The A to Z of Sex

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is joined by her husband Terence Scott for this episode. Terence Scott is a percussionist who enjoys running drum circles as well as teaching human drum circle. His wife is his favourite instrument.

C is for Climax

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is joined by Jorge Fockele, Race Bannon, Lola de Milo and others to talk about BDSM and their upcoming film.

This is the audio to the Live radio show, hosted by Dr Lori Bisbey, the accompanying video will be up soon, when youtube has fixed an issue. The live show can be watched at: https://radio.thesexylifestyle.com/show/3838/the-a-to-z-of-sex 11am Pacific Standard Time

Please enjoy again:   Z is for Zipless Fuck Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is Z and Z is for Zipless Fuck…   A zipless fuck is sex with no strings.  For many people this means anonymous sex but for others it simply means casual sex.   Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying coined this term in 1973. She said ‘The zipless fuck is absolutely pure.  It’s free of ulterior motives.  There is no power game.  The man is not ‘taking’ and the woman is not ‘giving’.  No one is attempting to cuckhold a husband or humiliate a wife.  No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone.  The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is.  And it is rare than a unicorn.  I have never had one.  It is called zipless because when you came together, zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff.  For the true ultimate zipless A-1 fuck, it was necessary that you never got to know the man very well.’   A zipless fuck should provide pure pleasure and energise as a result.   Erica Jong felt that to achieve this, the parties could not know each other because in knowing each other different agendas would come into play.  Recently, Ms Jong said that she felt it was impossible to find a zipless fuck and that in fact she felt the best sex was with people that you know.   In a zipless fuck, you are free to project anything onto your partner.  You can make him or her into the ideal in every way.   If the sex is truly fantastic, this can become your unattainable ideal for the future.    Everyone you meet is compared to this mysterious lover with whom you had an amazing sexual encounter.    Everyone is compared to this unattainable ideal.    This can overshadow perfectly delicious experiences with people you know or are getting to know well.  If the zipless fuck does overshadow, you have missed the point.    The point of the experience is that it be liberating.  Once liberated, there is no need to repeat the experience every week or every month.  Once you have had a transformational experience, you move on to new levels of learning.   Of course, this is only true if you see the zipless fuck as an opportunity for learning and for ‘pure’ experience.  You may view it as simply the opportunity for some great no strings sex.   Casual sex has changed quite a lot since Ms Jong wrote about zipless fucks in 1973.    In the 80’s, the discovery of AIDS gave pause to many who engaged in casual sex.   The idea of simply meeting without words, engaging in hot and heavy sex and then parting with not a comment being made began to disappear.  Conversations about safe sex were necessary before sex could begin.  At least that was the case for people who wanted to avoid STI’s.  Friends with benefits became a more popular choice than one night stands.  Though knowing someone in other contexts doesn’t necessarily translate to knowing whether they indulge in safe or unsafe sexual behaviour. In the UK, diagnoses for sexually transmitted infections rose in 2012 by 5%.   This despite lots of public education as to the risks of unprotected sex.    Aaron discovered a love for sex with men through a zipless fuck.  Aaron is 33 single and had identified as heterosexual.  He works in banking which brings a high salary but long hours and little time for maintaining relationships.  He has had a couple long term relationships that ended as a result of his career.  Aaron isn’t ready to settle down and describes himself as having a healthy sexual appetite.  Aaron has always been curious about sex with men.  He has fantasised about men since he was in his teens.  He never found himself in the situation to test out his attractions and is

