The Work of Being Human

Of all the troubling and trouble-making dynamics we encounter in relationship, this is the one that does the most harm. It's denial. Denial is the wall that stands between our issues and our growth. It's the narrative we tell ourselves when we can't face the truth. This week, we unpack what it is and how to come out of it.

When we think of abandonment, we imagine it means leaving something or someone physically. An abandoned house, an abandoned dog. It's something of value that no one's taking responsibility for. But abandonment doesn't have to mean a physical abandonment. Sometimes abandonment is as subtle as a quiet withdrawal. Abandonment is scorching when someone storms out on someone, but it can be just as devastating if we are left wondering what the truth is when someone withholds it from us. This week, we look at abandonment in all of its forms and ask ourselves: was I abandoned, even in small ways? Do I abandon others? And how do I heal?

Has therapy become our religion? In this winter episode of The Work of Being Human, I explore what happens when a deeply good and necessary tool is asked to carry weight it was never meant to bear. Using winter as a metaphor for inward attention, stillness, and self-knowledge, I reflect on my own psycho-spiritual journey and the powerful role therapy played in my healing. Drawing from psychology, attachment theory, and meaning-making research, this episode examines humans as orienting beings—creatures who must organize their lives around something ultimate. Therapy offers compassion, clarity, and relational repair, but it cannot provide meaning, purpose, or wholeness. When we ask it to, it quietly becomes sacralized. This episode is not an argument against therapy, but an invitation to place it where it belongs: as a vital support for facing reality, healing wounds, and preparing the ground for life—while leaving space to reach beyond the self for what the human heart ultimately longs for.Send me your reactions: contact@vanessabentley.co

Happy New Year to all! In this opening episode, Foundations: The Two Things You Need in Order to Grow, we begin the year by doing something countercultural: slowing down. Instead of rushing into resolutions and forced change, we look to winter — and the natural rhythms of the seasons — as an honest model for how growth actually works. Drawing from the agricultural calendar, psychology, and Christian wisdom, this episode explores why January is not a time for productivity or reinvention, but for rest, stillness, and preparation. We talk about dormancy, readiness, and the unseen work that happens beneath the surface before anything grows. You’ll hear why insight alone doesn’t transform us, how modern mental health culture often pushes urgency over wisdom, and why true change requires both grace and self-discipline. This episode sets the foundation for a year-long journey rooted in reality, humanity, and timing — beginning not with a push, but with a breath.Follow me on Instagram: @vanessathetherapistSend me an email: contact@vanessabentley.coAnd don't forget... DM me with a photo of you, fascinated by a piece of cheese. And yes -- you have to listen to this week's episode to get it. ;-)

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate, near and far! This week, we discuss the essence of what it means to be present. Too often, we offer parts of ourselves and not the whole, and we wonder why we feel lonely and disconnected. The truth is: all healing culminates in the ability to be fully present. We'll look at what it is, what it's not, and why it's the greatest gift we can give another. Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vanessabentleylpcFollow me on X: https://x.com/VthetherapistSend me an email with a podcast request: contact@vanessbentley.co

As we continue our series, Ending the Year Well, we look at a very important question we could ask ourselves at the close of the year: what does the healthiest version of myself look like? If I'm as healthy as I want to be, what does that look like emotionally, physically, mentally, professionally, sexually, and so on. Then we do some inventorying: who is going to help me get there and who isn't? Folks, it's time to "clean out the closet" of our relationships. We're going to talk about recruiting, reconciling, and releasing... and we're looking ahead into 2026 with purpose, intention, and full responsibility for who we are. To look at the "Yearly Inventory" from years past, click here:1: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=10005887743442: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=10005898247483: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=10005905945794: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=1000591292133If you'd like to send me a message, email me at: contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)

As the year winds down to a close, it’s time to take some inventory and think through how we want to close 2025 out. Starting a new year with a clean slate is one of the greatest gifts you can supply to your mental health. No baggage. No loose ends. No unfinished business. Just a clear mind and an open heart. So we need to ask ourselves: Am I holding on to hurt, bitterness, or resentment? Is there someone I need to forgive? This week, we tackle what forgiveness is and isn’t, how to do it, and how it’s actually essential to your mental health. Send me an email about the podcast! Contact@vanessabentley.coBuy “The Toolbox” - https://a.co/d/azt401j

Happy thanksgiving to all! I wanted share the gratitude in my heart for you, the audience, some thoughts on how to cultivate a life that overflows with thankfulness, and a prayer for all who listen. Many thanks for keeping this podcast going in its fourth year!

