Parents Navigating the Teen Years

Molly is a College Facilitator and helps teens develop the skills they need to be ready to leave the nest and become independent adults. Molly is focused on helping teens not just take a bunch of classes, but find their passion in life. In this episode, Molly shares what she is thinking about when she is working one-on-one with her students, the importance of taking a step to instill and teach the power of failure, and so much more.     Key Takeaways  About Molly and the work she does in education.  We are doing teens a disservice because we are not teaching them the skills they need to become successful.   It can’t just be about the results; it has to be about the process.  The military has often reported that teens today lack perseverance and leadership skills This gave Molly a clue on what she had to help teens with.   Molly helps teens work with their athlete coach and guides them on how to have the right communication with them.   It’s important to understand what makes your teen passionate about certain subjects. This will help guide them towards a sustainable and fulfilling career.   Teachers often teach the unit, teens take the test, and then move on. There are so many skills to be learned in that process.   How do you develop grit and resilience?   How do you create a great relationship with your teens? Be real, be honest, and be open to saying “I’m sorry”.   When it comes to college, it’s not about where your teen goes, it’s about what they make of it.       Sponsored by Youth Leadership Lessons: https://varsityleadership.com/ Resources  Hoosacvalley.org  “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” book by Stephen Covey  “It's the Student, Not the College” book by Kristin White  Molly on LinkedIn    Quotes:    “A lot of times we miss the boat when kids fail. We just continue to move on as opposed to using that as a way to teach kids how to fail in life.”     “It’s shifting the narrative to ask your teen what makes them feel alive? What do you really love to do?”     “Kids know when they fail. It’s not black and white [to teach resilience]. We just need to have the conversation on what they learned from the experience.” 

Richard Capriola has been a mental health and substance use counselor for over two decades. He has treated both teen and adults diagnosed with substance use disorders including over a decade as a counselor at Menninger Clinic in Houston Texas. Richard is the author of “The Addicted Child”, a handy parental guide for adolescent substance abuse.  In this episode Richard will discuss adolescent substance abuse, how the pandemic changed teen substance abuse and warning signs every parent, teacher and coach should know about.  Key Takeaways How has the pandemic affected teen substance abuse?  Why did drug use go down during the pandemic? Children became isolated at home.  What drugs are teens using right now?  Richard sees vaping on the raise among teens.  Vape devices can easily be hidden, so parents and teachers might not be aware of its use.  Why are teens using substances in the first place? The biggest reason cited was to help with their anxiety.  We often spot the substance issue first, but we do not recognize the underlying emotional issue that the child is trying to cure or resolve.  How should parents respond when their teens don’t think it’s a big deal?  Why do people do drugs?  Teens run the potential of having more risk in their brains than a fully developed brain.  What are some of the warning signs that a teen is doing drugs? What’s a healthy boundary when it comes to trusting your teen vs. verifying what they’re saying?  If you find something alarming in their room, try not to attack them. Instead, ask proactive questions.  The parent also needs support. You cannot do this alone if your teen is starting to have substance abuse issues.  There is hope! Treatment plans do work!  Drug tests are not foolproof.  Richard talks about his book, “The Addicted Child”.  Sponsored by Youth Leadership Lessons: https://varsityleadership.com/ Resources Helptheaddictedchild.com The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse by Richard Capriola Quotes: “It doesn’t do me any good to treat a teen for marijuana use if I can’t help that teen with their anxiety. They’re going to continue to medicate.”  “Teens are interested in the brain and how it works, so I would teach them about the brain, and then I would introduce how drugs work in the brain.”  “Build a support system for yourself too. You’re going to need help and support too, not just your teen. This is going to be a journey.”

Melinda Shofner has been a high school counselor for the past 20 years and specializes in College and Career Counseling. She helps students make the best decision possible in their college of choice, what a good fit really means, and she also helps students prepare for transitioning from life at home to college. In this episode, Melinda talks about scholarships, the implications of student loans, and additional resources students can tap into.   Key Takeaways There’s so much anxiety around choosing the right college for your teen.  Picking the right college is like teaching your child how to drive.  How many colleges should you be applying to?  What happens if your teen gets accepted into a college you can’t afford?  Is your teen considering taking out student loans? Sit down with them to do the numbers.  Melinda believes it’s important to look at school retention rates. How many of these young students are dropping out, and why?  What makes a good entrance essay?  There are so many changes happening during the first year of college that many students do not realize or are not prepared for it all. It’s important to have that conversation early with them.  Melinda shares how you can set the right college expectations for your teen.  How can young adults and parents get scholarships?  How do merit-based scholarships work?  What types of resources can parents and students tap into?    Resources Email Melinda: Melinda.D.Shofner@gmail.com   Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Quotes:   “Their dream school is going to be tough when it comes to admission cost. When there’s a $10,000 difference in between schools, that’s actually a $40,000 difference over the four years.”    “Your teen is going to be a young adult. They’re going to be need to own their credit and make plans for living on their own.”    “So often the message is that college is “the best time of your life”, and when it’s not, you think it’s you. We have to be really honest with our teen that it’s not perfect all the time.”