Please enjoy again: Y is for Yoni Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is Y and Y is for Yoni.  Yoni is a term that comes from Sanskrit and means womb, uterus, vagina, vulva, abode and source.  In Hindu philosophy, Yoni is the beginning of life. Joining me today to talk about all things Yoni is Michele Brookhaus. Michele Brookhaus RSHom(NA), CCH, passionately embraces her mission as Yoni whisperer and soother of all things feminine. As Creator of Yoni Bliss, a homeopathic medicinal as well as a personal exploration and healing of both the physical and metaphysical vulva/womb, she fiercely acknowledges the power of the Yoni to direct and defend woman’s innate creativity and capacity for unbounded pleasure, wisdom and satisfaction. 20 years a homeopath and healer she studies with world renowned teachers in the fields of homeopathy, energy healing, neurolinguistic programming and other modalities. She loves honing her skills and is a healer of healers and mentor of mentors. As a thought leader picked up by Huffington Post, Prevention, the Good Men Project, as well as Thought Catalogue, The Vaccine Reaction and Yahoo Parenting, she is tickled to find herself on the forefront of women’s empowerment, helping women remember and find the truth in, and the possibility of pleasure, fun and satisfaction.  Yoni Bliss chose her as CEO (chief exhilaration officer),  because she has come to KNOW that enough is enough. Her own Yoni has rooted her in this knowing. And so she offers not just a product, but classes, retreats, individual sessions both virtually and in person for women wishing to know this for themselves. Sensual, Wise, Satisfied, that’s her call to you.  Michele lives in the Pacific Northwest, and her 23 year old inspirational son does too (though far enough away so she doesn’t bug him too much0  She loves Bikram yoga, Salsa dancing, and listening to her Yoni. Welcome to the show! We started by talking about the idea of Yoni as source and how it is so important to be connected into the yoni.  We spoke about this being the centre for women and that this is the location of the root chakra.  Yoni is centre of creativity and of balance and that this applies whether or not a woman has children. We spoke about the lack of rites of passage in modern times and how the information that would have been passed on about sex and pleasure in the past through these rites is often not being passed on.  We spoke about the importance of these rites in transitions and how new ones might be created.  We talked a lot about dealing with the grief often held in the Yoni and Michele said that she chose her remedies in Yoni’s Bliss to focus on grief and irritability. Michele spoke about the wise woman crone and how that image has changed as we are now living longer and how important it is that we teach younger women and lead by example.   Michele can be found at http://www.yonisbliss.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YonisBliss/?ref=bookmarks Twitter: @yonisbliss Michele offers a free 20 minute consultation to see if a VIP (very important pussy) day is in order. Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn how to awaken your authenticity, arouse your sexuality and ignite your desire. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be Z.

Please enjoy again: Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is X and X is for Xenerotica.   Xenerotica is being turned on by strangers.  People who are into this often find themselves in interesting situations.    Some of these situations can be very high risk – meeting someone on tinder or online and going and having sex with them – without doing any background research or even letting friends or family know where you are going to be.    Other situations can bring the strange and mysterious to already established relationships.   Surprise and mystery are important parts of keeping a relationship exciting.   It can be really difficult to recreate mystery when you have been in a relationship with someone for a few years or more.    But it is essential if you want to keep things firey.     My favourite example of bringing the strange or a stranger to an already established relationship comes from the book 9 ½ Weeks.   In this book, E’s partner has her register at a hotel and when she arrives she finds a number of packages.  There are instructions to dress in the clothing and when she is dressed, she is dressed as a man – in male drag – including facial hair.  She meets her partner in the hotel bar.  She has truly become a stranger.    It isn’t as difficult to become as stranger as you might think.  You don’t have to change sex.   All you need do is change your style and the way you present to your partner.  Start by changing your hair style.  A good wig can do wonders to completely transform your look.     Add a new style of clothing and your partner may barely recognise you.  Of course you want to look your sexiest.  Don’t forget you are trying to seduce your partner.  So create the hottest sexiest stranger that you know your partner will want to bonk and then arrange a date night.  Don’t forget to let your partner know that you are going to change your appearance.    Another way to do this is to engage in role play together.  You can cultivate a variety of characters and then your partner can really indulge in some xenerotica – having sex with loads of strangers.   Role play can seem really daunting.  Most people worry about looking stupid.  Role play is supposed to be fun.  Laughter is a part of it.  Sometimes the scene works and is smoking hot and other times it just seems a comedy.    If you are interested in learning about role play, grab my eBook or why not join me for my workshop Casanova’s Secret.  Email me as drloribeth@atozofsex.com for details.   True Xenerotica involves having sex with strangers.  For many people, this means meeting someone on Tinder or another dating app and hooking up with little or no interaction to get to know each other.  These folks are not looking for relationships.  They are looking for exciting anonymous sex.    Why is this so exciting?  There are more reasons than you might think. Sex with a stranger allows you to be anyone.  You step away from any preconceptions and into the experience as a new person.  You can walk into the experience as all the best parts of you or as someone else entirely.  And since you are not planning to see this person again, you don’t have to worry about what they think.   Sex with a stranger allows you to try out a fantasy that you might be worried is too way out or that you think your partner may not like or that you are too embarrassed to talk to anyone who knows you about.    If you find you like enacting the fantasy, you can learn to talk to a partner about it.  If it doesn’t go well, you walk away from the experience with no baggage.   Sex with a stranger can be great when you are horny but don’t want a relationship – especially when you have just...

