Song of the Dakini Tantras

my penance is to take the Medicine. Cultivate the Nectar press on the heart and belly and ride the Chariot look up into the Face of God, my Prayer and the answer to itthe sin is that he came to the holy union with me in a profane way without fully choosing me or it, and I agreedAt-one-ment

dog on a motorcycle in ecstasy, tongue hanging out brown leather collar with silver studs someone seated behind him driving the thingto truly shift focus from the projections we have to cut the roots and watch them dissolve

everyone is on the spectrum somewhere, gross to subtle density and refinement, emotionality and stoicism ability to see into the subtle dimensions, or notI read books backwards, or not at all black haired boy at the swimming pool with milky white skin flapping hands and fluttering eyelids 

my mother is a saint, there are no martyrs hereshe cares for, protects and advocates for my father but also suffers his anger and disdain. just keep going like her ancestors from that border in Eastern Europe changing with the tides Ukraine, Poland, just keep going, praying to God and she has the constitution to pull it off but my father and I do not

those soft fleshy orbs where sperm are made  the flowers named after them lip-like appendage with a pouch-like base that resembles a swollen testicle… orchids  

everyone has disabilities, no one has capacity in all areas sometimes they are surprising, and there is shame  I practice remedial eating, breathing and eliminatingI have come to go beyond 

my older daughter bought her wedding dress today the younger one already married it has a fitted bodice and full skirt she wants pearls on her veil since the dress is simple pearls on her shoes, veils that cast mystery, veils that hide her veil will not cover her face the sickness of confusion in my soul, the obstacles I give to Grandfather’s Breath of Faiththe veils, the limitations, the thinking I had to deny my selfto hang onto the bliss and the pleasure 

my father is depressed in their small retirement apartment he watches TV or the big trucks on the interstate outside of his window driving in one direction, driving in the other direction he says this is no way to spend the last years of your life he wants to get in his big silver pick up truck and just get on that highway and drive up north where there’s lots of space and there are big statues of American heroes that were blasted into the side of the mountain there is nothing to do but love him

sacred sexual consorts in the Magdalene Way including all aspects of the person, man and woman and emotional body, interest in each other, personal some denial, some veil, some obstacledeep pleasure, deep desire, for moremy vision filled with what we are capable of togetherneeds spoken, more expression, more emotional vulnerability

I cut the roots, I bless, I offer I watch the balloon of the image dissolvethe patterns, the habits, they mushroom out, I invitethen I see Truth, the underbellyto try to understand the pattern on its own level sucks you in to its confusion… come out, come out, look at me, I look at youwe let it be personal, we let it be realthe seeing of each other the loving each other, the intimacy the swelling of emotionthe remembering of Wholenesscome out, come out hidden desires, secret longings underneath it is personal

it is the Bliss that strengthens the Ka, the Light Body I feel betrayed by this, betrayed by my emotions, betrayed by him, cutting and running, denying depth and impact, denying sanctityI open my Chalice, again and still, to the flow of Elixir which I shared gladly with him, the feeling of his lips still upon mehow dare you?! I say, to Yeshua and Magdalena, the Great Mother and the Angels of Mercy

if one is not acknowledged as a person, then they are an object the one that I longed for. he wanted to please me in the moments of physical union, but nothing personalno energy or desire to get to know me in this wayhe said nothing personal, and I agreed to it though I continued to speak and continued to askhe said nothing personal, but there was personalsharing of deeply personal thingshe said nothing personal, yet he was conflicted about so many thingsveil of denial from my own wounding I could not believe that we could share bodies and breath be so magnetized to each other and he could still keep me in certain boxes inside himselfor keep me in certain boxes over here but apparently he could 

in the Center of the Four Directions in the Center of the Elements and the Shapes the Center of the Mandala, the Center of the Song the Shapes and the Sounds in the Center of my Heart I AM the Song, the Love Song, the Song of Creation, in the Center

I let the haters hate and the suffering ones suffer I direct Awareness, look for the Face of God ride with it up and down in my body, and do the eyeball yoga over and over and over again, like he came into my inner temple this is the practice, there is nothing else. perception shifts so that I am not just slogging through the death I Am manifesting the Birth I Am the Life that is Resurrecting the dead body 

I offer the Essence of the four major elements and the beautiful flowers of the Clear Elements sense fields, and aggregates as well as the Gates of the five sense faculties my Heart is a Wish-Fulfilling Jewel  I offer the Unconditioned Sphere of Reality and the four types of Correctly Discerning Awareness

active aggressive, passive aggressive, covert and overt anger the Prayer for intimate container with the masculine to work the anger real time, to see and be seen the anger being a pure form of passionreleasing my own anger at him that I ingested and his anger as well and it burnshe called me Dakini, I ring the Dragon Bell

the root of Secret Mantra is Samaya, the vow the essence of Samaya is devotion to outer, inner and secret guru diligence and devotionKhenpo says dispel outer, inner and secret darkness and transmit that to future generations

focus on sensation, more upward stroke, less downwardthe feel of you in my hand, losing connectionwho loses connection, who loses focus, who tells whom about it?I step back to breathe, to shake it out, to unwind to reconnect with the Vast, with the Body of the Mother, my dancing Dakini sisters on the inner planes with my Heart, with my feeling body so I can become more powerfully present losing relationality, but not wanting to inhabit the personalwhich you can I relate to? need to express, need to be seen and received

Sovereign Divinity, human need swinging doors, swing both ways, in and out you never know when the door will swing open  and you will come face-to-face with the Roshi in the threshold in the black of the night, you heading to the bathroom and he on his way to the kitchen for a scone

Black Mahākāla, as black as night, as black as Emptiness as black as the dark womb of No-Thing, of Creation Wrathful Protector, I die to you, we die together to the bliss, your breath in my channels, stars in my eyes the bridge is the sound, my song, my dance slithering serpents around each other