The Work of Being Human

Of all the troubling and trouble-making dynamics we encounter in relationship, this is the one that does the most harm. It's denial. Denial is the wall that stands between our issues and our growth. It's the narrative we tell ourselves when we can't face the truth. This week, we unpack what it is and how to come out of it.

When we think of abandonment, we imagine it means leaving something or someone physically. An abandoned house, an abandoned dog. It's something of value that no one's taking responsibility for. But abandonment doesn't have to mean a physical abandonment. Sometimes abandonment is as subtle as a quiet withdrawal. Abandonment is scorching when someone storms out on someone, but it can be just as devastating if we are left wondering what the truth is when someone withholds it from us. This week, we look at abandonment in all of its forms and ask ourselves: was I abandoned, even in small ways? Do I abandon others? And how do I heal?

Why do we act in ways we later regret? In this episode, I explore the psychology and neuroscience of impulsivity — why human beings often act before they think, and how those split-second decisions can shape the entire trajectory of a life. We’ll look at: the brain systems involved in impulse controlthe role trauma and emotional conditioning can play in impulsive behaviorand why so many people find themselves trapped in cycles of regret. But we’ll also talk about how real change happens — from practical tools that help create space between urge and action, to the deeper transformation that occurs when our identity is grounded in something larger than impulse. This episode is about learning how to move from reaction to reflection, and ultimately from impulse to wisdom.Email me: contact@vanessabentley.coFollow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

Not all depression looks like sadness.Sometimes it looks like success.Productivity.Responsibility.Strength.In this episode, we explore the hidden face of depression—the high-functioning person who never stops moving because slowing down would mean facing what has been buried for years.Why do some people outrun their own grief?What happens when achievement becomes a defense against pain?And why might depression actually be trying to protect us?If you’ve ever felt like you had to stay strong no matter what… this conversation is for you.

The Epstein Files have reopened a question most of us would rather not ask: How do people slide into this kind of evil? Your outrage is sane—but outrage alone won’t help us understand how power, access, secrecy, and rationalization can slowly dismantle a human conscience, in individuals and in systems. In this episode, we trace the psychological mechanics of moral collapse—from small compromises to full-blown corruption—using Epstein’s rise, the protection of corrupt communities, and Shakespeare’s Macbeth as mirrors. This isn’t about spectacle. It’s about clarity, accountability, and the uncomfortable truth that the line between good and evil runs through the human heart. If you want to understand how this happens—and what integrity, justice, and courage require of us now—this episode is for you.

Dr. Chloe Carmichael is a psychologist and best selling author of "Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety. " This week she joins The Work of Being Human to discuss her new book -- "Can I Say That? Why Free Speech Matters and How to Use it Fearlessly." We dive into topics that matter today: What constitutes free speech and what does not. Why free speech is not only essential for individual mental health but for a mentally thriving community. Practical lessons on how we can improve our communication and listening skills. This week is not to be missed if you need validation or affirmation that your voice matters. Simply because it's yours.Buy "Can I Say That?" https://www.amazon.com/Can-Say-That-Matters-Fearlessly/dp/151078490X?crid=166QIZZQTY60B&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.995VBdQCkilutA-gOCY_FSvZBcouBrMtNMiQbAIbKQfGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.C76UKBgvEHn1D9b6xWwvRvaD6myRTxO9ksoEx6xj6K8&dib_tag=se&keywords=carmichael+can+i+say+that&qid=1743424788&s=books&sprefix=carmichael+can+i+say+that%2Cstripbooks%2C105&sr=1-1&linkCode=ll1&tag=ivba-20&linkId=d70a784201ad5aff3e5e7638b8b6b095&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tlLearn more about Chloe https://www.drchloe.com/

Judith Belmont is a veteran therapist, a mental health coach, and the prolific author of 11 books on mental health. Her message is simple: make sure your thoughts are rational. In this episode of the Work of Being Human, Judith guides us through the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy and discusses how our thoughts can easily lead us astray. Irrational thoughts become unwanted emotions and unwanted emotions contribute to problematic behaviors. You'll learn how to catch cognitive distortions before they take root and become destructive thought patterns. She expertly teaches "short cuts" you can use to train your brain to think rationally leading to a more optimistic, grounded approach to living. Click these links to connect with Judith:Judith's website: www.belmontwellness.comJudith's Amazon page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Judith-A.-Belmont/author/B004CRN10I?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&ccs_id=144bdc96-4630-4ce2-bcd7-f97d5b1b295c