Please enjoy again:   W is for Writing Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is W and W is for Writing.   I had the opportunity to record a wide variety of people at Master slave Conference 2018 over Labour Day weekend in the United States.   I recorded this episode with Jaki Griot while I was there.   In 2006, Jaki found the local BDSM community through the TNG movement and served on the Steering Committee for the Next Generation, Baltimore for 6 years.  Jaki worked for http://peplove.com/ (PEPlove.com (People Exchanging Power)) http://peplove.com/ (as a phone dominant and sex counselor.  Jaki worked at Sugar the Shop (a woman and trans operated adult toy store) as a sex education.  Since 2007, Jaki Griot has taught classes for local and antional organisations including but not limited to: Maryland Institute College of Art (MICA) , Dark Odyssey Winter Fire, Dark Odyssey Fusion, Floating World, Baltimore Educational Social Society (BESS), BlackBeat, FetFest, Primal Arts, TNG Baltimore , DCTNG and Touch of Flavour.  Her published erotica and essays related to kink and BDSM appear in Salacious Magazine, Sacred Kink Anthology, Carter/Johnson Leather Library and the National Coaltion for Sexual Freedom.) We started by talking about Jaki’s involvement in TNG Baltimore and how this lead to exploring many facets of kink and BDSM. We moved from there to talking about the many projects Jaki has been involved with. Jaki enjoys connecting with many different types of people from all walks of life.. She is an activist and works to see people of colour, women, disabled people, people of all body shapes and sizes, and people of all ethnicities represented in the BDSM, kink, polyamory and leather communities.  One of her main goals is to help people from these groups to have a voice.    Her new zine (online and in print) Perverts of Color provides a platform for essays, erotica, and art.. Jaki spoke about wanting upcoming issues to also focus on how people who have disabilities including neurological ones and including those who simply think differently experience sexuality, kink, BDSM, leather and the wider communities..   Jaki spoke about creating a space for all these communities by being willing to talk to people and interact with people.   Perverts of Color : Goal to have this bimonthly for at least a year.. It costs digital $3 and print $6 http://etsy.com/kinkartblack/   There are interviews, stories, art, original photography.. There are also resources such as ways to find doctors, therapists, lawyers etc who are kink aware and/or friendly.   Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drloribeth@atozofsex.com , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly. If you enjoy the show please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter X.

Please enjoy again:   Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is V and V is for Vagina. Anna-Thea is an author, speaker and teacher. Her courses offer women life-changing tools in the area of emotional mastery and spiritual sexuality. She is dedicated to helping women live more sensually alive and speak confidently from their hearts. Anna-Thea offers practical solutions for women with body image, food and/or intimacy/relationship issues.  She has a bachelor’s degree in Nutrition and is a Level 2 certified Kundalini Yoga and Vinyasa Flow instructor. She is also certified from the Divine Feminine Institute as a Spiritual Sexual Educator. Using principles from her extensive studies in yoga, nutrition, psychology, astrology and the Divine Feminine Institute she educates women to be leaders of love. Her book “Empower Yourself by Loving Your Body” and her blog offer women insights to honor their bodies. We started by talking a bit about the anatomy of the vagina and jade eggs.  Anna-Thea spoke about the Taoist practice for using the eggs to open up the many levels of the vagina and vaginal or sexual reflexology.  She spoke about the opening of the vagina being connected to the kidneys and the emotions being fear and calmness, the G spot being connected to the liver and the emotion being anger.    We spoke about how to use a jade egg and how it strengthens the PC muscles and that it is useful for a wide variety of issues from incontinence through to creating stronger more mind blowing orgasms.   From there we spoke about using wands to stimulate the G spot and female ejaculation.  Anna-Thea told us about the fabled D spot that moves around.   We spoke about the importance of getting to know the vagina and the whole genital area and how each woman looks and feels different.  We spoke about how important it is for a woman to look at herself and to learn her vagina.  We spoke about the importance of sex education from a young age so that children see their sexual parts as non-shameful and delightful parts of their bodies. Anna-Thea spoke about her upcoming course Sex Education that Your Mother Never Taught You.  She said that this is a space for women to learn from each other and that the course covers anatomy and physiology in ways that most women have not learned them before. For more information on her courses: Mastering Your Emotions Course www.annathea.org/emotions Sex Ed You Didn't Learn From Your Mother starts Nov 1st www.annathea.org/sexed For more information visit www.Anna-Thea.com and http://www.leaderoflove.com/ (www.LeaderofLove.com) http://www.annathea.org (www.annathea.org) https://www.facebook.com/annatheafab Twitter: @theannathea Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn how to awaken your authenticity, arouse your sexuality and ignite your desire.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe!  Join me next week when the letter will be Z.