Dr. John B. Molidor, CEO & President of the Brain Based Leadership Institute, works with people to better understand how their brains work. He guides his clients towards using their brains more efficiently and to help them make better decisions. In this episode, he explains why it can be so frustrating working with your teen as they begin to enter adulthood. Your brain doesn’t fully form until you’re 25 years old, so it’s important for parents to practice a bit of grace when your child makes illogical mistakes.   Key Takeaways Why do teenagers do some of the most ridiculous things sometimes? Chances are that teenagers don’t really have a good reason for some of the actions they do. Their brain is not fully formed.  We’re asking our teenagers to grow up faster than what their brains will allow. Brains don’t fully form until about 25 years old, however our teenagers can start driving at 16.  How can we get our teens to follow simple directions? It’s not always them being defiant!  How can parents help their teens better develop a healthy brain?  The brain is the only thing in our bodies that can change and get rewired.  Let’s talk about the importance of sleep for your teen.  Parents also need to follow by example and practice good sleep hygiene. You can teach an old dog new tricks! The brain is always learning.  What routine should you have after you’ve learned something new?  Why is hydration so important? The brain is made up of water!  Dr. Molidor offers additional resources if you’d like to learn more about the brain!  The brain and the body really needs sunshine. Even if you live in a gloomy place, make an effort to get out and be in the sun.    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources Dr. Molidor on LinkedIn Matt Walker’s books Brain Rules by John Medina Seven And A Half Lessons About The Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett   Quotes:   “Let them nap during the day instead of having them sleep till 1pm. Sleep consistency is important.”    “The beauty of some of this is by saying to your teenager, ‘You need to do this’, you start to examine your own biases and things that have been ingrained in you and then you can ask, ‘Is this true?’”    “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks? That’s wrong. You can teach an old dog new tricks.”  

Ashley Keough is a Clinical Social Worker, Psychotherapist, and Speaker practicing in New Hampshire. Ashley has been in this field of work for the last 20 years and helps her clients own their story. In this week’s episode, Ashley shares some scary stats about the rise of suicides in our teens today, and what parents can do to help ease the distress of adulthood as your teen goes through these tough developmental changes.     Key Takeaways How do you know if your teen is suicidal? What are the signs? Suicide rates are on the rise. Why is that?  Suicide is the second leading cause for adolescence.  If your teen has shifted from having a bunch of friends to having no one, that should be a concern.  If you see risk factors in your teen, how do you then go about having a conversation with them?  It’s okay to tell your teens that you are concerned.  What happens if your teen has admitted suicidal thoughts?  Whatever you do, don’t tell them to suck it up, or that they’re just doing it for attention.  What happens if one of your child’s friends is self-harming?  Ashley encourages parents to work with the school and get support and awareness around this issue. Once your child turns 18, everything changes. This is where connection with your child is really key.  How do you validate your teens feelings and not be dismissive of them?  Ashley shares examples of what parents can say to their teen to comfort them.    Sponsored by “Youth Leadership Lessons” https://varsityleadership.com/   Resources Ashley on Instagram Ashely on Facebook   Quotes:   “Therapy is about collaboration, partnership, and helping people acknowledge the growth and power inside them.”    “The rates of death by suicide in the United States have risen 57.4% over the last ten year period.”    “Teens are really smart and they’re listening for your authenticity.”

Peter Bielagus is a Financial Speaker and the Author of three books on money management. In this week’s episode, he explores whether it makes sense for your teen to attend college. He also answers the question on what parents can do if their teen doesn’t want to go to college; the options they have to pursue education; and the types of conversation you should be having with your teen around money and education.    Key Takeaways Going to college to get good grades is an outdated concept. A student today needs to take advantage of more than just when they’re at a university.  It’s too expensive to just go to college just for the degree, and nothing more.  What do you do when your teen doesn’t want to go to college?  20 years ago, college was an experience. Today, it is an investment and students need to be very cautious on how they use that investment in time.  There are different approaches to take in regard to furthering your teen’s education. College is no longer the only ‘best option’.  Growing up, Ed never had the expectation that his parents would pay for college. Today, it seems to be the gold standard. Peter weighs in on his thoughts.  There is such a thing as student loans, but there is no such thing as retirement loans. Parents need to prioritize their retirements first.  Do not sacrifice for your teen when it comes to saving for their college fund.  Does it make sense for your teen to take a gap year?  What’s too big of a student loan? Should parents encourage their teen to go to an ivy league school?  In the finance world, numbers don’t mean anything.  Parents need to remember that debt reduces opportunities.    Sponsored by “Youth Leadership Lessons”  https://varsityleadership.com/   Resources   https://peterbspeaks.com/ Peter on LinkedIn   Quotes:   “Is college worth it? The answer really is going to be, that’s up to you and your teen.”    “Parents saving for their teen’s college education should probably be the last priority that parents have in their overall financial plan.”    “What debt does, at base, is it shrinks our opportunities.”

Coach Jim Johnson has over 30 years of experience developing winning high-school basketball teams, including 428 career victories. One of Jim’s career highlights was working with an autistic boy named Jason McElwain, nicknamed J-Mac, who scored 20 points in the game’s last 3 minutes. Jim leans on his extensive experience and shares the power of leadership, coaching others, and getting teams to think bigger in this week’s episode.    Key Takeaways A little bit about Jim and his story with Jason, a boy with autism.  Jim learned as a coach that if you really want to get the most out of your team, you have to be a better listener. Jim shares why senior nights are so dear to his heart.  How many times do people stop after one failed attempt? Jim is so proud that Jason led by example and had the courage to keep going.  Good leadership is when you can shine a light on someone else!  One of the things you can control is your attitude. Jim reminds his teens of this constantly. Focus on what you can control.  Remember, attitudes are contagious!  Before, you were lucky to get one media reporter at a high school game, but Jason’s story attracted a lot of media attention.  If you want to make your dreams come true, the best way to do that is to make other people's dreams come true.  Jim explains his coaching style and why it’s important to always respect the individual player, even if you disagree. What are some of the hallmarks of a good leader?  When you first build trust, great results come after that!    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmaIsE2nLZk Coachjimjohnson.com Jim on LinkedIn   Quotes:   “Jason’s mother is balling her eyes out and she gives me a big hug and says, “Coach, this is the best gift you could have ever given my son.”    “One of the things about leadership is when you can shine the light on someone else. That’s what it’s all about and the team did it that night with Jason.”    “If we are going to be as good as we possibly can be, we need to be outstanding in the things we can control.”

Description Eric Chester is America’s most celebrated ‘teen work ethic guru’, an acclaimed in-the-trenches workforce researcher and thought leader. As a former high school teacher and coach-turned motivational speaker for youth, Eric has visited thousands of high schools and colleges to help prepare students for success in part-time jobs all the way through to full-time careers. Eric discusses how you can help your teen lead a fulfilling work life and how to navigate the challenges they might face when they take on their very first job.    Key Takeaways Teenagers struggle to find success in their first jobs.  Companies are frustrated by the lack of work ethic in their young hires. Our culture and lifestyles have changed which makes it difficult for our youth to keep up with a regular 9-5 schedule.  How parents talk about work can make teens see it as the enemy.  At the same time, teens are hearing mixed messages. ‘Find a job you love so much that you’d do it for free.’ Parents often don’t want their teen to get stuck in a low-entry kind of job, which means they discourage their teen from even applying in the first place. However, there are a lot of great lessons to be learned from entry-level jobs!  In this economy, your teen can find work!  How does a parent instill values in their teens?  How do you teach your teen how to be reliable at work?  You don’t want to get a job just to ‘pay the bills’. A job, the work you do, can be so much more fulfilling than that.  Sponsored by    Resources https://ericchester.com/ https://workethic.org/ Reviving Work Ethic (Amazon link) - shorturl.at/xzQRV   Quotes:   “If you try to protect your teen from the world of work, you’re going to delay their ability to be successful in the workplace.”    “A parent can’t force a teen to work, but they can create the conditions where the teen says, ‘I need to earn some scratch.’”    “Reliability is not something that you do, it’s something that you are.” 

