Soft Skills Engineering

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: I’m a software developer with about 15 years in the industry, and I am soon starting as the CTO of a robotics company with about 50 employees. Though I have years of experience and an academic background within the field of robotics, I have always been focused on the software side of things. In my new role, I am ultimately responsible for the hardware team as well. How do I go about earning the respect, and becoming an effective leader, of my new colleagues working in a field in which I am not an expert myself? Hi, I’m meowmeow, and I’ve enjoyed your podcast for a long time. I’m working at a small engineering company which don’t have lots of profit. Recently, the PMs at my company(including the CEO) have started “vibe coding” directly on our product. They’ve even added PMs to the project planning list as contributors. Whenever they open a PR, the code is AI-generated and reflects their personal working style. The code quality is fairly low and engineers end up spending a lot of time reviewing and fixing it, even though we’re already under a heavy workload. Our CEO comes from a product management background. He believes PMs should write code and deploy their own implementations, and that engineers are not fast enough and should simply move faster. I’ve already been feeling stressed due to the workload, and this situation seems to be making it worse. Engineering leadership doesn’t seem able to push back effectively. What should I do?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hi, thank you for the podcast, I am long time listener, first time asker. Something weird is going on at my company. A colleague of my always wanted to get promoted to management, he got the opportunity, but after multiple preparatory meeting for this new promotion, HE QUIT! He did not tell what happened there, only that “it was time for something new”. Now several months later my skip level declared that he wants to be a developer again. Another manager was offered his position, which is a significant promotion (basically head of engineering), which he accepted, but after being included into high level meetings he declared that he is also QUITTING! We now have an interim Head of engineering, who declared that he is only doing this until a replacement is found. Why does no one wants to be in the management? What is happening at these meetings that people leave? Btw. the financial state of the company is not great, but not horrible, the CEO even declared that there won’t be layoffs this year. So what’s going on? I really like working at this company, but I can’t shake the feeling after these events that I am up for a big surprise soon. Hi, I’m a senior dev at a megacorp. I’m struggling with AI. We’ve got a lot of initiatives around it and are expected to be using it with our work. The problem is every time I try to use it I get really frustrated. It feels like working with a junior dev who doesn’t know the codebase well but knows lots of language/framework trivia. I also feel displeasure in my work turning into just reviewing some generated code and fixing it up. Especially, when you have to be very thorough because we all know that a single line of code can cause an outage. I just find no joy in this kind of work and am starting to have an aversion to it even when I just try to learn more about it. I’m also having a hard time teasing apart the hype from the reality. I’m either hearing that “the models are so great, this is the future, coding isn’t a career anymore” or “this is hype, the bubble will burst soon and ruin everything.” Both of these outcomes seem kinda catastrophic but I have no idea which one to believe in (or maybe there’s a 3rd option?). So, how do I overcome this aversion? How do I make sense of the hype vs. reality? How do I learn to stop worrying and love the slop? Thanks, Dr. Strangecode

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: A listener named Derek asks, I am the CTO and cofounder of a startup. Now that vibecoding is a thing, our CEO has kind of gone rogue, and and he’s vibecoding a bunch of random stuff, one of which he bought a domain for and has pushed a potential customer to pay for, without talking to our team. I feel like this is fragmenting our focus, but I don’t want to ban our CEO from vibecoding and being creative. how should I handle this without damaging relationships? AdmiralFox asks, Hi Dave and Jamison! Longtime listener, first-time question asker here. After 14 years at a consultancy firm, I’m moving to a major retailer to become their Java Learning and Community Lead. Instead of shipping code, my new role will be shipping knowledge. I will be managing learning paths, organizing internal knowledge sharing events, and help managers screen candidates. Basically, I’m moving from a ‘Maker’ role to a ‘Multiplier’ role. I have 13 weeks of notice period (Standard European “I’m not leaving yet after 14 years” protocol) and I want to use my free evenings to prepare. My questions for you: How do I transition from “the guy with the technical answers” to “the guy who helps everyone else find the answers”? How can I use the remaining time of my notice period to prepare for the people side of this role? Love the show! Keep up the ‘quit-your-job’ advice coming (although I’ve already taken it!)