Please enjoy again:   U is for Unity Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is U and U is for Untold Stories.   History is important.  From the past we learn.  We are learn best from stories and yet so  many of them remain untold.  Joining me todayt is Mistress Nia.  She is a service-oriented Dominant and teacher whose style of  leadership is “First Among Equals.”  She has been active in BDSM since 2005 and female – led household offers opportunities for discipline, education and service.  Nia identifies as a Leatherwoman and is a member of the Sterling Shadow Continuum (SSC) and Mast Dayton and serves a sthe chaplain of La Meute de Rougaroux (The Rougarou Pack).  She is also a budding presenter in her local community, having recently given her first presentation for SSC.  Mistress Nia resides in Southwest Ohio.   We started by talking about the Black lesbian history that has been erased.  During the initial AIDS crisis, many of the sick and dying men were cared for by lesbians.  When their families wouldn’t come near them.  When they were afraid to touch them.  These women cleaned their homes, took them to doctor’s appointments, picked up medication, sat with them and often buried them.    Mistress Nia spoke about the challenges facing these leather women and other women now.  She talked about breast cancer, cervical cancer, ovarian cancer and that the men that they cared for are dead so there is no one to care for them.    We spoke about the lack of education and awareness.  The fact that this epidemic of STI’s is not over and that too many younger people are taking risks without knowing all the facts.   We talked about how simple it would be to get a breast cancer mobile out to the Pride marches and events along side the van that tested for HIV and AIDS.  We pledged to raise awareness and to educate.  To provide outreach   If you want to connect with Mistress Nia, she can be found on FetLife.com. Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drloribeth@atozofsex.com  and I will answer on the show. Follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now! See you next week when the letter will be V.

Please enjoy again: Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. The A to Z of Sex is on location this week, visiting Mistress Max Rulz.  Today the letter is T and T is for Talking Dirty.  Perry wasn't the best looking guy, a little overweight, a little unkempt.  He wore thick glasses, plain jeans and he tended to slouch.  Most men and women didn't find Perry attractive until he spoke.  Perry's voice was liquid smooth and deep.  He made love with his voice even when talking. about ordinary things.  But when he decided to talk sex, well the person he was talking to was lost. Perry liked to create a sensory rich scene so detailed that you felt pulled into the world he was created.  The scenes he created were plush like deep velvet.  They enveloped you, captivated you and did not let you go until after he had finished. Mz Max and I talked about talking dirty to communicate your desires to your partner and how hard it is for so many people to speak their truth when it comes to what they want.  We talked about how much shame there is around sex.  Mz Max talked about how masturbation involves us talking dirty to ourselves.  That all masturbation needs a script.  She talked about how basic and primal sex is and meant for enjoyment and pleasure.    And how much shame still exists about sex.  We spoke about talking dirty for foreplay, and how talking dirty is different than writing or texting.  Mz Max talked about how often what people wrote to her was so different when in person – how body language illustrated the shame or the embarrassment or the areas that are just fantasy and not based in reality. Mz Max talked about how kinky folk negotiate before having sex.  Mz Max said that every person is deliciously perverted at least in their own head.   Finally we talked about how talking dirty brings you into the now.  So you are fully present in sex.  And how difficult this is for people in modern society but how much better sex is when you are completely engaged. Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drloribeth@atozofsex.com , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now!  Why not join me for my upcoming free webinar 4 Secrets for Arousing and Igniting Your Authentic Sexual Self.  Click the link in the podcast notes to sign up or head to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/4-secrets/   See you next week when the letter will be U.

S for Single Parent Dating Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is S and s is for Single Parent Dating   Joining me today to talk about the latest science in single dating is Dr Duana (DWAYna) Welch. She is the original Love Factually author and coach, known for using social science to solve real-life relationship issues. She has been a professor at universities in Florida, California, and Texas across 20 years, and she has contributed to NPR, PBS, Psychology Today, and numerous other outlets, podcasts and videos. Her first book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, is now out globally in five languages. Love Factually for Single Parents [& Those Dating Them] is the second book in the series, specifically geared for finding the right partner not only for readers, but their families. Her book series Love Factually Singles (February, 2019) provides science-based dating advice in single-topic titles that fit readers’ desire to save time and money and to read content specific to their needs. All her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; and they all have a blue cover, for easy identification. Her Love Factually client practice is global, via Skype and other technologies. For more information and free content, see LoveFactually.co.    We talked about single dating and how to find the person who is committed to you and who is the love of your life.  Dr Welch was clear that even people children can have an adult relationship. She talked about the research that shows that most children do not recover well from multiple upheavals but those where parents remarry once – recover much better.  She spoke about taking time in the introduction and being clear about your boundaries.  Dr Welch’s book has a step by step guide to dating as a single parent including protecting yourself and your child.  She recommends trusting your intuition and suggests combining reading her book with reading Gavin De Becker’s book The Gift of Fear.    We spoke about how longitudinal research (research over a long period of time) highlights that recovery from divorce is variable and that those who do recover move on with their lives and relationships in an adult manner.  Dr Welch spoke about how important it is to observe a potential partner’s behaviour with others in the environment and how important it is to make sure that the person is kind, of good character and treats others well.  She spoke about only dating when the children are not with you – either when the other parent has them or when you arrange baby sitters or child minding.  She spoke about the importance of not talking about your children and your family all the time and that keeping the details of family life out of the conversation allows you time to assess this person’s commitment and desire to be a step parent.  She highlighted that this is a slow process and encouraged people to find out as much as they can about the person via the internet, friends, family and even their ex partner.  We agreed that people who are not willing to have adult conversations as to why relationships ended and what the challenges of previous relationships were.   Dr Welch talked about the series of books she is launching Love Factually Single Series that deal with one issue per book.  The first book coming out on Valentine’s Day is on online dating and profile creation.    You can find Dr Welch at LoveFactually.co.    Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drloribeth@atozofsex.com  and I will answer on the show.  Follow me on twitter, Instagram and...

