint— How compulsory monogamy in mainstream culture mirrors compulsory polygamy in fundamentalist communities (and why that realization is so important)— The challenge of doing adolescent developmental work in midlife while simultaneously navigating midlife transitions— Why people deconstructing from one thing (like religion) often start questioning everything else (like monogamy), and why that's actually a natural part of the process— The grief of leaving certainty behind, both religious certainty and the certainty of traditional relationship structures— Practical therapeutic approaches— Why reconstruction work is just as important as deconstruction, and how to build a new identity and value system— The reality that old messaging and shame will resurface periodically—and why accepting that actually helps you move forward— How privilege (race, gender, sexual orientation) dramatically impacts the severity of religious traumaResources mentioned in this episode:— Find Natasha at natashahelfer.com— Natasha’s group practice, Symmetry Counseling— Natasha's seven-week educational group for people exploring ethical non-monogamyJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & supportLearn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for a Playing With Fire Community Call hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions