True Crimes Against Wine

DEFENDANT: Alexander Dumas EVIDENCE: Medley Rosé SCENE OF THE CRIME: Languedoc, France -- Hey — we’re starting Season 6 with boxed rosé, bad accents, and a whole lot of literary chaos. Join Judge Topher (beverage boss) and Judge Rachel (pop-culture prosecutor) as they unbox Medley’s Languedoc rosé, gush over the pool-friendly packaging, debate whether boxed wine counts as classy, and taste notes of apple, pear, and a cheeky finish of strawberry. Spoiler: it’s an easy, drinkable crowd-pleaser and perfect for pool days and boat trips.   Then we stumble through The Count of Monte Cristo — from Edmond Dantès’s naive beginnings and prison metamorphosis to a pirate-fueled treasure haul and one very dramatic revenge tour. There are detours into Napoleon-era politics, serialized 19th-century publishing, Henry Cavill’s youthful cameo, and too many accent attempts to count. Expect goofy banter, surprising historical tidbits (Dumas’ family history is wild), and a lot of laughs — plus a trivia quiz that goes off the rails in the best way.   Whether you love wine talk, classic revenge tales, or just want a podcast that feels like two friends riffing over a bottle, this episode’s your vibe. Pop a cork (or pull a bag tab), get comfy, and come for the rosé, stay for the drama.

DEFENDANT: The Odyssey EVIDENCE: "Odyssey" Miner Family Winery Red Blend 2021 SCENE OF THE CRIME: Napa, CA -- Hey friend — welcome to our Season 6 kickoff of True Crimes Against Wine! We popped a slightly fancier Napa GSM, uncorked some ancient Greek drama, and laughed (and cried a little) our way through Polyphemus, Calypso, and the many questionable choices of Odysseus. We took this bottle on a little detective walk-through — sniffing eucalyptus, tasting red plums, and decoding why the wine felt lighter than expected. It’s a celebration-splurge kind of pour: balanced, food-friendly, and surprisingly low-ABV for a Napa blend. We also dove into Christopher Nolan’s new Odyssey film — casting surprises, scene highlights (hello sirens and practical effects), and the ways the movie leans into war trauma more than the racy bits of the original epic. Plus, a rapid-fire Greek-or-not quiz that may have gotten a little too competitive, lots of gossip about wishbone and pop culture, and of course, a plea for listeners to Venmo us so we can go sample vineyards in person. This episode is cozy, honest, and full of nerdy joy — think wine notes, mythological tangents, and big feelings about dogs, hubris, and how language evolves. Pour yourself something special and join us for the ride — we’re loud, affectionate, and absolutely here for season six.

DEFENDANT: Bruce EVIDENCE: Jaws Amity Island Red Blend SCENE OF THE CRIME: A Beach Near You -- Hey friend — welcome to the season finale of True Crimes Against Wine, where we drank a Jaws-labeled Napa red and then took a deep dive into sharks, sea-snail sex, and why Spielberg’s technical failures made cinema history. We’re sipping a 55% Petit Syrah blend with Merlot, Cabernet and a cheeky 5% Aligoté (yes, Aligoté!), talking oak and cinnamon, and wondering whether the grape’s fruit-forward nose would match the surprisingly soft, dry sip. We reminisce about our first Jaws experiences, dissect the iconic two-note theme (you know the one), and praise the film’s suspenseful genius born from broken mechanical sharks. There are quiz rounds, outfit descriptions (I’m the poodle in a fur coat — clearly), and a whole lot of drunk rambling about bull sharks, the USS Indianapolis, friendship foam, and sea-creature mating rituals that somehow led us to discuss third nipples and the best mid-’70s blazers. Classic season finale energy. If you love movie lore, bad-but-fun wine labels, and unfiltered sidebar chaos, this episode is a salty, sunburned treat. Grab something chilled (or cellar-temp) and come hang — we’ll keep the people’s court, the sidebar nonsense, and maybe even a special summer surprise if we remember. Until then: stay in the shallow end, cheers, and happy summer.

DEFENDANT: Scarlett O'Hara  EVIDENCE: Southern Belle Jumilla, "The Mourner"  SCENE OF THE CRIME: Jumilla, Spain, oddly enough -- Hey friend — grab a glass and curl up: this episode pairs a bold Spanish wine called Southern Belle with the messy, fascinating world of Gone with the Wind. We unpack the bottle (visually and taste-wise), the winery’s playful Southern Gothic art, and the surprising bourbon-barrel twist — then dive deep into Margaret Mitchell’s life, the book’s complicated legacy, and the movie’s glittering, problematic hold on culture.   We don’t shy away from the sticky stuff: racism, mythmaking, class, and how nostalgia can soften historical pain. We also gush over the label art, sip notes of ripe cherry and clay, and argue about Scarlett, Rhett, Hattie McDaniel, and who truly deserves blame — while keeping it personal, candid, and a little bit goofy. Whether you want wine recs or a thoughtful, cozy chat about one of America’s most contentious classics, this episode has you covered.   Pop a bottle, take a seat on the imaginary Spanish terrace, and let’s talk about stories, wine, and why some things resist easy answers.

DEFENDANT: Leonardo DaVinci EVIDENCE: DaVinci Pinot Grigio SCENE OF THE CRIME: Renaissance Italy -- Hey friend — come hang out with us for a delightfully silly, slightly spicy stroll through art, wine, and history. We’re sipping an easy Pinot Grigio, dreaming up melon-and-prosciutto pizzas, and taking Leonardo da Vinci on tour: his notebooks, love life rumors, flying machines, and that massive (now-ruined) horse project. We gossip about museum wine nights, the chaos of the Louvre, and Michelangelo’s beef about buff bodies — all while drinking, cracking jokes, and treating the past like our most dramatic friend. If you love cozy, chatty episodes that blend pop-culture riffs with art history, this one’s for you: we mix tasting notes (pear, green apple, underripe honeydew), travel stories, and scandalous little details about Renaissance Italy (including sodomy charges, apprentices, and sketchy patrons). It’s like eavesdropping on two pals at the museum bar. Pull up a chair, pour a glass, and prepare for Leonardo’s courtroom (sort of) — full of gossip, goofy hypotheticals, pizza plots, and a little wine-fueled wisdom. Ciao, cheers, and try not to get gooey over the melon slices on your pizza.