Jason Holder is the Founder of Adventure Lore and has taught adventure programs to teens since the early 80s. He is a General Practitioner who primarily focuses on and works with ADHD, anxiety, depression, adjustment disorders, and family work. Jason is also the author of two books in Adventure Therapy and Adventure Activities. In this episode, Jason shares how you can keep a strong bond with your teen as they go through a very rebellious time.    Key Takeaways For most teens and all the way up to people in their early 20s, growing up is such a complex time.  Why are teens so rebellious? Jason shares a lesson in chemistry and psychology. What mistakes do parents make when trying to build a deeper bond with their teenager?  Despite wanting more connection and going out and creating fun memories, teenagers just seem to want to play video games all the time? Jason offers advice on how to overcome this.  How do you find the balance between being a parent vs. just being their friend?  If you don’t have time now, you’re really not going to have time later when they’re out of the home. Now is the time to build these memories with your children.  Life is not about what happens to us, it’s about how we adapt to the challenges. Our goal as parents is to teach children how to persevere.  When is it time to go to a counselor or have your teen go see one?  Jason is worried that with the pandemic and technology, children will not know how to interact with each other when they come back to social settings.    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources Adventurelore.org   Quotes:   “Every parent wants to have a strong connection with their teenager, and yet it’s one of the most challenging and frustrating things for parents to be able to do.”    “A good parent is a friend of the child as well. It’s a huge factor. Being able to play with your kids and have fun with your kids is critically important.”    “We teach kids how to persevere. Things aren’t always as easy, but we have to learn how to adapt.”

Christy Keating is the Founder of The Heartful Parent, a Certified Parent Coach & Educator, and a licensed attorney and former prosecutor of 20 years with an expertise in the prosecution of sexually violent predators. Christy loves helping parents experience more love, joy, and connection in their families with The Heartfelt Parent Coaching Programs.   In this episode. Christy talks about how to talk about consent with your children. She covers everything your teen could say if they face rejection to setting healthy boundaries with others on what they’re ready and not ready to do. Unfortunately, with the internet, if parents aren’t having these conversations, our teens will find an unhealthy version of it elsewhere.    Key Takeaways How do we teach our children about consent?  What is the definition of consent?  If your teen doesn’t feel comfortable asking for consent, then they should not be doing it.  What can your teen do when they experience rejection? On the other side of this, how can you teach your child to safely say no?  How do we help build the confidence in our children to say no?  Currently pornography makes up for 1/3rd of all sites and searches on the internet.  All of our teens will see pornography by the time they hit college.  If we don’t have the conversation at home, our children will be learning about it on the internet.  What parental filtering systems should parents use?  You shouldn’t just have ‘a conversation’ and forget about it. You have to have many small 1-5 minute conversations about what’s healthy and what’s not in adult relationships.  According to a Harvard study, children want to hear more from you!  Remember, it’s better to start now than to never start.  What happens when your teen just refuses to have conversations?    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources Theheartfulparent.com Theheartfulparent.com/consent Bark.us Mcc.gse.harvard.edu   Quotes:   “I always say to kids, if you’re not able to talk about it, then you’re not ready to do it.”  “Our teens need to understand that ‘no’ is a complete sentence.”    “Consent can’t be a one-time conversation. It has to be ongoing.”

Harriet Turk has spent the last two decades in education and business. In the education sector, Harriet developed and implemented multi-million dollar programs for local and state level educational systems as the Youth Programs Coordinator for the Mississippi Governor’s Office of Highway Safety. In this episode, Harriet shares how to build a deeper connection with your teen, even when it feels like they ‘never talk’!    Key Takeaways The teen years are a very confusing time. They need a parental figure to connect with them.  How do you listen to your teen when they’re refusing to talk or share about their lives?  You can’t set a scheduled time to talk to your teen. You really have to work on their timeline. As parents, we want our children to come to where you are. You want them to hang out when you’re cooking, or doing something in the living room, but the best place for connection is by going to their room and where they are.  Look at your child’s rooms, what are they interested in right now? Can you start a dialogue with them about it?  Harriet has a Spotify family account and she can see what her son is listening to at the time and can connect with him that way.  Instead of asking, ‘why’, ask ‘what makes you feel that way’. It helps open up the dialogue much more effectively.  Remember to be careful about what you say about your ex-spouse when you’re with your children. You can’t control the behaviors; you can only control your thoughts.  What do you do when you get stuck with your teen? Consider writing a letter to your teen to help express your feelings in a healthy way.  If you get frustrated or angry, remember to apologize and to also explain why you might have gotten overprotective.  How do you help build your child’s self-esteem up?    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources Harrietturk.com Harriet on Instagram Harriet on Twitter Quotes:   “When I started going where he was, it seemed our communication opened up more.”    “Adults connect with our minds and then our hearts follow. Kids start with their hearts and how they make them feel, and then their mind follows.”    “I know I’m not going to be the only influence, so who are they gravitating to, and why?”