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: I have been with my current organization for 5+ years. I like the company and have generally had a good experience working here. However, the last several years I have not really gotten a raise except for the standard “merit raise”, which does not cover inflation, so effectively the last several years I have made less money than the year before. I brought this up to my EM who said there is no chance of the company increasing the merit raises to meet inflation, unless I get a promotion. However, my EM also said there are no promotions available. I don’t know if this means the company knows the job market is tough and they don’t have to pay us as much, or if the company is in dire financial straits and unable to keep salaries up with inflation. This job market is tough and I don’t know how long it would take me to find a new job, but certainly I will look. My question is basically, how can I go about getting my manager to help me level up to make myself a more attractive candidate for a future job without necessarily tipping my hand that I am job searching. On one hand I assume he knows that I might be looking. On the other hand if the company is in a bad position and we have another round of layoffs (we have had several over the past few years), I don’t want to be first on the chopping block because it looks like I have my foot out the door. I’m just wondering how much I should make it clear what my goals are to have my EM work with me, or play it close to the vest. I am a Software Engineering Manager with about 12 years of experience. I am a few months into a new role at a medium sized private company. The day I joined I found out that all ICs under Staff-level are international contractors! Surprise! My team is mostly contracted “Senior developers”. Nobody is anywhere near what I consider “Senior”. The company has a culture of aggressive performance reviews. However, I’m seeing ICs and other Managers around me who are all seriously below the bar compared to other places I’ve worked in the tech industry. I get a lot of vague pressure from the Director/CTO level to “raise the bar” and quickly exit people who aren’t meeting it. I already fired one person for performance and behavior issues, but I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. If I’m truly going to hold my team accountable to my and the company’s own published performance metrics, I should fire the whole team. That’s probably not good. Alternately, I can pad performance evaluations to convince my boss that everyone is meeting expectations. This also isn’t good, but feels like what everyone else is doing. Also, I’m a little queasy doing aggressive firing and performance reviews for contractors. The company treats them as full time employees (after hours on call expectations, etc) and I’m not sure how Earth lawyers would look at this situation. Help! Final wrinkle - my last two jobs I’ve lasted less than a year. I wasn’t fired but just haven’t been able to find a good fit for a little while. I’m worried that if I just leave this job 6 months in, it’ll start to look suspicious on my resume.

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: I’m a new listener to the podcast and work as the sole developer for a sports team, which is the only company I’ve worked for since graduating from university 8 years ago. I listened to episode 493 while clenching my teeth as you told a listener to absolutely not take the job with the European football club as a solo developer. Yikes! While I feel I have continued to grow my skillset in my role, I’m now feeling vulnerable about having no professional experience working alongside other developers or on large-scale applications. I feel very conflicted about leaving my current company. I have a respectable developer salary for the (non-American) low cost of living area I’m in, have a great manager, and have built up a ton of good will and trust within the organization. I get all the freedom I could ask for to make design decisions, implement devops practices, try out new technologies, and make mistakes. I also find the work interesting and there’s always something else to do! I’m a little scared of the horror stories that I hear about the real dev world and don’t want to take my current situation for granted. I would really appreciate guidance on what you think I should do. I have clear skill deficits in certain areas, but would have to give up a lot of liberties with a role change. Listener Brian asks, My job is mostly okay, but could be better because of the people in it. I joined a greenfield project a few years ago as my first software engineer role after transitioning from other data work. I grew up with the project and improved my engineering skills. A year ago we hired two new people. They had relevant experience and seemed to know what they were talking about in the interview, and had five & ten years of experience (aka, more than me). Onboarding the first few months was whatever, BUT they’ve never really improved afterwards. They turn in work that has clearly not been tested or does not meet the ticket’s requirements, barely review PRs and have never (!) left any comments/feedback, and despite their level (senior+). I don’t really trust them to work on anything more than the smallest, simplest stories. I’ve provided specific feedback in PRs and in performance reviews (sometimes very low-level and specific, and sometimes very high-level about guiding questions or principles), but nothing’s changed. I’ve felt frustrated, drained, and confused - why is it such a struggle to get someone with an entire decade of development experience to turn in a straightforward PR? One other teammate has admitted (privately) that some work was sloppily done, which is consoling but otherwise I’m not sure if it’s bothering others as much as it does me. They’re offshore so maybe it’s just a communication thing? The rest of the team has been on the project since the beginning so maybe we’re poorly set up for new devs. I have high standards for myself and others and I’ve always been the most junior developer on the team and am new to the senior role. Am I just being a perfectionistic jerk? Is that a bad match for (essentially) junior teammates? Should I just reset my expectations and accept that their level and years of experience don’t translate into high performance? Thanks for any insights.

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: ‌ Hi Dave and Jamison, Internal dev asker from the second half of Episode 441 checking back in. Your “ask what scared the previous dev” advice in particular has paid off handsomely; I now carry around a little book of eldritch warnings and, somehow, people keep bringing me their unknowable monsters to interpret. It’s almost as though the previous dev knew these sorts of things would happen! I didn’t set out to acquire Lovecraftian knowledge, but here we are, still in one piece. Today’s puzzle: getting busy humans to test our stuff early, while feedback can still make it into production. We’re trying to build a culture where people will poke at a rough prototype now, instead of filing a Very Concerned Ticket three hours before release. How do we get people to test and provide feedback earlier? Do we stay disarmingly warm, promise tiny time boxes, and make a public show of “you said / we changed” until participation feels like the default? Or do we wave our terminal windows around threateningly on a screen share and promise doom (and minor annoyances) until they comply? Thanks for lending sanity to the abyss, —An increasingly arcane internal apps dev I have been listening to your podcast regularly and am inspired by how the podcast and the community have grown. I am a developer with over 10 years of experience and have moved to Sweden from a country outside Europe, with the ambition to build my long-term life and career here. For several years, I have tried to take that step myself, but often encounter the same obstacle: I am told I need experience as an engineering manager — but without the role, I can’t get the experience, and without the experience, I can’t get the role. I have invested a lot of time and energy in developing myself: learning about leadership, coaching, communication, and team dynamics. Despite this, I find it difficult to see a clear path forward. With everything happening in tech right now, I sometimes feel stuck and uncertain how to break this cycle. My question is: how did you take your first step? How can one realistically enter an engineering manager role when the door seems closed without prior experience? Thank you for creating such an honest and inspiring podcast. It already means a lot to me — and to many others, I am sure.

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: I’m a relatively new people manager and I really struggle when it comes time for performance reviews, or even regular praise or critical feedback in one-on-ones, because I can’t help feeling like an adult “talking down” to another adult, regardless of whether the feedback is generally positive or critical and instructive. Something about it all seems so patronizing to me. How can I approach this stuff with a different mindset? Hello D & J! Quick one from your biggest fan!! This week (Tuesday 6th Jan 2k26) I was promoted to Tech Lead of our team. In my new role, I have done no work *cries*, I’ve spent all my time assisting team members, unblocking QA, dealing with ad hoc requests from product/stakeholders…. I asked the previous tech lead is this what they did? They did! And they said spent their personal time to complete stories assigned to them. Is this really what a tech lead does?!?!! Helpppp