Listen to this episode if you’re feeling defeated, tired, run down, or if you’re hearing yourself complain a lot. Elysia Skye is a speaker, mindset and leadership consultant, and host of The Brilliance Method Podcast, and here’s what I learned from talking to her: authenticity in action is one of the most compelling expressions of humanity. Elysia is brave, bold, deeply caring, and filled with hard fought wisdom. She has faced battles in her own life to reach her goals, and she brings this same passion and practical knowledge to us in this episode. Her work is all about bringing out the “brilliance” in all of us, and I’m so thankful she shared her gifts with the Work of Being Human audience! Follow me on Instagram!https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist?igsh=MTJ6NTYwdWFsOG5ieg%3D%3D&utm_source=qrhttps://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman?igsh=MXd6cTY3b3ZwNXZ1&utm_source=qrTo connect with Elysia… Watch or Listen to The Brilliance Method Podcast: https://linktr.ee/elysiaskyeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/elysiaskyeFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/elysiaskyecoachTik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@elysiaskyeYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@elysiaskyeLinkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elysiaskye/

Dr. Alan Weissenbacher is a pastor and a neuroscientific researcher. His work in addiction and recovery led him to dive more deeply into the brain’s ability to change and rewire itself. In this episode, Dr. Weissenbacher leads us down the road of recovery, brain change, a grace filled process, and why you should celebrate every step. (Hint: it has to do with how your brain works.) He’s funny, kind, thoughtful, patient, and delivers a strong wind of hope for anyone who has ever felt like giving up. Simply put: this episode is about how you can change anything!For more information on Dr. Weissenbacher, click here: https://alanweissenbacher.comTo order his book, “The Brain Change Program,” click here: https://a.co/d/2KuNY3N

Many listeners have requested an episode on grief for two reasons: (1) grief is difficult, and we seek all the help we can get. (2) Grief is universal. We will all face losses of many kinds. Marcia’s experience with grief, while heart wrenching and tragic, offers us hope, purpose, and an uncommon vitality. She is an expert on finding life again after loss. Marcia teaches us to view grief as a spiritual passage through our greatest fears to a new version of ourselves. Marcia’s faith, hope, and determination to live again will inspire you to accept grief as part of life and, in her words, get breathing again, moving again, and living again.For more information on Marcia: https://www.thesterlingrosesanctuary.usTo purchase Marcia’s book on grief: http://a.co/d/3Qq4eHRFollow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesterlingrosesanctuary/

Two weeks ago, we took a bit of a deep dive into understanding how our negative beliefs develop. This week, we're going to tackle what we DO about them. How do we actually change negative belief systems about ourselves? About others? The truth is, we have a lot more power and agency than we realize. Through deeper understanding and an assertion of our commitment to growth and change, we can actually change any negative belief to a positive one. This week, I'll talk you through how. If you'd like to send me an email about the podcast - thoughts, requests, (critiques!), and reactions - I'd LOVE to hear from you! Email me at contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Thanks for listening! Please follow, subscribe, and SHARE! :-)

This was one of those episodes I simply had to do. I was ready to record part 2 of last weeks episode (“Why Am I So Hard on Myself?”), but based on my own experience and what I’m hearing from you all, I had to pivot. This week, we tackle what to do when we’re offended, when we disagree. We look at the escalation stages of conflict and how to diffuse it at the most essential stage. We are going to become skilled communicators, in search of truth and reason, able to navigate disagreement without putting our relationships in jeopardy. These are skills everyone simply must have. (And we even dabble a bit into Socrates!)Send me an email. I’d love to hear from you! Contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)

This week we tackle an important theme in therapy: self-understanding. Clients see therapists for a variety of needs: relief, tools, compassion, and hope. But underscoring all of these important goals is one universal must: you must learn to understand yourself. Most of us, at some point or another, have battled a negative internal voice. This week, we unpack it and explore how to understand your internal voice, where it comes from, and how to begin the work of dismantling it. (Next week we dive into how to turn a negative internal voice into a positive one.)Send me an email! Contact@vanessabentley.co

The last few weeks have brought us stories of horrific violence - a shooting during mass at a Catholic school in Minneapolis resulting in dozens of injuries and two dead children, a senseless murder of a young woman on a train, who came to our country for a better life, then the assassination of political leader, Charlie Kirk, killed in cold blood while debating students on a university campus. The next day was... September 11. Twenty four years after I saw my city come to its knees. (I'm a former New Yorker.) I knew the world would never be the same that day. I felt the same way when that bullet ripped through Charlie Kirk's throat - we'd crossed a line. Again. The world will never be the same. And I found myself, as I often do, soul searching: "What is the root of this violence?" On this special episode of "The Work of Being Human," I analyze the tragedies we've witnessed in the last month as well as the root of violence that is exploding in our nation. It's not political. It's not ideological. Tune in for more.I love hearing from you: contact@vanessabentley.co