Christa D'Amico, CAGS, NCSP, is a NH Licensed School Psychologist who works at Winnacunnet High School in Hampton, NH. Ms. D'Amico partners with families, teachers, school administrators, and other professionals to create a safe, healthy, and supportive learning environment that strengthens connections between home, school, and the community. Ms. D'Amico understands that parents want to help their teens and help them with their problems, but that might not always be the best approach. In this episode, Christa shares tips and advice on how parents can teach their children to be more resilient and self-aware when they're managing times of high stress.   Key Takeaways How does safety and relationships play a key part in managing a teen's feeling of being overwhelmed? Teens get stuck in the emotional side of their brain. Adults are typically able to move out of this area more effectively. It's our job as parents and teachers to help teens feel safe. We shouldn't underestimate the impacts COVID and isolation has had on our children. The three ways to help your teen with overwhelm is: Help them feel safe, make sure they feel heard, and notice their distress. As parents we want to protect our child no matter what, but there's a fine balance on how to best do this. When having tough conversations, remember to talk less and listen more. Try not to fix anything. Just listen to understand. How do we help our teen become more self-aware? Some children struggle with regulating their emotions. It's important to identify this early on and be attuned to their needs.     Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education Resources   Smart but Scattered series  Quotes:   “When we're feeling stressed and when we're feeling fear, we are vulnerable. We have no capacity to think straight.”    “When you're having important conversations, make sure you talk less and listen more.”    “Where are your strengths and weaknesses? We all have them and there’s nothing wrong with them.”

Dr. Marlene Bizub, Psy.D., has been working in the court system for the last 23 years and has seen couples go through it all; including using their children to hurt the other parent. What can you do to prevent a situation like this if you're separating from your partner or if your child is currently spending their time in separate households? Dr. Marlene has some timeless advice on how to act in the best interest of your children.    Key Takeaways What do teens really need when their parents live in separate households? What are some common mistakes parents make with their teen? Don't vent your partnership problems to your child! You could unintentionally be using your teen as a therapist. This puts a huge burden on their shoulders. What can you share with your teen? Remember, your teen isn't an adult yet developmentally. You need to give positive reinforcements that this is not their fault. Don't use your child as the messenger. Please avoid litigating parenting time. The decision about what to do with the kids does not need to be made by the court. It's so difficult to navigate this parenting space when living in different households. Don't make it more difficult than it needs to be. Your lawyers aren't there for the best interests of your children, they're there to protect you!     Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources www.Marlenebizub.com drmarlene@marlenebizub.com Cell: (719) 641-5403   Quotes:   “The message you can convey is that it's okay to love that other parent.”    “A parent going through a separation or divorce is often bitter or resentful. What should you share? Not a lot...unless it's positive.”    “We don't send messages through the children. They are not our messengers.”

Jessica Weissbuch is the founder of Brave Trails, a summer camp for LGBTQ youth to build self-esteem, leadership skills, and life-long friends. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and focused her academic life on studying LGBTQ+ youth affirmative therapy practices. In this week’s episode, Jessica talks about how parents can be an LGBTQ ally even if your child is out or not. She also discusses ways to bring the conversation to your household so that there is acceptance and love for who your child is, and for who they may love.    Key Takeaways How do you position yourself as an ally for the LGBTQ community?  If your child is out, how do you build a deeper connection with them?  Asking your child if they have a [opposite gender] relationship can make them feel uncomfortable. Maybe they’re just not attracted to the opposite sex yet.  Get yourself a positive LGBTQ therapist. Don’t be afraid to interview a couple of them to get the right one!  Isolation is a big thing you want to avoid. And to avoid that, you have to do research and make sure the people around your child are supportive and understanding.  How do you find the right LGBTQ resources?  Look for inspiring LGBTQ role models. These are people who are walking their walk and speaking their truth.  How do you create a safe space for your child to come out or be able to express their attractions?  Sometimes when a child comes out, it is such a shock because they’re so ‘stereotypically’ female or male.  Parents do have a support group to better understand and show up for their LGBTQ child!  Jessica shares a little bit about Camp Brave Trails and why it’s been such a positive place for youth.    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education Resources Bravetrails.org Queer as a Five-Dollar Bill Book by Lee Wind Pflag.org   Quotes:   “Isolation is the root of a lot of anxiety and depression.”   “Representation matters. When I was young and coming out, there was no one in the media that was out and open.”   “Be patient with yourself as parents. As long as you are trying, as long as you’re there to support, give yourself some grace.”