Most of us say we want peace—but what we’re really longing for is a regulated nervous system. In this episode of The Work of Being Human, we explore what’s actually happening beneath our anxiety, reactivity, numbness, and exhaustion, and why so many of us feel worse—not better—when life finally gets quiet. Through a personal story of silence, stillness, and unexpected internal chaos, I unpack how the nervous system’s primary question is not “Am I happy?” but “Am I safe?” You’ll learn the difference between real and perceived threat, why peace requires space, how we unknowingly become unsafe for ourselves, and what it truly means to cultivate safety—both internally and in our relationships. This is not about mastering techniques, but about understanding your body, facing reality with compassion, and beginning the slow, brave work of becoming someone you can finally rest with.

We’ve heard it and said it: “I had a happy childhood.” What does this really mean? This week we explore the importance of childhood, what NEEDS to happen in childhood that will lead to a healthy adulthood, and how the goal of happiness can actually stunt our growth. Topics we cover in this episode: - trauma and reducing the harmful effects of a traumatic experience - how identity is achieved - what impedes the development of a healthy, authentic identity in childhood and adolescence - what role the full range of emotions play in our experience of joyThanks for listening, and if you like it, share it!

Has therapy become our religion? In this winter episode of The Work of Being Human, I explore what happens when a deeply good and necessary tool is asked to carry weight it was never meant to bear. Using winter as a metaphor for inward attention, stillness, and self-knowledge, I reflect on my own psycho-spiritual journey and the powerful role therapy played in my healing. Drawing from psychology, attachment theory, and meaning-making research, this episode examines humans as orienting beings—creatures who must organize their lives around something ultimate. Therapy offers compassion, clarity, and relational repair, but it cannot provide meaning, purpose, or wholeness. When we ask it to, it quietly becomes sacralized. This episode is not an argument against therapy, but an invitation to place it where it belongs: as a vital support for facing reality, healing wounds, and preparing the ground for life—while leaving space to reach beyond the self for what the human heart ultimately longs for.Send me your reactions: contact@vanessabentley.co

Happy New Year to all! In this opening episode, Foundations: The Two Things You Need in Order to Grow, we begin the year by doing something countercultural: slowing down. Instead of rushing into resolutions and forced change, we look to winter — and the natural rhythms of the seasons — as an honest model for how growth actually works. Drawing from the agricultural calendar, psychology, and Christian wisdom, this episode explores why January is not a time for productivity or reinvention, but for rest, stillness, and preparation. We talk about dormancy, readiness, and the unseen work that happens beneath the surface before anything grows. You’ll hear why insight alone doesn’t transform us, how modern mental health culture often pushes urgency over wisdom, and why true change requires both grace and self-discipline. This episode sets the foundation for a year-long journey rooted in reality, humanity, and timing — beginning not with a push, but with a breath.Follow me on Instagram: @vanessathetherapistSend me an email: contact@vanessabentley.coAnd don't forget... DM me with a photo of you, fascinated by a piece of cheese. And yes -- you have to listen to this week's episode to get it. ;-)

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate, near and far! This week, we discuss the essence of what it means to be present. Too often, we offer parts of ourselves and not the whole, and we wonder why we feel lonely and disconnected. The truth is: all healing culminates in the ability to be fully present. We'll look at what it is, what it's not, and why it's the greatest gift we can give another. Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vanessabentleylpcFollow me on X: https://x.com/VthetherapistSend me an email with a podcast request: contact@vanessbentley.co

As we continue our series, Ending the Year Well, we look at a very important question we could ask ourselves at the close of the year: what does the healthiest version of myself look like? If I'm as healthy as I want to be, what does that look like emotionally, physically, mentally, professionally, sexually, and so on. Then we do some inventorying: who is going to help me get there and who isn't? Folks, it's time to "clean out the closet" of our relationships. We're going to talk about recruiting, reconciling, and releasing... and we're looking ahead into 2026 with purpose, intention, and full responsibility for who we are. To look at the "Yearly Inventory" from years past, click here:1: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=10005887743442: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=10005898247483: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=10005905945794: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=1000591292133If you'd like to send me a message, email me at: contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)