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Listener Tom says, I’m a software developer with six years experience, mostly at small startups with engineering teams anywhere between 2 and 10 developers. Because these startups have been small, most of the interviews were really casual. I’d speak to either the CEO, or CTO about my past experience, and we would talk about the direction the company was heading, and whether I’d be interested in joining. They felt less like interviews, and more like free-flowing conversations. I’m now back on the market, and I’m looking at larger, more established tech companies. I can get past the tech interviews just fine, but I’m struggling with the soft-skills interviews. Compared to what I’m used to they’re a lot more structured and it feels like they’re looking for answers that fit a certain criteria and format. What advice would you give to someone used to interviewing at small startups, but now interviewing at larger companies? I took an unpaid full stack internship role at a new non-profit, and it turned out to be a team completely made of other interns. There isn’t a single experienced engineer on the team. I have gone way deeper than originally intended and am now functionally a founding engineer where the founder pretends I’m a lead engineer and calls me an intern. The founder is also hellbent on having the highest development velocity, and sometimes will contribute their own AI-generated code, often bypassing the review process especially for things I’m not comfortable signing off on like an AI-generated TOS and user agreement. I recently learned that the founder is not viewed highly in their local area after a scandal where they were accused of scamming a large sum of money, which is likely why they are doing their free community projects they started now in order to save face. This has backfired, and now people are calling their projects “AI generated schemes” despite the services being completely free. I’m not sure if I should continue contributing to these projects anymore. Since the founder rushes things to get done, walks through legal areas with their AI “lawyer,” and has a bad image, I’m worried about whether my resume will be taken seriously by potential future employers. Should I continue working for this person or is the experience not worth it?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hello gentlemen, long-time listener here, and I’d love your take on something that’s been keeping me up at night. The high powered boss that I report to is someone I genuinely like and respect.This manager is smart, kind, honest, and overall great to work with. We have a solid relationship. I also come from big tech, so I sometimes feel I have better experience around managing projects and keeping teams organized. However she recently shared in confidence that there’s a chance of resigning in the next few months. and when I asked what keeps her up at night, the headache did not seem so big of a deal to me. But ever since hearing this news, I’ve been catastrophizing the next few months. I’m not ready to job-hunt. At the same time, if this manager does leave, it could be a really good opportunity for me to step up. So here’s what I’m struggling with: 1.How do I position myself for a potential promotion without making it seem like I’m going behind my manager’s back or trying to undermine them? 2.Should I quietly start looking for an job anyways, just in case? 3.And how do I stay sane when this might all be for nothing and the manager might actually stay? Would really appreciate your wisdom on how to navigate this without losing more sleep. Thanks for everything you do! I’ve worked as an engineering manager in a few big companies in Berlin, but after too much corporate politics bs, I flipped the fingers and quit. In the 2025 economy, that wasn’t the smartest move — finding a new job has been harder than ever. I’ve been focusing on smaller companies, ideally under 100 people. Ideally less politics, more autonomy. But now I’ve got an offer from Google in Bucharest — nearly double the compensation what I could get in Germany. The catch? I’d have to leave my strong circle of friends in Berlin and start over in a new city, new country. What would you do in my place? Brainstorm with me please 🥺

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Dear Damison and Javison, I work at a very small startup (<10 engineers) and am trying to hire 2 engineers. I’m doing the intro/screener interview for these roles & am working with a recruiting firm to source candidates. My problem is that sometimes my intuition tells me that a candidate is not going to make it through our hiring process, but I can’t articulate why. Our hiring process is neither cruel nor unusual, and on paper these candidates have the skills and experience we’re looking for. But I feel a duty to let the hiring process do its work; I want to be principled about this. For reference, I’d say I screen out 2/3 of recruiter-screened candidates, and of those remaining, 2/5 of the candidates have the je ne sais quoi for which I should be saying non, merci. One made it all the way to reference checks! Do I need to do a better job rejecting these nice, smart people instead of wasting our time? Also note that I am not a manager, and although I have a lot of experience interviewing candidates, this is the first time I’ve done the *first* interview with candidates (first-ish; the recruiting firm interviews them first). Listener Jeppe says, Hi Soft Skills nation, What’s the accepted practice with staying or leaving the private chat channels of my previous team? I work at a large company and recent switched teams internally. I helped establish the team and got along really well with them. The transfer was on good terms (they invited to their Christmas dinner after the transfer!) and my managers agreed that I could always help my old team in case something came up. I’m still in the internal chat channels for my old team. I love hearing what they’re up to and catching up. They explicitly told me not to be a stranger, so I’m not! However, I don’t think there’s much business value in being in their channels. Sometimes we have more technical chats about internal tools, and it would probably be better if I had those discussion with my new team. What should I do? Should I just stay until their manager decides to kick me out? Should I be proactive and talk with the manager about it? Should I leave a teary message about how I’m going to miss them all (even if I see them regularly at lunch and outside work sometimes)?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hey Guys, long time listener, first time asker! At my BigCorp Co., whenever I talk to my skip level about my concerns, it seems we are playing the ‘Gloom Olympics’ every time we meet. I’ll mention I worked late, and he’ll counter with, ‘That’s nothing, I haven’t slept in three days!’ This repeated lack of empathy is demotivating and I don’t think I have had a fruitful discussion with him. How can I tackle this? How can I feel heard? I’ve decided to leave my current job as a software engineer at a large retail chain. This is my first out of university, and I’ve been here three years. I’m interviewing for two other jobs: one as an engineer at another large retail chain on a team, and another at a world renowned European football club. That job would be very different. I’d be the first internal dev hire ever, and I was told I should expect no other devs to get hired for 2+ years. I’d write my own tickets and review my own prs. The project would be to build a dashboard to manage the players - drug testing, injuries, rosters - internally. What should I do? Feedback & mentorship were central to my growth at my current job. I won’t have that at the sports club. My concern is I go to the football team, drink a lot of beer & have a great time, but after 3 years of being my own boss, I’ll think I’m the greatest dev ever but really not have kept up to date with modern trends, forgotten how to take feedback, and written a lot of 💩 code.

