Cycle Breaker Parents Unite

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Today’s guest is Sarah Parkes. Sarah is a mum of 3, a speaker, author & legacy coach. She helps coaches, therapists & healers parent consciously, whilst growing your legacy & impact. Her vision is for our children to grow up in a world of possibility, where positive legacy creation is the norm. Where feminine and masculine qualities are equally respected and valued. We talk about: · Parenting with a thoughtful focus on the legacy you will leave behind (which is often tricky to envisage when you are ‘in the trenches’ with young children) · Finding our voice to advocate for ourselves when we have children – the emergence of the lioness! · Being present in the moment whilst also looking to the future · Dads – and how Cycle Breaker Dads are so wonderful as they buck societal trends. Extra salute to Cycle Breaker Dads You can find out more about Sarah and the support she offers on her website at https://www.spcoaching.co.uk/ and her Facebook group: howtotalksokidswilllistenuk The summit is sadly over now, but if you would still like to listen to Sarah’s talk about sibling rivalry (aka stopping them from fighting!), you CAN still sign up hereand £15 of every purchase will go to Leeds Baby Bank for every purchase. Join me in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts and mingle with other Cycle Breakers. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Today’s guest is Sarah Brooks. She is an author, and a home educating mum. She is raising her family according to the principles of respectful parenting and radical unschooling. We talk about: Doing things differently as a parent – how it can be challenging to go against the mainstream grain and it’s still okay to do that Respectful parenting and intentional living The importance of finding your tribe of supporters as you live into your authentic expression of yourself and what your parenting looks like You can find out more about Sarah at: https://www.instagram.com/i_am_simple_natural_life/ And get a copy of ‘I Am Simple Natural Life’ here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08L67KWCJ Sarah’s book, I Am Simple Natural Life, helps people on their journeys towards a more natural life that feels good to them. The book covers everything from eco-living to natural toiletries, changing your work practices, unschooling, through to holistic well-being for your mind and body. *Don’t worry if you missed the Be a Cycle Breaker Summit 2022 and you really want to listen to the talks now! You can still buy it here and get a super special podcast discount applied as you do.* Join me in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts and mingle with other Cycle Breakers. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

Episode 32 If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Today’s guest is Tejal Patel. Tejal is a trained embodiment mentor and decolonised yoga guide specialising in trauma-informed body-based healing. She supports others stepping into their personal power, self-sovereignty & soul-led creation. Her expertise includes body-mind healing for systemic oppression, emotional trauma, stress and anxiety. We talk about: · How parents can bring themselves into a healthy, regulated body? · How can we tell what state our nervous system is in? · What decolonised healing means to Tejal and an invitation to consider what it might mean for you You can still listen to Tejal’s talk and all the summit talks here with 10% off for podcast listeners by getting yourself an all-access pass and supporting Leeds Baby Bank Charity *** You can follow Tejal on Instagram @tejal_p and she has an incredible gift for podcast listeners: If you are a visionary or cycle-breaker looking to step deeper into heart-led, authentic ways of being and creating, Tejal is offering free 30 minute 1:1 Embodied Mentorship sessions - a synergy of vision-creating, somatic healing and sovereignty reclamation - in exchange for being interviewed as part of her research for her community development Connect with Laura: Join me in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts and mingle with other Cycle Breakers. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Today’s guest is Aoife Griffin, Holistic Healer. We talk about: · The ways in which trauma is stored in the body · Our own adversities and how we overcame (and are still overcoming) our own trauma · Some of the research into ADHD and trauma – and misdiagnosis in young people and in adults You can still listen to Aoife's talk and all the summit talks here with 10% off for podcast listeners by getting yourself an all-access pass and supporting Leeds Baby Bank Charity *** You can find out more about Aoife and the support she offers on Instagram @yourpowerwithin and her website: aoifegriffin.ie Join me in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts and mingle with other Cycle Breakers. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Today’s guest is the wonderful Cat Googe. Cat is a Confidence & Joy Coach. She helps mums in their 40's and 50's release overwhelm, get unstuck and embrace their most spectacular decades. Cat is on a mission to help you reconnect with happiness, step into self-belief and fall back in love with yourself. We talk about: · How to get unstuck when you’re feeling uninspired and even trapped my parenthood · The power of laughter yoga (warning: there is lots of laughter in this podcast!) · Why massage is such a powerful tool for cycle-breaker parents especially You can find out more about Cat and the support she offers on Instagram and Facebook. Be sure to download the free Self-Love Meditation Join me in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Wednesday. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

In this podcast, Beckie and I talk about: 1. The realities of child and adult mental health during this pandemic 2. Steps that you can take to support your children and yourself 3. Why NOW is the time to seek support - it's so important to reach out. Don't wait until the mythical time of 'after Covid' to make a change.  4. Never doubt: you deserve to feel good. Your children deserve to feel happy in their lives. There is good news. There are so many things you can do.  I invite you to join my Facebook group – ‘Cycle Breaker Parents Unite’ – or pop over to Insta to learn more about doing The Work and going deeper. You can always reach out by email too: laura@theafterconsulting.com. The Conscious Parenting Toolbox is available RIGHT NOW through my website if you are ready to dive into a 21-day series of lessons introducing Conscious Parenting, key practical skills and support as you step into your leadership role in your family.  To book yoga and meditation classes for children and adults go to www.thebhumiyoga.com and to keep up with everything going on in Bhumi Yoga and Bhumi Kids follow Beckie on Facebook and Instagram.

Radical Compassion is about not holding grudges, and not beating ourselves up when we are not perfect, because, of course, we can't be perfect. No human being is. In this podcast, I talk about 1. How we treat our friends and loved ones versus how we treat ourselves 2. Why not beating ourselves up is beneficial to our children just as much as it is for us 3. The simple truth: You deserve to feel good. You deserve kindness. I invite you to join my Facebook group – ‘Cycle Breaker Parents Unite’ to join a wonderful like-minded community of cycle breakers and be the first to know of any new courses, workshops or other exciting events I put on. *** The Conscious Parenting Toolbox is available RIGHT NOW if you are ready to dive into a 21-day series of lessons introducing Conscious Parenting, key practical skills and support as you step into your leadership role in your family. [The code PODCAST will get you 20% off as a thank you for listening] And you can access my free course, the 7-day Connection Reset, right here.

Stepping into the parenting role you wish to have – and away from the style of parenting you are unhappy with – requires so much more than following a sequence of prompts from a book. We need to first give ourselves the permission to step fully into who WE are and allow ourselves to discover and live our authentic selves. This is why so many courses and books that focus on behaviour change alone don’t hit the mark. Because the mark is inside us and only we have the power to change the way we live to become in alignment with the person we truly are. In this podcast, I talk about 1. Why we as modern adults, let alone parents, are cut off from our authentic voice 2. Why it is so important to reclaim our power as humans before we can make long-lasting deep changes in our relationships 3. Permission to be you I invite you to join my Facebook group – ‘Cycle Breaker Parents Unite’ – or pop over to Insta to learn more about doing The Work and going deeper. You can always reach out by email too: laura@theafterconsulting.com. The Conscious Parenting Toolbox is available RIGHT NOW through my website if you are ready to dive into a 21-day series of lessons introducing Conscious Parenting, key practical skills and support as you step into your leadership role in your family.