As the year winds down to a close, it’s time to take some inventory and think through how we want to close 2025 out. Starting a new year with a clean slate is one of the greatest gifts you can supply to your mental health. No baggage. No loose ends. No unfinished business. Just a clear mind and an open heart. So we need to ask ourselves: Am I holding on to hurt, bitterness, or resentment? Is there someone I need to forgive? This week, we tackle what forgiveness is and isn’t, how to do it, and how it’s actually essential to your mental health. Send me an email about the podcast! Contact@vanessabentley.coBuy “The Toolbox” - https://a.co/d/azt401j

Happy thanksgiving to all! I wanted share the gratitude in my heart for you, the audience, some thoughts on how to cultivate a life that overflows with thankfulness, and a prayer for all who listen. Many thanks for keeping this podcast going in its fourth year!

Listen to this episode if you’re feeling defeated, tired, run down, or if you’re hearing yourself complain a lot. Elysia Skye is a speaker, mindset and leadership consultant, and host of The Brilliance Method Podcast, and here’s what I learned from talking to her: authenticity in action is one of the most compelling expressions of humanity. Elysia is brave, bold, deeply caring, and filled with hard fought wisdom. She has faced battles in her own life to reach her goals, and she brings this same passion and practical knowledge to us in this episode. Her work is all about bringing out the “brilliance” in all of us, and I’m so thankful she shared her gifts with the Work of Being Human audience! Follow me on Instagram!https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist?igsh=MTJ6NTYwdWFsOG5ieg%3D%3D&utm_source=qrhttps://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman?igsh=MXd6cTY3b3ZwNXZ1&utm_source=qrTo connect with Elysia… Watch or Listen to The Brilliance Method Podcast: https://linktr.ee/elysiaskyeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/elysiaskyeFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/elysiaskyecoachTik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@elysiaskyeYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@elysiaskyeLinkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elysiaskye/

Dr. Alan Weissenbacher is a pastor and a neuroscientific researcher. His work in addiction and recovery led him to dive more deeply into the brain’s ability to change and rewire itself. In this episode, Dr. Weissenbacher leads us down the road of recovery, brain change, a grace filled process, and why you should celebrate every step. (Hint: it has to do with how your brain works.) He’s funny, kind, thoughtful, patient, and delivers a strong wind of hope for anyone who has ever felt like giving up. Simply put: this episode is about how you can change anything!For more information on Dr. Weissenbacher, click here: https://alanweissenbacher.comTo order his book, “The Brain Change Program,” click here: https://a.co/d/2KuNY3N

Many listeners have requested an episode on grief for two reasons: (1) grief is difficult, and we seek all the help we can get. (2) Grief is universal. We will all face losses of many kinds. Marcia’s experience with grief, while heart wrenching and tragic, offers us hope, purpose, and an uncommon vitality. She is an expert on finding life again after loss. Marcia teaches us to view grief as a spiritual passage through our greatest fears to a new version of ourselves. Marcia’s faith, hope, and determination to live again will inspire you to accept grief as part of life and, in her words, get breathing again, moving again, and living again.For more information on Marcia: https://www.thesterlingrosesanctuary.usTo purchase Marcia’s book on grief: http://a.co/d/3Qq4eHRFollow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesterlingrosesanctuary/

Two weeks ago, we took a bit of a deep dive into understanding how our negative beliefs develop. This week, we're going to tackle what we DO about them. How do we actually change negative belief systems about ourselves? About others? The truth is, we have a lot more power and agency than we realize. Through deeper understanding and an assertion of our commitment to growth and change, we can actually change any negative belief to a positive one. This week, I'll talk you through how. If you'd like to send me an email about the podcast - thoughts, requests, (critiques!), and reactions - I'd LOVE to hear from you! Email me at contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Thanks for listening! Please follow, subscribe, and SHARE! :-)

This was one of those episodes I simply had to do. I was ready to record part 2 of last weeks episode (“Why Am I So Hard on Myself?”), but based on my own experience and what I’m hearing from you all, I had to pivot. This week, we tackle what to do when we’re offended, when we disagree. We look at the escalation stages of conflict and how to diffuse it at the most essential stage. We are going to become skilled communicators, in search of truth and reason, able to navigate disagreement without putting our relationships in jeopardy. These are skills everyone simply must have. (And we even dabble a bit into Socrates!)Send me an email. I’d love to hear from you! Contact@vanessabentley.co (not .com)