Kerry Stutzman is a Family Therapist and Parenting Instructor passionate about teen suicide prevention. The numbers in teen suicides are rising and it’s frightening to feel so helpless as a parent! What can parents do to better support their teen’s mental health journey? Kerry has some tips on how to reduce internal teen conflict within your household and be supportive of your teen’s development.    Key Takeaways Kerry was heartbroken when she looked at teen suicide rates.  When there’s intense parental conflict, the risk of suicide increases.  Kerry understands parents don’t want to have intense conflict with their teens. They often are just scared.   Teen suicide went up 58% from 2017 to 2019 in Colorado, where Kerry is from. In the US as a whole, it went up 25% over the last three years.  Youth suicide has a big ripple effect. It’s not only devastating families, but it’s impacting their friends and communities as well.  What can parents do about this?  What do teens wish their parents knew at this time?  Teens want to be heard, but parents are so focused on talking more than listening.  The trick about talking less and listening more is that sometimes kids just don’t talk.  Some teens feel like they can’t go to their parents when they’ve made a mistake. With no one to talk to, it burdens them.  Practicing grace and patience goes a long way when trying to educate and talk to your child. Kerry used a physical trick by placing a weighted pad on her lap to keep herself grounded.  How do you have a closer relationship with your child? How do you show them you care? Developmentally, your child needs to reject you. As a parent, it’s your job to not reject them.  Want to know more about Kerry’s survey?     Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education Resources Kerrystutzman.com Kerrystutzman.com/bridge-the-gap Kerry on LinkedIn   Quotes:   “40% of youth suicides are preceded by intense parental conflict.”   “Suicide is the second leading cause of death of youth ages 10 to 24 in the U.S. The numbers are awful.”   “Teens shared, “I wished my parents would talk less and listen more.”

Cynthia Klein is an Educator, Coach, Speaker, and Author. Through her work, Cynthia helps parents of children from age five to thirty. Cynthia understands how frustrating it is when your teen doesn’t let you in on their day-to-day life. Is it just because your teen is ‘going through a phrase’? No! It’s on you to open the lines of communication and learn how to truly listen to your teen. Cynthia shares how to develop a closer relationship with your child in this week’s episode.    Key Takeaways How do you make your teen feel heard and understood when they’re opening up to you?  When should a parent first start to create an open dialogue with their teen?  You first need to determine if you want to work with them, or if you want to be an authority figure with them.  You can’t be the authority figure all the time, especially if you want your teen to open up and trust you. Your teen is still developing, so it’s important to create safety around good decision making.  Parents often think they know best, although this maybe true, it sends the wrong message to teenagers. As a parent, start getting good at recognizing communication blocks. Is your child talking more or are they shutting down when you chime in with your opinion?  Children often say they’re ‘fine’ because it’s a safer option than actually sharing how they are feelings.  Practice non-judgmental listening. It takes confidence and trust in your teen.  When you notice you have used a communication block with your teen, use this opportunity to apologize and try again. When you placate your child, it can feel like you’re being a cheerleader, but it really rubs off on them as being condescending and sarcastic.  Another thing parents unconsciously do when their child is sharing something, as a way to relate, they share a bit about their past, but it ends up turning the problem around back on to the parent, and the child feels unheard.  How do you communicate with your child via texting and social media?  No matter what, have a weekly family meeting where you talk about the positives and the negatives.  Is this something you want to work on? Tell your child to help you out! Let them know you’re learning ‘how to just listen’.    Sponsored by: www.vsac.org Resources:   Cynthia’s Website: https://www.bridges2understanding.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cynthia.klein.bridges Free chapter from her book Ally Parenting – You can keep video games from overtaking your family -https://ally-parenting.com/free-chapter   Allyparenting.com Ally Parenting by Cynthia Klein Cynthia on LinkedIn   Quotes:   “Your teenager can end up feeling defeated because you’re trying to tell them to feel differently.”   “Giving unwanted advice, interrogating, and placating are three major, major communication blocks.”   “Everyday, offer two minutes of silence and listening, and don’t comment later on what they said.”