Please enjoy again:   Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is P and P is for Pleasure and Pain.   How different is pleasure and pain?  Why do so many people gain intense pleasure out of what can also be intense pain?  What kinds of pain are enjoyable?   Today I will answer these questions.   Let’s start with the neuroscience behind pleasure and pain.    Pain and pleasure used to be considered opposites but recent research has highlighted that there are lots of similarities between the anatomical substrates functioning in both.    The ability to seek pleasure and avoid pain is important for survival.    There is a lot of overlap in the chemistry of both sensations and they compete for primacy of processing in the brain.  This might explain why some pain can be processed and perceived as pleasure.     Relief of pain can be experienced as intense pleasure.   Particularly if the pain was acute and strong.  Endorphins that are released as a result of pain are often experienced as pleasure.   In addition, when a person experiences pain and also stress, the brain produces more melatonin and serotonin which changes the pain into pleasure.  Finally, intense pain – particularly when the body believes danger is present, will produce a release of epinephrine and norepinephrine which will create a rush of pleasure.    One of the things that hurts good is when the pain stops.   When you are pushing your body for a goal for example or when someone is massaging your sore muscles or aching joints.  The relief associated with that pain is often perceived as intense pleasure.   Do masochists always enjoy pain? No.  If a masochist stubs a toe, it will hurt and there will be no pleasure associated with that hurt.  Part of what makes the difference between an action being experienced as painful and one being experienced as pleasurable is the context of the action.   The delicious pain of a massage is happening in a safe environment with someone you trust.   You can relax into the experience as a result.  The final thing that make pain turn to pleasure is a lack of true fear.  You may engage in role play with a partner that is very frightening or enjoy the surprise in horror movies but this is fear experienced in a safe environment.      Shame and guilt are intricately involved in sex for many of us raised in Western cultures.  Most of us have been taught that sex and sexuality is somewhat shameful.  Women are still being taught abstinence is the best course of action prior to marriage in many places.  This might not be problematic in and of itself.  After all, there is nothing inherently damaging in saving sexual activity until you are in a committed sexual relationship. (Though many relationship breakdowns and divorces could be avoided by making sure couples have some level of sexual compatibility prior to making a lifetime commitment.)   Rather the problem with preaching abstinence is the lessons that go along with this teaching.  Young people are taught to avoid any sexual feelings.  They are taught that sexual feelings are dirty, shameful or wrong.  There is no teaching about the pleasure that can be experienced through sexual activity, no teaching about masturbation.  Most of the teaching is about denying pleasure.    There is little talk about pleasure in sexual education.  Girls are not taught that they should expect sex to feel good and a certainly not taught how to make sex feel good.  Girls are not encouraged to learn their own bodies and so remain reliant on a partner for their pleasure and their orgasms.  This is restricting enough.  What is even worse is that boys are not taught about girls’ bodies and how to provide pleasure.

Please enjoy again:   Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of SexÒ.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is O and O is for online sex.   Online sex can run the gamut from web cams where you pay for (mostly) women to strip for you or play with you, amateur web caming, online phone sex, pornography websites, written erotica and through online sexual communities.    Joining me tonight is Sharon Somers who created climaxconnection.com Climax connection is an online adult community website for people to find masturbation partners for phone sex or for people just seeking to enhance their masturbation experience by being able to listen to member contributed erotic audios or read their erotic short stories.   They have profile pages, chat rooms with free audio and video capabilities, a forum, erotic short stories and audios.  Many people just hang out in the chat rooms just to have fun, relax and chat.    We started by talking about how chat rooms came to be and Sharon likened the site to an advanced version of the original chat rooms on AOL and Yahoo.  I mentioned that before that we had bulletin boards and that Compuserve and Prodigy were early adopters of chat space.    Sharon explained that people create community and that some are only willing to interact on the site.  They refuse to give out any details so that they can chat off site or phone sex.  She highlighted the fact that many relationships are long term.    She also mentioned that people are not terribly trusting which is why they don’t want to part with personal details.   Sharon talked about the many people who come to the site who are in relationships with partners who don’t share their sexual interests.  She said that she is a phone sex operator by trade and started this site because the other sites she visited in between clients to relax didn’t have the full range of features that she has now put on this site.   We talked about the clients who come for phone sex versus chat and cam sex and highlighted the fact that most of the clients don’t want to watch a woman masturbate on camera.  Many of them have very specific fantasies.  She told me that she is asked to be a robot every few weeks and use a robot voice and that these clients have a full fantasy around how their ideal android looks.  If she were to appear on cam it would interfere with the fantasy.    We spoke about the value of sex work for people who are not getting their needs met in their relationships.  She told me that many of the men are in sexless marriages and most of her clientele are men.  She shared that sometimes partners or wives call and abuse her or the other women and said that they are not trying to take these men away.  They do this for the money they earn.  I pointed out that it is common to target the other person instead of the spouse who is the one who had committed the betrayal.   We spoke about a wide variety of types of clients, chat play and the things Sharon enjoys about her work and in her off time.  Sharon will join me on Sex Spoken Here for the series about sex work.   website: http:/www.climaxconnection.com or for phone sex: erotictalkphonesex.com twitter: https://twitter/climaxers facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Climax-connection-361709193897804/ Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to explore and express your authentic sexual self.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to http://www.atozofsex.com (www.atozofsex.com) and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If...