We've all said it; we've all felt it: "I'm confused!" We are flooded with too many thoughts, feelings, options, and contradictions. It's uncomfortable, we like clarity, so we try to push it away as quickly as possible. Just like anger and sadness, confusion gets a bad rap because it's uncomfortable, but it's serves an almost wholly positive purpose in mental health. The truth is, we have to tolerate feeling confused if we want to learn, grow, deepen, and be able to read unsafe people. This week, we expand our understanding and respect for CONFUSION. No one wants to live there, but in order to be mentally healthy, we've got to learn how to stay in it long enough to let it do what it needs to do. Follow me on instagram! https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist?igsh=MTJ6NTYwdWFsOG5ieg%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFollow the podcast! https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman?igsh=MXd6cTY3b3ZwNXZ1&utm_source=qrSend me an email. I love hearing your thoughts and requests: contact@vanessabentley.coIf you like/love this podcast, please share it!

It is THE most searched for phrase in any search concerning mental health. “Am I depressed?” “How do I know if I’m depressed?” “What are the symptoms of depression?” “Can depression be healed or resolved?” (Yes.) We want to know and understand ourselves. We need to have a sense of what is normal and what isn’t. How much sadness in the normal tragedy of life is allowed before it becomes a habit? A condition? An impairment? These questions flood our minds as life goes on, struggle after struggle. This week, we dive into both the nature of depression and the etiology - in other words, how it comes to be. What happens in life that predisposes us to a depressed or melancholic state? And if we find ourselves down in the dumps for a good period of time, what should we do about it? After listening, you’ll walk away with:- An understanding of the history of depression and how we’ve attempted to address it across millennia, because it ain’t new- An understanding of what depression is and what it is not- Why you should give it the respect it deserves (Yes, I said respect.)- How to resolve depression, how to grow past itThank you SO MUCH for listening (no really) and please share!I’d love to hear from you! If you’d like to reach out and share your thoughts, reactions, or ideas for the podcast, email me at contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theworkofebeinghumanFollow me on instagram: @vanessathetherapist

ChatGPT can give you endless information, instant insights, and will even mimic a little human comfort — but it can’t heal you. In this episode, I unpack the real role of AI in our search for growth and wholeness: the advantages (access to knowledge, new perspectives, clarity) and the limits (no intimacy, no struggle, no human relationship). Healing isn’t about collecting data; it’s about being known, facing reality, and letting the mess of being human shape you. This conversation is about where ChatGPT fits—and where it absolutely cannot—in the work of being human.Follow me on Instagram: @vanessathetherapistFollow the podcast: @theworkofbeinghumanSend me an email! Contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)Podcast by Vanessa BentleyProducer/Editor: Jared BentleyMusic: Vanessa BentleyMusical arrangment: Winston Philip

Relationships are hard. We know this. We are trying to find common ground between us when we come from different backgrounds, assumptions, and habits. It takes patience, time, investment, skill, and a lot of humility. But what happens in relationship when you enter trauma into the mix? What happens when one or both partners are traumatized? When they carry wounds and scars from past abuse, hardship, and fear? This week, we focus on how to have a trauma-informed relationship, how to support, cope, and connect with someone when trauma is part of their story. (Don’t worry. I will define trauma in this episode. Not every hardship is trauma and should not be treated that way.) We’ll get into the neurological changes that take place in a traumatized brain, the behavioral and social challenges, and how to communicate to a brain that is screaming, “I’m not safe!” Send me a message about this episode, a past episode, or something you’d like to hear: contact@vanessabentley.coFollow me on Instagram: @vanessathetherapistFollow me on X: @vthetherapist

Do you ever notice how - around some people - you feel really confused? Do conversations feel like a labyrinth? Do you find yourself losing your own train of thought and suddenly you realize the conversation has taken a completely different turn away from what you wanted to talk about? Do you ever notice that you spend hours in difficult conversation and nothing gets resolved? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to LAYERS - the many confusing walls human beings put up to protect their own hearts and keep yours at bay. This week we dive into this difficult pattern and talk about how to cut through the layers in ourselves so we can clearly see and communicate with others. If you want to email me with thoughts and topic requests for the podcast: contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)