Coach Sheri Gazitt is the Founder of Teen Wise and Mom Wise. She is an advocate of teen mental wellness and helps parents navigate the ups and downs of adolescence. In this week’s episode, Sheri talks about how to not get suckered into peer pressure as a parent. It’s easy to compare your child’s progress with other children in your community, but that extra stress can really affect the critical developmental years of your child!    Key Takeaways There is such a thing as parent peer pressure. What are your parenting values?  Sheri believes every parent should be compassionate and should have it as one of their values.  It’s easy to compare your child’s progress with other children. The parent journey is always going to be different.  What we are feeling and experiencing also gets passed down to our children.  How do you stay true to your values when you’re around competitive parents? Nobody puts their parenting struggles on Facebook.  How do you listen to your own intuition as a parent and not get swayed by friends and family?  Remember, there is no one size fits all to parenting.  You’re doing the best that you can. We make mistakes. Let’s just learn from them.  People aren’t perfect, but when you love and care for each other, you work together to make things right.  When you’re parenting out of fear, you’re parenting from a very primal place and that’s not healthy. Forget what college your child is going to. Instead, foster an environment of positive learning.  Sheri shares the difference between expectations vs. values. At the end of the day, your children have to find their own path in life.    Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources   Teenwiseseattle.com Momwise.club Enough As She Is by Rachel Simmons Brainstorm by Daniel Siegel   Quotes:   “What are your values? They’re different for everybody.”   “Everybody wants their kid to feel loved. They want their kid to be happy, and their mental health to be good.”   “We have to parent from a place of love and turn off the noise.”  

Chucky Rosa is a non-profit Public Speaker and an Advocate against drug and alcohol abuse. Chucky works with teens, families, and individuals struggling with substance abuse and has shared his personal story with thousands, which has inspired them to live a drug free life. On this week’s episode, Chucky talks about how to spot the early signs of substance abuse, what to do as a parent, and why thinking it’s ‘not a big deal’ is a mistake.    Key Takeaways Chucky shares his story on how he lost two children, and almost a third, to substance abuse.  Addition is a fist fight you can win everyday. It is something you can overcome and win.  Everyone thinks they can handle their drug or alcohol addiction…. until it starts to handle them.  Chucky talks about when he first found out his children were experimenting with drugs.  Chucky lost his first son and it broke his heart, nine months later, he lost his second son to drugs.  Education is key when it comes to drug addiction and awareness.  You don’t just teach math during the first or second grade and stop. You teach it all the way through school. The same applies to substance abuse. Teens need to be regularly educated.  What should a parent do when they find out their son or daughter has been drinking or doing drugs? Chucky believes it’s important to be proactive and help them find a replacement activity that is healthier. Whether that be a cooking class or sports.  If you drink or smoke weed, then you are a product of your own environment and you are showing your children what is acceptable.  Chucky had his bouts with drinking and knows he didn’t set the best example for his sons. He lives with that guilt.   If you’re blessed to be near an ocean, take advantage of it. It’s very healing. Chucky is adamant about getting your kids to do new hobbies and activities that will help focus them on longer-term goals.  Chucky talks about his non-profit charity and how he’s helping teens better themselves. Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education   Resources Chuckysfight.com   Quotes:   “I talk about accountability and owning your choices. For students, I encourage them to understand that addiction is a choice that they make everyday.”   “I think education is key. My sons were uneducated, and I was uneducated. If I knew it wasn’t a phase, maybe I would have done something different.”   “Alcohol abuse is not a problem until it becomes a problem. If you don’t try to help manage it, it will manage them.”

