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Each week Dr. Hanks coaches a real person through a common life challenge. Listen to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks for healing conversations that educate and empower women to prioritize their needs, revolutionize their families, and personalize their faith.
154 Episodes
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In today's episode I talk with Saren and answer the question “How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?” Saren is trying to reconcile letting her child be a part of something that she has chosen to leave behind while also respecting her daughter’s agency. To top it off, her daughter has had a difficult time with her mother’s decision to leave the Church.We discuss strategies—like debriefing after church and staying in contact with her daugh...
In this episode I meet with Kellice and answer the question “How do I decide on a career that I won’t later regret or wish I had taken a different path?” Kellice wants to choose a sustainable career to support herself and her boys, but she isn’t sure where to start. How can she be sure she isn’t going to make the wrong decision?I challenge Kellice to consider that there may be more than one path for her to choose. Feeling like there is one best choice—and that you will suffer if you don’t fin...
This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to step back from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to leave the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries.Stepping back? How to Leave in a Psychologically Healthy WayIf you choose to leave and want to protec...
Listen as I chat with Alyssa and answer the question “How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?” Alyssa and her husband reevaluated the lessons they were taught about marriage and have worked to move toward a partnership model. She feels angry when she thinks about the time she lost living in a patriarchal marriage and sad when she thinks about her past self who didn’t feel empowered.I invite Alyssa to allow herself to feel the ang...
In this podcast episode I sit down with Mallory and answer the question “How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?” Mallory recently went back to work part-time and is feeling immense guilt. It feels like she can’t win: When she is at work, she feels like she should be staying home with her children (and feel fulfilled while doing it). And when she is at home with her kids, she feels like she should be working harder.I point out that Mallory is carrying ...
In this episode I talk with Diana and answer the question “How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?” Diana is not okay with either herself or her child sleeping there because years ago, her father-in-law was arrested for child molestation. Her husband has struggled to respect this boundary.Diana and I roleplay a conversation with her husband where she holds this boundary firm. She has the right to say no to sleepovers, t...
In this episode, I chat with Christine and answer the question “How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?” Christine and her husband have several valid hesitations about their daughter getting baptized when they aren't sure that she really understands what she would be committing to.Christine and I unpack her concerns and I challenge the thought that her daughter has to be totally “ready” to commit to baptism befor...
In this episode I talk with Sylvia and answer the question “How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?” Sylvia shares the story of a painful experience at Church that has left her wondering if she sustains her leaders. In fact, she has chosen not to renew her temple recommend because she isn’t sure if she can sustain her current bishopric.The word sustain has two main definitions. I used to think that sustain meant agree, but I see the word differentl...
In today’s episode, I talk with Nicole and answer the question “How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?” After a recent break up caused by her partner not wanting to have children, Nicole is hoping to gain some clarity as to what she wants for her future and why.Nicole and I talk about how to have a meaningful life with or without children, if it matters at the end of the day if she does want kids because it’s what she’s always as...
In today’s episode I chat with Morgan and answer the question “How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?” Morgan describes what interactions with her mother-in-law are typically like, and from what I hear it sounds like Morgan is doing a good job interacting with her. From my perspective, the bigger problem is between Morgan and her husband.There are important conversations Morgan and her husband need to have regarding boundaries an...
In today’s episode, I talk with Kelly and answer the question “How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?” I know that a lot of listeners are going to relate to our discussion.Kelly shares that she feels two parts of her life—therapy and the Church—have been influential and helpful, but that they are currently at odds. During our time together we talk about Fowler’s Stages of Faith and how Kelly is moving from trusting ex...
Listen as I talk with Jennifer and answer the question “How can I be present when grief is always reminding me of what could have been?“ Jennifer shares the story of her relationship, her husband’s cancer diagnosis, and her experience of being a new mom of twins while navigating the grief of losing her husband. Now, five years later, she feels split between being present in her daily life and grieving the life she didn’t get to live with her late husband.Jennifer and I talk more about what it...
This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to stay in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to stay in the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries.Choosing to Stay? How to Stay Connected to the LDS Church in a Psychologically Healthy WayIf you choose to stay ...
In this podcast episode I talk with Mary and answer the question “Has my Latter-day Saint (LDS) upbringing impacted my sexuality?” I tell Mary that her LDS upbringing most likely has impacted her sexuality—but that is true for any person. During our time together we explore the specific ways that LDS culture may have influenced her development.Mary would prefer to date women, but she is not sure if that fits within her values. We spend some time dissecting the difference between values and be...
In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question, “In the classroom, what techniques can I use to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?” Sarah just started attending school after a 5-year break, and she has found herself worrying that she isn’t smart enough to be there.Having mixed feelings about trying something new is totally normal. I invite Sarah to recognize her negative feelings and then let them go. She may worry that she isn’t smart enough, but...
In this episode I talk with Ben Schilaty and answer the question “How can I help my LGBTQ+ friends who are in pain because they feel like they don’t belong in the LDS Church?” Ben’s question stems from his own experience of being a gay member of the LDS Church and from seeing loved ones in the LGBTQ+ community struggle to feel like they have a place in the Church.Ben and I talk about what he does now to try and help his friends. He shares that he’s a great listener, but that sometimes it’s ha...
In this episode, I sit down with Amanda and answer the question, “How do I talk with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?” Amanda’s husband often has his phone out during Church and doesn’t like singing along to the hymns. She recognizes that as an adult, he gets to choose how to worship. But she still wishes he wouldn’t do these things. I tell Amanda that it’s okay to have expectations, but that it is better to focus those expectations on herself. It...
In this episode, I sit down with Emma and answer the question, “How can I talk about modesty to my tween step-daughter without undermining the contradictory thoughts of her mother?” Emma views modesty as a broad topic that covers how we think and behave, while her step-daughter’s mom ascribes to stricter dress code rules. They have different opinions, and Emma wants to be respectful of that while also upholding different rules in her own home.I tell Emma that it’s okay for her step-daughter t...
In this episode, I talk with Beth and answer the question, “Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?” Beth’s family has a group of friends that get together several times a year for fun trips. After the news came out that Beth’s family is leaving the Church, it’s felt like these friends want nothing to do with them.I encourage Beth to go toward the awkward. It’s likely that these friends are making up stories about what leaving the Church means for B...
This is part 2 of a 2-part interview with Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. If you haven’t listened to part 1, I recommend starting there..In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little differently. Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard.You may be familiar with Jill from her time on the hit reality tv show 19 Kid...
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It's a great thing that the only two people that have actually listened to this thing are two pinheads. So what? there are a million things wrong in the culture, practice and history of modern Israel. Mature adults and mature spiritual people find a way to deal with it and grow spiritually, cynics skeptics and apostates like yourself want to throw out the baby the bathwater, or better yet abort the baby before that could happen. Go ahead and question and struggle just do it on someone else’s dime and don’t destroy other people’s faith. Go ahead and be a John Dehlin, just stop pretending that you’re helping people in their faith or in their own journey.
I REALLY needed this episode! Thank you so much Dr. Julie for your perspective and guidance. Tanya, so much of what you said is EXACTLY how I feel and have felt. Thank you for being vulnerable and courageous. You are not alone.
Thank you thank you thank you!!! My situation is uncannily similar to this guest's, and your suggestions were so helpful.