N is for National Coalition for Sexual Freedom   Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is N and N is for National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.     The National coalition for sexual freedom Mission Statement is:  The NCSF is committed to creating a political, legal and social environment in the US that advances equal rights for consenting adults who engage in alternative sexual and relationship expressions.  The NCSF aims to advance the rights of, and advocate for consenting adults in the BDSM-Leather-Fetish, Swing, and Polyamory Communities.  We pursue our vision through direct services, education, advocacy, and outreach, in conjunction with our partners, to directly benefit these communities.   Joining me to talk about the NCSF and other topics is D Choc Trei Henderson.  She is Ms Southeast Leatherfest 2018 and a director/southeast regional coalition partner lead for the NCSF.  She is executive producer of the first inaugural Southeast Consent Summit.  Choc is 2019 president of Leather Houses of |Color Coalition and was recently conferred as one of the newest directors for the Leather Archives and Museum. Other community service includes the Executive Director, VP and treasurer roles to re-launch ONYX Pearls South East and is presently bylaws Chair.  She has been treasurer of the Leather Leadership Conference and active in many local groups.  Her home leather bar is the Atlanta Eagle.    NCSF is a resource for the members of the kink, poly and Lifestyle communities and for people seeking information about them. If you engage in BDSM, fetishes or non-monogamy practices, and you are being persecuted or discriminated against because of it, please contact NCSF through the Get Help Now. If you need help removing kink or non-monogamy as a barrier to public services, please contact NCSF. If your group or business needs help with outreach to local officials, please contact NCSF.If you or your group needs help with a consent violation or sexual assault, please contact NCSF.   GET HELP NOW! The issue must openly, directly, and specifically relate to BDSM, swing or poly activities between consenting adults; in other words, the problems you face must relate to or be caused from your involvement in BDSM, swing or poly.  NCSF is not legal aid, nor do we offer specific legal advice for individuals. NCSF is a resource for the members of the kink, poly and Lifestyle communities and for people seeking information about them. NCSF provides publicly available information on kink and nonmonogamy for consenting adults.      They have produced the Kink Aware Professionals list which includes listings for mental health professionals, medical doctors, legal professionals, accountants who are aware of kink, alternative lifestyles as well as gender and sexual diversity and who can provide services without a negative bias.   They produce the consent counts program. The Consent Counts project involves the BDSM communities in a nationwide education and activism program coordinated and led by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.  This multifaceted campaign includes a comprehensive is analysis of current laws and court decisions, the development of legal arguments for changing the laws, participating in court cases, and ultimately, through lobbying, education and grass-roots activism, changing state laws and the way the public and the courts view BDSM.  An important element of the project also includes an Educational Outreach Program (EOP) to educate our own communities of the current state of the law, of the effort NCSF is undertaking and to involve them in our strategic planning process and development of “best practices” by which we can...