Laura Stack’s 19-year-old son, Johnny, died by suicide on November 20, 2019 from paranoid delusion from using high-THC marijuana concentrates. Soon afterward, Laura started a 501c3, Johnny’s Ambassadors, to educate parents and teens about the dangers of today’s high-THC marijuana on adolescent brain development, mental illness, and suicide. In this session, Laura will share the story of Johnny’s marijuana addiction from a parent’s point of view, a poignant chronicle of the shocking descent from innocence to eventual suicide. Before marijuana, Johnny was a computer whiz with a 4.0 GPA and a perfect math score on the SAT. After marijuana, he stole his family dog from the home and threatened to kill it without payment from his mother. With moving candor, Laura traces the first warning signs, their attempts at rehabilitation, her desperation, and his eventual demise. Three days before his death, Johnny issued his own warning about marijuana usage. Through this tragic, transparent tale, Stack hopes to use her pain to help parents talk to their children about the dangers of today’s marijuana.   Key Takeaways About Laura and how she lost her son to suicide.  If it can happen to Laura’s happy family, it can happen to anyone.  Laura believes if marijuana wasn’t around, she’d still have her son.  When Laura first found out about Johnny’s drug use, what did she do?  Why is marijuana so addicting? Isn’t it safe for use?  Laura talks about the difference between marijuana and alcohol.  Laura wants to stress that this is not the same drug we used when we were kids in the 70s or 80s. There’s a new breed of strong and more addictive weed out there.  How do you deter your children from using drugs? You have to teach your children boundary-setting skills.  Laura thinks it’s important to set clear boundaries in the household and to not be afraid to drug test your children.  Marijuana is harmless? Think again. As a parent, you must speak up against this false messaging.  What are some of the behavioral changes you should be on the lookout for?  Marijuana is destroying teen’s futures. It is making permanent changes to their brains.  We have to protect our children in the end.  Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education Resources Johnnysambassadors.org   Quotes:   “Everything we did, we still couldn’t keep him from using the marijuana and sadly, he took his life at 19 years old. You just look at this and you think, how can this happen?”   “We didn’t understand how potent marijuana is, how addicting it can be, and how it can cause mental illness. All of this was new to us.”   “We tried tough love, taking his phone, taking his car, therapy. Once he turned 18, it was impossible. There’s no way to help your child when they are a mentally ill adult.”

Jon Mattleman has worked with schools, parents, mental health organizations, and businesses for the last 30 years to help manage anxiety, stress, depression and more. Today, Jon discusses why your teen might not be opening up to you, social media challenges, and so much more. It’s not just because they’re going through a ‘phrase’, it’s because we, as parents, make it difficult for them to talk! Sometimes we need to take a step back, give our teen space, and just listen attentively without trying to problem solve. Jon shares some useful strategies on this week’s episode to help navigate these tough teen years.    Key Takeaways About Jon and his extensive work in this field. Why don’t teens talk to us? Believe it or not, teens want to share their fears!  Parents are always talking and giving advice when sometimes we just need to shut up and listen!  Why do teens have better conversations with you in the car?  Teens stop talking because they can see your face. Jon decided to try something new and turn off the light tod see what happens!  Just because you’re ready to talk doesn’t mean it’s a good time for them to talk.  Kids know when you’re not present!  Jon offers advice to parents who are worried their children aren’t motivated enough.  We often say the wrong thing when it comes to handling anxiety.  When your teenage son comes home drunk, the best time to talk about this is not in the moment, it’s the next morning.  Jon shares what he learned when he asked his son why he got drunk.  When you’re talking to your child about something they made a mistake on, don’t make a decision about the consequences on the spot just yet. This teaches them by being honest with you, they’ll get punished. Give it some distance.  We are all so hyper connected with technology. How can we best manage it?  What is digital self-harm? What are some of the best ways to talk to your teens about some of their anxiety or mental health challenges they might be going through?  When it comes to better mental health awareness, schools are slow to accept it, but we are getting better.  If you’re really concerned about your child’s mental health, talk to your guidance counselor at the school first. Therapists can be harder to find during Covid.  There are so many consequences to sweeping your child’s mental wellbeing and health under the table. Address it now before it gets worse. What are some of the things you should look for in a therapist for your teen?   Resources Jonmattleman.com Sponsored by Stand Up for Your Greatness! Edgerety.com/education Quotes:   “We didn’t have virtual learning, we had pandemic learning, which means people have to pivot at a moment's notice and that’s an incredible stressor. Of course, kids are burned out!”   “We are constantly saying the wrong things around anxiety like, ‘It’s not a big deal’ or ‘Get over it.’”   “When your kids are drinking, drugging, anything, everyone does something for a good reason to them. It’s not good in terms of their longevity or safety, but we have to understand their reasoning and process.”