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Listener AWS multi-region is not real multi-region, ask me how I know asks, We’ve recently acquired some bright-eyed and bushy-tailed new grads. What have you found to be the most effective way to onboard new grads into development roles? How has it changed (if at all) since the advent of LLMs? I want to make sure my new-grad crushing machine is operating as smoothly as possible considering the recent advancements in developer tooling. Those new grads won’t crush themselves! Listener Taso asks, Early in my career I was all-in on startups. Then I spent seven years in big companies in leadership roles. I learned a lot, but the politics and the pace were so slow that at some point I’m pretty sure geological processes were moving faster than our release cycles. So I finally flipped some metaphorical fingers and quit. Since then I’ve been interviewing almost exclusively with startups… except Google, where I somehow ended up with an offer on a team I’d genuinely enjoy. You’ve both bounced between big tech and startups—if you were in my shoes, how would you think about choosing between the two?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: I handed in my resignation this past Monday. During the conversation, my manager confided in me that this coming Wednesday, 25% of the workforce is being laid off. For context, this is the second round of layoffs. The first round happened a year ago and was a disaster. It was announced via an internal video the night before, but the CEO forgot to mention that the affected employees had already been notified privately. This caused mass panic; thinking they were next, many experienced engineers immediately brushed up their resumes and jumped ship voluntarily. Even my skip-level manager was in the dark. Shortly after that chaos, we were acquired by an American Private Equity firm. Morale has been at an all-time low ever since, and the writing has been on the wall all year. Now I am in the awkward position of serving my three-month notice period while walking through the ruins of my company. I am the “lucky one” who quit voluntarily two days before the hammer dropped to join a different company for a massive raise and promotion, while my colleagues are about to lose their jobs. How do I navigate the next 90 days? How do I interact with the survivors who are likely furious and overworked, knowing I’m already checking out? Sincerely, Rearranging Deckchairs on the Titanic Hello! I have a bad manager, like really bad. She gets the whole team together to say “so and so is getting laid off tomorrow, or in a month, don’t say anything”. She openly shares employee compensation in 1-1’s, gossips about her boss and team members and takes feedback as personal attacks. Would you believe me if I said that no one trusts her? What should I do? I want to contact HR but I have never talked to HR before in my career. I know I can’t tell her because engineers who have offered feedback on team dynamics, or general professionalism, get yelled in 1-1’s. Is this something worth taking to HR or do I just live with it until… I get a new job? If I do say something what do I say? Do I bring up the distrust she has created amongst the team or do I keep it to the poor judgement and unprofessionalism? Do you want to write the letter for me? Yes!? Thanks!