Please enjoy again: M is for Monogamy   M is for Monogamy   Happy New Year everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  This episode comes out on 1 January 2018.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is M and M is for Monogamy.   The Ethnographic Atlas Codebook classifies 84.6% cultures as polygynous (1 husband multiple wives), 15.1% classified as monogamous and .3% as polyandrous (1 wife, multiple husbands).    Monogamy is a minority life choice when you look at world cultures.   When we look at human evolution, hunter gatherer and tribal societies historically practiced forms of polyamory.  So how did monogamy become the preference and even the only legal form of romantic relationship in western society?     Some of this may be due to the spread of Christianity.  However, the most agreed upon explanation is that people who were anti-polygyny had larger and stronger armies.  Monogamous groups grow larger because more men have wives within the group so they don’t have to leave to find wives in another group.    Scheidel (2009) talks about monogamy in Greco-Roman times and says that monogamy was socially imposed and this allowed men of lower status to marry.  In fact, these men were offered the possibility of wives in exchange for military service and taxes.     Monogamy and non-monogamy have pros and cons.  Some people are better suited to one form of relationship style than the other.  Often people don’t choose a particular style but simply absorb what is expected of them based on their family upbringing and cultures.    Pros of Monogamy: Sex improves over time. If you spend time and attention on your relationship, sex can improve the longer you know each other.  There is nothing like sex with someone who knows every inch of you and all of the things that make you scream.   Intimacy of all types can be deeper. There is a deeper intimacy that is born out of sharing with someone for a long time.  This comes from coping with difficult times, living through trauma together, experiencing joy together, sharing each other’s achievements.  The level of emotional connection becomes more intense over time and interaction. Higher levels of emotional intimacy are associated with higher self-esteem, lower levels of stress, higher levels of happiness.   Higher degree of emotional security. If you choose monogamy and both you and your partner are faithful to your vows, you have a higher degree of emotional security.  You know that your partner will have your back no matter what.  You have a true partner – someone to rely on, someone who will place your well-being high up on their priority list.   More physical security Two working together are often able to create more physical security. Two incomes make sorting out the usual expenses easier and sometimes much easier.  Even in households where only one is earning, physical life is easier as the other often provides services and support for daily living.  When one person is unable to work, the other is there to foot the bill.  Monogamous couples make commitments to each other about taking care of each other when illness strikes.  Often this provides more security than any other commitment.   A guaranteed cheering section. In a good relationship, your spouse/partner is your biggest fan.  They can provide you with acknowledgement of your achievements, motivation and solace when you fail.  People who have a good support system have lower stress levels and reach more of their goals.   Familiarity When you are familiar with someone, you feel you can relax fully without worrying that your relationship will fail.  Familiarity means that you don’t always feel you must be on your best...

Please enjoy again: L is for Love Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is L and L is for love.  With all of this talk about sex, what about love? How important is love in relationship to sex? Where does love fit in?  Is love necessary for good sex? To help me answer these questions and many more, I’m joined today by Marta has been involved with tech since she left college and a couple of years ago joined to build Desire, a game for couples. Desire game can be as romantic as you want or as spicy as you want, depending on your mood and on what you like in that moment. The game uses gamification to spice up the relationship and bring couples closer creating great memories between them. Desire has currently half million downloads thru iPhone and Android and couples enjoy daring each other. Today we talked all about love and sex. Self-love came out as the most important in order to create a satisfying sexual relationship. We spoke about love making sex extra spicy and that part of this is as a result of learning people over time. Marta spoke of listening to your partner’s body as being one element that makes sex more intense and that this comes when you love someone.    We spoke about polyamory, non-monogamy and monogamy and how love blossoms in all forms of relationships. What’s love got to do with it when it comes to sex?  Our consensus was everything – from self-love to the love we have for friends to being in love with our partners. Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be M.

Happy New Years everyone! Please enjoy again: Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Today’s letter is K and K is for Kissing.    I have always thought kissing is under rated.  It is how many cultures express affection and often deep kissing is the first part of a sexual encounter.   When we are children, many of us learn that a kiss from a parent can heal wounds.     As a parent, there is nothing like a kiss from your child.     As for lovers, if kissing doesn’t work, often the relationship ends right there.  Kissing can be formal and ritualistic – seen as a sacrament.    Kissing the hand can be the symbol of respect.  But where does kissing come from?   There are two schools of thought as to where kissing began.  One school of thought sees kissing as developing from feeding where the mother would pre-chew the child’s food and transfer it mouth to mouth.   The other school of thought is that kissing is instinctual.    Kissing as part of sex is mentioned as early as 3500 years ago in Hindu and Bhuddist writings.  The Kama Sutra devotes an entire chapter on kissing!   Kisses in the Kama Sutra include: The nominal kiss – The woman allows the lover to initiate the kiss and merely responds with a press of the lips. The throbbing kiss – The woman opens her mouth slightly, moving her low lip only. The touching kiss – The woman places her hands over her lovers and also touches his lip with her tongue. The straight kiss  - both parties share equally and place their lips together. The bent kiss – lovers bend their heads towards each other as they kiss The pressed kiss – The lower lips of both lovers are pressed tightly against each other. The greatly pressed kiss – One lover cups the lower lip of the other with two fingers and then touching the lip with their tongue, presses it tightly with their own lip. The wager kiss – Each lover tries to grab the other’s lower lip first.  This is a teasing game played and women are advised to cry in order to win the game or increase the wager. The kiss of the upper lip – Both lovers concentrate on one of the lips – or the or one partner initiates the upper kiss by getting the upper lip of the other nd the other gets the lower lip and they use the whole of their lips in the kiss. The clasping kiss – One of the lovers takes both the lips of the other in to theirs and smooches.  If the tongue touches palate, teeth or tongue of the other then it is called the fighting of the tongue.  The Kama Sutra goes on to talk about the emotions induced by different types of kisses.    Kissing is noted in the Old Testament on a number of occasions.   The Song of Songs has probably the most often quoted lyric on kissing ‘May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is better than wine’.   The Romans adored kissing and were probably responsible with spreading it from North Africa through to Europe.  They defined several types of kissing – the hand or cheek, the mouth with closed lips (for relatives) and with open mouth (passionate kiss).   The study of kissing began sometime in the 19th century and was named philematology. Darwin wrote about kissing and kissing-like behaviours (rubbing noses, sniffing the other person). Darwin believed that kissing was innate behaviour.     Wherever there is deep affection, kissing is used to express it.  It has been used as an expression of extreme gratitude.   In East Asian cultures, sniff kissing (sniffing the person and kissing the cheek) is the most common form of kissing and mouth to mouth kissing is reserved for sexual foreplay.   So what is it about kissing that draws us in?  Kissing uses all of our senses.   Take a moment and think about the last really good kiss you experienced.   Do you remember the smell of the other person, the taste of their mouth, how their lips felt?...

