Claim OwnershipWe Will NOT Play DnD
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© 2021 Greg Hoffman
Description
Four friends struggle to get through their weekly roleplaying campaigns together.
171 Episodes
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Four friends play an exciting, fast-paced roleplaying game set in a far flung future you'd have a better understanding of if you'd read the handouts I gave everyone.
A murder perp is caught and her house is in need of investigating, but lo and behold there was no murder, and there is no spaghetti in the house to justify all these carpet stains.
When the trail goes cold, it's time to hit the streets and ask some questions, but not before buying hotdogs, marshmallows, and camping supplies.
By completely sheer dumb luck, the universe throws our heroes a break and puts a suspect directly in their path. The man on the motorcycle returns, then tries to get away.
The team decides to go after one of the world's richest men. They don't have evidence, they don't have police training, and they don't have jurisdiction, but they have a hunch.
Bart's not a bad dude, honest! At least he doesn't mean badly, and to show it, he uses his crazy wealth to get the team back and track, and headed in the direction they were going before they tried to arrest him.
It's finally time to get some real answers about this nano-tentacle nonsense! It'll just take a few forms, an arbitration agreement, and a liability waiver.
Playing a fully ad-libbed game, our heroes are common, salt-of the earth miners of a magic metal. The pay is poor and the luck is worse.
How might one get a human body from downtown to the woods with nothing but three friends and a bold attitude? There are many ways and some are worse than others.
Skipping town requires supplies, but getting supplies requires money, friends who have things, or a certain amount of wit. When you have none of that you make do with what you can get.
If you can't get the supplies to stow away on your own, a passenger ship probably wouldn't notice a few extra strangers! Or a few extra crew members, for that matter, so long as you can get the look right.
The gang is found, and efforts to divert suspicion are only successful for so long. When the whole ship is alerted to the possibility of stowaways, it all comes down to fate, and then fate completely turns her back on our heroes.
With death almost certain, the universe takes an unlikely twist in the form of savior mermaids who worship a volcano. But who can truly know the whims of the volcano but those who dwell upon the land?
Adventure on the high seas! Playing as pirates in Madagascar, our heroes do all they can to make ends meet in a dwindling, hopeless crew. Misfortune is at the helm.
One of the crew has been slain! But by what? Or who? Teeth marks would indicate some sort of creature, but the lack of footprints or other useful evidence leans towards the supernatural.
After a second killing, the reality becomes clear. The murders are related to a curse. But why? And how? These are things that either nobody is saying or that nobody knows.
Though they have a man who might know more about their dangerous situation, he's not exactly an ally. The only way to find out who will be killed next is to experiment and try to force a murder on someone, or something, less important to our heroes than themselves.
Captain Bell has enough shenanigans and incompetence and locks up our heroes, who then get a chance to really hash things out with Alfonso and learn why he in particular is never killed.
The crew is growing antsy and looking for explanations, and above that scapegoats. The time has come to draw some lines in the sand, figure out who's trustworthy, and make a few final leaps of faith.
1It's the party's first year at Dorptoad's School for Gods Among Mortals! And what a wonderful, magical, exciting time it is. There's chocolate creatures, hidden dangers, evil bad students who wear the wrong team colors, and of course, a grading system.
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