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hi Dave and Jamison, I’ve been in QA/QA automation for 13 years now with a CS degree, and I’ve been trying to change my role to a software developer for a while. My only issue is that every time I brought my career aspirations to my managers they seemed to “not care” or give vague answers to “kick the can down the road”. In the past I fully demonstrated I can do the work by submitting bug fixes, writing and deploying a few microservices by myself (all product feature work), on top of performing my QA duties. I get high marks in my performance reviews, but that doesn’t seem to be enough! I also seem to attract some resentment from my team (silently but it’s noticed) as they see a QA trying to soak up their dev work and I get a strong “stay in your lane” vibe. I do it to help them, not take all of their work. Any advice? Am I approaching this the wrong way? And what would you do in my situation? Thanks and all the best! Hi! Three years ago, I relocated from a third-world country to Europe for work. I tend to undersell myself a lot. I know I am a competent, hard-working, and smart engineer. I have strong opinions and can evaluate trade-offs. I can participate in discussions about complex systems, and I have experience managing projects. But sometimes I’m afraid of looking dumb and scared of confrontation. This means I rarely voice my opinions or suggestions. I often let go of them at the slightest objection, even if I believe the other person is mistaken. Whenever I speak or comment on a subject in Slack, I always use phrases like “I’m not 100% sure”, “as far as I remember”, or “I have to look it up but I think … “. These would not matter If I was showing my confidence through other means like participating in discussions confidently, but these all add up to create an image of someone reliable in getting things done, but not reliable at taking more responsibility. I was not like this before moving. Occasionally I struggle with the language when in big meetings or talking about complex matters, but I’m comfortable with English. It has an effect for sure, but it is not the cause. I’m going to start a new position and I want to have a longer career there. But I’m afraid that I can not give myself the head start I know I’m capable of. How can I improve my own personal onboarding process and let my new colleagues and manager know how lucky they are to have me on their team?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hey Jamison and Dave, love your show! A question for you guys coming all the way from the Netherlands 🧀 I’ve started as a software engineer in a gambling company lately and the moral aspect of it bothers me a bit. And while listening to you talking about the importance of accessibility in the last episode (#488) I came up with this moral dilemma: should a developer push for making a gambling app more accessible for users with disabilities or better not to? 😅 Thank you 🖤 Listener Arie Marie asks, What are some good ways to research prospective employers to see if they have a strong commitment to ethical and human values? What are good questions to ask prospective employers during an interview? How can I be a developer and do what I love, and know that I’m not making the income inequality greater? How do you develop a lens to look at a company and discern it’s positive impact? How do you know if you’re making the world a better place?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hey Dave and Jamison, Big fan of the show — listening from Portugal! (Proof that even across the Atlantic, software politics are universal.) I’m a tech lead, and lately I’ve noticed a culture where people seem to care way more about how things look than what actually gets done. It’s like the appearance of productivity matters more than real impact. Honestly, it drives me nuts!! I know politics are part of any organization, and way more in a leadership role, but this feels excessive. As someone who values substance and solid engineering, how do I deal with or influence this kind of culture without losing my sanity (or turning into one of those “optics-first” people myself)? Thanks for all the insights and laughs. Kudos from Portugal! Listener Charlie says, I’m fresh out of college at my first software engineering job. Several months ago I was appointed the accessibility champion for my team. I proposed a few items in the quarterly planning session, but I think it wasn’t enough. My project manager called out our whole team, but I think it was mostly aimed at me. I’ve been struggling with creating Jira cards, shaping with the team, writing a11y guidelines, etc. It’s tedious and I’m not really familiar with this kind of work. How can I get better at the “other stuff” besides just writing code? P.S. I volunteered for this responsibility 😩

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: “My manager insists on a weekly 1:1 with me, but he rarely pays attention. He’s often on his laptop, texting, checking email — basically anything but listening. I’ve tried sending agendas, rescheduling, reducing frequency, waiting until he’s less busy — nothing helps. I’ve even started sitting in silence until he notices I’ve stopped talking, but that only works for a minute. This has caused real problems. For example, he almost had me cancel a million-dollar project because he misheard me say “Java” instead of “JavaScript.” When he finally realized I was right, he said, “Every time I heard Java I automatically tuned out.” How do I handle a 1:1 with a manager who won’t pay attention, without risking my work or my relationship with him?” “I’ve worked for a big retailer for 10 years now and I used to really enjoy it. I liked my team a lot, problems we worked on, technologies we used. Unfortunately the last few yours brought a few rounds of layoffs and my old team doesn’t exist anymore and the new team is pretty much awful. They’re all on the East Coast, while I’m on the West Coast. I’m required to work EST hours but also to commute to the office 5 days a week and sit there alone and talk to my team on zoom. I’m a staff software engineer and I haven’t been programming much for the past year. Most of my time is spent in calls, I start every day with the same 3 calls. I live 50 miles from the office and I take a company shuttle that leaves at 7am. I’m required to join the calls from my phone. I leave for work at 6:30am, I’m back at home at 6:30pm. A few times a week I need to do deployment at 10pm. I tried speaking to my manager and to my director. They don’t care. My every attempt to improve our processes is met with opposition. My manager is afraid of changes. I can’t believe this is where I am but I’m too tired to prepare for job hunting. I can’t afford to quit. I don’t know how to get myself on track and dust off my programming and interviewing skills. I’m praying they’ll lay me off so that I can use the severance to do all those things. But this isn’t really a plan, it’s wishful thinking, and I’m afraid that my career options are getting worse by the minute. Do you have any advice on how to get myself out of this hell hole?”