Happy Holidays, sorry for the delay. Please enjoy again:   J is for Jingle Bells: The A to Z of Sex Holiday Gift and Survival guide   Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is J and J is for Jingle Bells.  This is the A to Z of Sex Holiday Gift and Survival Guide.   The pressure around the holidays in the western world has increased dramatically over the past 50 years.  The pressure starts with the idea that people will come together in family groups and everyone will have a great time.  Children are taught that it is the most wonderful time of the year and often look forward to the holidays all year.   The reality is often far different than the picture of familial bliss that the media create each year.   Many families cannot get together because of work commitments and distance or the money it costs to travel to where other family are especially now when airlines charge different fares according to ‘peak’ or ‘off peak’ times (and of course, holidays are always in peak times).   Holidays have become extremely commercialised and there is a large emphasis on present exchange.  If you haven’t much money this can lead to high levels of disappointment or debt.      If there are fractures in your family through divorce, everything becomes more complicated and more stressful.  If you are bereaved or simply single, this time of year is often extremely lonely.   This is also the time of year where alcohol and drug consumption increase and impulsive sex increases as well.   Even people who avoid one night stands the rest of the year can give in to the pressure around the holiday time.      Stress often lowers the frequency of sex between partners at this time of year even though the expectations around this time of year can be that there should be more sex.    Here are my tips to make this time of year less stressful and to increase the amount of great sex when you have a few days off for the holidays.   If you have a partner or partners, discuss expectations for the holidays. Assumptions create more problems than anything else at this time of year.   Talk about expectations about how you will spend the holidays, where you will spend the holidays, present giving, and who is in charge of the celebrations.  Make sure that you work out good compromises in advance.  If there are some traditions you absolutely can’t live without, make that clear.  Schedule intimate time on and around the holidays. It can feel overwhelming with all the commitments people make to family, friends and work colleagues.  Don’t forget your partner (s).  Make sure to prioritise some time even if it is only a couple of hours.  Plan to go to an event that encourages sensuality and experimentation. There are usually quite a few events around the holidays from burlesque to strip performances to sex positive parties, swingers parties, BDSM and kink events.    If none of these appeal, why not check out an erotic movie? Be clear about boundaries with partner (s), family, work colleagues and friends. If you find this difficult, it is a good time to practice setting boundaries. Look for ways to lower overall stress in the lead up to the holidays. If money is an area of stress, limit your present buying budgets.  Agree a low budget with lovers, friends and families.  Thinking about gifting experiences.  If you are single, sit down and list out your expectations. Make sure to plan in time for relaxation.  Limit your drug and alcohol consumption. If there are people you normally find difficult, consider either having a conversation with them prior to the holidays to make it more likely that there will be no problems or if you know that this is unlikely to...

Part 2 can be found on Sex Spoken Here this coming Thursday.   I is for Intimacy   Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is I and I is for Intimacy   Intimacy is defined as a close familiarity, deeply knowing another person.  Emotional intimacy is built by getting to know someone deeply – sharing confidences.  Physical intimacy includes many forms of sexual contact.   Joining me today is Georgia Rose, found of G’s Spot – her digital platrom that is devoted to female sexual pleasure and sensuality.  She says she has ‘launched this digital platform because it has profoundly affected me that beneath the projection of a progressive, educated and liberated society there lies the murky reality that female sexuality is still largely misunderstood, mystified and miscommunicated and I want to do something to change that.’  She has carried out her own survey on female sexual pleasure and over 500 people have completed it.  She is using her data and her platform to open up conversations about female sexuality that place the female body and experience at the core.   http://www.gs/spot.co.uk (www.gs/spot.co.uk) @georgias_spot   Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drloribeth@atozofsex.com , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.  Look out for my new radio show in January. If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter J.