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Today’s guest is Beckie Shuttleworth, Children’s Wellbeing Mentor. We talk about: · The power of something as simple as breath to help you and your children find calm · A couple of great techniques you can take away from this podcast · Why it’s never too late to learn about using your breath and reap the benefits You can find out more about Beckie and the support she offers on Instagram. Book yoga (adult and children sessions) with Beckie here: www.thebhumiyoga.com/#classes Be sure to download Beckie’s free guide to supporting your child with anxiety. Join me in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Wednesday. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Helen Thompson of My Baby Massage shares her knowledge of baby massage and 30+ years of childcare with us this week. We talk about: · Some different ways you can use baby massage with your little one · How baby massage can help you bond with your baby · Why massage is such a powerful tool for cycle-breaker parents especially You can find out more about Helen and the baby massage support she offers at: www.mybabymassage.net. Be sure to download the free 4-exercise cheatsheet on the website. Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Deirdre Maguire from Wisdom of Ireland joins us today in this final podcast in a 3-part series to discuss the conscious and the subconscious processes of the mind. You will hear us talk about: · Her childhood experiences and the cycles she broke in adulthood · Deirdre’s loss of her father to suicide after a long history of alcoholism · How Deirdre broke her cycle – and how you can use some of the same techniques You can find out more about Deirdre and at: www.deirdremaguire.com/#2 And follow her on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/deirdre.maguire2 Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Deirdre Maguire from Wisdom of Ireland joins us today in this second podcast in a 3-part series to discuss the conscious and the subconscious processes of the mind. You will hear us talk about: · What happiness actually is (spoiler alert: it’s not sunshine and rainbows 24/7) · How you can make a change – starting today - to step towards being a generally happier person · The effects of reframing your personal story and working towards happiness and contentment · Deirdre’s Stress Solution System and how she supports her clients (you can absolutely follow these steps too) [Episode 3, next week, Deirdre shares her story of growing up with a parent with an alcohol dependency and how she broke her cycle.] You can find out more about Deirdre and at: www.deirdremaguire.com/#2 And follow her on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/deirdre.maguire2 Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Deirdre Maguire from Wisdom of Ireland joins us today in this first podcast in a 3-part series to discuss the conscious and the subconscious processes of the mind. You will learn: · About the difference between the conscious and the subconscious · Why we mostly don’t realise we have underlying beliefs, but they are there nevertheless · How the subconscious beliefs are driving our behaviours and how you can do something about it · Why this is so relevant for cycle-breaker parents, who have had tough upbringings during the ages 0-7, a key time for beliefs to be formed [Episode 2, next week, talks about how we can learn the skills to support ourselves towards happiness by uncovering and releasing the stories in our subconscious] You can find out more about Deirdre and at: www.deirdremaguire.com/ And follow her on Facebook. Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Anupa Roper joins us today. She is a positive body image advocate and author of the incredible children’s book, Sparrowlegs. Anupa gives us four points to consider when breaking the societal and in many cases, family cycle of body shame or feeling uncomfortable in one’s body. 1. Exploring our own biases – about ourselves and other people’s bodies 2. Considering the language we use when talking about our bodies and other people’s… the children are always listening 3. Take steps to heal our relationship with food 4. Move towards body acceptance (you don’t have to necessarily love every single part of your body – sometimes that is unrealistic in the short term. But working towards acceptance can be a great first step). You can find out more (including the blog we talked about) at: sparrowlegs.com You can buy her incredible book through her site too. And join Anupa’s Facebook group, Sparrowlegs. Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. I am honoured today to interview Nicola Reekie, a PDA parent and expert who offers solution-focused therapist supporting PDA/ ASD parents with their emotional well-being & creating calm. Conscious parenting and cycle-breaking are significant commitments in themselves… what about when additional needs and behaviours need to be considered? Today, Nicola and I discuss: - Neurodivergent parents and neurodivergent children and young people, especially PDA - Navigating the school and social care systems as a loving advocate for your child (and supporting your own well-being through that process) - Breaking the cycle if you were a neurodivergent child who didn’t feel seen, accepted for who you are or even understood… giving your child that wonderful gift (and the feelings that come up when we break cycles) - Some practical tips for PDA parents and how to find out more in Nicola’s ground-breaking learning hub The PDA Space You can find out more at: www.thepdaspace.com(there’s a great freebie on the first page). And follow Nicola at The PDA Parent Space Facebook group. Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Clare Ford, Expert Educator and founder of Switched ON! online academy, and I talk this week about: - The importance of meeting children and young people where they are at, not shoe-horning them into a framework of expectations (academic or otherwise) - What happens when we adults put children’s mental wellbeing first (spoiler: they flourish and their academics thrive too!) - Children’s innate curiosity and sparkle… and what it’s like to nourish that - How many adults there are walking around with ‘school wounds’ (people-pleasing, feeling ‘stupid,’ not being heard etc) who are breaking this cycle for their children by being more involved in their kids’ education and feelings around learning and schooling. You can find Clare at her website https://www.switchedonglobal.com, Facebook and Insta. And Clare would kindly like to gift listeners her ‘7 Success Strategies (To Get Your Child Excited About Learning Again)’ Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for the next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Have you signed up for my free mini-course, ‘The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Tereza Szalai, Personal Trainer at Foxy Fitness, and I talk this week about: - The huge power of healthy habits on women’s health, feelings of wellness, bodies and their emotions… and the way they show up as parents - The effects of small tweaks in behaviour in relation to four main areas: sleep, hydration, nutrition and movement/ exercise - The wonderful ripples throughout the family when mums look after themselves - How this is so key for Cycle-Breaker Parents and why it might be harder for Cycle-Breakers to care for themselves Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts– and also hang around for next free weekly training I deliver each Friday. You can find Tereza on Linked In and at her website: www.tereza-szalai.com. Her Foxy Fierce hour personalised session is right now just £99! Email her at tereza.szalai@gmail.com or through Linked In. You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram Have you signed up for my free mini-course, The 7-day Connection Reset?' Explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Laura Hart, artist, healer and coach, and I talk this week about: - Flow! What it is and what it means to feel you are in flow - How Cycle-Breaker Parents may have been sensible in tough childhoods to inhibit their sense of flow and not fully express themselves – especially if they were in survival mode at home - And how you can break the cycle of hiding our creative sides by investing in yourself to show your children that it is safe and joyful to flow and be their creative, authentic selves. Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts on this idea – and also hang around for next Friday training. You can watch all the old videos in Guide 1 in the group. You can follow Laura Hart through her Facebook group – Hartflow – for all the details of her online and face-to-face sessions (starting 10th Nov 2021). Sign up to be the first to know when her 40 minute Quantum Flow sessions start (I will be there, so it will be great to see you!) and Laura’s incredible Art Prints Shop is on her website:: https://lauraharthome.com/shop/ You can watch the Youtube recording of this podcast and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram You can now access my free mini-course, The 7-day Connection Reset' to explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. Sarah Dodsley, Confidence and Empowerment Coach, and I talk this week about: - The power of the subconscious (particularly for Cycle-Breaker Parents) - EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as Tapping, and the impact it has on adults and children alike - Matrix Reimprinting (a technique which Sarah uses with her clients) - Why learning skills and techniques for dealing with children is so important Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts on this idea – and also hang around for next Friday training. You can watch all the old videos in Guide 1 in the group. I also really recommend joining Sarah’s brilliant group The Empowered Collective for regular updates of fabulousness! You can watch podcast recordings and subscribe to my channel for more videos. Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram You can now access my free mini-course, The 7-day Connection Reset' to explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @cyclebreakerparentsunite. In this extra-long special podcast episode, taken from one of my free Facebook Live training sessions (which I deliver every Friday in my group), talks about: - The Polyvagal Theory approach to stress (deeper than safe or fight/flight/freeze) - The individual parts of the Polyvagal ‘ladder’ of stress - The effects of different types of stress in the developmental years of your growing nervous system - Why this is so important for Cycle Breaker Parents to know - What you can do about healing your nervous system (because there is a lot you can do) Join us in the Facebook group Cycle Breaker Parents Unite and share your thoughts on this idea – and also hang around for next Friday training. You can watch all the old videos in Guide 1 in the group. You can subscribe to my channel for more videos - including this one. Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram You can now access my free mini-course,The 7-day Connection Reset' to explore the love languages in your family and identify how your child best feels love - and just enjoy connecting with them in a range of ways over the 7 days of the videos (of course, you can binge them or watch and then take longer over each love language - it's your choice!) Remember: Healing + skills = the parent you always wanted to be