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: I work at a big tech company on a remote team of about 10 people, and most of them have been here for 5+ years. I’m in the “newer” half of the team with 4 years here. My problem is, in group meetings, absolutely NO ONE talks. I mean zero small talk, they have trouble responding to simple yes or no questions. Everyone participates thoroughly when it’s a technical discussion, but it’s clear no one has any interest in speaking more than necessary. We used to have one super talkative guy on our team, and even then it was mostly silence to his chats about his weekend. Is there anything I can do to get these people to speak at least a little bit? It feels insane how little I know about these people after 4 years. P.S. even in one on one chats, almost all of them shut down small talk A coworker told me that I should be having quarterly one-on-one’s with my skip to make sure they’re aware of all the good stuff I’ve been up to and my goal of promotion. This sounds correct, but feels weird when I think about setting this up. I haven’t had much direct communication with my skip, just a few responses to his questions during design meetings, but nothing else really. How do I feel less weird about this?

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: What signals do you look for when interviewing candidates? I’ve helped interview many people at this point and almost all of the engineers that I marked as “hire” that we brought on board ended up being low performers and were eventually managed out. I wasn’t the only one who approved them either, so not all the blame falls on me, but I’m really doubting my ability to assess talent. Is hiring inherently just this difficult? Is there anything I can do to improve my judgement or screening approach? Hi Dave and Jamison, A coworker on my team won’t stop creating AI generated memes. We’re a remote team and every meeting he shares memes in the chat whilst we’re trying to have productive conversations. He does this in any type of meeting, including all-hands meetings with C-level execs. On smaller calls he often hijacks it to share his screen and show us a meme he just created about something that was just said. It started off funny at first. But it’s now a constant distraction. I find it frustrating because I don’t see how he can be paying attention and contributing to discussions when he’s busy making memes. And, I also don’t appreciate seeing AI versions of my own face being shared into public Slack channels. How can I address this without sounding like I am anti-fun? Love the show, been listening for many years, keep up the good work!

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions: Hi! Love your show and how casually you talk and make fun of everything! I started my career as a freelancer and then joined a mid-size software development company to learn how the sausage is really made, salary wasn’t that important back then. A few kids and a lot more expensive lifestyle later the compensation has become more motivating, but I’m not sure how to sell myself to my manager if I don’t feel like I deserve a high salary myself. (The manager decides the salaries for all our team members.) For years I’ve been focusing on my family and other life stuff, so I’ve spent a looot of working hours not working and basically doing the minimum progress acceptable. Slow progress has come up once with my manager, from which I wiggled out of with various excuses. I’ve realised that this way of working isn’t really fair for the company and my teammates and I’ve started to take this job and my career seriously in the last few months. The company and everyone working there are super supportive and it’s been a terrific experience for all of those years. I’ve gotten a raise multiple times with always me initiating that conversation. There aren’t any clear metrics to improve that directly ties to the salary: I’ve asked my manager about it and the answer was vague like “we have this local salary survey that we take as the base and work from there”. So long story short: how to ask for a raise while not feeling like a criminal since I feel like I haven’t earned the salary I had thus far? I’m a team lead who’s growing increasingly frustrated with my project manager. Every planning conversation ends up in my private DMs, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to move these discussions to the team chat. When he messages me one-on-one, my team loses visibility into decisions, questions don’t get addressed openly, and important context just evaporates. It’s not only slowing us down, it also makes me feel like the burden of relaying everything falls squarely on me. I’ve tried gently redirecting him back to the shared space, but he keeps defaulting to my DMs. How can I get him to respect the boundaries of team communication without damaging our working relationship? Sincerely, Lost in the PM’s DMs